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Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1981)
Don't recall seeing a butcher or a baker in this "nasty"
This movie gets off to an impressive and shocking start - a couple leave their young son Billy at home with his aunt Cheryl, whilst driving their car the brakes fail and they are killed in an horrific accident, this was superbly shot. Move forward 14 years and it's Billy's 17th birthday. Aunt Cheryl is worryingly over protective of the lad, she doesn't want him to go away on a scholarship and is obviously jealous of his girlfriend, but worse still when she comes on to a TV repair man he rejects her advances and she stabs him to death. The nightmare of the title has begun! This was banned in the UK as a Video Nasty, I am not really sure why. There are a few gory deaths but nothing excessive. Bo Svenson plays an incredibly homophobic cop who spouts a great deal of derogatory language, may not get away with that in this snowflake age but back then I'm sure nobody would've batted an eyelid over it. Cheryl's relationship with Billy has strong hints of incest but again not a credible reason to ban it, perhaps it was simply down to the bloody artwork on the video's sleeve? It was released under several titles, "Momma's Boy" being perhaps the most fitting given the plot. Although the finale is in slasher territory this is not a straight forward stalk and slash flick, I would describe it as dysfunctional family American Gothic (much of the plot takes place in the large family house). It is also quite a slow burn but thankfully the characters are strong and quite well acted. This was my first time watching (on blu ray), I'm not entirely sure if I liked it or not but would probably benefit from a repeat viewing.
Unhinged (1982)
Gender bending Video Nasty that's a mixed bag.
"My mother is not quite right!" Three pretty college girls are on their way to a music festival, a radio DJ announces that more young women have gone missing in the area. During a heavy storm they crash their car in the middle of nowhere. With the help of a local man they are taken in by a bitter and crippled old lady and her rather odd daughter Marion. There is also a son but he lives outdoors. In the UK Unhinged got banned as a "video nasty", I have the original Avatar VHS plus 88 Films DVD (it was passed uncut by the BBFC in 2004). Within the first minute a girl is seen naked taking a shower, later on two girls are seen showering together, full frontal nudity. When they are driving to their destination we are treated to some impressive aerial shots. The creepy synthesizer based musical score is very good, I would call it one of the movie's strengths. For a slasher movie the kill count is low with only four deaths, and we have to wait about 37 minutes for the first one. Thankfully they are all quite bloody and nasty, for example one girl gets a hatchet in the head, another is cut down with a large scythe. Most of the plot takes place in a large Victorian house, filmed at the very imposing Pittock Mansion in Portland. So far so good. Sadly much of the acting very amateur, the picture is dark and the microphone boom makes at least one appearance. Despite a relatively short running time of 70 minutes or so the first half is slow and makes the film feel longer than it is. No spoilers but the ending has an interesting though unconvincing twist. Overall this has enough merits to make it a worthwhile watch for fans of sleazy low budget shockers or Video Nasty completists. There is a 2017 British remake but that makes the original look like "Psycho" (1960) in comparison!
The Craft: Legacy (2020)
For teenage girls or fans of the original
"We are the weirdos mister." Teenager Lily (short for Lilith, if you know anything about witchcraft or demonology then that name alone tells you plenty) and her mother move in with the latter's boyfriend Adam and his three sons. Right from the start he's a bit creepy, his sons are none too welcoming either. On her first day at school Lily suffers a highly embarrassing incident involving her menstrual period (like Carrie did in the classic movie "Carrie"). And like Carrie Lily too has telekinetic powers, this is noticed by three other girls that practice witchcraft. Lily joins their small coven. They put a spell on school bully Tim, not only does he change into an incredibly polite and kind guy but they change his jacket to the colours of the rainbow too! In fact he tells Lily that he is secretly bi-sexual, this is funny but also quite touching. Good that the script writers include this often very sensitive subject. Legacy is a sequel to the 1996 hit "The Craft", this is nowhere near as big or good as that but to fans of the original it is worth a look. There is a connection to The Craft with a brief appearance of Nancy Downs (Fairuza Balk) from the original. For much of the time the film plays out like a teen drama, it's not until near the end that the girls engage in a supernatural battle with evil warlock Adam. And even then it's pretty tame, the special effects are not up to much either. The acting is good enough though some of the teens are played by actors in their mid twenties. David (X-Files) Duchovny is good as Adam but they could have explained his character better. Once upon a time Blumhouse were making good horror movies but this isn't one of them. The target audience for Legacy is obviously teenage girls, and for most likely fans of the original too. As a middle aged man it wasn't exactly my cup of tea but it proved to be an alright watch.
