2022 - November
Thunder Road (2018) 4/4
The Silent Partner (1978) 3.5/4
The Bedroom Window (1987) 3.5/4
Shiva Baby (2020) 3.5/4
The Beta Test (2021) 3/4
Magnum Force (1973) 3/4
The Wolf of Snow Hollow (2020) 3/4
Dirty Harry (1971) 3/4
The Dead Pool (1988) 3/4
Better Watch Out (2016) 2.5/4
Hush (2016) 2.5/4
Think of a Number (1969) 2.5/4
Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000) 2/4
The Enforcer (1976) 2/4
In the Spirit (1990) 2/4
Sudden Impact (1983) 1.5/4
Terminal Choice (1985) 1.5/4
Dead Snow (2009) 1.5/4
Shredder (2001) 1/4
Money Plane (2020) 0.5/4
New York Ninja (2021) Unratable
The Silent Partner (1978) 3.5/4
The Bedroom Window (1987) 3.5/4
Shiva Baby (2020) 3.5/4
The Beta Test (2021) 3/4
Magnum Force (1973) 3/4
The Wolf of Snow Hollow (2020) 3/4
Dirty Harry (1971) 3/4
The Dead Pool (1988) 3/4
Better Watch Out (2016) 2.5/4
Hush (2016) 2.5/4
Think of a Number (1969) 2.5/4
Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000) 2/4
The Enforcer (1976) 2/4
In the Spirit (1990) 2/4
Sudden Impact (1983) 1.5/4
Terminal Choice (1985) 1.5/4
Dead Snow (2009) 1.5/4
Shredder (2001) 1/4
Money Plane (2020) 0.5/4
New York Ninja (2021) Unratable
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- DirectorEmma SeligmanStarsRachel SennottDanny DeferrariFred MelamedAt a Jewish funeral service with her parents, a college student runs into her sugar daddy and ex girlfriend.14-11-2022
Emma Seligman's "Shiva Baby" is a teeth-greeting horror movie masquerading as a comedy. Set at a family gathering, it is a grotesque depiction of every introvert's worst nightmare shot in a style best described as a mixture of John Cassavetes' intensity and Sophia Takal's anxious suspense.
Our lead is Danielle (Rachel Sennott), a confused and insecure twenty-something escorting her way through college toward an unknown future. Her overbearing mother Debbie (Polly Draper), the paragon Jewish mother, forces her to attend the shiva, a wake, for a distant relative she can't even remember.
Even though her mother insists she's proud of her daughter and not at all embarrassed of her, Danielle still has to pretend to be a good Jewish girl at the shiva. She has to smile, be polite, and when asked what she's doing repeat her mother's refrain about finishing college and having a few job interviews lined up. Be vague but sound confident!
Danielle duly plays along but events conspire to expose the truth. Unexpectedly, one of her most frequent clients, Max (Danny Deferrari) shows up with his wife and newborn in tow. He turns out to be a friend of the family and a former protege of her absent-minded father (played with superb precision and likeability by Fred Melamed).
As if that's not enough, Danielle's ex-girlfriend, the up-and-coming lawyer Maya (Molly Gordon), every Jewish mother's dream, is also there and their mothers conspire to keep them apart. "It was only an awkward phase," they both assure themselves about their daughter's "fling" even though it was obviously a lot more than that.
Seligman turns the anxiety of a family gathering with its hordes of aunts and cousins into a series of potent horror set-pieces. Old ladies with dyed red hair lunging to pinch Danielle's cheeks begin resembling an army of the undead and their cries of "Eat! Eat! Eat!" sound more and more like "Brains! Brains! Brains!"
The film's DP, Maria Rusche, does a spectacular job of conveying the sensory overload of a massive gathering in a tiny house through her skillful use of visual planes. Most of her shots focus tightly on a close-up of Danielle's sweating, anxiety-ridden face but the sides of the cinemascope frame are always filled with other attendees chatting, staring, eavesdropping, and constantly eating. There is no privacy to be had at the shiva and even the most intimate and tough conversations are interrupted by cousins suddenly popping up uninvited to ask whether Danielle has finally found herself a boyfriend.
Also superb is the sound design, a cacophony of conversations, laughter, and the sounds of forks scraping on plates. It reminded me of the sound design for Mike Nichols' similarly anxious "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" but turned up to a hundred. Ariel Marx's score, comprised of insistent, repetitious notes and the sounds of snapping strings, just adds to the overall nervousness of the film.
"Shiva Baby" is not for the faint-hearted. It's one of those movies in which the viewing experience is so intense that it makes you have a physical reaction. It made my stomach cramp and my blood pressure rise.
However, the film is a lot more than just an experience. In between all the insanity, Seligman manages to tell an intriguing, heartfelt story about a young woman's feeling of being lost, of wandering through her life aimlessly, merely existing and pretending to be what other people want her to be.
Danielle is played by Rachel Sennott who is the shining star in a film full of marvelous performances. This is the debut of an actress destined to go on to brilliant things.
3.5/4 - DirectorDon SiegelClint EastwoodStarsClint EastwoodAndrew RobinsonHarry GuardinoWhen a man calling himself "the Scorpio Killer" menaces San Francisco, tough-as-nails Police Inspector "Dirty" Harry Callahan is assigned to track down the crazed psychopath.14-11-2022
After 50 years of parodies, references, and homages, one begins to think of Dirty Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) as a one-man killing machine, an unstoppable vigilante on a two-fisted quest for justice. Straight-shooting, straight-faced, all-American cop - the republican's dream. Watching Don Siegel's "Dirty Harry", the film that kickstarted the iconic franchise, you'll see that that mental image is completely and utterly correct.
Unlike the detectives of the previous decades, your Bogarts and McQueens, Harry is a mud-raking, blue-collar, working policeman, prowling the streets of San Francisco and doing every dirty job that comes his way. That's why they call him Dirty Harry after all. He's not a wisecracking cool cat, he's not a natty dresser, and he doesn't care for the ladies. He's cynical, dour, and not afraid of getting his hands dirty.
Starring in this film, Clint Eastwood pretty much redefined the idea of the American policeman by bringing an element of the western gunslinger to the character. The climactic shootout in which he keeps coming for the bad guy in spite of the rain of bullets coming down toward him is straight out of such movies. He's a man of few words and a large revolver in his hand.
Don Siegel directs the film with the same kind of level-headed practicality. Unlike films such as "Bullit" or "Tony Rome", "Dirty Harry" is not an action extravaganza. It has a kind of deadpan seriousness that occasionally borders on docudrama.
However, I think it would be a far better movie had it had a more stylish hand behind it. Someone who would find a more atmospheric tone to Harry's exploits. As it stands, the film feels overly sincere, almost as if it's the only one not in on the joke.
Speaking of which, a sense of humour wouldn't have hurt it especially since the few comedic moments it does have are among the film's finest. See, for instance, the scene in which Harry is mistaken for a voyeur or the few scenes of banter between Harry and his unwilling partner.
The biggest problem with the film is the character of Harry himself. A lot has been written about "Dirty Harry" being a fascist film. I wouldn't perhaps go quite as far as to call it that but it does go a long way towards idealizing a character whose values and actions are fatally wrong.
There is a rather famous scene in which Harry has apprehended the killer only to then be told by a pencil-pushing district attorney (Josef Summers) that the perp will be let go because Harry tortured him. We are clearly meant to sympathise with Harry and think that the law is stupid and wrong - except that it is clearly Harry who is at fault. Had he bothered to get a warrant and, you know, didn't torture the killer, the killer would have gone to prison.
The film is full of such moments in which Harry dispels his vigilante justice like the sole lawmaker in some down-and-dirty Western town. But this is San Francisco and 1971 not Dodge in 1871 and, certainly to a modern pair of eyes, Harry's behaviour is far too close to police brutality for comfort.
