Cheese Hall of Fame
Only the rarest and ripest, most ridiculous and undeniably enjoyable of films shall make it into the Cheese Hall of Fame!
Ratings mean little, my head says 2 but my heart says 10!
In no particular order. All entrants are uniquely unique.
Will add films as they are tasted.
Ratings mean little, my head says 2 but my heart says 10!
In no particular order. All entrants are uniquely unique.
Will add films as they are tasted.
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- CreatorMike ClattenburgStarsJohn Paul TremblayRobb WellsMike SmithThree petty felons have a documentary made about their life in a trailer park.Everything with Ricky, Bubbles and Julian, EVERYTHING! I say, is in the Cheese Hall of Fame.
- DirectorJames SbardellatiStarsRick HillBarbi BentonRichard BrookerA lone warrior nicknamed Deathstalker is sent by a witch on a quest to find a sword, a chalice, and an amulet, two of which are held by the wicked king and sorcerer, Munkar.Just so casually violent and rapine. Such beautiful women, such stupid men, such a generic and silly plot. Such a why not? hero.
- DirectorM. Night ShyamalanStarsMark WahlbergZooey DeschanelJohn LeguizamoA science teacher, his wife, and a young girl struggle to survive a plague that causes those infected to commit suicide.One day it will be revealed that M. Night was a wicked and satirical man. Mark Wahlberg as a science teacher?, the plants and the wind are the bad guys? Brilliant sir. Better than the ending of the Village and the Aliens who landed on a mostly water planet but who are killed when it rains.
- DirectorWoo-sang ParkY.K. KimStarsY.K. KimVincent HirschJoseph DiamandA martial arts rock band goes up against a band of motorcycle ninjas who have tightened their grip on Florida's narcotics trade.A glorious Rock n Roll/Tae Kwon Do movie featuring those pesky Central Florida ninjas on motorcycles. It shouldn't work but it does.
- DirectorNgai Choi LamStarsSiu-Wong FanMei Sheng FanKa-Kui HoRiki-Oh, a young man who has superhuman strength, is incarcerated in a private prison, where inmates are treated like slaves. He is forced to use his unstoppable form of martial arts to destroy the corrupt officials and their lackeys.Human words cannot describe this film very well. Bloody masterpiece. Maybe the most fun I ever had watching a movie.
- DirectorRichard FleischerStarsJames MasonSusan GeorgePerry KingAn 1840s slaveowner trains one of his slaves to be a bare-knuckle fighter.The most amazingly racist, tawdry, brutal, misogynist, violent, overacted, cringe worthy, and train wreck enjoyable Big Budget movie from a major studio.
- DirectorTommy WiseauStarsTommy WiseauJuliette DanielleGreg SesteroIn San Francisco, an amiable banker's seemingly perfect life is turned upside down when his deceitful fiancée embarks on an affair with his best friend.An anti-masterpiece. Hey.
- DirectorLeslie H. MartinsonStarsAdam WestBurt WardLee MeriwetherThe Dynamic Duo faces four supervillains who plan to hold the world for ransom with the help of a secret invention that instantly dehydrates people.60's Batman was so much fun. Bat Shark Repellent!
- DirectorJohn CarrPhillip MarshakTom McGowanStarsBarbara WylerJamie ScogginStacey Lyons"Night Train to Terror" is a 1985 horror anthology movie where God and Satan are on a train discussing the fate of three individuals.God plays himself. And they won't stop playing that song.
- DirectorAmir ShervanStarsRobert Z'DarMathew KaredasJanis FarleyJoe Marshall and Frank Washington are two tenacious police detectives who seek at all costs to stop the Katana, a renegade Yakuza gang composed of violent and sadistic killers who want to lead the drug trade in Los Angeles.Enjoyable right from the opening music, everything about this movie is unbelievable in an awesomely amazing way. Did the police chief write his own dialogue?
