My Bottom 100
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- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsCarmen ElectraVanessa LacheyNicole ParkerOver the course of one evening, an unsuspecting group of twenty-somethings find themselves bombarded by a series of natural disasters and catastrophic events.Until the last 20 minutes where you are faintly interested in wheather they do whatever it is they're trying to do (or not do it) - there is nothing. It is absolutely vacuous. It is devoid of entertainment. I was shocked. I got excited that I might actually give it a 0/100. Way to become a modicum better in the end.
It takes time and effort from you, but gives nothing in return.
Disaster Movie wanted me to believe the skinny love interest with no boobs or bottom stuck in the museum was more attractive than Kim Curvedashian.
The Hulk is not a disaster movie.
Hancock is not a disaster movie.
Alvin and the Chipmunks is not a disaster movie.
Juno is not a disaster movie.
Sex In The City is not a disaster movie.
The meteors are a disaster, but they're not a movie.
My family all went to bed during this movie because they didn't like it. I stayed. It was like a challenge.
Fitting name.
My score: 5/100 - DirectorMelanie Anne PhillipsStarsDan LunhamTerri BerlandRolf TheisonA group of explorers surveying an abandoned goldmine are trapped in a cave in, and find themselves at the mercy of a slimy, mysterious creature.Filmed with a strange camera which could only just detect light and sound.
Outside, it keeps changing from mid-day to evening to night.
Inside the cave, everyone is unlikable and depressingly dull.
You'd think all the people you hate/don't care for getting killed by the poorly done stop-motion land octopus would be good. It is not.
This movie will make you want to rip your hair out.
My score: 7/100 - DirectorBill RebaneStarsPaul CallawayRichard LangeGlenn SchererWhen Kelly Morgan was 11 years old he had a terrifying encounter with Rana, a strange half man/half frog monster living in a lake. The creature killed his father and many other people before Kelly destroyed it. Now as a young man he returns to search for the monster's hidden treasure, and to see if the legendary creature really was killed.Actually called: 'CROAKED: FROG MONSTER FROM HELL'
Who doesn't want to watch a movie called that??
*Not a sequel to Frogs*
My score: 9/100 - DirectorNorman Thaddeus VaneStarsFerdy MayneLuca BercoviciNita TalbotWhen his loyal fans decide to steal his fresh corpse from the mortuary to party with it all night long, a true horror film star returns from the grave as a ghastly blood-sucker, bent on revenge. At least, will he spare his followers?The DVD said it was called: 'The Body Snatchers'
The movie called itself: 'The Horror Star'
Now IMDB informs me its name is: 'Frightmare'
Who would dig up a fresh corpse and have a party and dance with it? people I'm suposed to relate to/like?
Death are frustratingly dire. This one girl gets crushed against the wall by a slow hovering piano. It takes 10 seconds to get to her and instead of moving out the way, she stands still and screams for all her seconds.
My score: 10/100 - DirectorGeorge McCowanStarsRay MillandSam ElliottJoan Van ArkA group of helpless victims celebrate a birthday on an island estate crawling with killer amphibians, birds, insects, and reptiles.There is no way frogs are dangerous or scary.
People get suprised after waking up and seeing lots of frogs so they fall out of windows or into the lake and drown.
My score: 10/100 - DirectorVince D'AmatoStarsBonny GirouxC.S. MunroMaritama CarlsonTwo of horrordom's most feared creatures against one another. When young Jenna becomes affected by a mysterious vampiric disease, she begins to hallucinate, and her father whisks her away on a journey to find the source of the infection.More like: Lesbian Vampires mess around and fight Humans sometimes and Zombies are around a bit.
How could this be that bad you wonder?
My score: 11/100 - DirectorVal GuestStarsForrest TuckerPeter CushingMaureen ConnellA kindly English botanist and a gruff American scientist lead an expedition to the Himalayas in search of the legendary Yeti.A wife-ignoring, English botanist and a dumb American who yells all his lines, lead an expedition of shouting people up stock footage of a Himalayan mountain and onto sets sprinkled with talcum powder to see who can be the most horribly one dimensional.
Along their journey, they encounter monks with idiotic made-up dance rituals, an avalanche that comes out of a bucket, and a few very disappointing seconds of old men in fur coats looming in the shadows.
My score: 12/100 - DirectorIrvin S. Yeaworth Jr.Russell S. Doughten Jr.StarsSteve McQueenAneta CorsautEarl RoweAn alien lifeform consumes everything in its path as it grows and grows.Superimposed glob of jelly slimes a diner.