Sure, the man he is hunting, is made out to be the worst human being in the world - a seedy, whining child killer (with a peace badge on his belt no less). But imagine for a second that Harry was wrong. Just once in one of the many scenes in which he shoots first and never bothers to ask the questions. If he misjudged the situation just once, tragedy would ensue.
But, of course, he doesn't because Harry Callahan is pretty much a cartoon character in a black-and-white world. There is a lot of potential for "Dirty Harry" to be a fascinating movie had it only taken a more honest, less Hollywood look at its main character. But then it would have been "The French Connection".
With all its flaws, however, "Dirty Harry" is an engrossing and fairly entertaining film. True, after all the "Lethal Weapons" and "Die Hards" and more honest, less cut-and-dried cop films such as "Busting" and "The French Connection", it does feel old-fashioned and slow to get going, but it is an exquisitely made piece of Hollywood schlock from a by-gone era.
I love that it was clearly shot in real locations, down and dirty on the streets of San Francisco. I love the funky, pumping score by Lalo Schifrin which gives the film an urban pulse. I love the creepy, perverted performance from Andrew Robinson as the Scorpio Killer, a ruthless sniper picking off the people of San Francisco.
"Dirty Harry" is not a great movie, especially when looked at now after 50 years of better imitators and progressive politics. It is, however, undoubtedly an iconic one and a perfectly entertaining one if you're willing to turn a blind eye to its radicalism and can stand Clint Eastwood's Terminator-like performance which is not really human but all movie cop.
3/4 - DirectorTed PostStarsClint EastwoodHal HolbrookMitchell RyanInspector "Dirty" Harry Callahan pursues a conspiracy of vigilante cops, who are not above going beyond the law to kill San Francisco's undesirables.15-11-2022
I love the opening credits to "Magnum Force" in all their cheesy macho goofiness. A muscular hand raises Dirty Harry's signature giant revolver against a bright red background as Lalo Schifrin's groovy theme tune plays! It makes you settle down into your seat assured that you'll be getting what you came for. More of the same manly Dirty Harry action in which creeps are dispatched with executioner's precision and without remorse.
But "Magnum Force" is an upgrade to the first Dirty Harry picture mainly because the script by John Milius and Michael Cimino infuses the familiar formula with humour and a smart twist. This time Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood), every republican's favourite cop, goes up against a squad of vigilante police officers - dangerous and creepy villains effectively dressed in motorcycle cop uniforms.
It is a great idea to have the villains essentially share the same antiestablishmentarianist beliefs Harry espoused in the original movie. Sure, the film chickens out somewhat by having the vigilante cops kill off a few innocent people, something Harry never would do, but still, it's a daring concept for a budding franchise's sophomore instalment.
The one trick Cimino and Milius miss is reevaluating Harry's actions from the first film in light of his new enemies' actions. Instead, Harry's own beliefs are significantly softened here and the events of "Dirty Harry" are only mentioned in passing. It is almost tempting to imagine "Magnum Force" as a prequel set before Harry realizes that the vigilante cops kinda have a point.
This softer, less cynical Harry makes for a better hero and Eastwood's performance (such as it is) is a lot better here. He's less of a cartoon action man, displaying a lot more humour and charisma. There are even several scenes examining his private life. Especially interesting is the one in which he visits his old partner's ex-wife (Christine White) who ends up hitting on him. It's an unusually tender and bittersweet moment in what is otherwise a tough, "manly" picture.
Also better are the action sequences, now cleverly arranged in a series of well-executed set pieces. Especially good is a scene in which Harry faces off against the vigilante cops in a police shooting tournament. Even though no one dies, Ted Post's suspenseful direction and an edgy performance from Eastwood make the scene exhilarating.
The supporting cast in "Magnum Force" is top-notch. Harry's new partner is the likeable Felton Perry, his new straight-laced boss is Hal Holbrook whose sinisterly efficient and disapproving Lt. Briggs is easily the best performance in the whole film. Also terrific is David Soul as one of the vigilante cops, chilling and threatening with his cold eyes and Aryan features.
Finally, I would be amiss not to mention the surprisingly visceral violence of "Magnum Force". There are several moments in the film where I physically reacted and winced away from the screen. Especially shocking is the brutal scene in which a pimp murders a hooker by pouring drain cleaner down her throat and a shot in which a criminal escaping in a car is impaled on a piece of building machinery.
"Magnum Force" has a lot of the same flaws as "Dirty Harry". It's still a rather dry experience, lacking the stylishness of other 70s thrillers and the humour of "Lethal Weapon". It's also a needlessly long movie which could stand to lose about 20 minutes of its runtime. However, it is also an exciting and efficient cop movie with some great action scenes, memorable performances, and a terrific twist on the Dirty Harry formula. I like it quite a bit more than the original!
3/4 - DirectorJames FargoStarsClint EastwoodTyne DalyHarry GuardinoInspector "Dirty" Harry Callahan reluctantly teams up with rookie Inspector Kate Moore to foil a terrorist organization made up of disgruntled Vietnam veterans.15-11-2022
What's interesting about doing a Dirty Harry marathon is seeing how the series went from the cynical republican nihilism of "Dirty Harry" to the comedic, softer tone of "The Enforcer". Whereas the first film was a no-holds-barred beatdown of the evil creeps on the mean streets of San Francisco, "The Enforcer" plays out like a buddy cop actioner in which the budding romance between Harry and his female partner takes up just as much time as the rousing action scenes.
The female partner is played by Tyne Daly who continues the Dirty Harry tradition of the supporting players being the best things about the movies (Andrew Robinson in "Dirty Harry" and Hal Holbrook in "Magnum Force"). She brings a real sense of humour and humanity to the character of rookie Inspector Kate Moore and turns in a dynamic, loveable performance that livens up what is otherwise a rather routine picture.
Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood), of course, resents being paired up with a newbie and a woman to boot so he treats her like a dogsbody until she eventually earns his trust. It's an old formula but it still works especially if the actors have chemistry and Eastwood and Daly do.
It's unfortunate, however, that the character of Inspector Moore is so underwritten. She serves as the film's comic relief and for Eastwood and writer Stirling Siliphant to go on a rant against affirmative action. To that end, she is portrayed as eager and talented but still goofy and incompetent. Most of the time she runs after Harry clutching her purse and comedically always arriving well after the action is over. She is clearly not Harry's equal in any way which is a shame since Daly certainly has the potential to play such a character.
The previous two Dirty Harry films didn't have much of a sense of humour but "The Enforcer" does and it's the first in the series willing to laugh at the absurdity of its main character. I enjoyed Eastwood's interplay with Daly but also with Bradford Dillman who plays Harry's pencil-pushing captain. Eastwood's performance is as stiff as ever but it seems more believable within the film's more comedic tone.
Nevertheless, "The Enforcer" makes no bones about its politics. There is a distractingly extended scene in the first third of the film which is nothing more than a diatribe on the evils of affirmative action. In the world of "The Enforcer," all women are silly incompetents trying and failing to keep up with their male counterparts, all feminists are withered old crones cockblocking manly men, and all leftists are dangerous extremists who must be stopped.
The plot of the film revolves around one such group that steals high-grade military explosives and holds the city for ransom. Compared to the captivating villains of the first two films, these terrorists are limp fish. They are not particularly threatening seeing how Harry wipes them out time and time again without much trouble. Furthermore, their politics are never explored except to point out they're different to Harry's and their actions make no sense (why do they kill the two cops in the opening of the film?).
The lack of a good villain is a major failing in "The Enforcer" right next to its lack of a solid plot. Without much of a mystery or anything for Harry to investigate, the film feels like a series of loosely connected set pieces that Harry and Moore stumble in and out of. There are shootouts, explosions and foot chases but no internal logic or pace to all of these events.
The action scenes are very well executed and the climactic shootout set on Alcatraz is one of the best in the series, but without a solid throughline to the script, the film often feels listless and disjointed like a stuntman's highlight reel.