- DirectorEddie NicartStarsWeng WengYehlen CatralCarmi MartinThe diminutive Agent 00 must rescue a kidnapped scientist and stop a mysterious warlord from taking over the world.They don't make movies like this every day. A tiny Filipino James Bond kicks some serious ass, the stunts in this movie are great.
- DirectorPaul NicholasStarsLinda BlairJohn VernonSybil DanningYoung Carol Henderson ends up in prison where she must learn how to survive in an environment plagued by violence, murder, rape, racism, drugs and staff corruption and brutality.Big, Big Hair! Big, Big Breasts! All sleazy male cast. They have cute little Linda Blair lead the prisoner riot. Almost too much cheese, almost.
- DirectorUmberto LenziStarsHugo StiglitzLaura TrotterMaria Rosaria OmaggioAn airplane exposed to radiation lands, and blood drinking zombies emerge armed with knives, guns and teeth! They go on a rampage slicing, dicing, and biting their way across the Italian countryside.The best and most fun "Low budget "notreallyazombie" zombie movie" ever made. They even tacked on a "screw you" ending just to show they care. Bravo.
- DirectorJohn McNaughtonStarsKevin BaconNeve CampbellMatt DillonA police detective uncovers a conspiracy behind a case involving a high-school guidance counselor when accusations of rape are made against him by two female students.One of the better All Star Big Budget Trash films. Unapologetic cheese with a great big wink.
- DirectorNeil LaButeStarsNicolas CageEllen BurstynLeelee SobieskiA sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there's a larger mystery to solve among the island's secretive, neo-pagan community.I love/hate this movie so much. It's really, really terrible but it is so amazing and stupid and wrong that I can't help watching it. When the bear suit appears, I lose my sh*t, every time. Bees, ha ha ha.
- DirectorMatt VancilStarsNathan RiceCarol RoscoeBrian S. LewisLodge, a gaming geek, takes his playing very seriously, unlike his babyish friends who'd rather be immature. He decides to shake things up by introducing two unconventional people to their group.And the award for the greatest nerd movie of all time, and I certainly mean that as the highest of compliments.
- DirectorPaul VerhoevenStarsElizabeth BerkleyKyle MacLachlanGina GershonA mysterious young drifter who calls herself Nomi Malone hitches a ride to Las Vegas, Nevada, and begins working as a strip club dancer, and sets about clawing her way to the top of the Vegas showgirls.Apart from that brutal rape scene, this was one funny movie.
- DirectorRoger VadimStarsJane FondaJohn Phillip LawAnita PallenbergIn the 41st century, an astronaut partakes in sexy misadventures while seeking to stop an evil scientist who threatens to bring evil back into the galaxy.The sixties on acid in France. Make love in space with crazy makeup on mon cheri.
- DirectorRuss MeyerStarsErica GavinGarth PillsburyHarrison PageWhile a naive bush pilot flies tourists to the wilderness of Northwest Canada, his nympho wife gets lonely--or does she? A Mountie, a married couple, and her biker brother drop by while hubby's away.Erica Gavin is ... a force of womanhood that has to be seen to be believed. Love those Eyebrows!
- DirectorRichard ElfmanStarsGene CunninghamMarie-Pascale ElfmanVirginia RoseThe bizarre and musical tale of a girl who travels to another dimension through the gateway found in her family's basement.A uniquely weird and catchy musical made by some obviously talented and creative people on all kinds of drugs.
- DirectorD'Urville MartinStarsRudy Ray MooreD'Urville MartinJerry JonesAfter he is released from jail, a pimp takes on the criminals and corrupt police officers who framed him in the first place.Dolemite is a one bad mutha.
- DirectorLuigi CozziStarsMarjoe GortnerCaroline MunroChristopher PlummerAn outlaw smuggler and her alien companion are recruited by the Emperor of the Galaxy to rescue his son and destroy a secret weapon by the evil Count Zarth Arn.Italian + Futuristic = Gay + Gay, with a bit of gay left over. I just mean that in an "very colorful and kinda camp" sense. Gay is great.
