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Poolman (2023)
What would Erin Do?
Darren Barrenman (Chris Pine) is a Poolman and proprietor of Awesome Aquatics. It takes place in Los Angeles sometime after the release of "Erin Brockovich" (2000). He lives in a small trailer in the Tahitian Tiki apartment block where he cares for their pool. Susan (Jennifer Jason Leigh) is his girlfriend. She wants to open a Pilates place in Palm Springs. Civically involved, Darren attends the city council meetings where he always speaks, mostly about bringing back trolley cars. He wants to do a documentary with Jack (Danny DeVito) who lives with Diane (Annette Bening). She is his therapist and they treat them like their own son.
They attempted to make the film quirky by giving Chris Pine a "Big Lebowski" type character, although he couldn't pull it off. The silly scenes look just that: silly. They were meant to be funny although the humor didn't land. The tree didn't work. The origami almost worked. The silly advice he constantly gets should have worked, but didn't. The trip on the scooter with the gold outfit failed.
Guide: F-word. Brief sex. No nudity.
The First Omen (2024)
It's all about you
In Star Wars Episode 6 Princess Leia claims she has memories of her mother. In Episode 6 Natalie Portman dies at childbirth. In the Omen, Damien's mother is a dog/Jackal. We see the skeleton when they dig her up. Ignore your lying eyes. Although they do work a jackal halfway into the film. Margaret (Nell Tiger Free) from West Pittsfield, Mass. (near Arkam, home of the Jackals)was a problem child. She is recommended to become a nun by Cardinal Lawrence (Bill Nighy) and will take her vows in Rome. The nuns work at an orphanage and a maternity wing. Carlita (Nicole Sorace) is a problem child who is dark. Maggie is taken clubbing by her housemate nun-to-be friend so she can know what she is missing before she takes her vows. Margaret blacked out during the night and the implication is that she had sex from the cryptic conversation.
We know that someone will give birth to Damien. The mystery is who is the mother. The ending was not what I expected. I don't know how it ties into the other films. They showed us a picture of Gregory Peck as the father so unless they pull out the AI, they can't redo things.
Guide: F-word. Brief implied sex. Brief nudity.
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
The Darkest of Angels
This is the prequel to "Mad Max: Fury Road." It details how Furiosa (Anya Taylor-Joy) went from a young girl living in a forest to becoming the Imperator Furiosa in Fury Road. She lived in an "Eden" and was taken Dr. Dementus played by Chris Helmsworth like Sam Rockwell doing Zaphod Beeblebrox. Furiosa gets traded to Immortan Joe (Lachy Hulme). She becomes involved in the never-ending gas wars of the Wasteland going "Nikita" all over those in her way. Dementus claimed to be the ruler of Vikingdom which sounds like Vicadoin. The film continues to use silly names, many with some sort of genital connotation.
I thought the plot was ill-conceived and bordered on fan fiction. Anya Taylor-Joy is no Charlize Theron. It was like watching Shemp instead of Curley. It works, but it could be better.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
You Can't Run Forever (2024)
Does it Matter
Miranda (Isabelle Anaya) has issues that involve a tall tree in the backyard and her deceased father (Randy Gonzalez). They hide this from the audience until there are 20 minutes left in the film for no particular reason. Her mother (Fernanda Urrejola) has moved on and remarried a man (Allen Leech) who has a daughter Emily (Olivia Simmons). Wade Bennett (JK Simmons) is our sociopath killer. We later discover he is Wade Bennett, a teacher who snapped. Miranda is subject to panic attacks. Their lives collide as Miranda is running for her life in the forest.
I thought it was funny when Mom was shown a picture of the killer and claimed he didn't look familiar, apparently having never seen a Farmer's Insurance commercial. Good cast. Our protagonist hated life so much that it was hard to develop an attachment. Just you typical girl hunted in woods film and not that great.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Boy Kills World (2023)
Naughty List
Hilda Van der Coy (Famke Janssen) is in charge of the city. Every year her goons round up a dozen rebels for public executions. It is like a combination of Hunger Games and The Purge except they call it "The Culling" as "Purge" has already been taken. Boy (Cameron Crovetti/Bill Skarsgård) sees his mother murdered by this group. He is raised by a Shaman (Yayan Ruhian) and trained in an unorthodox fashion to enact revenge against Hilda. His mind blends reality with fantasy as too often he sees and hears his kid sister Mina (Quinn Copeland). Boy is made deaf and mute. The film is narrated in first person by a person who is not all there. I didn't know if they were spoofing Scott Pilgrim or just following in the genre.