I commend the tonal shifts in "The Enforcer" and the fine work of Daly and Dillman but the film is never gripping or engaging in the way the first two films are. I miss their memorable villains and the brief but fascinating forays into Harry's life that make "Magnum Force" the best entry in the franchise. "The Enforcer", however, just doesn't cut it.
2/4 - DirectorClint EastwoodStarsClint EastwoodSondra LockePat HingleWhen a woman exacts deadly revenge on the aggressors who raped her and her sister ten years earlier, Inspector "Dirty" Harry Callahan is assigned to the case.16-11-2022
Seven years after "The Enforcer", Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood) is back in a rape-and-revenge thriller retrofitted into a shoot-now-ask-questions-later actioner and boy do the seams show!
When the film focuses on our vigilante killer Jennifer Spencer (Sondra Locke), a painter haunted by a gang rape that left her psychologically scarred and turned her sister into a catatonic, the film almost works. I imagine that's all that remains of Earl E. Smith & Charles B. Pierce's original script and they possess a subtlety and ambiguity not usually associated with the Dirty Harry brand.
Years after the fact, Jennifer is hunting down the men responsible leaving behind her a trail of dead bodies with two bullets in them: one in the head and one in the genitals.
Clint Eastwood is an underrated director of psychological thrillers and just like he did with "Play Misty for Me" he gives these scenes a twisty, moody atmosphere. His direction is unusually stylish, sooner resembling a film noir than one of his standard two-fisted thrillers. There is a scene in which Jennifer visits the scene of the rape and has a graphic, deeply disturbing flashback which plays out over a close-up of her eyes. The effect is nightmarish and Hitchcockian.
Sondra Locke has never looked or been better in a movie before or since. She manages to be both haunted and gaunt like a ghost of her former self and hypnotically alluring. As shot by DP Bruce Surtees and costumed by Sue Moore, she eerily resembles Tippi Hedren or even Kim Novak.
In sharp contrast to these moody, psychologically-driven scenes, Dirty Harry is back to his usual antics in the bustling urban landscape of San Francisco. His portions of the film are at complete odds with Locke's which is what ultimately completely unbalances the picture.
His scenes are downright parodic in their outlandishness as every scene features either Harry shooting scumbags or getting chewed out by his superiors for shooting scumbags. If you thought the previous three films were over-the-top in their violence, "Sudden Impact" makes them look like "Driving Miss Daisy".
Harry just can't catch a break in this picture. He goes to get coffee - he ends up in a shootout, he walks home - he ends up in a shootout, he goes on holiday - he ends up in a car chase and, you guessed it, a shootout. To paraphrase Rodney Dangerfield, I'd be scared to go to the toilet!
Herein lies one of the biggest problems with "Sudden Impact". Dirty Harry has no place in a Hitchcockian rape-and-revenge thriller and the attempt to shoehorn him into one turns into complete shambles. Every time we cut between the two plotlines, there is a severe mood whiplash that just takes you out of the film. And seeing how it takes a little under an hour for the two plotlines to converge, there is way too much cutting back and forth for the film to achieve any kind of coherent pacing or unifying tone.
Every aspect of the film reflects this fractured narrative. Lalo Schifrin's score fluctuates wildly between being Herrmann-esque and funky. Eastwood's direction is alternatingly moody and Hitchcockian and boring and flat. Even once Harry and Jennifer finally meet, "Sudden Impact" continues feeling like two disparate movies badly strung together.
However, the biggest problem with the film is that it's plain boring. The Harry scenes lack a coherent plotline to tie them together and feel like unconnected action scenes. The Jennifer scenes, meanwhile, are interesting and engaging but eventually peter out in favour of watching Clint Eastwood blow away some mooks.
Jennifer would have made a fascinating protagonist in a kind of up-market remake of "I Spit on Your Grave", but she's not a good villain for Dirty Harry to face because you really don't want to see him blow her away with his revolver. The leader of the gang rapists, on the other hand, gets far too little screen time to be interesting and is too cowardly and awkward to be any real threat to Dirty Harry. It doesn't help that actor Paul Drake plays him so hammily and sneeringly that he just doesn't fit with the overall style of the movie which is more subdued and realistic.
"Sudden Impact" thus feels like a mish-mash of disparate elements. It's a movie that is at once a shoot-em-up actioner, a Hitchcockian rape-and-revenge suspense thriller, and occasionally a fish-out-of-water comedy during the extended sequence of Harry taking care of his bulldog. What it never manages to be is coherent, entertaining, or particularly engaging.
1.5/4 - DirectorSheldon LarryStarsJoe SpanoDiane VenoraDavid McCallumA patient in an hospital dies under mysterious circumstances. The attending doctor Frank Holt is suspected - he'd been fired already from his last position due to malpractice. For his defense he investigates with help of doctor Anna Lang. Soon they find out that half of their colleagues were betting on the patient's diagnosis - was someone trying to increase his chances? But when Frank's friend, dissector Mary Connor, becomes deadly sick, he suspects there's even more to it.17-11-2022
Of the many cheapo B horror movies made in the 80s, some of which acquired cult movie status on video, "Terminal Choice" definitely ranks on the forgettable side of the spectrum. Its decent premise is severely limited by its poor production values but there is too much talent behind and in front of the cameras for the film's failure to be spectacular. In other words, it's neither laughably bad for a midnight screening nor good enough to overcome its budget. That's probably why it's been ignored for close to 40 years and why you can't get it on DVD or BluRay in this day and age when "Miami Connection" has a pristine 4K release.
The script by Neal Bell is a pretty standard medical thriller which no one would mistake for a Michael Crichton novel but which could at a stretch pass for one of Robin Cook's lesser efforts. It is set in a super high-tech hospital (represented on screen by what appears to be a refitted spaceship set) where patients are mysteriously and gruesomely bleeding out in their beds for no apparent reason.
The sentient HAL-like computer that monitors the patients seems to have been tampered with so a programmer named Anna Lang (Diane Venora) is called in to investigate. The hospital also hires a cooky private eye (Don Francks) to look into staff backgrounds and he quickly becomes suspicious of Dr Frank Holt (Joe Spano), a recovering alcoholic and Anna's former fiance.
Unlike most B-movies, "Terminal Choice" is never boring but with its few cramped sets and stiff dialogue, most of it feels awfully inconsequential. Like a poor TV movie of the week, it sort of ambles along towards its less-than-rousing climax without much urgency or atmosphere.
The characters don't get involved in the plot as much as it sort of just happens to them. Even though the film is framed as a mystery, no one does much investigating. Instead, everyone simply sits around theorising as the murders occur one by one. Bizarrely, even though several patients in this hospital bleed to death mysteriously no one except our main characters seems to notice anything strange going on or tries to alert the authorities.
Director Sheldon Larry doesn't manage to hide the film's cheapness which is especially felt in the scenes set at the hospital. What's supposed to be this modern technological wonder amounts to three extremely small sets with cardboard walls and some of the wonkiest-looking equipment you've ever seen outside of a 1960s episode of "Doctor Who". There is an automated defibrillator which descends from the ceiling and is supposed to look threatening but is instead just plain silly.
The film is at its best when it builds its suspense within more realistic boundaries. There is a terrifically shocking scene in which a woman is poisoned and then violently convulses in her apartment. Another creepy scene is the opening sequence in which the first victim bleeds out in her hospital room.
The funny thing is that once the plot is fully revealed you realize there was no need to have the film take place in a high-tech hospital. The computer and the fancy gadgetry are nothing more than (poor) set dressing in a story which could have easily (and more convincingly) taken place in a regular hospital.
