A List of The Worst Movies From Someone Who Loves Bad Movies
Any movies I've rated a 3 or below.
Short films may also be included if especially notable.
Boredom is the number one dealbreaker for me. By-the-book slashers lacking in gore, low-brow "adult" comedies and extreme films that didn't live up to their reputation are likely to make regular appearances here.
There's a few entries here I don't remember very well so there's a chance that some entries may be inaccurate.
Short films may also be included if especially notable.
Boredom is the number one dealbreaker for me. By-the-book slashers lacking in gore, low-brow "adult" comedies and extreme films that didn't live up to their reputation are likely to make regular appearances here.
There's a few entries here I don't remember very well so there's a chance that some entries may be inaccurate.
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- DirectorRyan TrecartinStarsSamuel Adrian IIIJasmine AlbuquerqueMecca Vazie AndrewsFast-paced and dense with drama, I-Be AREA relates the intertwined stories of an exuberant ensemble, played by Trecartin and dozens of others, as they cope with themes such as cloning, adoption, self-mediation, lifestyle options, and virtual identities.I wrote a lengthy review of this excessively irritating nonsense so read that if you want my full thoughts. Suffice to say this is likely the most painful viewing experience I've ever had.
- DirectorSimon WestStarsCamilla BelleTommy FlanaganKatie CassidyDuring a babysitting gig, a high-school student is harassed by an increasingly threatening prank caller.Idiotic and painfully boring horror movie for babies. Characters I’m supposed to care about are never developed beyond “Attractive High-School Girl #1” and so on, and from what little information I am given they don’t come off as anything more than petty high-schoolers that I would want nothing to do with in real-life so either way I couldn’t care less if any of them die (off-screen of coarse). This together with a terrible performance from the lead actress and a complete and total lack of suspense, tension or really anything beyond weak jump scares makes for a complete waste of time that I only suffered through so I could compare it to its Mockbuster counterpart When A Killer Calls, which I heard was pretty gnarly (EDIT: It was only mildly gnarly). Even the household cat isn’t scared, as he manages to stay strangely calm when the shit hits the fan.
The lead girl is nice to look at, but an attractive face can only carry a movie so far. - DirectorJoe CastroStarsEmma BingBart BursonJonathan KowalskyA girl gets a DVD entitled Terror Toons for her birthday. Meanwhile, "cartoon" characters Hansel and Gretel wander into the house of a witch who poisons them, but instead of dying, they transform into an ugly gigantic-headed psycho and a giant rat, respectively. After the girl plays the DVD, Hansel and Gretel are sucked into the real world through her TV and wreak havoc.
- DirectorWorth KeeterStarsEarl OwensbyBill GribbleRobert BloodworthA pack of Rottweilers, bred and trained by the U.S. military to kill humans, escape to ravage the peaceful mountain resort town of Lake Lure. It is up to the local sheriff to protect his small community.Dreadfully boring killer dog movie that only picks up slightly towards the end. Feels like it was made for TV.
- DirectorTammi SuttonStarsAustin PriesterWayland Geremy BoydBobby MarsdenEn route to a run-down shelter they are set to renovate as community service, a group of juvenile delinquents and the two chaperones accompanying them run into a minor set-back when their bus breaks down. When trying to find a phone, one of the teens is shot, and the group finds shelter with a voodoo priestess. While trying to use voodoo to save their friend, two of the teens accidentally unleash the evil spirit known as Killjoy.The first film at least had a nice helping of laugh-out-loud moments. This one is just painful. The energetic Angel Vargas is replaced by Trent Haaga, who shines in 3 & 4 (haven't seen 5), but here he had yet to come into his own as Killjoy. His acting is terrible, his one-liners are even worse, and his laugh is so obnoxious its traumatizing. The other characters aren't even worth mentioning.
- DirectorDonald FarmerStarsCamille KeatonNikki RigginsJames CochranFive years after she avenged her own rape, young law student Jennifer decides to take a brief vacation with a girlfriend. Unfortunately, they become the next targets of two depraved men.The fully-clothed rape scenes are a sight to behold, but this infamous crapfest runs out of Z-movie charm very fast and eventually becomes a gigantic slog.
- DirectorAdam SoteloStarsAriana AdiliPeter BeckMadeline CaleskieA boy is born into a religious cult, only to be kept in a cage and abused his whole life. He grows up to be a monster who targets "non-believers".Poorly made and unconvincing sick movie.