My score: 13/100 - DirectorMatt RoutledgeStarsMatt RoutledgeChris CarneyKevin McMahonTaunted by his peers for his Americanised cop persona, Conner Philips is unequaled in the art of fighting crime. Turning chopsticks, trouser belts, socks and towels into unusual weapons to combat crime, he is walking advertisement for the Mersey Police. However the kung-fu kicking scouse detective's skills are put to the test when a new gangster moves to the north west and is determined to ruin the lives of every police officer in Liverpool. Unmoved by wealth, and motivated by vengeance, his message is a clear one. By placing a bomb at the top of the Liverpool tower, he hopes to lure the police into the building, seemingly to disarm the bomb. But he has other plans in mind for the innocent police officers...You must see this crap. Also goes by the name "Fist of Justice".
The director is the star and he makes himself out as this cool awesome dude.
My score: 15/100 - DirectorDon ChaffeyStarsTodd ArmstrongNancy KovackGary RaymondThe legendary Greek hero leads a team of intrepid adventurers in a perilous quest for the legendary Golden Fleece.I watched about half an hour each day for three days and then I didn't watch the rest because it was so painfully godawful. Never did see the skeleton battle.
Jason's quest was about stealing something that some people needed, so I wasn't behind him on it.
I actually looked forwards to the painful dialogue scenes when they were fighting monsters because those were absolutely dismal.
Also, Zeus was a pussy.
My score: 16/100 - DirectorJoseph ZitoStarsErich AndersonJudie AronsonPeter BartonAfter being announced dead and taken to a morgue, Jason Voorhees spontaneously revives, escapes from the hospital, and stalks a group of friends renting a house in the countryside near Crystal Lake.My score: 18/100
- DirectorClaudio FragassoStarsMichael Paul StephensonGeorge HardyMargo PreyA vacationing family discovers that the entire town they're visiting is inhabited by goblins, disguised as humans, who plan to eat them.Brilliantly bad. You need to see it at least once in your lifespan.
It contains:
No trolls.
An annoying child with huge nostrels.
A sexy pajama angry dad.
A mother who is uglier and creepier than the goblins.
A sister who dances like it's still the 80s.
Her boyfriend who shakes his head around all the time.
Short, pathetic, dawky, annoying friends.
A baddy who is suposed to be creepy, but is actually the only likable character.
Nonsense.
My score: 19/100 - DirectorMichael A. SimpsonStarsPamela SpringsteenTracy GriffithMichael J. PollardAfter murdering a young girl, Angela Baker assumes her identity and travels to Camp New Horizons, built on the grounds of the camp she terrorized the year before, and starts killing again.Back in my day, this was called 'Nightmare Vacation III'.
My score: 19/100 - DirectorDominic SenaStarsKate BeckinsaleGabriel MachtTom SkerrittU.S. Marshal Carrie Stetko tracks a killer in Antarctica as the sun is about to set for six months.It's the same old sh it you've seen a million times.
At least Troll 2 can be enjoyed in certain situations.
My score: 20/100 - DirectorMarcus NispelStarsKarl UrbanClancy BrownMoon BloodgoodA Viking boy is left behind after his clan battles a Native American tribe. Raised within the tribe, he ultimately becomes their savior in a fight against the Norsemen.Some boring barbarian gets boring revenge on someone/something boring.
His mum killed herself to make blood when she could have just cut herself to get the blood. Dumbass.
You've seen this before. Don't waste your time. Has nothing.
My score: 20/100 - DirectorRoger CormanStarsSusan CabotAnthony EisleyBarboura MorrisThe head of a major cosmetics company experiments on herself with a youth formula made from royal jelly extracted from wasps, but the formula's side effects have deadly consequences.Watched it for the title. She only has a wasp face.
Rather opposite of what the poster implies will happen, really.
My score: 20/100 - DirectorFred F. SearsStarsHugh MarloweJoan TaylorDonald CurtisExtraterrestrials traveling in high-tech flying saucers contact a scientist as part of a plan to enslave the inhabitants of Earth.My score: 20/100
- DirectorJon HessStarsLisa HartmanA MartinezPat HingleAn alien life form lands on earth and begins to feed off electricity, making it grow to enormous size. The authorities must stop it as it slithers cross-country towards a nuclear power plant.My very first "awful movie you must see".
The alien is a reversed fish. It electrocutes people and the baseball team think its just a bat that showed up at a baseball game. Almost as bad as Troll 2.
My score: 21/100 - DirectorJosh AppignanesiStarsOmid DjaliliRichard SchiffArchie PanjabiAn identity crisis comedy centred on Mahmud Nasir, successful business owner, and salt of the earth East End Muslim who discovers that he's adopted - and Jewish.Your parents were Jewish. That doesn't mean you're Jewish.
I don't get why having Jewish parents is such a troublesome thing unless you're some kind of bogot weirdo.
In the cinema, only the Muslims were laughing because Muslims like terrible low-brow humour.