I decided to give "Terminal Choice" a watch mainly because of its unusual cast. The film's lead is capable character actor Joe Spano who rarely gets a chance to really shine. He does a decent if not a memorable job as the grumpy doctor mainly because his part is so underwritten and uninteresting. Diane Venora, another good actor, ends up similarly shortchanged. They are supposed to be playing an estranged couple and yet from the very beginning of the film to the end, their relationship is nothing but cordial and loving.
Besides them, the supporting cast includes Robert Joy, Don Francks, and Ellen Barking the latter of whom is particularly good as the hospital's quirky coroner. David McCallum also turns up in one of those shot-in-a-day celebrity guest appearances that people like Cameron Mitchell used to specialize in.
"Terminal Choice" is a mediocre B movie. It's not exactly bad but it's not exactly good either leaving in the unfortunate limbo of movies which will please no one. It's too competent to laugh at and too cheap and poorly written to truly enjoy.
1.5/4 - DirectorBuddy Van HornStarsClint EastwoodLiam NeesonPatricia ClarksonInspector "Dirty" Harry Callahan must stop a sick secret contest to murder various San Francisco celebrities, with himself being one of the targets.18-11-2022
I love how stupidly efficient the first 10 minutes of "The Dead Pool" are. First, Harry gets into a car chase and a shootout, then he gets chewed out by his ever-increasing number of pencil-pushing superiors. He gets a new partner (along with the obligatory "all my partners die on the job" speech) after which they get assigned to a new case.
The writers know the formula so well that they've boiled it down to a checklist. The film continues with much the same pace, ruthlessly checking off one Dirty Harry cliche after another off the list. Surprisingly, "The Dead Pool" is a wittier and more self-aware movie than any previous Dirty Harry instalments. It's the fifth film in the franchise that is fully aware of the four films that preceded it.
The script is written by Steve Sharon, Durk Pearson, and Sandy Shaw and I like just how fast-paced and efficient this film is. Unlike the previous Dirty Harry films which often tended to wander from one shootout to the next, "The Dead Pool" feels like a fully formed story with set-ups and pay-offs, characters, and a villain with a clear motivation.
The bad guy is once again a serial killer, this time nicknamed The Dead Pool Killer after a game in which you bet on the next celebrity to die. Well, this particular killer is playing dirty and helping the celebs into the afterlife.
A cleverly written subplot sees Harry (Clint Eastwood) himself become a celebrity. After decades of shooting bad guys and keeping the streets of San Francisco clean, he's become something of a media sensation. Journalists are after him for interviews, appreciative citizens want his autograph, and Harry absolutely hates it. His superiors are thrilled, however, and suggest moving Harry to a PR job. His reaction is predictably negative.
"The Dead Pool" was directed by Buddy Van Horn, a long-time stuntman and friend of Clint Eastwood. His direction is by-the-numbers and not terribly imaginative but in the same efficient, fast-moving style as the screenplay. For that reason, "The Dead Pool" is never boring and doesn't get bogged down in subplots or jarring tonal shifts in the way some of its lesser predecessors did.
I can't say it's as fresh as the original or as engaging and suspenseful as "Magnum Force", but I enjoyed "The Dead Pool" as a self-aware action quicky which provides you with just enough excitement and laughs so that you don't leave the cinema disappointed.
Watching all the Dirty Harry films in a row, one can see Eastwood growing into a better, more emotive actor. Even though I still wouldn't call him good, he's a lot more charming and witty in "The Dead Pool" than he ever was before. I like his little romantic subplot with the tenacious reporter (Patricia Clarkson) and the jokey friendship that develops between him and his new partner Al (Evan C. Kim).
"The Dead Pool" proved to be the last Dirty Harry film which is a shame if it's any indication of the path down which they would have gone. I like the more comedic tone, the faster pace, and the lack of that dour seriousness that kinda worked in the 1970s but would have felt outdated and pretentious in the more colourful 1980s. This, fifth instalment in the franchise, is not the best but it is the most lightly entertaining and for that alone it's worth a watch.
3/4 - DirectorSandra SeacatStarsMarlo ThomasElaine MayJeannie BerlinMarianne moves back to a nightmare New York City from Beverly Hills after her husband is fired from his job. She hires ditzy psychic Reva to redecorate her apartment, and they end up being pursued by a crazed killer.19-11-2022
"In the Spirit" is a curious little movie. A Berlin-May family affair written by Jeannie Berlin and starring her mother Elaine May and their family friend Peter Falk. What's more curious, however, is that this film seems to have dropped off the face of the Earth, because even with such a stellar cast and a decent premise, it hasn't been seen on home video since its limited VHS release and it didn't even have an IMDb poster until I added one today.
The film begins as a riches-to-rags comedy after depressed businessman Roger Flan (Peter Falk) is fired and forced to move out of his California mansion with his wife Marianne (Elaine May). In a clever twist on the usual stereotypes, it's Roger who is a needy nervous wreck and Marianne who has to try and keep his spirits up. "Sure, we spent all our money, but at least you can see it!" she says pointing to all the glitz and glamour of the home they once lived in.
This first third is the best mainly because of Peter Falk's hilarious performance of a man whose life is turning into utter ruins. Roger Flan is the film's funniest comedic creation - an anxious, whiny, man-child who spends his days plotting how he'll get another job and then getting anxiety attacks when he has to put those plans into action.
The Flans move to New York and spend a few weeks in the apartment of their psychic interior decorator Reva (Marlo Thomas) while their own apartment is being renovated. Reva is a quirky character herself, obsessed with spirits and crystals, who loves caring for lost causes - much like the Flans. Another of her wards is Crystal (Jeannie Berlin), an ageing prostitute whose uncouth demeanour brings the delicate Roger to hysterics.
This set-up alone could have been made into a deliciously funny picture but instead, it proves only to be a complicated pre-amble for the actual plot of the film which is a loosely plotted runaround murder mystery which begins after Crystal is found dead. Now, her killer seems to be after Reva and Marianne. But why? Roger quickly leaves, eloping into the safer hands of his ex-wife, and the two women are left to fend for themselves and try to find out who is trying to kill them.
The first problem with the last two-thirds of the film is pretty evident. Roger and Crystal, the two of the funniest and most interesting characters in the film are gone. Now, Elaine May and Marlo Thomas are two very funny ladies and when "In the Spirit" works it is pretty much entirely down to their talents. Unfortunately, the script doesn't give them very much to play. With all their quirks and snappy dialogue, Reva and Marianne are just not interesting, fleshed-out characters.
The second problem is that once the murder plot kicks in, the script turns into a complete mess. Despite being a nominal murder mystery, Reva and Marianne do very little investigating so the film barely has a narrative. What it is instead is a series of loosely connected and long-winded dialogue scenes in which May and Thomas seem to be competing over who'll come up with the funniest retort which grows old very soon.
This is a curiously shapeless film, one which changes genres and styles at a drop of a hat. The first 20 minutes or so feel like a Frank Capra-esque riches-to-rags comedy. Then the film becomes an "Into the Night"-type thriller comedy in which these two women are pursued by a killer. The final third then quite unexpectedly becomes a poor man's rip-off of "Home Alone" as the two shack up in a cabin in the woods which they boobytrap. Slapstick ensues.
There is also a distinct air of recuts throughout the film especially when a tacked-on narration comes on to give us the exposition we'd expect to get from the characters. It doesn't help that the voice-over is very poorly done in a flat monotone by none other than one of the film's producers. I'd love to know about the struggles in the cutting room that led to that particular bad decision.
"In the Spirit" has a lot of very funny lines and individual scenes and Falk is superb as the respondent Roger Flan and yet the film never pulls together into a coherent comedy. The script by Jeannie Berlin and Laurie Jones is terminally unfocused and Sandra Seacat's lifeless direction does nothing to pull the disparate plot strands together.