- DirectorJustin Cole'THE UPPER FOOTAGE' is the first film experience of its kind. The film is an edited version of 393 minutes of recovered footage documenting a young girl's tragic overdose death and subsequent cover up by a group of affluent socialites. What started as a blackmail plot played out over YouTube, became Hollywood's biggest drug scandal, turned into a heavily controversial film property that was rumored to be held by some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Now, after playing itself out in the media for 3 years it is finally making its way to the public.A group of obnoxious 'rich white male' stereotypes pick up some women in a limo and take them back to a hotel for some drugs. One of the girls ODs and everyone freaks out. This sets up the second half of the movie where we get to see (or rather not see) these youngsters drive around in complete darkness while another extremely obnoxious girl freaks out in the backseat. All that marketing for this?
- DirectorLarry Wade CarrellStarsGrace PowellDylan HorneTravis HesterLonely and disturbed Jacob Kell loved his little sister more than anything on earth. When tragedy strikes, Jacob retaliates the only way he knows how - and anyone who crosses his path will know there is no limit to his brutal vengeance.
- DirectorRyen McPhersonStarsR. Budd DwyerSmuggled video of Iraqi executions, firing squads, amputations, suicide bombings, gangland slayings, knife fights, animal maulings, hostage killings, and terror attacks. Witness first hand the scary truth about the world in which we live.The cretins behind the infamous Bumfights series are back with what can best be described as Traces of Death mixed with America's Funniest Home Videos. If that statement immediately makes your skin crawl, congratulations on being a decent human being.
- DirectorKazuyuki SakamotoStarsAjaKôki KaiNarumi KonnoAll set to enjoy their day off, three high school friends, Yukino, Asako, and Natsu, board a seemingly normal train... when suddenly, a deafening sound and a flash of light envelop them!....But the three arrive at school the next day as if nothing happened. And yet, something is not right....They see oddly familiar faces, their families are out of sync and they are chased by strange men in black. Plagued by these nightmarish sensations, Yukino flees, only to find herself in front of the amusement park they were heading to on that fateful train ride. Slumping to the ground, Yukino comes to a strange realization....They are stuck between nightmare and reality, between the walls of two worlds that are closing in on them. But which world is real...?!"Boring light surrealism with nonsensical zombies. Doesn't even work as a dream.
- DirectorJamie NashDavid Thomas SckrabulisStarsJohnny Francis WolfMegan PearsonMichael BrecherIt's the night before Christmas and Gabe Snow, a tabloid writer haunted by the Ghosts of Christmas past, is investigating a Yule Tide conspiracy. Gabe knows that Flight 1225 was brought down one foggy Christmas Eve, by a flying creature with a "glowing nose". Now, a blood-sucking Vampire - Santa Claus - has put Gabe on his list and unleashed the demonic fury of the North Pole. An army of zombie elves, who have no interest in Toys or pointy hats or dentistry, are about to turn Gabe's white Christmas blood red. Will Gabe find the true meaning of Christmas? Can he stake a heart that's two sizes too small? What will he find under his tree?Two of the most obnoxiously unlikable leads I've seen in a while along with painfully unfunny dialogue and sparse gore make this micro-budget horror-comedy an absolute chore to sit through.
There are a couple of cool gore scenes (including a particularly satisfying scene involving the cutting open of a foot) and the costumes for the monsters look pretty good. Sadly, that about does it for the positives.
Makes One Hell of A Christmas look like a masterpiece. - DirectorPascal LaugierStarsMorjana AlaouiMylène JampanoïCatherine BéginA young woman's quest for revenge against the people who kidnapped and tormented her as a child leads her and a friend, who is also a victim of child abuse, on a terrifying journey into a living hell of depravity.An overhyped piece of crap divided into two segments. Each with a small, thought-provoking reveal at the end which is meant to make sitting through the previous 50 minutes of predictable tedium worthwhile. It doesn't.
- DirectorKevin KölschDennis WidmyerStarsJason ClarkeAmy SeimetzJohn LithgowDr. Louis Creed and his wife, Rachel, relocate from Boston to rural Maine with their two young children. The couple soon discover a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near their new home.I'm not the biggest fan of the original so I wasn't too thrilled to watch the same movie all over again. There were some changes here and there but all of them except the ending were for the worse.
- DirectorJonathan LevineStarsAmy SchumerGoldie HawnKim CarameleWhen her boyfriend dumps her before their exotic vacation, a young woman persuades her ultra-cautious mother to travel with her to paradise, with unexpected results.Just as bad as you've heard.