I was determined to watch this all the way through, even if it made my friend unhappy.
My score: 22/100 - DirectorWalter P. MartishiusWilliam LauStarsKelly SheridanLee TockarTabitha St. GermainIn Fairytopia's Magic Meadow, the beautiful sprite, Elina, longs for a sparkling set of wings. When the evil Laverna weakens all flying creatures, Elina must find the Guardian Fairy, Azura. Can a single little fairy thwart Laverna's plans?I was curious.
I'll never forget the way the butterfly shouted: "GET ON MY BACK!".
My score 22/100 - DirectorUwe BollStarsJonathan CherryTyron LeitsoClint HowardA group of college students travels to a mysterious island to attend a rave, which is soon taken over by bloodthirsty zombies.Had to watch Freddy Vs. Jason to wash the memory of this disaster away.
It's like they made it as awful as they could.
My score: 22/100 - DirectorGordon FlemyngStarsPeter CushingBernard CribbinsRay BrooksDr. Who and his companions arrive on Earth in the year 2150 AD, only to discover that the planet has been invaded and its population enslaved by the dreaded Daleks.Daleks want to empty the core of the Earth and use it as a space ship?
Playing with the Earth's magnetic field causes all the Daleks to get sucked into space?
What rubbish. Not fun rubbish - boring rubbish.
A Dalek gets pushed down a slope and when it rolls to a stop, it explodes!
My score: 23/100 - DirectorBrad SykesStarsLisa JayKarla ZamudioJeff RyanA group of college students decide to party at the abandoned chemical factory on the outskirts of town, unknowing that one of the former factory workers is still lurking about.My score: 23/100
- DirectorRob ZombieStarsSheri Moon ZombieMeg FosterBruce DavisonRadio DJ Heidi is sent a box containing a record--a "gift from the Lords". The sounds within the grooves trigger flashbacks of her town's violent past. Is Heidi going mad, or are the Lords back to take revenge on Salem, Massachusetts?An interesting looking, but extremely boring lady named Heidi plays a cool sounding song that we never get to fully hear. Zombies and Yetis lurk about with music telling you how scary they are. Naked grannys dance about from time to time. Three creepy women in Heidi's apartment introduce her to a dwarf in a cooked chicken costume. Heidi annoys the Chicken Dwarf as she's on crack and can't play the "hold my intestines" game properly. The creepy women are horny for a journalist who has figured out something funny is happening, so they murder him with a frying pan. Chicken Dwarf wants to play again, but Heidi is sleeping. Her co worker cares a bit, but not too much. Then the naked grannies all pretend that Heidi gave birth to a starfish/knot of tree roots. This is the witches curse.
My score: 23/100 - DirectorColin BuddsStarsJesse SpencerCapkin Van AlphenSara GleesonA community is terrorized by deadly stone gargoyles, which have been brought to life by a supernatural talisman.Couldn't finish it. That scene with the gargoyle attack was just soo poor.
My score: 24/100 - DirectorStephen HerekStarsKeanu ReevesAlex WinterGeorge CarlinTwo rock-'n-rolling teens, on the verge of failing their class, set out on a quest to make the ultimate school history report after being presented with a time machine.Two seriously annoying fappers steal all the famous people in time and they don't mind.
Why does Joan of Arc like aerobics and why didn't Ghangas Khan just kill them please?
This is what I thought a decade ago. I should see it again.
My score: 24/100 - DirectorSteve 'Spaz' WilliamsStarsKiefer SutherlandJim BelushiEddie IzzardAn adolescent lion is accidentally shipped from the New York Zoo to Africa. Now running free, his zoo pals must put aside their differences to help bring him back.They wanted money from people who liked Madagascar.
They thought it could be accomplished by copying it almost exactly, but without likable charaters, interesting plot, or the funnies.
My score: 25/100 - DirectorVictor CookToby SheltonTad StonesStarsJames Arnold TaylorCree SummerJohn MahoneyMilo and Kida reunite with their friends to investigate strange occurances around the world that seem to have links to the secrets of Atlantis.So bad, I didn't even remember the name correctly.
For a decade, I thought it was called: 'Yuri's Revenge'.
Turns out, that's a Red Alert 2 expansion game.
My score: 25/100 - DirectorTim MathesonStarsBoyd KestnerKathryn MorrisAmanda WellesAn ex-convict teams with government agents to battle an advanced race bent on conquering Earth.You don't see the bees until the last 15 minutes.
All the bees are kept inside a can.
The bees are a cloud of sorrowful CGI.
You don't see the bees.
My score: 25/100 - DirectorRoger CormanStarsRichard GarlandPamela DuncanRussell JohnsonScientists become trapped on a shrinking island with intelligent, murderous giant crabs.It sounded awesome. It was awful.