2/4 - DirectorGreg HusonStarsScott WeingerLindsey McKeonJuleah WeikelAt an exclusive, secluded North American ski resort up on Mount Rocky Summit, brutal slashing, severing and beheading on a group of teenagers are taking place and are believed to be the work of a mysterious skier dressed in black.19-11-2022
The opening 10 minutes of "Shredder" give us all the good stuff a basic slasher fan asks for. There's a brutal murder on the ski slopes committed by a mysterious figure in black, a totally gratuitous shower scene with lingering close-ups of the actress' body, and a fake-out jump scare in which her idiot boyfriend decides to recreate "Psycho". How original!
After those spoils of riches does "Shredder" have anything else to offer? No, not really. The rest is one stereotypical slasher scenario after another in a film that proves to be about as basic a slasher movie as you can get.
Our leads are a group of drugged-up and permanently horny teenagers who break into a condemned ski resort for a weekend of sex and skiing - in that order. What they don't know is that a serial killer is stalking the slopes, dressed in black ski gear, looking for revenge in the vaguest sense of the word for the death of a little girl killed some years prior by careless snowboarders (the titular shredders).
You might ask yourself does this killer just hang around the slopes on the off chance a group of bawdy snowboarders turn up like lambs to the slaughter? You might also ask yourself why the killer is killing these particular snowboarders who hadn't even heard of the little girl's death. You might ask yourself, but don't expect an answer.
How do you make your leading characters likeable? It's an age-old question to which "Shredder" offers some bizarre answers. Within the first third of the film we witness our heroes verbally assault a random trucker for no reason, break into a ski resort, and cheat on each other to such a degree it seems to me it would have been simpler to just have an orgy. They are also crass and vulgar, most of their lines are awkward sexual jokes written by someone whose only reference to teenage dialogue is one of the sequels of "Revenge of the Nerds".
OK, so "Shredder" is dumb and populated exclusively by annoying dudebros and offensively written female characters whose sole purpose in life is to hump any man passing by. Ironically, this is not really one of the film's major problems. Slasher fans are by their nature undemanding (if we weren't we'd hardly have any films to watch) and most of the sins of this particular script are part and parcel of the genre.
A far bigger problem is the clumsy and amateurish direction from Greg Huson who botches even the most straightforward scenes in the film. He isn't even able to execute a fake-out jump scare. Early in the film, there's a scene in which one of the girls is scared by a face appearing in the window. That's one of the most basic slasher scenes and yet Huson shows us only her reaction and not the scare itself. Another scene has a fake-out jump scare in which another girl is grabbed from behind by someone who turns out to be her boyfriend. No problem, right? Except, Huson shoots the scene so that we see the boyfriend before he even scares the girl.
The rest of the film proceeds in a similarly slipshod manner. Huson never gives us a sense of space so I was constantly confused as to where the characters were in relation to one another and how large exactly this ski resort is. Quite often, I had the impression the main characters were separated only for them to reunite within seconds.
The dialogue scenes are similarly badly staged with actors constantly talking over each other, and not listening, while the camera more often than not fails to show us the person speaking.
When we finally get to the kills, the film once again disappoints. They are surprisingly quick and tame for an R-rated movie, lacking both gore and imagination. Furthermore, Huson's clumsy direction occasionally makes it hard to distinguish who exactly is being attacked and where. Consequently, the film is never exciting nor suspenseful, only frustrating.
The cinematography by Charles Schner is flat and boring. The locations are superb, picturesque and snow-covered, and yet Schner never manages to capture a single interesting shot. The film has that distinct dullness of an early 2000s TV movie. The interiors are shot even worse as overlit sets completely ruin the illusion of a snowed-in ski resort.
The cast is uniformly awful but considering the idiotic lines they are given to say, there's not much point criticising them. I doubt anyone could have done much better but a little charisma wouldn't have hurt.
"Shredder" is far from the worst slasher movie I've ever seen. It's not boring, nor is it so inept that it becomes funny. It's merely clumsily made and stereotypical to a fault. There was clearly no inspiration or ambition behind this movie, only a desire to cash in on the already dying post-"Scream" slasher craze.
1/4 - DirectorJohn OttmanStarsJennifer MorrisonMatthew DavisHart BochnerA film school is the center of a fresh spate of killings based on urban legends.20-11-2022
Kevin Williamson has a lot to answer for when it comes to writing teenagers in slasher films. In that brief period of post-"Scream" slasher craze, everyone and his mother was eager to imitate his hip, tongue-in-cheek dialogue and self-aware characterization. But, as history tells us, Williamson and Debra Hill are the only two writers ever to pull off convincing teenagers in slasher films and all the subsequent imitators failed.
Their degrees of failure do vary, however, and when graded on the slasher curve, "Urban Legends: Final Cut" is nowhere near as bad as its reputation would have it. Sure, it's a dumb and occasionally pretentious attempt at a post-modernist slasher, but it manages several suspenseful sequences and one stylish kill which is more than enough to satisfy a slasher fan on a rainy night.
What is harder to forgive is that "Final Cut", which is supposedly set at a film school, seems to know nothing about filmmaking. Its leads, snobbish film students, are seen mixing sound on raw footage, shooting without film in the camera, and directing without looking at monitors. In one of the film's more idiotic scenes, a director meets her director of photography well after the shoot has already begun. If we were talking about brain surgery, I'd be more forgiving, but filmmakers should know a thing or two about making movies.
Yes, the film is set at a film school and the first third is full of all kinds of "knowing" movie talk. Godard is mentioned, a professor muses on the influence of mise-en-scene on cinema verite, and all the students vie for a prestigious Hitchcock Award which, as we're told many, many times, pretty much guarantees a job in Hollywood.
However, once the slashing starts, the setting stops being important. Unlike "Scream 3" which actually tried to tie its Hollywood setting into the style and plot of the film, "Final Cut" could have just as easily been set at a high school. Not even the kills have anything to do with movies (nor urban legends for that matter). A neat idea would have been for the killer to recreate famous movie deaths but that would have recovered more ambition than "Final Cut" had.
"Urban Legends: Final Cut" is an in-name-only sequel to "Urban Legend", one of the slicker Williamson rip-offs. The script as written by Paul Harris Boardman and Scott Derrickson emulates its predecessor's mystery plot but fails to make it any more intriguing. The villain is obvious from the very first time they appear on screen and their motives are sussed out by our heroes early in the second act.
But I've ragged on this film enough. The unusual fact is that, graded on the slasher curve, "Final Cut" is a perfectly enjoyable and occasionally quite effective little shocker. Director John Ottman makes the most of a thin script and manages to keep the film moving at a decent pace and with enough atmosphere to hold one's interest.
The cast is uneven (and certainly not as starry as the one in "Urban Legend") but the ones who are good manage to carry the picture. Especially likeable is a young Jennifer Morrison as the film's sole unpretentious character. Anthony Anderson is predictably good as the film's comic relief with some witty support from Michael Bacall.
2/4 - DirectorJim CummingsStarsJim CummingsRiki LindhomeRobert ForsterTerror grips a small mountain town as bodies are discovered after each full moon. Losing sleep, raising a teenage daughter, and caring for his ailing father, officer Marshall struggles to remind himself there's no such thing as werewolves.20-11-2022
One of my favourite settings for a thriller is a small town. That place where everyone knows everyone's face, name, and business. Where everyone is everyone's neighbour and where everyone feels safe. A moment comes in every such movie when distrust and paranoia replace friendliness and tranquillity. When people no longer feel safe and start locking their doors during the day. Somehow, when evil comes to a small town it has more of an impact.
Jim Cummings' "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" is one of the best small-town thrillers I've seen in recent years not because it is the scariest or the most exciting but because it so cleverly and believably builds up that atmosphere of familiarity and comfort. Cummings smartly doesn't go for "Fargo"-like grotesque comedy or for that simmering tension of Haddonfield. His small town is very low-key, populated by regular people, some friendly, some not so much, most of them minding their own business.