Ouija House (2018)
I didn't need a Ouija board to tell me that this was gonna be bad
1988, Katherine (Tara Reid, B movie queen - and that's not a compliment!) and two friends do a Ouija board in a supposedly haunted house that has a dark secret. Things go nastily wrong, Katherine survives (and is now played by Scream Queen Dee Wallace) in the present. Her daughter Laurie and friends go to the same house, do a Ouija and hey presto they call up an evil supernatural entity! The makers have obviously seen The Evil Dead - they find an old occult book, instead of playing cards they play the board, one of the girls turns into a very poor Deadite imitation and when they try to escape in their car they can't. Casting Reid and Wallace as the same character but with 30 years apart was ridiculous, they have no similarity whatsoever. Tara may get top billing but she's only in the movie for about two minutes. No great loss, her acting along with that of Mischa Barton and Casey Schroeder is as stiff as a wooden board. One gory scene showing an abdomen being slit open and some topless witches provide some brief but welcome respite from the tedium that makes up the bulk of the running time. I have seen a few movies based on Ouija boards but this was easily one of the worst. The name "Ouija" is the word "yes" in both French and German added together, "Nonnein" (no no) would be more appropriate for this rubbish. Before I forget to mention the house with its garden of cacti and agave looked pretty cool.
Men (2022)
Superbly made but what a strange ending!
A traumatised young woman called Harper seeks solace in the English countryside after the horrific suicide of her abusive husband James at their London home. She rents out a large splendid 500 year old cottage but a series of encounters with strange men make her stay one of fear and terror. This arty British movie combines folk, body and psychological horror to great effect. The plot is set during the Spring, bluebells cover the woodland ground, and the Green Man, a British pagan figure, plays a significant part (though apples on a tree are totally out of place for this time of year). Harper is exploring the nearby woods, all lush green. She comes across a long disused railway tunnel and starts making vocal echoes. Suddenly a figure is seen at the other end and it starts to run towards her, pure terror! The sudden switch from joy to horror was quite brilliantly done, and that is just one example. Later a naked man (full frontal) appears in her garden, at first we see him but she doesn't. I found the movie to be beautifully shot and the acting is excellent as is the musical score. There is some extreme gore, for example a man's hand and forearm are slowly split in half by a blade. Later on pregnant men (!) very graphically give birth to other men! The first half is easy to follow but the second half things get very weird. I will say that people who like their film endings to be crystal clear may not appreciate this one. To say that the ending (no spoilers) is bizarre would be an understatement. I couldn't make much sense of it but perhaps that was the intention, get viewers thinking and indeed there are plenty of online articles devoted to it (I visited a few but different viewers have different ideas). I do wish that the ending was easier to understand but apart from that Men is quite brilliant.
The Dark (1979)
The Disappointment
"It is also a certainty that not all alien encounters will be friendly." A killer is viciously murdering random people in LA, when his daughter becomes a victim a writer teams up with a female reporter (like they so often do) to solve the case adjacent to the (in his opinion) inept police. The killer is nicknamed "The Mangler" and turns out to be a hulking alien creature that looks part man/ part werewolf. This aspect of the plot is very poorly done, how did it get here and why would a lone alien be acting like a serial killer on the back streets of LA? It also has laser eyes which look incredibly cheap and dated. Apart from one decapitation the kills are disappointing, annoyingly a voice whispers words such as "The Dark" in the build up to each one. Between these kills the film often drags, the cast is pretty decent but overall The Dark was a wasted opportunity. The trailer looks quite good but sadly this science fiction/horror is a mess. One scene has a protest going on and it looks like the film makers just roped in the nearest people (non-actors) for it. Look out for a pre-"Miami Vice" Philip Michael Thomas in a small role as a hoodlum. One of my horror movie reference books calls this movie "absolute junk", personally I think that's a bit harsh but at the same time its current IMDb score of 4.2/10 is spot on.