Definitely a cult film. Lots of action and silly scenes. They tried to get clever at the end. It didn't work for me.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Mothers' Instinct (2024)
The Hand that Mocks the Cradle
The film made me think of "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" because of the deception of someone trusted in the family. It didn't live up to the suspense.
In 1960 two families live next to each other. They both have a son the same age and are close enough to have a key to the other one's home in an age where no one locked their door. Theo (Eamon Patrick O'Connell) is Alice's (Jessica Chastain) son. He has a peanut allergy. Alice worked for a newspaper and later we discover she had some mental issues, perhaps a nervous breakdown. Celine (Anne Hathaway) is Max's (Baylen D. Bielitz) mother. Max has a tragic accident and Celine believes Alice could have prevented it. The women fall into distrust of each other. Is Celine trying to get back at Alice or is it Alice's imagination and stress issue?
The on-screen chemistry wasn't there. You should have been made to feel for one of the actresses, but you didn't. It did feel like a period film as you had that fake background as they were riding in the car. They made both women smokers in an age where you smoked in your house and bed without being made to look like a criminal.
Guide: No F-words. Brief sex. No nudity.
Atlas (2024)
The Day Jennifer Lopez Stood Still
The film combines "I Robot" which it mentions with "The Day the Earth Stood Still" which we find out later. Atlas Shepherd (Jennifer Lopez) is a genius but carries a lot of baggage because of her mother's death (Lana Parrilla) when she was a child. Harlan (Simu Liu) was an AI android created by her mother to protect Atlas (who now has the weight of the world on her shoulders.) He has figured out that humans will end up destroying the Earth so he managed to get other AIs to bypass their programming and attack humans in an attempt to wipe out most of the humans. Harlan escaped to planet GR-39 in the Andromeda galaxy. They can create a wormhole in space so time and distances are not factors. How she can send them a message from the planet surface is a different issue. Atlas is part of the mission to go after Harlan.
It was not great. Less confusing than Cloud Atlas and better than that thing with Jaden Smith. I kept thinking how much more another actress could have brought to this film like Angelina or even Margaret Q. This was not a good role match for Lopez. Needed to edit out about 20 minutes.
Guide: No swearing,sex, or nudity.
Arcadian (2024)
Anyone can burn down a house.
Sometime in the future, a virus kills off most of the human population. It may be related to pollution. There exists a group of mutant mole people with sharp claws and a clacker jaw. We don't get to see them right away. Paul (Nicolas Cage) lives in a farmhouse with his twin sons Thomas (Maxwell Jenkins) and Joseph (Jaeden Martell). The mole creatures burrow underground and only come out at night, feeding off of humans. The group has a nightly lock-up routine to protect themselves. Thomas likes to visit the Rose farm where Charlotte (Sadie Soverall) lives. Their peaceful routine becomes disrupted.
Thomas is the main character and you never get any feeling for them as their characters happen, just like the undisclosed future. Who are the Roses? Why don't they get attacked?
Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.
Bloodline Killer (2024)
Close the Door
The film takes place on Halloween. The Cole family is handing out candy. Dillon Cole (Sal Rendino) eats as much candy as he hands out. He is the father. He is murdered by a man in a "Skulleton" mask, based on a film about a serial killer. Moira (Shawnee Smith) his wife manages to shoot the axe murderer before he can kill her grown son Connor (James Gaudioso) who still lives at home with his grown brother Michael (Drew Moerlein). The killer is named Lee Morris (Adam Shippey). He is discovered shot in the woods by his sister Samantha (Taryn Manning) a nurse who cares for his wound and binds him. He stays that way until next Halloween. We get the back story that Lee is Moria's cousin who knows he is mentally ill. Bruce Dern plays her psychologist which was not his best role.
This film takes place in the early eighties. The story doesn't make much sense and it appears they left off some backstory about the detectives. Not well directed or edited.
Guide: F-word. Near sex, no nudity.
The Long Game (2023)
Butterflies, huh.