My score: 25/100 - DirectorHideaki AnnoKazuya TsurumakiStarsMegumi OgataMegumi HayashibaraYûko MiyamuraConcurrent theatrical ending of the TV series Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995).Started off so good!
Quickly descended into a boring, nonsensical acid trip laced with Christian symbolism that was narrated with soppy, introspective garbage.
I now know what it's like in the head of a hardcore Christian.
My score: 25/100 - DirectorSubhash GhaiStarsSalman KhanAnil KapoorZayed KhanTwo estranged brothers must learn to work together to claim their rightful share of an inheritance left solely to their eldest sibling.Never watched a Bollywood film since.
My score: 26/100 - DirectorPhil TippettStarsBilly BrownRichard BurgiKelly CarlsonIn the sequel to Paul Verhoeven's loved/reviled sci-fi film, a group of troopers taking refuge in an abandoned outpost after fighting alien bugs, failing to realize that more danger lays in wait.My score: 26/100
- DirectorGeorge A. RomeroStarsDuane JonesJudith O'DeaKarl HardmanA ragtag group of Pennsylvanians barricade themselves in an old farmhouse to remain safe from a horde of flesh-eating ghouls that are ravaging the Northeast of the United States.My score: 26/100
- DirectorAdam WingardStarsJames Allen McCuneCallie HernandezCorbin ReidAfter discovering a video showing what he believes to be his vanished sister Heather, James and a group of friends head to the forest believed to be inhabited by the Blair Witch.Boring characters who say nothing interesting, have a bad, jump-scare filled time in the woods. All filmed with shakey-cam.
My score: 27/100 - DirectorDavid FloresStarsCorin NemecJames PomichterMarian FilaliA genetically bred Nazi super soldier fights Allied troops.Managed to convince my family to watch this.
I had not seen it before.
Maybe that's why they don't trust my opinions any more.
My score: 27/100 - DirectorChuck GramlingStarsDan GordonHank TorranceLibby KrallThree young couples venture out on an idylic weekend boat trip off the coast of New England. When a meteor crash creates a fierce storm, they are stranded on a remote island inhabited by only the lighthouse keeper and his wife. The meteor has unleashed vicious alien creatures who roam the island in search of prey. The group faces a night of living hell, as they fight for their lives against the evil creatures. Will anyone survive the carnage?WOW.
I mean.. OW.
My score: 28/100 - DirectorBrian KatkinStarsKen ShamrockMatthew LinhardtSamantha AislingCollege mischief spins out of control unleashing a horrifying scarecrow who terrorizes a resort town during Spring Break.My score: 28/100
- DirectorByron HaskinStarsWalter BrookeEric FlemingMickey ShaughnessyAn American-led team of International astronauts leave their space station on the first mission to Mars, but the captain's religious beliefs may get in the way.My score: 28/100
- DirectorRalph BakshiStarsChristopher GuardWilliam SquireMichael ScholesThe Fellowship of the Ring embark on a journey to destroy the One Ring and end Sauron's reign over Middle-earth.How could it go wrong with John Hurt as Aragon?
How about the constant oscillation between cartoon-drawn and sketchy-cel-shading animation styles or how frustratingly nonsensical and boring the action is.
Why is Saruman The White wearing crimson?
Why is the Balrog a lion with butterfly wings?
Why is Treebeard the most stupidest looking abomination ever?
I wanted to see Sauron. I did not. The shadow of some guy with a sword, flimsily fighting two guys with a sword does not count.
This film would make little sense to anybody unfamiliar with the material.
My score: 28/100 - DirectorMichael MannStarsColin FarrellJamie FoxxGong LiBased on the 1980s TV action/drama, this update focuses on vice detectives Crockett and Tubbs as their respective personal and professional lives become dangerously intertwined.Why make SUCH a boring film about something which has been done 1,000 times?
My score: 29/100 - DirectorJohn FawcettStarsSean BeanMaria BelloSophie StuckeyIn mourning over the tragic drowning of their daughter Sarah, James and Adèle are visited by Ebrill, a young girl who claims she died 60 years ago - and bears a startling resemblance to Sarah.My sister and me watched this and we laughed so hard.
My score: 29/100 - DirectorBrad SykesStarsJennifer RitchkoffMichael TaylorTim YoungOut and about on a camping trip in the woods without a care in the world, four campers found themselves in an unknown world. With the death of their guide and at the mercy of a cold blooded killer, the trip of fun in the sun soon took a wrong turn. With friends slowly disappearing, so does the chance of getting out alive.They made it in 3D and then converted it into not 3D. Apparently that's why everything is yellow.
My score: 29/100 - DirectorBrian Trenchard-SmithStarsWarwick DavisBrent JasmerJessica CollinsOur deadly leprechaun is in space to woo a beautiful princess who is impressed with his gold and desires to separate him from it.Does it still count if I only saw the end?