La notte dei diavoli (1972)
Devilishly good
I am something of a fan of Italian and Euro horror but until now I had not come across this movie. Just watched it on Eureka's excellent blu-ray, despite being BBFC rated 15 I was quite taken aback by the amount of gore, violence and female nudity. In the first few minutes we see a maggot ridden skull, female genitals close up, an exploding head and a still beating heart ripped out of a body. Wow! Apparently these images were added later to spice things up. Set in the woodlands of Yugoslavia but filmed in Italy what then follows is a supernatural yarn about a city guy with a broken down car, a family of forest peasants and horrors in the night which come in the form of a witch/vampire. I would say that it is something of a slow but very rewarding burn. There is also a tragic love story which comes to a shocking conclusion at the end. The gore effects are very good, the musical score helps build atmosphere and the film is well shot. We do get day for night shots but Hammer Studios were guilty of that too. I watched the English language version which comes with some bad dubbing but next time I will watch it in Italian. A friend of mine recommended this movie and I am grateful that he did, it certainly is a gem of Euro horror that deserves to be better known.
Slaughterhouse Rock (1987)
Sadly "Slaughterhouse Rock" doesn't rock.
College student Alex (Nicholas Celozzi) kicks off this supernatural horror by having one of those dreams within a dream (An American Werewolf in London perhaps being the best cinematic example). And a very gory dream is is too, so far so good. Unfortunately that promise doesn't last very long. It's all a bit messy but the plot sees him and his friends take a night time trip to the infamous island prison of Alcatraz, which is where some demonic being is causing him to have these horrific nightmares. I kind of gave up trying to follow it word for word, I found is confusing and silly, but needless to say there is some Elm Street influence going on here. I originally saw this on the heavily cut British VHS release titled "Hell Island" but thankfully the UK DVD appears to be uncut. The best thing going for this movie I would say is the demonic make-up and gore, of which there is plenty. In fact it reminded me of Italian horror movies such as "The Beyond" and "Demons". There is also some sex and topless female nudity in the shape of Playmate Hope Marie Carlton. On an interesting note 80's pop star Toni Basil plays a rock chick ghost and cult band Devo provided the soundtrack, though it doesn't really rock. Unfortunately the acting on the whole isn't very good and this isn't helped by an often muffled sound. The picture quality isn't very good either, too dark in places. Gore fans will get their monies worth but otherwise I found it disappointing.
Spree (2020)
To Spree or not to Spree
The wonderfully named Kurt Kunkle (well played by (Joe Keery) craves social media fame. He is a rideshare driver on an app called Spree, he plants cameras all around his car and his chosen speciality is live streaming the murder of his passengers. He starts off with supplying them with poisoned water but the kills soon became violent and gory. Spree driver by name spree killer by nature! The whole movie is presented as found footage combined with CCTV footage, all put together to make "Spree". I do use - and indeed contribute - to several well known social media platforms but I just found this a bit too much. I have seen other movies shot in this fashion and I wasn't keen on it, the novelty soon wore off and if became somewhat irritating. Maybe down to me being middle aged (?) Younger viewers may well appreciate this style more, after all many kids these days can't go 5 minutes without looking at their smart phones! The acting was good enough, nice to see David Arquette as Kris Kunkle, Kurt's dad. I also noticed Mischa Barton as one of Kurt's victims, saw her in the reboot of Aussie soap "Neighbours". My TV guide described Spree as a horror comedy, there were no laugh out loud moments for me, just the odd smile of approval. Wouldn't watch it again.
Slaughter High (1986)
Warning - this film features fake American accents that some may find distressing!
A bunch of old looking students at Doddsville County High School play some cruel April Fools Day jokes on nerdy Marty. The last one ends with him being badly disfigured when a jar of acid pours onto his head. Some years later the gang are invited to a school reunion at the now closed Doddsville. It's a mystery to them who organised it but shouldn't be for the viewer to figure out (err, Marty?). They find themselves trapped inside the building, a storm rages on cue outside and one by one they are picked off by a killer wearing a jester mask. The kills are quite good and include being impaled on a coat hook, electrocution, exploding guts, drowning in a cesspit, a needle in the eye, etc. There is also some nudity, both male and female. What really lets the film down is that it is set set in the US but shot in the UK, the actors fail miserably at sounding American, the road markings are obviously British too. Another notable negative is how old the cast are that played the teens. The lovely Caroline Munro gets top billing but she was about 35 when she filmed this. She still looked stunning but c'mon! The music sounds very similar to Friday the 13th (1980), both were scored by Henry Manfredini. On a fun note he does sing the track for the closing credits. The ending is pretty dumb which is a shame, despite its faults Slaughter High is quite a fun slasher movie, made just after the sub-genres Golden Age. The UK VHS, which I watched last night, is cut but thankfully discs releases are uncut.
