Cactus Flower (1969)
Walter Matthau: Dr. Julian Winston
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Julian Winston : I must say, it's grotesque. A woman your age, throwing yourself at a kid like that!
Stephanie : And what about that eh, father-daughter thing of yours, if you don't think that's ridiculous...
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, it's different for a man. If a man is with a younger woman it looks entirely appropriate, but when it's the other way around, it's disg...
Stephanie : Well, you go to your church and I'll go to mine.
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Dr. Julian Winston : What did she say?
Toni Simmons : It's not what she said, it's what she didn't say
Dr. Julian Winston : Tell me what she didn't say, word for word
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Stephanie : I was married, when I was young.
Dr. Julian Winston : Married? I had no idea!
Stephanie : Neither did he!
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Dr. Julian Winston : Stephanie?
Stephanie : Doctor?
Dr. Julian Winston : I think I'm going to kiss you.
Stephanie : When will you know for sure?
Dr. Julian Winston : [They kiss passionately] I plan to do this often.
Stephanie : I'll make a note to remind you.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Toni, I'm going to marry you.
Toni Simmons : How do you mean, Marry?
Dr. Julian Winston : You know, marry, with the judge, the blood test, the license, that kind of marry, right away.
Toni Simmons : But what about your wife?
Dr. Julian Winston : My wife? I'll divorce her.
Toni Simmons : What about the children?
Dr. Julian Winston : I'll divorce them, too.
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Señor Sánchez : [Meeting on the dance floor] Good evening, doctor.
Dr. Julian Winston : Good evening, patient.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Hey, did you see that? He just kissed her on the neck!
Toni Simmons : Hmph! She sure likes a lot of action.
Dr. Julian Winston : Yes, she does, doesn't she!
Toni Simmons : Right now, she's surrounded by her husband, her ex-boyfriend, her current boyfriend and maybe her future boyfriend.
Dr. Julian Winston : If somebody doesn't stop that guy, he's gonna make love to her right in the middle of the floor.
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Stephanie : Did you ever have a gin and tonic made with tequila?
Dr. Julian Winston : [Looking slightly disgusted] No thank you. Tequila and tonic.
Stephanie : No-no. No. You substitute the tequila! No, you substitute the tonic for the tequila.
Dr. Julian Winston : The tequila for the tonic?
Stephanie : Yes. Yes, they call it...
Dr. Julian Winston : Gin and tequila?
Stephanie : Yes. They call it the 'Mexican *Measles*'
Dr. Julian Winston : [Correcting her] 'Missile.'
Stephanie : Missile!
[laughs]
Stephanie : Yes and they tell me it prevents malaria.
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[an Airline hostess from an Australian airline has phoned to ask if Dr Winston is free for a date that evening]
Dr. Julian Winston : Tell her I'm grounded!
Stephanie : [down the phone] I'm sorry, Miss, but Dr Winston doesn't do that kind of work any more.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Now if I hear that you've been bothering Stephanie again, I'll knock all your teeth out.
Harvey Greenfield : You'll just have to put them back in again.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Where were you all night?
Stephanie : It's all a blur, a beautiful blurry blur.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Her name is Toni Simmons.
Stephanie : Oh. I'm supposed to give you a message: She's alive.
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[Toni reveals she tried to commit suicide]
Dr. Julian Winston : You really tried to kill yourself over me?
Toni Simmons : Stupid, wasn't it?
Dr. Julian Winston : I'm a bastard, the biggest bastard in the whole world.
Toni Simmons : Julian, please, you're starting to make it sound like bragging.
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Toni Simmons : And did you get a load of that girl?
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, I wasn't paying much attention...
Toni Simmons : When she bent over, it looked like she had her knees up inside her dress.
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Dr. Julian Winston : [Talking to Harvey, about Toni] I'm having a rough time. As long as I was lying to her, everything was fine. The minute I decided to do the right thing and marry her, I've had troubles. You wouldn't believe the complications. It's like waltzing in wet cement.