Who cares.
My score: 29/100 - DirectorBob KeenStarsCraig FairbrassToni BarryWilliam MarshGroup of heroin smugglers finds shelter on abandoned oil rig after their ship had exploded. Soon they find that the oil rig was just cover for biological experiment. One of the results is Charlie - shape-shifting monster with ability to absorb the memory of its victims. However, even such creatures have their own bad habits.My score: 29/100
- DirectorSam WanamakerStarsPatrick WayneJane SeymourTaryn PowerSinbad the Sailor sails to deliver a cursed prince to a dangerous island in the face of deadly opposition from the powerful witch Zenobia, her son and their several monsters.A movie that is only good in theory.
Much like string.
My score: 29/100 - DirectorMichael PleckaitisStarsRon PalilloBrandi CoppockKevin McCauleyHaving already faced the Great White Pine in TREES, Ranger Cody is now faced with the task of battling an entire feeding frenzy of geneticly enhanced trees created by the government.A movie so bizarre and fun-bad that I showed it to my family and they converted to the 'Bad Films Can Be Fun' club.
Later I mystery science theratre 3000'd it and uploaded to YouTube.
My score: 30/100 - DirectorNeil KinsellaStarsTed McGinleyLinda PurlStacy KeachA plane, carrying the liver destined for a child's transplant, crashes in a hailstorm.The impact it made on me was frozen.
My score: 30/100 - DirectorTeo KonuralpStarsJoe TabbMelissa PursleyJesse Bob HarperSet in a bleak and desolate world, three friends embark on an ill-conceived plan to outrun their destinies. As they try to cheat time, they find themselves in a race against their past and the inevitable future.Watched it because I thought it had Feedback from Who Wants To Be A Superhero in it.. or at least a giant killer snake.
My score: 30/100 - DirectorNorman ApsteinStarsClint HowardJustin IsfeldAnndi McAfeePoor Gregory. After being released from the Wishing Well Sanatorium, all he wants to do is make the children happy. So Gregory reopens the old ice cream factory, and all the unappreciative brats are reprocessed into the flavor of the day.Classic good bad movie.
My score: 30/100 - DirectorTom SaviniStarsTony ToddPatricia TallmanTom TowlesWhen the unburied dead return to life and seek human victims, seven refugees shelter in a house in the Pennsylvanian countryside.My score: 30/100
- DirectorJoe CampStarsPeter BreckDeborah WalleyPatsy GarrettA stray dog saves two kidnapped children.The film was very ruff.
The acting was very grrrrr.
I found the concept chewy.
My score: 30/100 - DirectorDominik MollStarsLaurent LucasCharlotte GainsbourgCharlotte RamplingAfter developing a flying web-cam Alain has his boss and wife over for dinner. She turns up to be very rude, and the same night Alain finds a live rare Scandinavian lemming clogging up the kitchen sink. The night things start going wrong.A Lemming goes missing and then they find it down the sinkhole.
This is a film about nothing.
My score: 31/100 - DirectorEdouard NammourStarsRory CopusSally PhillipsTim Dutton"Tooth" tells the story of a feisty young Tooth Fairy who lives in a world called Fairytopia that has lost its ability to use magic. Fed up with the way most fairies have forgotten about magic, she decides to give away all of its money and bankrupt her world, two days before Christmas. When she realises how much trouble she is in, she realises the only person who can help is the legendary Mrs. Santa Claus, who disappeared, along with magic over 100 years ago. Teaming up with two human children and a number of fairies who are living incognito among humans, she sets off on the adventure of a lifetime, pursued by the evil, terrifying fairy Plug.This film was an ache.
A HEADACHE.
My score: 31/100 - DirectorBill ForsythStarsRobin WilliamsJohn TurturroKelly HunterOne man must learn the meaning of courage across four lifetimes centuries apart.Nah.. being human is more fun than wandering around on the moors.
My score: 32/100 - DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsKal PennJennifer CoolidgeFred WillardA spoof on previous years' epic movies (The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005) + 20 more), TV series, music videos and celebs. 4 orphans are on an epic adventure.Epic fail.
My score: 32/100 - DirectorPeter MarkleStarsJeffrey NordlingBrennan ElliottKendall CrossFlight 93 is the story of the heroic passengers that took back their plane in an effort to stop a 9-11 terrorist attack.Two films came out about the Muslim hijacking of an airplane which never made it to the White House on 9/11.
United 93 is mature and moving.
Flight 93 is horribly Americanized garbage.