Serpent's Lair (1995)
"Can a cat be a succubus?"
Tom (prolific actor Jeff Fahey) and wife Alex (Heather Medway) move into an apartment, its previous occupant was a guy called Steve who was into demonology and committed ritual suicide there. They adopt a female black cat which shows affection towards Tom but it quite nasty to Alex. Whilst she is in hospital (the cat caused her to have an accident) Steve's sexy sister Lilith (there's a clue in the name!) turns up at the apartment to pick up his stuff but soon casts a spell over Tom (cue "Omen" style music). From now on Lilith (model/singer/actress Lisa B) and cheating Tom engage in a lot of noisy passionate sex, there's a bit of topless nudity and bare bums but nothing to get too excited about. This erotic supernatural horror/thriller is set in an unnamed American city though it was filmed in Romania, much of the architecture is obviously European as are the motor vehicles (mainly East European makes at that). I thought that the various tenants gave the movie, coupled with the occult angle, a touch of "Rosemary's Baby." The film's title may be derived from an impressive serpent water feature in the courtyard. This was my second viewing and despite a few flaws I found it engaging , well paced and enjoyable. Certainly worth a watch.
Die, Monster, Die! (1965)
Dull, Monster, Dull!
American Stephen Reinhart (Nick Adams) visits fiance Susan Witley's (Susan Farmer) large family home but her father Nahum (Boris Karloff) is dabbling with unearthly things. Based on a HP Lovecraft story my headline may sound a bit harsh but sadly I didn't derive a great deal of enjoyment from watching this Anglo/American horror movie. It starts off promising, Reinhart arrives in the picturesque village by steam train, very quintessential British. When he tells several locals that he is going to the Witley estate they all turn very unfriendly, He ends up walking there and when he arrives we are treated to a large Gothic mansion, partly hidden by daytime fog (the fog machine obviously got a lot of use for the duration of the shoot). Wonderful to have Boris Karloff in the cast as Susan's sinister father, he was an old man by now and mainly confined to a wheelchair. This alone makes this movie worthwhile viewing for any fan of classic horror. The movie does look good and there were a couple of effective jump scares but Karloff aside I didn't care too much for the main characters. I would like to have seen more use of Patrick Magee but he only appears briefly as a doctor, struck off for his boozing. I don't know how the film compares to the book but I found the plot rather silly and the end to be an anti-climax .Perhaps through tiredness but I did find myself nodding off a few time then having to rewind! I'd be willing to give it another watch one dark night!
Late Night with the Devil (2023)
Great TV
Jack Delroy is a New York talk show host of the TV program "Night Owls", however ratings aren't going well so he goes all out for a 1977 Halloween special. His guests include a medium, a magician who debunks the supernatural and a young girl called Lilly who is apparently possessed by the demon Abraxas. Just back from a screening at my local independent cinema (sadly not at Halloween) and I have to say that I really enjoyed it. I had seen the trailer a few weeks ago and it really caught my attention. I thought that the makers did a great job in making this look authentic for the 1970's, it was like going back in time and watching a gripping TV show. Don't expect a great deal of horror in the first half but the second half is where most of it happens. There are many unimpressive demonic possession movies out there but young Ingrid Torelli gives a great performance as Lily. However this is far more than just a possession movie, Lily is part of it but the most shocking thing is the revelation of the price of fame that Jack has had to pay. Great performances all around and good to see a film that comes across as both clever and original, though the 1992 British TV movie "Ghostwatch" may well have been an influence.
The Nanny (1965)
Superb performances all around
Ten year old Joey returns home to his parent's plush London home after a stint at a residential school for troubled kids. Before he arrives his fragile mother Virgie tells the family Nanny (Hollywood legend Bette Davis) "Nanny, I don't want him home." Hardly surprising, just before being picked up by his father and Nanny he plays a trick in which he pretends to have hung himself! When home he insists he no longer needs Nanny. Joey is a right brat, he plays a trick on Nanny by placing a large doll belonging to his teen female neighbour face down in a bath (his younger sister drowned this way, he may or may not have been responsible). He pushes a flower box off a balcony which nearly lands on the milkman, the angry fella tells Nanny that the boy is a "homicidal nut." In a flashback scene Joey tells his younger sister to "Go and play with your dolls, that's all girls can do!" The Nanny is more of a suspenseful and dark psychological thriller than a horror, it was also Hammer's final black and white film, and indeed it looks fabulous in b & w. Needless to say that this movie is best known for starring the great Bette Davis and she is excellent but for me young William Dix as Joey gives the best performance. Truly outstanding, though all of the cast are very good and their performances are what makes this such a gripping movie to watch. On the downside I would like to have seen a few more scares to perhaps push this more into psycho horror territory but that's just a minor gripe, The Nanny is an excellent film.