Based on a true story that was little drama. A restricted Country Club in Texas does not allow JB Peña (Jay Hernandez) to join. As the local school superintendent, he recognizes five of his caddy shack students can play golf. He enlists the help of Frank Mitchell (Dennis Quaid). The film managed to build the characters of JB and student player Joe Treviño (Julian Works) with no relationship to Lee Trevino who learned to play in Dallas as a caddy. It was dull as compared to MacFarland. Nothing like winning a tournament to have Cheech salute you. The kids were told to speak English to blend in. I suspect that was added to explain why the entire film was in near English. It takes place in 1957 when Eisenhower's Mexican deportation program was in its waiting years.
Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.
Sting (2024)
You erased the eyes
Charlotte (Alyla Browne) lives in a Brooklyn apartment with her mother (Penelope Mitchell) stepdad Ethan (Ryan Corr) and baby brother or half-brother. Her aunt (Robyn Nevin) owns the building and cares for Charlotte's maternal Grandmother Helga (Noni Hazlehurst) who has dementia issues. Charlotte writes stories about a giant spider while Ethan illustrates them. Charlotte is still small enough to crawl through the air vents into other apartments. She finds a spider in Helga's storage room and bonds with it. The film implies that this spider arrived in a meteor. It grows and is hungry.
I liked the creepy Erik (Danny Kim) character. The characters were good, but there was no chemistry. Each was in their own world. John Goodman set a high bar for a spider exterminator that was not met.
Guide" F-word. No sex or nudity.
Sasquatch Sunset (2024)
Tony's Mix 2
The film follows the life of a family of 4 Sasquatches. We watch them struggle through four seasons. They do all the disgusting things that humans do but typically do not appear in films such as nose picking and booger eating. The production felt the need to show us fake genitalia and oversexed males. They communicate between clans by banging sticks or trees. The humor was not funny and mostly badly done slapstick. The first sign of humans was a large tree with a painted red "X" located outside of Willow Tree, California.
There is supposed to be some meaningful message in the film. The only one I saw was careers reaching their bottom. Far from "epic, hilarious, and ultimately poignant."
Guide: No language. Sex and fake Sasquatch nudity.
Everwinter Night (2023)
One to ten
Sugar Bear (Topher Hansson) and Buttercup (Chloe Couture) are traveling in a snowstorm in New Hampshire on their way to a timeshare cabin. Lost, they stop at a lodge where they happen to witness the Ka-Runa rite that summons Alecto. Years later Dizzy (Victoria Mirrer) and Madison Tanks (McKenna Parsons) are going on vacation together. To the dismay of Dizzy, Madison Tanks invites her Kappa friends Fiona (Nicolette Sweeney) and Becca (Alana Phillips). They are boy-crazy and have already met some handsome rich dudes who have invited them to the said lodge. Dizzy takes less interest in the rich pretentious guys, seeing something is amiss. She likes the bartender Jack (Jamie Dufaul) the son of the owner. The other girls pair off with the handsome guy who was there all in hopes of something more.
We knew the Alecto thing was coming. Alecto appears to be a Norse god as opposed to a minor Greek goddess. There are similar theme films that were made on larger budgets. This one demonstrates that decent films can come from small budgets if they have decent acting, characters, and script. Good job Adam Newman.
Guide: F-word. Sex. No nudity.
Tarot (2024)
Most Likely to get Pregnant
A group of college kids rent a mansion to celebrate Elise's birthday in the Catskills. They play a drinking game "most likely" which gives us some minor character peeks. When they run out of beer, they search the house, breaking into the basement. They discover an old set of hand-painted Tarot cards and decide to allow Haley (Harriet Slater) to perform their astrological readings. She breaks the cardinal rule of using someone else's cards. She does the readings and no one dies that night and they all return back to campus and the safety of their dorm rooms. Twenty-five minutes into the film we have our first Tarot death. The second one gets the group thinking as they try to figure a way out.
The people died according to their final card in the draw. Most scenes were dark. I don't scare much anymore. They used the standard effects of lights turning off in a row. Spirits know how to control light bulbs. The film was okay. If I had to choose, "Abigail" is much better.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Wicked Little Letters (2023)
Bring Rose to Light
In the days following WWI, widow Rose Gooding (Jessie Buckley) leaves Ireland and takes up residence in Littlehampton along with her daughter Nancy (Alisha Weir). She lives with Bill (Malachi Kirby). Their martial status is not mentioned. Rose is on the wild side and uses salty language. Edith Swan (Olivia Colman) lives next to her and under the thumb of her father (Timothy Spall). She is very much involved in the Christian Community. Edith has been getting very disgusting letters using foul language. Rose gets arrested for the crime under circumstantial evidence. Police Woman Gladys Moss (Anjana Vasan) has her doubts based on handwriting which is not admissible as evidence. At 55 minutes into the film, the culprit is revealed.