- DirectorSam FirstenbergStarsShô KosugiLucinda DickeyJordan BennettAn evil ninja attempts to avenge his death from beyond the grave, by possessing an innocent woman's body.Someone lost a bet and had to write a screenplay that combined
1. Ninjas 2. Aerobics 3. Possession/Exorcism 4. Set in Phoenix AZ.
and I'll be damned if it didn't turn out too bad at all. - DirectorAndy SidarisStarsRonn MossDona SpeirHope Marie CarltonIn Hawaii, an undercover DEA agent and her civilian friend stumble upon a drug trafficking operation, and have to enlist the help of all their colleagues/friends to go after the vicious drug kingpin.Andy Sidaris was truly a maestro di fromage.
- DirectorAdam RifkinStarsNoel PetersSavannahStephanie BlakeAn invisible scientist escapes from an asylum and teaches high-school physics to nubile teens.The most enjoyable Invisible man movie in many a year. The entire female cast will get naked at one point. About 47 times more fun than Hollow Man. A suitable companion to Maniac (1980) perhaps?
- DirectorJoel SchumacherStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerGeorge ClooneyChris O'DonnellBatman and Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City."Ice to be here."
It was real bad, but at least it was real fun and bad (and oh so gay), and it didn't have Jim Carrey.
I love Batman, but sometimes the whole dark Dark Knight thing gets a little too carried away - DirectorRobert ClouseStarsKurt ThomasTetchie AgbayaniRichard NortonAn American gymnast travels to a foreign country to compete in a deadly game not won by anyone other than a native in more than 900 years.The best movie ever made in the former Yugoslavia that combined gymnastics, ninjas, and the cold war. In a class by itself.
- DirectorIvan ReitmanStarsEugene LevyAndrea MartinRonald UlrichA young couple spend the night in an old farmhouse owned by a reverend, only to find out that it is also lived in by beautiful women who hunger after human flesh.Watch this movie to see Eugene Levy in the world's best Gene Shalit Monster Jewfro. Holy hair.
- DirectorSteven E. de SouzaStarsJean-Claude Van DammeRaul JuliaMing-Na WenIn the midst of a civil war in South East Asia, a general intensifies the climate of violence by kidnapping 63 UN delegates. To free the hostages, a colonel leads a group of fighters, who will have to use all their skills to be successful.Much more enjoyable than the more serious Mortal Kombat movie.
Not "good", but pretty fun with lots of crazy accents and overacting. - DirectorSergio MartinoStarsMichael SopkiwValentine MonnierGeorge EastmanAfter a nuclear war, society breaks down into two groups, the evil Euraks and the rebel Federation. A mercenary named Parsifal is hired by the Federation to infiltrate New York City, which is controlled by the Euraks, to rescue the only fertile woman left on Earth.The "Best" Italian ripoff of Escape from New York/Road Warrior. It has manly men, fertile women, cyborgs and a pretty good pace. I prefer this to the original, sometimes.
- DirectorMeng-Hua HoStarsEvelyne KraftDanny LeeFeng KuA greedy Hong Kong businessman captures a 50-foot-tall ape from the Himalayas and puts it on display, but it escapes and goes on a rampage.A colorful and blatant Hong Kong attempt to rip off King Kong is joyfully nuts and surprisingly racist. Nope, that girl's top is not coming off.
- DirectorJohn MiliusStarsPatrick SwayzeC. Thomas HowellLea ThompsonIt is the dawn of World War III. In the west mountains of America, a group of teenagers band together to defend their town, and their country, from invading Soviet forces.When Harry Dean Stanton yells "Avenge Meeeeeee!", that is 100% American Cheese Sir! Where's my gun Pa? True freedom means living in the woods and killing things.