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Dr. Julian Winston : [Talking about trying to recover his car which had been towed earlier] I went to the police station. They told me to try a garage on the East Side. When I got there they told me to try the West Side. When I got there, it was closed. I couldn't find a cab so I had to walk home. I should have listened to my mother and become an M.D. - they let you park anywhere.
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Harvey Greenfield : She really turns me off. I thought all Swedish dames were sexy, I mean, I've seen some of those movies; but, this one's like a an iceberg.
Dr. Julian Winston : She's very official.
Harvey Greenfield : Have you ever seen her out of her uniform?
[Dr. Winston gives him a look]
Harvey Greenfield : I mean in street clothes. I bet she wears corrective hats.
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Stephanie : Why don't you come right out an ask me if I went to bed with him?
Dr. Julian Winston : Alright, did you go to bed with him?
Stephanie : It's none of your business!
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Dr. Julian Winston : It's like waltzing in wet cement!
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Toni Simmons : What were you doing, talking to that awful man?
Dr. Julian Winston : I was getting lonesome for the sound of a human voice.
Igor Sullivan : Can I have another glass of beer?
Dr. Julian Winston : Not yours!
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[Greenfield has asked for free dental work for his latest girlfriend]
Dr. Julian Winston : Don't you know any girls with straight teeth?
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Dr. Julian Winston : [pointing to Igor] Will you give Tarzan here his electric razor?
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[Julian has asked Stephanie if she would like to have a drink with him]
Stephanie : Are you asking me to go out?
Dr. Julian Winston : Why? Is there someone else in that closet?
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Dr. Julian Winston : You're getting as prickly as your damn cactus!
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[Miss Dickinson has pointed out there is no more room on Greenfield's tab]
Harvey Greenfield : Julian, I feel insulted. It isn't as if I'm planning to stick ya.
Dr. Julian Winston : It isn't as if you're planning to pay me, either.
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Dr. Julian Winston : What happened out there on my mink stole? - I mean the beach. I wanna know.
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Toni Simmons : [after they've observed Stephanie's prowess on the dance floor] Everything you told me about your wife was true. She's not a lady, she's a barracuda!
Dr. Julian Winston : I don't care to discuss it anymore.
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Dr. Julian Winston : It's just not practical to keep one in the city.
Stephanie : A girl?
Dr. Julian Winston : No, a CAR !
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Dr. Julian Winston : I understand we've been *very* naughty.
Mrs. Durant : Well, I don't know about you; but, all I had was one little caramel.
Dr. Julian Winston : Besides being bad for your teeth, Mrs. Durant, think of how caramel can hurt those splendid hips.
[pats her hip]
Mrs. Durant : Oh, isn't he a marvelous dentist!
Harvey Greenfield : Great.
Mrs. Durant : With his talents, he would have made an even better Obstetrician.
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Igor Sullivan : I just wanted to make sure you weren't playing any more tricks with gas.
Dr. Julian Winston : Gas?
Igor Sullivan : Gas.
Toni Simmons : Gas.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Toni, everything's going to be alright. I am going to make it up to you.
Toni Simmons : [sarcastically] Oh, sure, you'll take me away for another fun filled weekend at some motel!
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Dr. Julian Winston : This is different, darling. My - I love you! My wife and I - I never even *knew* her.
Toni Simmons : How did the three children come? United Parcel!
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, at the beginning, I was polite.
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Dr. Julian Winston : I thought maybe you'd like to come out and have a drink with me.
Stephanie : What? Are you asking me to go out?
Dr. Julian Winston : Why? Is there somebody else in that closet?
Stephanie : I don't understand.
Dr. Julian Winston : Its the most natural thing in the world for a doctor to take his nurse out.
Stephanie : Yes, but I've been working for you for almost ten years and this is the first time that you have ever invited me.