Superb acting. Very light film despite the odd swearing.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)
I must get me one of those coats
Based on a true story. During WWII future James Bond novelist Ian Fleming (Freddie Fox) was leading a top-secret special ops force. In 1942 Great Britain was on the ropes. They needed to disrupt the U-boats in the Atlantic. The operation aimed to go to the tiny African coast island of Fernando Po and blow up a German boat filled with carbon dioxide filters. Fleming selected a "dirty half-dozen" group led by Gus March-Phillips (Henry Cavill) a man with whom he would base James Bond. The group included future screen actress Marjorie Stewart (Eiza González).
I am sure they took some liberty with the facts. The dialogue was refreshingly light. At times it looked like Henry Cavill was auditioning for the role of Captain Obvious.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
The Masks
After watching the trailers I was disappointed by the plot. Noa (Owen Teague) a nude chimpanzee with no genitals is part of a primitive Chimp village who train eagles to get fish for them because Chimps love fish. A human is following him around. A group of Gorillas who also follow the teaching of Caesar burn his village and take prisoners. Noa must travel in the forbidden valley to rescue his clan. Here he teams up with Mae (Freya Allan) a rare talking human to help him. She has a hidden agenda.
The film pays homage to the original film with a doll that says Mama, the name Nova, and the dead human scarecrows on X frames. This made me think this a distant prequel to the original, although a lot did not line up. The characters didn't excite me. The plot could have been better.
Something in the Water (2024)
Don't leave us
PLOT SPOILER (if possible) Kayla (Natalie Mitson) and Meg (Hiftu Quasem) are an item. Walking through the streets at night they encounter a gang of girls who make a disparaging word (the 'D" word) about their sexual orientation. Kayla flips them off and Meg gets beaten to near death. Elizabeth (Lauren Lyle) is getting married on a tropical island somewhere and all her besties come to the island including Kayla and Meg who have parted under ugly terms. Cam (Nicole Rieko Setsuko) playing relationship expert decides it would be best to strand the two on an island and let them work things out. Then it is swimming in the water, shark bites, taking the boat for help, hitting a low reef, boat sinks, and five shark snacks bobbing in the water. Yada Yada Yada.
These shark films all blend together. There is always a back story of the people in the water in an attempt to make them different. Since the shark is the selling point of the film, characterization is secondary and done poorly. There are exceptions. This one was not one.
Guide: F-word. No sex, no nudity.
The Iron Claw (2023)
I want to be a brother
This is inspired by True Events and centers on Kevin Von Erich (Zac Efron) the surviving brother of the professional wrestling family. The film gives us a glimpse of his childhood with his father Fritz (Holt McCallany) as a professional wrestler known as 'The Iron Claw". He raised his sons to work out on the ranch and be in the ring. Kevin wrestles. His younger brother David (Harris Dickinson) would soon follow him into the ring. Kerry (Jeremy Allen White) was on his way to be in the 1980 Olympics which got canceled. Dad talked him into the ring. Their youngest brother Michael (Stanley Simons) is happy not to be in the ring but is pressured by his father. Tragedy strikes the family as it dwindles one by one.
I never heard of these guys before I watched the film. I did know Ric Flair (Aaron Dean Eisenberg). Not being a fan I wasn't really into the bitter-seet tale of the family. The script couldn't hold me.
Guide: F-word. Brief Sex. Male butt nudity.
Founders Day (2023)
That's a Positive ID
The town of Fairworth is going to celebrate their tricentennial. There is a mayor's race. Blair Gladwell (Amy Hargreaves) is running for re-election on the campaign of consistency. She is being challenged by Harold Faulkner (Jayce Bartok) on a campaign of change. Melissa (Olivia Nikkanen) is Harold's daughter and a lesbian. Her girlfriend Allison Chambers (Naomi Grace) is going to move to Raleigh. While they are on a bridge, Melissa is murdered by a man in a mask, and Allison escapes with her life. Later Lilly Gladwell (Emilia McCarthy) the daughter of the Mayor is murdered. The killing continues in a whodunit.