Murder Obsession (1981)
Rather bizarre Giallo/Gothic horror hybrid
Film star Michael takes a much needed break from filming, he and a group of friends/associates go and stay at his mother's large house in the countryside but one by one they become victims of an unknown killer. His sexy mother (the beautiful Anita Strindberg) tells Mike that "A strange bond exists between the two of us". Indeed it does, she doesn't look old enough to be his mother for one thing and when they hug one another her boobs are spilling out. The house is very Gothic, it comes with dodgy electrics, a creepy butler and every night a thunderstorm rages outside. Micheal's girlfriend has a bizarre nightmare, she is running topless around the property and encounters an hilariously fake giant spider, bats on wires and a couple of hideously disfigured Devil worshippers. She is played by the gorgeous Martine Brochard but that doesn't stop Michael cheating on her with what must be the most exotic Beryl (exploitation legend Laura Gemser) in movie history. No sexual equality here, she is stark naked whilst he only takes his top off! There are two very gory kills, a man is axed in his fake head and a woman gets a chainsaw to the neck. This was an early film for special effects maestro Sergio Stivaletti, not his best work for sure but he did go on to great things. I watched this on a recent Blu-ray release, some of the picture and sound quality is very poor but I assume that they had to use what was available and hopefully it is the complete cut. As a fan of Euro horror and Giallo I found plenty to enjoy but ultimately it is too messy to be considered a good movie.
The Scrotum (2019)
A movie about killer testicles - honest!!
A young couple, Tyler and Lindsay, are out camping in the great outdoors. They are getting very intimate but she won't "finish him off" unless he shaves off his pubic hair. So off to the lake he does trot and starts shaving his fake genitals. Unfortunately for Tyler some toxic waste has been illegally dumped in the water. He returns to unlucky Lindsay but during their resumed sex he experiences extreme pain and castrates his fake privates. His balls mutate into a blood thirsty monster and the rest of the film has numerous people killed in gory fashion. This is a very low budget movie so don't expect good acting or effects, much of the gore looks like offal from a butcher's shop and probably was. The ridiculous plot means that it's way too stupid to be taken as a serious horror movie, likewise it's not funny enough to work as a credible comedy either. Nice lakeside location though. The running time may only be 64 minutes but that was long enough. If you make it to the end credits then stick with it as there is a post credits scene, it really doesn't add much to the story but does last maybe a minute or so. So if you are looking for a silly short gore fix and provided you don't mind micro budgets then Scrotum may be worth a look.
Konferensen (2023)
Whatever the Swedish word for "Meh!" is
A team building conference in the great Swedish outdoors becomes a nightmare when employees are stalked and slashed by a maniac wearing a large creepy kid mask (which looks suspiciously like the one worn in the Happy Death Day movies). Netflix gives this movie a lot of kudos but then they would. It is meant to be a horror comedy, the horror part - unoriginal as it is - isn't too bad, there are a few good kills and gory scenes, however it is a total failure with the "comedy". I didn't mind the lead female Lina (Katia Winter), though I'd like to have known more about her backstory, but the rest of the characters are an uninteresting lot, the two young guys in particular are just downright annoying. At 100 minutes it felt too slow and often boring. I am a big slasher fan but "Konferensen" (it's original title) did very little for me. I nearly always watch non-English movies in their original language, this being no exception, however the characters spoke so fast I often struggled to keep up.
Mondo Freudo (1966)
Looks very dated.