The local sheriff (Robert Forster) is an old man with heart problems, long since past his prime but nobody really cares. He's a familiar face, a tenet of the community, as constant as the snow that seems to fall incessantly. The only person who does mind is his son and deputy John (Jim Cummings) partly out of concern for his health and partly out of the feeling that he should have succeeded his old man years ago.
The character of John is the best thing in Cummings' script. He is not the film's protagonist as much as he is simply the character we're stuck with. I love that the film is not afraid to have him be a total failure. He's a terrible parent, overbearing and inattentive at the same time. He's supposedly a recovering alcoholic but his coffee consists of stronger stuff than caffeine.
He's equally terrible at his job. He's brash, unwilling to listen to opposing opinions. Quick to explode and mostly totally wrong. And yet we do grow like him. Not because Cummings (writer, director, and star) infuses him with positive qualities but because he does genuinely try or at least wants to try to be better.
A sick sheriff and a poor deputy are what the town finds itself with when it's attacked by a sleight of murders each more brutal than the previous. One woman's genitals are torn off. Another is found missing a head. Suddenly, John finds himself at the centre of attention. Everyone expects him to do something but he has no idea what move is the right one.
In the film's best shot, a dizzying spinning oner, John finds himself talking to two cops, a pathologist, and a trespassing news crew at the same time. The effect is Altmanesque with everyone's voices merging together into a grating cacophony.
Not only does John have no idea what to do, but he is also unwilling to listen to his team. Overworked, underpaid, and outclassed they insist on John letting "the feds" take care of the murders, but John refuses. In a very funny and worrying scene, he gets into a fistfight with a pathologist who just has no idea what to do with the gruesomely torn-apart corpse before him.
OK, we know the killer in "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" is a werewolf. That much is evident from the start. What we don't know is who the werewolf is and Cummings gets a lot of mileage out of the mystery. I love the way the clues are never presented outright. There are no scenes in which John or any of his colleagues say things like "this footprint looks like it might belong to X" or "doesn't this knife looks like it belongs to Y". All the clues are subtly shown in brief close-ups or at the edge of the screen or mentioned in a flurry of other dialogue.
Now, I have to address the horror scenes - the werewolf attacks. Cummings shows himself to be incredibly adept at staging and photographing these sequences. The entire film looks stunning for that matter, courtesy of DP Natalie Kingston who uses the picturesque, snowy location to its full potential, but these scenes are especially effectively shot.
There is one attack scene which is as effective as any I've ever seen in a werewolf movie. One long shot, in particular, in which the werewolf (a very convincing effect) slowly rises over his helpless victim is superbly memorable. I was also impressed by how matter-of-factly some of the werewolf shots are done. There are no sudden orchestral stings, no jump scares. His victims turn around and there he is which makes him all the scarier and the scenes downright Carpenter-esque.
Another reason these scenes work so well is that Cummings always takes time to introduce us to the victim. Every attack scene is preceded by a small but vital character beat that makes us care for the characters about to be mauled. One of them is a friendly skiing instructor, another is a loving mom of a three-year-old girl. Such moments, often overlooked in lesser horror films, are vital for the impact of the scene.
What utterly ruins the impact of these sequences is the editing by Patrick Nelson Barnes and R. Brett Thomas. Instead of letting them run on and the suspense build towards a gory climax, the editors and the director have chosen to constantly intercut the attack scenes with their aftermaths so that instead of getting effective moments of horror we are presented with collages of the attack, the subsequent investigation, and the victim's funeral.
Why do this? Why ruin these beautifully staged and shot scenes? Cummings is clearly not afraid of making a horror movie as other suspenseful scenes are wonderfully handled. What was he trying to accomplish? If there is another edit of the movie in which the scenes were edited in a linear, straightforward fashion, please for god's sake, release it!
Had it not been edited like a pretentious film student's grad film, "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" could have been the horror film of the year, I suspect. But even with this serious flaw, it is impossible to ignore just how smartly written and executed the rest of it is.
The cast is excellent. Not only such actors as Robert Forster and Riki Lindhome who are always a guarantee of quality but also all the supporting players who sell the small-town atmosphere I talked about earlier.
I already mentioned how great the photography is, but I feel I have to repeat just how well the location is utilized. I have seen plenty of horror movies set in the snow that don't come close to "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" in evoking that chilly, wintry feeling.
"The Wolf of Snow Hollow" does have its failings and the poor editing is not the only one. A certain level of inexperience in the horror genre can be felt in the writing as Cummings occasionally goes for stock situations. So we get the obligatory alone-with-the-psycho scene, the obligatory red herring, the obligatory werewolf attack on the protagonist's loved one etc. etc. I wish the story were as original and well-conceived as the characters.
But it is clear that this is a character-driven film and that is what absolutely sets it apart from similar fare. I was sufficiently impressed by this picture to seek out other Jim Cummings films and look forward to his next horror outing.
3/4 - DirectorAndrew LawrenceStarsAdam CopelandKelsey GrammerThomas JaneA professional thief with $40 million in debt and his family's life on the line must commit one final heist - rob a futuristic airborne casino filled with the world's most dangerous criminals.21-11-2022
Money Plane!
0.5/4 - DirectorCurtis HansonStarsSteve GuttenbergElizabeth McGovernIsabelle HuppertA young executive starts an affair with his boss's wife which then escalates into a nightmare after he lies to the police in order to protect her.22-11-2022
How's this for a Hitchcock premise? A man and a woman are having sex in the man's apartment. A scream interrupts them. They ignore it at first, but then another one is heard. "Help. Help." The woman looks out the bedroom window and sees an assault in progress. She yells at the assailant who flees. The couple in the apartment think nothing of it until the next day when the newspapers report a murder of a young woman mere blocks away from where the assault took place. The woman saw the assailant's face. She could identify him, but she can't say anything because she's married and the man whose apartment she was in is not her husband.
The lover is Terry Lambert (Steve Guttenberg), a naive and idealistic young man, the all-American boy who isn't quite grown up enough to understand the games people play. He feels they have to do the right thing so he goes to the police and pretends he was the one who saw the assault.
The married woman is Sylvia Wentworth (Isabelle Huppert), the wife of a powerful businessman who happens to be Terry's boss. She wants nothing to do with the whole situation especially when Terry proves to be a less-than-reliable witness. Then, the proverbial tables turn and the police become suspicious about holes in Terry's story. What if he is the killer? He goes to Sylvia begging for help but she icily turns him down.
"The Bedroom Window" is one in a series of increasingly more tedious and dull Hitchcock rip-offs that were being made in the 80s and early 90s. Being familiar with such flops as "Still of the Night" and "Eyes of Laura Mars", I was understandably wary but was quickly taken in by its old-fashioned charms.
This is one beautifully crafted thriller. A classical suspense piece that ticks away like clockwork. It's a masterclass in set-up and pay-off in which no Chekhov's gun goes unfired and every detail eventually comes into play. The film was directed by Curtis Hanson who would go on to direct "L.A. Confidential", one of the best films of the 90s. His direction here is confident and stylish, literate and imaginative. Much like the master himself, he gently guides our eye towards the most important details in the frame telling the story slowly and meticulously.
Speaking of which, I love the way this film looks. Shot by Gilbert Taylor, it has a kind of nostalgic patina to it without ever drifting into pastiche. There are some very clever shots in "The Bedroom Window", especially in the film's creepy climax in which the killer stalks his next victim through a rundown apartment building. However, a shot that really caught my eye is significantly less show-offy. It is a beautiful dolly shot of Isabelle Huppert at the ballet, getting out of her seat and slowly making her way up the aisle. The way Taylor lights her makes her glow in a kind of misty eroticism like Kim Novak in "Vertigo".