- DirectorHerschell Gordon LewisStarsElizabeth DavisGretchen WellsChris MartellA demented elderly woman has her mentally-retarded son kill and scalp various young women to use their hair for her wig shop while a persistent coed tries to link various killings on a local Florida college campus to them.Thoroughly boring garbage with minimal gore. The scalping and disemboweling scenes get my full endorsement, but that's all the praise I can give this trash.
For a drinking game, take a shot every time the annoying old bitch addresses "Napoleon" (her stuffed cat, also the best actor in the movie by far) by name. Fair warning, you gon be a dead son of a bitch. - DirectorTodd NunesStarsAshley Mary NunesJessica CameronMelynda KiringA deranged masked Santa-Slayer comes to town for some yuletide-terror. He leaves behind a bloody trail of mutilated bodies as he hunts his way to the front steps of the town's most feared and notorious home.Poor slasher peppered with bad gore, idiotic characters, and shower scenes with no nudity. The film even goes so far as to tease the viewer with a potential lesbian encounter that never happens. I felt cheated.
The only positives would be the Santa costume and the twist ending. - DirectorJim HickcoxStarsRuby Lee Dove IIHal SchneiderMary AnzaloneTwo trespassing graffiti artists, two immortality-obsessed scientists, and one furious sea-god.If you like obnoxious characters, terrible art-school humor and a poorly-acted main monster that doesn't really do much by all means give this insufferable nonsense a shot.
For positives there are some nice gooey special effects, an amusing song about a dead turtle and an exposition scene acted out with sock puppets and toys. Unfortunately the negatives decimated the positives and I ended up hating this shit more than Murder Party. - DirectorBurt BrinckerhoffStarsDavid McCallumSandra McCabeGeorge WynerOn a Southwestern University campus, dogs are gathering in feral packs and hunting their former masters. Could this change have anything to do with the secret government experiments being conducted in the school's physics lab?Another killer dog dullard. Slightly better than Dogs of Hell only because it looks like they actually put some effort into the dog attacks this time around, and there's no pointless mud wrestling scenes.
- DirectorBrad SykesStarsLisa JayKarla ZamudioJeff RyanA group of college students decide to party at the abandoned chemical factory on the outskirts of town, unknowing that one of the former factory workers is still lurking about.I have no idea why I used to like this crap slasher that uses every cliche in the book from the obnoxious, poorly acted teenagers looking for sex to the silly twist about the killer's identity.
A couple of okay gore scenes and Tiffany Shepis playing a visually memorable killer are the only things this stinker has going for it. - DirectorPeter GrendleStarsKaitlyn BarlowLauren Chavez-MyersRachel CoronaA lesbian college couple becomes stranded in the middle of nowhere with a pack of orphaned Nazi zombie breeders hellbent on their demise.
- DirectorRichie KeenStarsIce CubeCharlie DayTracy MorganWhen one school teacher unwittingly causes another teacher's dismissal, he is challenged to an after-school fight.Flies Buzzing Around Your Ears < Alarm Clocks < Speaker Feedback < Nails on a Chalkboard < An Entire Nursery Full of Crying Babies < The Screams of a Thousand Innocent Civilians Burning To Death In A Massive Fire <<<<<<<< Charlie Day Yelling
- DirectorDon DohlerDave GeattyStarsTom GriffithJamie ZemarelKarin KardianA creature from outer space crash lands in a small town and starts killing people.Mildly amusing at times, but The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre said it best:
"It's not gory enough to be a splatter movie, it's not campy enough to be funny and it's not strange enough to be entertaining." - DirectorDavid DeFalcoStarsKevin GageSage StalloneKelly K.C. QuannTwo teenage girls on a mission to find drugs at a rave get more than they bargained for. One is sexually assaulted and they are both tortured in horrific ways. The attackers seek refuge in the parents' of one of the victims' homes.Metascore - 1
lol - DirectorIsaac FlorentineStarsDolph LundgrenCary-Hiroyuki TagawaValerie ChowThe tough and cold mercenary Warchild, is working for the man who took care of his war training and upbringing, the greedy General Ruechang. Ruechang is planning to take over the country by marrying Princess Halo. But Halo discovers that Ruechang killed her father to gain more power than he had working for the King, so she decides to run away. Warchild is the one who has to bring her back to Ruechang, but the one thing no one counted on happens... Warchild and Halo falls in love, and together they take on the forces of Ruechang...