I have seen a few "Mondo" in my time including the likes of "Faces of Death", a great deal of the "real" footage is obviously fake and staged, this being no exception. This starts off with a powerful camera (100mm lens or something) filming people - including families with young children - swimming and sunbathing on a California beach, accompanied with some old rock and roll music. A strange way to start a documentary on worldwide sexual practices. Then it's night time and the camera "secretly" films young couples frolicking in the water and making love on the sand, this was obviously staged and filmed up close. And when I say making love I mean the girls get their tops off and the men keep their pants on! Then it's on to a private club in London where strippers are allowed to bare all but sadly we don't get to see all. This is followed by an interview with two "lesbian" prostitutes with very phoney accents. Next we're back in the US and at a beatnik cafe where a middle aged man rubs body paint over a naked woman, creating prints which he sells for good money. Artist or con-artist? Dirty old man for sure! Then it's over the border into Mexico where our "secret" camera spies on young women being sold as sex slaves, the smiles on their faces suggest that maybe they are happy to be on camera (?). A couple of very dull Mexican strippers are seen before heading to New York to meets a coven of "Satanists". The priestess/witch is pretty hot but the bright red paint that is meant to be sacrificial blood is as fake looking as the coven. In Tokyo we go to a sadomasochist club where the topless girls, big grins on their faces, look more like the whip "striking" them is more ticklish than painful. Finally we see a spot of mud wrestling in Germany. Yuck! If this had been made a decade later it would no doubt be far more explicit but sadly this 1966 offering offers very little in the way of titillation, just endless scenes of middle aged men leering at young topless women.
You Can't Kill Stephen King (2012)
You won't want to waste your time watching this rubbish
Horror "comedy" about four friends visiting a lake near Stephen King's (as in the real world famous author's) house in Maine, one of which - a creepy male virgin - is a super-fan. There is also a token black dude (no prizes for guessing who gets killed first), an ex soldier who suffers with PTSD and a mixed bunch of chicks (yes, buxom flirty one included). They are terrorised by an unknown killer. I don't claim to be an expert on Stephen King but I have read a number of his books and have seen most of the film adaptations, I was expecting a lot more "King" in this movie but in fact it plays out more like a poor Friday the 13th/Scream clone. It is meant to be funny but is devoid of laughs, the characters are an unlikable bunch too. One guy gets his throat cut, very gory, and one of the women is bludgeoned to death by a hammer, otherwise there's not much else in the way of gore. The lake location does look very nice, as do the girls in their swimming costumes, but I found this to be a poor movie overall and a definite failure as both a comedy and as a love letter to the great author.
Il coltello di ghiaccio (1972)
Slightly disappointing Giallo
Italian/Spanish Giallo movie about a mute woman Martha (well played by the gorgeous Carroll Baker) living in the picturesque Spanish Pyrenees and a series of unexplained murders taking place in a small town. Sadly the movie starts off at a bull ring and the sight of Matadors killing a bull, absolutely disgusting. I felt quite sick at the sight of this barbaric "sport". The human kill count is low and they are done offscreen, very disappointing for a movie of this sub genre, usually known for explicit kills. On the positive side the cinematography is very good and the we get a couple of strong suspects, a creepy male servant called Marcus and an English hippy Satanist with a drug addiction. The large house where Martha lives is handily situated next to a cemetery, combined with daytime fog and night time thunderstorms it has plenty of horror atmosphere. The traditional killer reveal at the end isn't terribly good. Not a Giallo classic by any means but still a reasonably good entry.
RoboCop (1987)
RoboCop rocks!
Detroit in the near future, crime is spiralling out of control and the local police force is run by a powerful corporation. When good cop Murphy (an excellent Peter Weller) is killed in the line of duty he is brought back to life, part man part cyborg. Think Terminator crossed with Dirty Harry (complete with lines such as "Your move creep") and you'll get the picture. Only problem is Murphy's memory has completely been erased and when snippets of his former life come back it gets quite emotional. I can remember when this came out on VHS, it was the cut Theatrical Version but still incredibly violent. Now I have the Director's Cut on blu-ray and it looks fantastic. Science fiction, crime thriller, splatter and even part comedy Robocop for me is one of the best action movies of that wonderful cinematic decade that was the 1980s!
S.I.C.K. Serial Insane Clown Killer (2003)
Grim Weekend S.U.C.K's
"5 people, 1 weekend, 12 miles from nowhere. Let the killing begin!" I bought a used copy of Grim Weekend on DVD, a film that I had not heard of before, from CEX back in 2013 (I still have the receipt). I can remember thinking it was a pile of crap back then but 11 years later I thought I'd give it a second chance (and therefore post my review) but it's still a turd of a movie. I love slasher flicks, the good, the bad and the ugly but this one has virtually nothing to recommend it. On DVD it runs 96 minutes but the first attack by the hulking killer clown (how original, not!) takes a slow 46 minutes to materialise. There are only two kills, a woman gets decapitated (very fake looking) and a man gets an axe in his back. There is also a scene of some guy in a shed who is very badly mutilated but still alive. For a slasher movie this falls too short in the kill department. There are a couple of very brief tame sex scenes plus some very strong language (which probably accounts for the BBFC 18 rating) but I have seen far more violent 15 rated movies. The awful musical score is way too dramatic and overbearing plus the picture quality is poor. Lastly the acting, I have seen worse though it is far from good. This is one of those cases of cool DVD artwork but dire movie inside, you have been warned!