My score: 32/100 - DirectorNick LyonStarsChris BrunoMarina SirtisMichael J. MinorKing Higlack of the Gauths entrusts prince Finn and a fire ball weapon to his champion, slayer Beowulf. They lead twelve men on a mission to help king Hrothgar of the Danes, whose once glorious realm is terrorized by the undefeated monster Grendel. The task is made more difficult as Hrothgar kept gruesome secrets.My score: 32/100
- DirectorShawn LevyStarsBen StillerOwen WilsonAmy AdamsSecurity guard Larry Daley infiltrates the Smithsonian Institution in order to rescue Jedediah and Octavius, who have been shipped to the museum by mistake.Dumb-dumb.
My score: 32/100 - DirectorDarren AronofskyStarsRussell CroweJennifer ConnellyAnthony HopkinsNoah is chosen by God to undertake a momentous mission before an apocalyptic flood cleanses the world.The characters were so serious and sombre and without personality or character, as to be unrelatable and unlikable.
The 'serious and sombre'-ness of the movie clashes with the cartoon rock angels - who are the best part by the way.
The story is epicly dumb and so full of problems, that it sinks.
Those animals were all asleep? For that long? No hibernating, they were knocked out with some kind of smoke of some kind. They would have died - Especially the ones specialized to certain climates and the ones who don't live for forty days.
Apparently humans are the ones at fault because one of them ate a pulsating fruit that they were told not to, and not the god who puts the tempting fruit with an innocent couple and also drowns billions of people and animals.
There was, however, this one incredible shot:
With the Ark in the distance, people are desperately clinging to the peak of this mountain, poking out from the floodwater.
I found myself thinking; "That is awesome. That is biblical".
Also, there was a second of footage from The Fountain.
Darren Aronofsky is no longer one of my favourite directors.
My score: 32/100 - DirectorTony DowStarsRoy 'Chubby' BrownSara StockbridgeMandi SymondsWhile performing at Blackpool Pier, comedian Roy Brown is beamed aboard a spaceship of feminist aliens. He is put on trial for misogyny, found guilty, and condemned to annual pregnancies for 30 years.My score: 32/100
- DirectorKurt WimmerStarsMilla JovovichCameron BrightNick ChinlundA beautiful haemophage infected with a virus that gives her superhuman powers has to protect a boy in a futuristic world, who is thought to be carrying antigens that would destroy all hæmophages.It has some wicked cool stuff going on left right and center, then it all went to the dogs and we were all laughing our heads off at just how bad it got.
Six: "violet"
Violet: "Six"
Six: "Violet"
*Confusing nothingness*
Violet: "what am I doing?"
Lol, who knows.
My score: 33/100 - DirectorSteve OedekerkStarsKevin JamesCourteney CoxDanny GloverWhen the farmer's away, all the animals play, and sing, and dance. Eventually, though, someone has to step in and run things, a responsibility that ends up going to Otis, a carefree cow.Hilariously awful. The male bulls have udders and drink their own udder milk. You know.. to confuse the kids!
It's like men with boobs drinking their own breast milk.
My score: 33/100 - DirectorJeff BurrStarsAndrew RobinsonAmi DolenzSoleil Moon FryeThrill-seeking teenagers resurrect a demon from his grave and a bloody rampage for revenge begins.Watched it for that name.
My score: 33/100 - DirectorMark JonesStarsWarwick DavisJennifer AnistonKen OlandtAn evil, sadistic Leprechaun goes on a killing rampage in search of his beloved pot of gold.My score: 33/100
- DirectorAlfred HitchcockStarsRod TaylorTippi HedrenJessica TandyA wealthy San Francisco socialite pursues a potential boyfriend to a small Northern California town that slowly takes a turn for the bizarre when birds of all kinds suddenly begin to attack people.Small birds aren't scary. Just get yourself a bat/pole/plank/spear/sword.
I didn't like how it had no resolve.
Perhaps I need to watch it again.
My score: 33/100 - DirectorRobert StaddStarsBrad JohnsonErin RossLilas LaneAn advanced race of aliens descends upon Earth with a single goal - the blood of eight million humans to save their own dying planet.My score: 34/100
- DirectorMurray FaheyStarsJoshua LeonardBelinda McCloryLauren HewettA mom of 3 buys a cheap, old house. The backyard cubby-house is cursed with pure evil that took the previous owner's 2 kids.It's not all that interesting in the cubbyhouse really.
That is until it becomes the gatway to Hell all of a suddon.
My score: 34/100 - DirectorJohn OttmanStarsJennifer MorrisonMatthew DavisHart BochnerA film school is the center of a fresh spate of killings based on urban legends.My score: 34/100
- DirectorKen WiederhornStarsJames KarenThom MathewsMichael KenworthyCurious kids unearth the barrels that previously helped revive the dead, which proves the second time's an undead charm.My score: 34/100
- DirectorVincent McEveetyStarsDean JonesDon KnottsJulie SommarsHerbie, the Volkswagen Beetle with a mind of its own, is racing in the Monte Carlo Rally. Unbeknownst to Herbie's driver, thieves have hidden a stolen diamond in Herbie's gas tank, and are now trying to get it back.Manly man and his goofy friend and a pretty girl for the manly man.