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, better a little late, than a little never.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Miss Dickinson, you could do me a great service. You see, I'm desperately in need of a wife.
Stephanie : Oh, Doctor...
Dr. Julian Winston : Oh, please don't misunderstand me!
Stephanie : I never expected...
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, I need a wife temporarily - 15 or 20 minutes.
Stephanie : 15 or 20 minutes?
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Dr. Julian Winston : I'm the first decent man that she's ever met.
Stephanie : Are you quoting her or you?
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Dr. Julian Winston : My happiness lies in your two hands.
Stephanie : For years these two hands have held nothing but your instruments.
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Toni Simmons : She mentioned those chicken and egg salad sandwiches.
Dr. Julian Winston : You mean to say that she bragged about her damn sandwiches?
Toni Simmons : She didn't brag! She just told me she made them. It sounded as if they were made with love.
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, they were made with mayonnaise and too much mayonnaise and the next time she gives me one, I'm going to smack her right across the mouth with it.
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Dr. Julian Winston : All we have to do is find someone to play the part of your boyfriend.
Stephanie : What about Señor Sanchez? He keeps sniffing around me.
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Dr. Julian Winston : It's strange to see you in a nightclub. I didn't realize you were such a swinger!
Stephanie : Oh, you never really ever knew me, my dear.
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Dr. Julian Winston : You completely de-feminize yourself. I've noticed it around the office and around me.
Stephanie : Now, Doctor, I was hired as a nurse/receptionist, not as a geisha girl.
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Toni Simmons : Well, let me try to help you. You have a problem with Stephanie, right?
Dr. Julian Winston : Never mind.
Toni Simmons : Let's see, she drinks?
Dr. Julian Winston : No.
Toni Simmons : She's a kleptomaniac?
Dr. Julian Winston : No.
Toni Simmons : She takes acid?
[Julian laughs]
Toni Simmons : Well, there's only one other thing I know a man would really be ashamed to talk about. Stephanie is no nymphomaniac. - - I guessed it? That's what you came here to tell me? Wow! Well, go, gotta give me all the details.
Dr. Julian Winston : What can I tell you, except, my wife, Stephanie's a slave to her desires.
Toni Simmons : That's a very sweet way of describing a nympho!
Dr. Julian Winston : You can imagine what my life has been like.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Well, you're certainly blossoming out.
Stephanie : Doctor, you once compared me to my cactus plant. Well, every so often, that prickly little thing puts out a flower.
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Dr. Julian Winston : They lost me. You go dance with her.
Igor Sullivan : Cheer up! One of these days the fox trot may come back.
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Dr. Julian Winston : You know what I've done, I've created a monster, that's what.
Stephanie : No, Dr. Frankenstein, this is no creation of yours. This is me! Me! Experiencing new things, things I've never done before. I'm having a helluva good time.
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Stephanie : We had to lie on something.
Dr. Julian Winston : Wait a minute, you said you were sitting. Were you sitting or lying?
Stephanie : A little of this and a little of that.
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Stephanie : My cactus! It's blooming!
Dr. Julian Winston : Never mind that, what about your night of debauchery?
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Dr. Julian Winston : You spent the night with that hippie?
Stephanie : You're wrong about Igor. He's sensitive and he's sincere and very poetic.
Dr. Julian Winston : Poetic? I saw him kiss you on the neck.
Stephanie : He's also very friendly.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Alright, you want to play rough! I'll tell the whole world about your drunkenness, your wild parties, your orgies on the beach!
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Dr. Julian Winston : It's all right if you like Horowitz.
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Toni Simmons : Oh well, it's not such a bad arrangement and it's fair. You'll still have your wife and me, and I'll still have you and Igor.
Dr. Julian Winston : Igor?
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Dr. Julian Winston : There's no such thing as a friendly kiss on the neck.
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Dr. Julian Winston : I'm the first decent man she's ever met?
Stephanie : Are you quoting her or you?