- DirectorRowdy HerringtonStarsPatrick SwayzeKelly LynchSam ElliottA bouncer hired to clean up the baddest honkytonk in a Missouri town. Armed with a black belt in karate and a degree in philosophy, Patrick Swayze sets out to tame the Double Deuce for its owner.Most popular movie in the Hall. Jeff Healey and his Band are not cheesy at all, they were really good.
- DirectorPaul GrauStarsJosé GrasLaura PremicaAndrea AlbaniA man seeks revenge after a biker gang murders his family.Crazy in a weirdly casual way. A sublime dubbing job adds a whole new level to the movie. Madly sexual and violently amoral best describes the "hero". Penises everywhere and he drives a really cool Vette.
- DirectorGerald Seth SindellStarsSusan KigerLisa LondonPamela Jean BryantCollege exploitation film focusing on the wild escapades of the women of H.O.T.S. Sorority. The antics include but are certainly not limited to a wet t-shirt contest, a sky-diving episode, plenty of fraternity boys and even a house-keeping robot. Can the girls of H.O.T.S. overcome the scrutiny of their unliberated student counterparts and the University Administration as they unknowingly become the focus of bumbling crooks?OMG! It's got a seal! It's got a bear! It's got a mobster in a robot suit like AWESOME-O! Sky Diving Playmates. Danny Bonaduce as himself! A perfect blend of slobs vs snobs and fraternity sex comedy.
- DirectorGiulio ParadisiStarsMel FerrerGlenn FordLance HenriksenThe soul of a young girl with telekinetic powers and her mother become the prize in a battle between good ETs and evil ETs.Italian Science Fiction, I love those words. Crazy movie, it features a blonde Franco Nero alien Jesus. John Huston as the babysitter? Shelly Winters slapping an evil little girl! Basketball! Birds of Prey! and all with an awesomely cheesy synth pop soundtrack.
- DirectorRobert TaiStarsAlexander Rei LoAlice TsengAlan LeeThe Ji Ho Ninja clan vow to destroy the monks of a Shaolin temple. To do so they must first perfect their Water Spider Assault Unit, the Iron Tiger Claw, the Ninja Rock Climbing Formation and the Ninja Heaven Death Wish Blade. Luckily the Shaolin temple finds protection in the form of a good monk, two Hare Krishna's and a monk from Harlem.Crazily entertaining, very fast paced. Goofy treacherous ninjas. Do Hare Krishna know any kung fu? Ha Ha HA, that's some terrific voice acting. Wait til they try to imitate a black American monk from Harlem? Naked female ninja!
- DirectorRuss MeyerStarsErica GavinGarth PillsburyHarrison PageWhile a naive bush pilot flies tourists to the wilderness of Northwest Canada, his nympho wife gets lonely--or does she? A Mountie, a married couple, and her biker brother drop by while hubby's away.Adultery! Incest! Eyebrows! Racism! Communism! Fishing! all in beautiful British Columbia.
Vixen! - DirectorDavid KeithStarsWil WheatonClaude AkinsMalcolm DanareWhen a meteorite lands near his family farm during a storm in Tennessee, the son of a struggling farmer believes it's connected to strange plague-like events afflicting the crops, the farm animals and even the family themselves.So much shirtless Wesley Crusher. OMG pedo heaven! Stupid people who ignore throbbing skin growths? What happens when chickens go evil? Just enough Italian madness makes a bad movie a cheesy masterpiece. Was John Schneider's part reduced, because his role makes no sense?
- DirectorHarold P. WarrenStarsTom NeymanJohn ReynoldsDiane AdelsonA family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo.A silly plot with some very bad casting and acting. The voice acting and dubbing was hysterically wrong and the music totally inappropriate. Manos has an epic stache and a great robe. It plays like a color silent movie where the music and words were thought up after it was filmed. I loved every minute of this movie. Genius.
- DirectorMehmet AslanStarsKartal TibetEva BenderSeher SenizThe Vikings wish to kidnap a beautiful girl to sacrifice her to their demigod, but the heroic Tarkan, aided by his dog, Kurt, is there to save the day.