Huppert is truly excellent here, a quintessential femme fatale, the ice-cold seductress, the supposed Hitchcock blonde. It is a shame that the film focuses so much on Guttenberg and the thriller plot that she sort of drifts off into the background. A much more interesting movie would have contrasted the suspense of the serial killer story with the developing affair between Guttenberg, a childlike lover, and Huppert, who sees him like a toy - something to play with on the weekend.
"The Bedroom Window" is a surprisingly chaste movie. Sure, there are a few nude scenes, but Hanson smartly aims for a Hitchcockian air of restrained attraction rather than the more graphic indulgences of contemporary erotic thrillers. In his film, Isabelle Huppert is far sexier dressed in a stunning black nightgown than fully nude, lounging in her lover's bed.
Also terrific in the film is Steve Guttenberg, the naive and sentimental lover. A cutesy Jimmy Stewart. He is the perfect patsy for a plot like this with his natural look of a deer in headlights. There's a great scene in which the two detectives (played by the underrated Carl Lumbly and Frederick Coffin) tell him he's now their prime suspect. The incredulous smile on Guttenberg's face is perfectly pitched.
The rest of the cast includes Wallace Shawn in a scene-stealing role as a showboating lawyer and Elizabeth McGovern as the killer's sole surviving victim and the only person willing to help Terry after he becomes wrongfully accused. Of course, they fall in love, that much is guaranteed by the nature of the genre, but the way they do is very cleverly written and coyly played. Much like the rest of the film's plot, their romance is not particularly believable but it is a joy to see unfold.
One can quibble with some of the twists and turns the script (based on a novel by Anne Holden) takes but no one can deny that this is a tightly wound, handsomely staged, and utterly transfixing thriller that fully deserves to be called Hitchcockian. It kept my attention for the full two hours and at several points, I was quite literally on the edge of my chair, not so much because of the adrenaline but more out of admiration for the craftsmanship.
3.5/4 - DirectorJohn LiuKurtis SpielerStarsDon WilsonMichael BerrymanLinnea QuigleyOriginally shot in 1984 and not finished until 2021, New York Ninja is about a sound technician for a news station (John Liu) who becomes a vigilante ninja in New York City after his pregnant wife is murdered.22-11-2022
Here's a fun and frankly fascinating project taken on by Vinegar Syndrome, a home media label that specializes in releasing obscure schlock movies. The gist of the matter is that they found and bought the rights to the raw material for a movie shot in 1984 by a minor Taiwanese martial arts star John Liu. Due to a lack of funds, the film, titled "New York Ninja" was never finished. Enter Vinegar Syndrome who undertook the unprecedented project of reconstructing the entire film from scratch. This includes an entirely new dub as the film was originally shot silent. And so, here it finally is. 27 years after it was shot and forgotten, "New York Ninja" makes it to home video!
The best thing Vinegar Syndrome did is the fact that they approached this project seriously. None of the "New York Ninja" reconstruction is played for laughs nor is it intentionally camped up. Every aspect of the new production, the editing, the music, and the voice acting is done with a straight face and respect for John Liu's vision such as it is. The result is equal parts fascinating and frustrating. Fascinating because they did such a good job that I very quickly forgot that I was not watching a movie completed in 1984. Frustrating simply because the movie itself is not particularly good.
In fact, "New York Ninja" is rather shoddy. It takes place in some kind of an alternative dimension in which every single inch of New York is infested by criminals, rapists, muggers, and serial killers. Every single woman seen in the film is at some point assaulted, kidnapped, or murdered. The film doesn't really have a plot. It is more of a montage of loosely connected vignettes all of which begin with some poor sucker walking down the street clueless and naive. They are then attacked by a gang of jeering, whistling thugs. After an appropriate amount of struggling, crying, running etc. the New York Ninja, a mysterious superhero, shows up and beats up the punks before he disappears in a literal puff of smoke. Rinse and repeat until the credits run and, I suppose, every criminal in New York is dead.
But then again, no one is watching this film expecting quality. Like most of Vinegar Syndrome's catalogue, "New York Ninja" is meant to be watched by connoisseurs of so-bad-they're-good movies and on that level, this film is pretty much an instant classic. It's not quite as inept as "Miami Connection" nor as entertainingly insane as "The Room" but it is quotable, fast-moving, and occasionally unintentionally hilarious.
The biggest problem with the film is its repetitiveness. Even though it kept me laughing all the way through, the relentless onslaught of violence is quite overwhelming. Another endlessly repetitive element is the constant invocation of Chandler's Law which states that behind every man with a gun stands another man with a gun. Without a fail, every time someone gains an upper hand in this film another thug will approach them from behind with a gun.
What I did appreciate about "New York Ninja" is that it does have some quite unusual and interesting ideas. Of course, none of them are adequately explored or competently executed but how many ninja movies can you name that have a plutonium-charged, face-changing, immortal serial killer as the main villain? Also clever is the idea that the ninja becomes a celebrity, a hero of the people, much like Spiderman. In fact, the entire film has an air of a proto-superhero film with its invincible masked protagonist posing as a meek journalist by day and a colourful array of quirky bad guys.
The reconstruction is, as I mentioned, superb. The editing by Kurtis M. Spieler is seamless lovingly recreating all the opticals and cheap effects of 80s movies. The new music composed by Voyag3r stood out with its catchy melodies and intense incidental cues. The voice acting is appropriately straight and deadpan with several stand-out performances which I'm sure are far better than what we would have gotten had the film been completed in 1984. I was especially impressed by Michel Berryman as the villain and Don "The Dragon" Wilson as the titular hero. Also present are such stars as Linnea Quigley, Cynthia Rothrock, and Ginger Lynn. Even a 1984 Sharon Mitchell makes a brief cameo in an utterly pointless scene of violence.
"New York Ninja" is the first film I've ever reviewed I'll have to declare unratable. While the reconstruction which I hugely admire deserves nothing less than a 4/4, the film itself barely reaches a 1. It's poorly written with no discernable plotline and stilted dialogue and ineptly shot with its jittery zooms, awkward framing, and slow, laughable fight scenes. However, as a so-bad-it's-good movie, "New York Ninja" has you covered for laughs and some corny entertainment. - DirectorDaryl DukeCurtis HansonStarsElliott GouldChristopher PlummerSusannah YorkA timid bank teller anticipates a bank robbery and steals the money himself before the crook arrives. When the sadistic crook realizes he's been fooled, he tracks down the teller and engages him in a cat-and-mouse chase for the cash.23-11-2022
"The Silent Partner" is a cat-and-mouse thriller in which you're never entirely sure who is the cat and who is the mouse. It's one of those glorious 70s thrillers which throw morality out the window, dispose of the traditional protagonist, and focus instead on interesting characters caught up in a clockwork plot. In it, a bank teller can be just as devious and cold-blooded as a psychopath killer and, in the end, you're left wondering if the wrong man ended the picture in tears. One thing is certain, however, in this film, there's no right man to root for.
The lead, if not really the protagonist, is Miles Cullen (Elliott Gould), a respected banker toiling day in/day out in a small shopping centre branch. His co-workers wile away their days engaging in complex love affairs with each other and it seems like everyone is schtupping everyone in this bank except for Miles who keeps his distance, maintaining a friendly but cold demeanour towards his colleagues. Even though he never says it, we get the impression he'd hoped for more out of life than helping old ladies open chequing accounts.
Then, as often happens in good thrillers, an opportunity presents itself. In "The Silent Partner" it takes the form of Reikle (Christopher Plummer), a taciturn bank robber who dresses as a mall Santa to stake the bank out. Miles notices him and susses him out but instead of calling the police, he waits. Then the day comes when Reikle hands him the infamous "I've got a gun" note. Miles obediently gives him the cash but not all of it. Using the robbery as cover, he keeps most of it for himself.