The best minor character was Commissioner Peterson (Catherine Curtin). She provided some colorful comic lines and seemed to imitate other TV investigators. I suspected who was behind the killings, but failed to get the motivation. The motivation was poor.
Guide: F-word. Near sex. No nudity.
Chief of Station (2024)
This necklace belonged to my grandmother
Benjamin Malloy (Aaron Eckhart) is the CIA Chief of Station of the Baltic states. He manages to thwart a Russian hand-off in Budapest in the first scene. He is warned by an FSB operative about his anniversary. He meets up with his wife who is blown up in a restaurant explosion. She was also a Chief of Station but they did not discuss their cases with each other. The CIA is investigating Benjamin. His son Nick (Chris Petrovski) is joining as IT. Benjamin goes rogue with his own investigation making discoveries that lead him down a different path.
I am not sure why they keep making this kind of film. At least in Mission Impossible, you get great action, stars, and a soundtrack. This film had neither. The characters were boring and not developed.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Idea of You (2024)
How did you meet?
This is a Gen X story for women hitting their middle age wondering if they still got it. Solene Marchland (Anne Hathaway) owns an art store in Silver Lake. She is divorced from her husband (Reid Scott) who cheated on her with a younger woman. She has a daughter Izzy (Ella Rubin) a sophomore who used to love the boy band August Moon but has since outgrown them. Despite that her dad got her and her besties backstage passes for a meet and greet. Mom gets saddled into taking them causing a chance meeting with the lead singer Hayes Campbell (Nicholas Galitzine). They have a little chemistry which he pursues as the two hurt people open up to each other. Can the relationship handle the scrutiny?
There are better chic-flics out there. This one doesn't stack up as the characters didn't seem real.
Guide: F-word, sex, no nudity.
Blood for Dust (2023)
What's the plan?
Cliff (Scoot McNairy) is a depressed defibrillator salesman working across the Northwest, mostly Montana. The weather is also depressing. He had worked for Meridian selling hard drives and things turned bad. He is having money issues as her tries to provide for his family. He meets an old friend from Meridian named Ricky (Kit Harington) at a strip joint. Ricky is doing well selling what people want. He talks Cliff into joining him running drugs and arms. Having a station wagon with a defib dummy is a great cover. On his first exchange, Ricky shows up and puts bullets into everyone. Cliff fears for his family.
This was a boring film from start to finish. Characters were not developed. Cliff's depression placed a downer on the whole production.
Guide: F-word. Nudity.
Cash Out (2024)
Dirt Box
Mason Goddard (John Travolta) is a high-end thief who works with a crew. In the opening scene, he is stealing an expensive car and discovers his lover Amy Decker (Kristin Davis) is deep cover for the FBI. He manages to get away and retires. His brother Shawn (Lukas Haas-Witness kid) has a plan to rob a safe deposit box at a bank that contains a crypto wallet. Mason goes with him. He doesn't like the situation and attempts to call the whole thing off. Shawn goes through with it. It was a set-up. They end up trapped inside the bank with 23 hostages. The bank is surrounded. No way out.
In the realm of bank robbery stand-off films, this is near the bottom. Denzel Washington and Jodie Foster made a better film.
Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.
Batwoman (2019)
Alice
DC comics differs from Marvel in one major aspect/ Marvel makes colorful heroes and dull villains while DC makes dull heroes and colorful villains. Alice (Rachel Skarsten) was the main reason to watch an otherwise drama-filled series filled with lesbian angst. We must see the break up of Kate Kane (Ruby Rose) and Sophie (Meagan Tandy) a half dozen times. The whole series is a major soap opera depressing downer. Except for Alice, the dialogue is jejune. Alice has been kept in captivity during her youth yet knows all the pop culture references as if she led a normal life. The show also includes quotes from "Alice in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It takes a swipe at the Batman TV show by claiming shark repellant is something silly to have on a utility belt. Ruby Rose was a dull Batwoman and was replaced by Javicia Leslie, who also happens to be a lesbian. And later Posison Ivey comes back. Also lesbian. Alfred's daughter (who knew) makes a major appearance as Julia Pennyworth (Christina Wolfe) who is also a lesbian. She would have been my first choice for Batwoman. Alice wants to know why her dad stopped looking for her which was odd since she already knew what her step-mother had done. The plot wasn't tight as it seems the whole reason of the show was to make us feel sad. They killed off the same Batwoman twice in season 2.