Goofy friend wants a girl, but he's such a goof!
My score: 34/100 - DirectorDavid S. GoyerStarsOdette AnnableGary OldmanCam GigandetA young woman fights the spirit that is slowly taking possession of her.Bad modern horror being bad.
Call that a bum??
My score: 35/100 - DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsCamilla BelleSteven StraitMarco KhanIn the prehistoric past, D'Leh is a mammoth hunter who bonds with the beautiful Evolet. When warriors on horseback capture Evolet and the tribesmen, D'Leh must embark on an odyssey to save his true love.Ten thousand boring conventions.
My score: 35/100 - DirectorGeorge A. RomeroStarsMichelle MorganJoshua CloseShawn RobertsA group of young film students run into real-life zombies while filming a horror movie of their own.My score: 35/100
- DirectorScott ZiehlStarsDan AykroydDevon GummersallAmelia HeinleA shy, obsessive comic book fan gets injected with an experimental serum of a lab that is studying how to give humans the abilities of spiders. At first he develops minor abilities such as increased strength, which allows him to fight local criminals and bullies, thus living out his dream of being a superhero, and impressing his attractive next-door neighbor. Things start to get more odd when he is able to shoot webs out of his abdomen. Then he loses control over the force with which he applies his increasingly deadly abilities, as well as his judgment to discern between criminals and jokesters. His dream becomes a nightmare when he starts growing large spider body parts, he's in constant pain, and he develops a nearly insatiable hunger. A detective with a traumatized wife begins investigating when bodies covered in cobwebs and spider venom start piling up.My score: 35/100
- DirectorPeter HyamsStarsPenelope Ann MillerTom SizemoreLinda HuntA homicide detective and an anthropologist try to destroy a South American lizard-like god, who's on a people eating rampage in a Chicago museum.My score: 35/100
- DirectorBrian PeckStarsSean AstinJason HorstJoshua John MillerA harmless backyard camp out becomes an unforgettable night of chills and thrills for three young boys as they share their favorite scary stories.Only watched it because of the name.
I was expecting to see some penis.
My score: 35/100 - DirectorJuan Piquer SimónStarsMichael GarfieldKim TerryPhilip MacHaleKiller slugs on the rampage in a rural community.My score: 35/100
- DirectorGordon DouglasStarsJames WhitmoreEdmund GwennJoan WeldonThe earliest atomic tests in New Mexico cause common ants to mutate into giant man-eating monsters that threaten civilization.Giant ants are funny - not scary.
My score: 35/100 - DirectorJim SonzeroStarsKristen BellRick GonzalezChristina MilianWhen their computer hacker friend accidentally channels a mysterious wireless signal, a group of co-eds rally to stop a terrifying evil from taking over the world.My score: 36/100
- DirectorStefen FangmeierStarsEd SpeleersSienna GuilloryJeremy IronsIn his homeland of Alagaesia, a farm boy happens upon a dragon's egg -- a discovery that leads him on a predestined journey where he realizes he's the one person who can defend his home against an evil king.Written by a dork who I wanted to beat up and take lunch money from when I saw him get interviewed.
Interviewer: "The dragon is like the boy's mum and lover, yes?"
Dork: "My imaginary girlfriend is a dragon".
IDIOT!
My score: 36/100 - DirectorPeter HewittStarsTim AllenCourteney CoxChevy ChaseFormer superhero Jack is called back to work to transform an unlikely group of ragtag kids into superheroes at a private academy.Movie for children and dumb-dumbs that only children and dumb-dumbs will like.
My score: 37/100 - DirectorChristophe GansStarsVincent CasselLéa SeydouxAndré DussollierAn unexpected romance blooms after the the youngest daughter of a merchant who has fallen on hard times offers herself to the mysterious beast to which her father has become indebted.Mostly dull, tame and lifelessly simple with splashes of vibrant nice things such as beautiful dresses and plants.
No explanation or development is given as to how or why Bell loves the lion-man.
I didn't understand the reasoning behind all the vines coming for the good guys at the end, or why the dogs were magically made into cartoon puppies.
My score: 36/100 - DirectorSebastian GutierrezStarsRufus SewellCarla GuginoJim PiddockIn Ireland, two carnies abduct a mermaid and decide to take her to America. In their sea route, the seductive and mysterious creature reveals an uncontrollable darker side.My score: 36/100
- DirectorJean de SegonzacStarsAlix KoromzayBruno CamposWill EstesA human mimicking giant bug survived Mimic (1997) and is killing humans and stalking a woman, who's bug/biology school teacher in NYC.Got excited when I found out this existed.