Sword of Sherwood Forest (1960)
Mountains in Nottinghamshire?
I am a huge fan of Hammer Horror but I do also enjoy watching their non horror output too. This adventure yarn about Robin Hood was directed by the great Terence Fisher but sadly this movie - made during the studio's finest period - just feels lacking. Richard Greene played Robin Hood on TV prior to this but I just found him quite plain and dreary as the famous outlaw, no charisma at all. What does makes this worth watching is the ever reliable Peter Cushing as the evil Sheriff of Nottingham, at times he sounds more like Baron Frankenstein, for example he says "Graves are known to be empty, dig it up!" Sporting a goatee beard he does look quite different than usual. One other thing that I liked was that he comes to blows with a sadly uncredited and badly dubbed (why!?) Oliver Reed. As one would expect from Hammer the costumes, scenery etc all look very nice. However despite being set in the English county of Nottinghamshire the large rugged hills make it obvious that it was not filmed there (shot in Ireland). Maid Marian is wearing lipstick and looks more 1960 than Medieval, there are lots of sexist comments and the fight scenes aren't very good. At 80 minutes the time passes quickly enough but it's far from being a Hammer classic.
The Beach Girls and the Monster (1965)
A horror and beach party movie staring Kingsley the Lion!
"Teens" are being brutally killed on a Californian beach, could it be a sea monster, or does workaholic Dr Lindsay (Jon Hall, one of the few proper actors in the cast) have something to do with it? He has a very low opinion of the surfers (even though his own son is one), he tells the sheriff that the boys just loaf about and that the girls are little tramps! He even suggests that they are capable of murder but all the kids (who look 30 or so) just want to surf, do their funny dancing (trust me it's hilarious) and make out on the beach. Opening scene has a girl killed on the beach by an actor wearing a laughable sea monster costume, it claws her face and to the movie's credit this and the other killings are quite gruesome (for the time). Some of the running time consists of surfers in action, apparently in colour though the print that I watched was all in black and white. The film also features a great deal of music, singing and the already mentioned hilarious dancing. A puppet lion called Kingsley is credited as playing himself and he sings a song with the line "You got a monster in the surf" amongst the lyrics. I don't think that this was meant to be taken seriously as a horror film. Indeed I think that it's one of those so bad that it's fun films but it is necessary to be in the right mood for it, I don't think that I was but I'd give it another watch one day. Frank Sinatra jr is credited for providing the music but apparently his involvement was minimal. Memorable for the silly creature make-up and the funny kids dancing but ultimately it's really quite bad.
Repulsion (1965)
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock..
Young Belgian sisters Carol and Helen share a London flat but when Helen goes away on holiday with her boyfriend poor Carol (played by the gorgeous Catherine Deneuve) slowly descends into madness, with fatal consequences. At first Carol is kept awake at night by the sound of her clock tick tocking and by Helen having loud sex, as somebody who has suffered with insomnia I could relate to the horrible negative effects that lack of sleep can cause. Once alone taps drip loudly, flies buzz around a decaying rabbit carcass, these and other sounds become more and more magnified. We are treated to a couple of jump scares when she imagines a rapist inside the apartment, also hands emerge from the walls, grabbing her, and deep cracks suddenly appear. The camera work is superb and it looks great in black and white (I would hate to see a colourised version), the jazzy musical score is excellent too. I loved seeing London back in the mid 1960's, the fashions, old (mainly British) vehicles, etc. The relatively small cast of actors do a decent job and the characters are all engaging. I first watched this as a child back in the 1980's on late night TV and yes it did make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up! Having just re-watched it for a second time decades later it sadly no longer had that effect and though it was pretty shocking for 1965 it seems far tamer by modern standards. Two men are killed, both quite nasty, but with a running time of 104 minutes the pace of the movie - the first half in particular - is fairly slow. Director Roman Polanski showcased a lot of talent here and Repulsion is a great psychological horror but in my opinion it's not his best film.