My first question was: "Why was this not advertised?"
My score: 36/100 - DirectorRobert MandelStarsTimothy HuttonLane SmithMarin HinkleTerrorists release a deadly biological-warfare virus in the United States.What a load of bum-wipe.
My score: 36/100 - DirectorJon FavreauStarsJosh HutchersonJonah BoboDax ShepardTwo young brothers are drawn into an intergalactic adventure when their house is hurled through the depths of space by the magical board game they are playing.Horrible, horrible excuse for Jumanji.
My score: 36/100 - DirectorPhil WeinsteinStarsJodi BensonDavid CarradineLacey ChabertBalto and his daughter Aleu embark on a journey of adventure and self discovery.My score: 37/100
- DirectorMike HodgesStarsMichael CaineIan HendryBritt EklandWhen his brother dies under mysterious circumstances in a car accident, London gangster Jack Carter travels to Newcastle to investigate.Could have been more exciting than dull.
My score: 37/100 - DirectorAlbert HughesAllen HughesStarsDenzel WashingtonMila KunisRay StevensonA drifter fights his way across a ravaged, post-apocalyptic America while protecting a sacred book that holds the secrets to humanity's salvation.Christians may or may not have caused the war that caused the apocalypse. Okay, that I can believe. Religion and war are good friends.
What I can't suspend my disbelief over is a blind man being an action hero; someone who never gets defeated and always defeats everyone all of the time forever.
Apparently preserving The Bible is such an important and epic thing to do.
Also, where is the colour? I don't want to be blind as well.
My score: 37/100 - DirectorMennan YapoStarsSandra BullockJulian McMahonAmber VallettaA depressed woman learns that her husband was killed in a car accident the previous day, then awakens the next morning to find him alive and well at home; then awakens the day after that to find that he's dead.Useless.
My score: 37/100 - DirectorRob MinkoffStarsMichael J. FoxGeena DavisHugh LaurieStuart and Snowbell set out across town to rescue a friend.Horrible sh it. Avoid as you would a rat with fleas with plague.
My score: 37/100 - DirectorJohn SchultzStarsShad MossJonathan LipnickiMorris ChestnutA 13-year-old orphan becomes an NBA superstar after trying on a pair of sneakers with the faded initials "MJ" inside them.My score: 37/100
- DirectorTerence GrossStarsNastassja KinskiBobby EdnerRandy QuaidWhen a killer alien creature, who is misunderstood, begins killing specific members of a small town, a school psychologist learns of its link to a young boy's tragic childhood, and his adoptive father's dark secret.My score: 37/100
- DirectorBernard RoseStarsVirginia MadsenXander BerkeleyTony ToddThe Candyman, a murderous soul with a hook for a hand, is accidentally summoned to reality by a skeptic grad student researching the monster's myth.My score: 37/100
- DirectorPeter JacksonStarsTerry PotterPete O'HerneCraig SmithThe population of a small town disappears and is replaced by aliens that chase human flesh for their intergalactic fast-food chain.Fun to watch when you're drunk with some friends.
Well it wasn't that fun.
Actually it wasn't much fun at all.
The concept may be the only fun part.
Read the summary and the enjoyment you experience doing that is the same amount you'll get from watching it.
My score: 37/100 - DirectorDanny SteinmannStarsMelanie KinnamanJohn ShepherdAnthony BarrileStill haunted by his past, Tommy Jarvis, who, as a child, killed Jason Voorhees, is sent to a secluded halfway house in the countryside, where the killing of a young man triggers a brutal series of murders in the area.My score: 37/100
- DirectorTerry GilliamStarsMichael PalinHarry H. CorbettJohn Le MesurierA young peasant with no interest in adventure or fortune is mistaken for the kingdom's only hope when a horrible monster threatens the countryside.Heard it was funny. Maybe I heard wrong.
Not enough Jabberwocky for a movie called Jabberwocky.
My score 37/100 - DirectorSergio LeoneStarsClint EastwoodEli WallachLee Van CleefA bounty hunting scam joins two men in an uneasy alliance against a third in a race to find a fortune in gold buried in a remote cemetery.Over three hours with three characters who aren't interesting or fun enough to be with for that long.
I couldn't finish it.
My score: 37/100 - DirectorGeoffrey SaxStarsAlex PettyferMickey RourkeSophie OkonedoAfter the death of his uncle, the 14-year-old schoolboy Alex Rider is forced by the Special Operations Division of the UK's secret intelligence service, MI6, into a mission which will save millions of lives.Formulaic, predictable, irredeemable.
You've seen this film hundreds of times - it just has different actors.
My score: 38/100