Reikle gets away and everyone assumes he took all the money. Miles, meanwhile, becomes something of a local celebrity even attracting the attention of Julie (Susannah York), a beautiful co-worker he secretly has a crush on. But Reikle is a particularly cruel and psychopathic man. We're introduced to him as he crushes a woman's skull with his bare foot for sexual pleasure. He doesn't seem to really care for the money as much as he is annoyed at being outsmarted by a mere bank teller.
"The Silent Partner" was written by Curtis Hanson, a meticulous craftsman of twisty, smart, unusual thrillers. In this one, he leads us to think Reikle will begin tormenting Miles until we realize that in many ways Miles is Reikle's equal. For Miles, it is all about the money which he clings to like the final straw. As he puts it, he plans to buy his second chance with it and he's not about to let Reikle take that away.
Directed by Daryl Duke, this is an unusually slow-moving, detailed thriller. It takes its time to establish the characters inhabiting Miles' little world. A lot of attention is given to the employees of the bank and their affairs to show just how different from all of them Miles truly is. It does it so well, that at a certain point you care just as much about Miles' budding relationship with Julie as you do about his oneupmanship with Reikle.
Elliott Gould, with his downtrodden attitude and hangdog face, is the perfect casting for Miles. He gives a gentle intelligence to the man, a sharp contrast to Reikle's brutal pragmatism. He is played by Christopher Plummer who is incredibly unsettling as the downright androgynous psychopath. The various disguises he dons throughout the film are not merely a gimmick, they are the reflection of the fact that Reikle has no "real" face. Once you peel away all the masks and lies all that's left is pure evil. Plummer brings a devilish charm to Reikle who like the Devil himself is made out of treacle and brimstone.
"The Silent Partner" is one of the best thrillers of the 70s which is saying a lot. It's a fascinating story, morally ambiguous, full of devious twists and turns, and with a surprising amount of heart to it. The romance between Miles and Julie is surprisingly effective and low-key. It's never cheap or contrived nor used as a gimmick in some kind of suspense scene. It develops slowly and believably throughout the movie coming to a climax which if not exactly surprising is unexpectedly heartfelt.
3.5/4 - DirectorPalle Kjærulff-SchmidtStarsHenning MoritzenBibi AnderssonPeter RonildA bank teller suspects an imminent bank robbery and stashes a fortune for himself. When the bank robber later discovers that he's been had, he threatens the teller and a game of cat and mouse begins.23-11-2022
I have been a big fan of "The Silent Partner", a film I consider to be one of the best thrillers of the 70s, for several years now and yet I had never seen "Think of a Number", a Swedish movie based on the same novel by Anders Bodelsen. It was made nearly a decade before "The Silent Partner" and yet it is the one that feels like a remake often playing out like a pale, simplified retread of the same material.
The plot remains the same: a bank teller, this time named Borck (Henning Moritzen) uses a robbery at his bank as an opportunity to pocket some of the money for himself. Most of the money, in fact, which understandably angers the actual bank robber who begins tormenting him.
"The Silent Partner" used this premise to tell a morally ambiguous tale, one which posited that a meek bank teller can in the right circumstances become just as vicious and just as cunning as a psychopathic bank robber. "Think of a Number" sadly never goes that far. Mainly because it is significantly thinner on character development. Bank teller Borck begins and ends the film as a distant, cold person for whom crime doesn't seem to be a hardship as long as he considers it as a kind of mental exercise. Moritzen is a terrific actor but he lacks the charisma and nebbishness that Elliott Gould brought to the part in the Canadian version.
A much more significant loss in terms of characterization is the bank robber. In "The Silent Partner" he is memorably played as a vicious, terrifying psychopath by Christopher Plummer. Most of the film plays out like a kind of speed chess game between him and Gould, two unlikely opponents meeting their match. In "Think of a Number", the bank robber is so insignificant that I don't even remember his name. He is used as a mere plot device, a featureless mechanic for the story to kick off. He comes across as a regular thug, someone who is neither particularly threatening nor memorable.
Instead, the film mostly focuses on the relationship between Borck and Alice Badram (Bibi Andersson), the bank robber's girlfriend who is sent to find out where the money is hidden but who ends up falling for the bank teller. The romance plot is cliched but could have worked had Andersson and Moritzen had any kind of chemistry but they don't. As a result, the middle part of the film drags and lacks the momentum that a good villain brings to a thriller.
The biggest problem with "Think of a Number", however, is the lacklustre direction from Palle Kjærulff-Schmidt. The film has a flat, stilted look to it, without style or taut pacing. It's downright televisual and makes the story look distinctly mundane. The script (also by Schmidt) follows suit, telling the story in a straightforward, frankly dull manner without humour or any attention towards the side characters.
"Think of a Number" is not an utter failure, the story is still interesting and Moritzen's performance is captivating enough to carry the picture, but it pales significantly in comparison to the wittier, more exciting, and more complex Canadian remake.
2.5/4 - DirectorMike FlanaganStarsJohn Gallagher Jr.Kate SiegelMichael TruccoA deaf and mute writer who retreated into the woods to live a solitary life must fight for her life in silence when a masked killer appears at her window.23-11-2022
Mike Flanagan's "Hush" is an admirably simple film. One woman, one killer, one location, barely any dialogue. It reaches for that Carpenterian simplicity but doesn't quite make it mainly because it seems too eager to appeal.
I'll give an example. The main character, novelist Maddie (Kate Siegel), is deaf. To simulate her experience, the film occasionally dips into her silent world. These scenes, though brief, are when the film is at its most effective. By removing our ability to hear the killer's footsteps, the creaking floorboards, and even our hero's breathing, Flanagan heightens the tension and the feeling of paranoia. He could be anywhere. Hell, he could be right behind Maddie! So, why not do the whole movie like this? It could have been such an original and potentially effective way to make "Hush" stand out from all the other home invasion thrillers. Well, as Flanagan himself explained, he was afraid audiences would be too prejudiced against silent films.
Similarly, instead of going for absolute simplicity and removing all exposition, we are treated to a lengthy and ultimately pointless info-dump dialogue scene at the beginning of the film. For a film which relies so much on visual storytelling, "Hush" does love to deliver its exposition through dialogue. Flanagan never lets us piece together the story from hints and visual clues. He spells it out for us, every intention, every thought, every plot point. He even adds a voice-over for our deaf/mute character so that we, the dumb audience, don't quite understand the complicated plot.
The killer stalking Maddie begins the film as quite a creepy character indeed. Wearing an expressionless white mask and carrying a crossbow he makes a rather unsettling visual. Unfortunately, he is unmasked far, far too early and even though the actor underneath the mask, John Gallagher Jr., does a very good job of playing a psychopath I'm afraid I was never very scared of him. Instead of a faceless, motiveless, rage-filled killer a la Michael Myers what we end up getting is some kind of a white trash tweaker out for a blood-soaked jolly.
These kinds of films, most easily described as horror versions of "Die Hard", rely entirely on tension and problem-solving. Flanagan has the first part of the equation pat. Even with all the above-mentioned flaws, when the action gets going "Hush" becomes a rather tense, suspenseful piece. His direction here is not particularly stylish or inventive but it is eerily effective, especially in the first act when, much like Carpenter in "Halloween", he builds tension out of letting shots run on for just a tad too long and focus just a little too much on the darkened background.
Problem-solving, however, does not seem to be his strong suit. The script written by Flanagan and star Kate Siegel far too often opts for the easiest and dumbest possible solutions to the given situations. Lucky coincidences get Maddie out of pretty much every tight spot she gets into. Such handy items as corkscrews lying around just in her reach or the crossbow which the killer lays down where he knows she can get it for no reason at all. Or such lucky timings as the killer seemingly not having peripheral vision whenever Maddie needs to sneak past him or a knocking coming just in time to distract and prevent a potentially fatal blow. There's little true inventiveness here.
When "Hush" does work it is mainly because of Flanagan's disciplined direction or because of Kate Siegel's terrific performance. Working with little, she manages to make Maddie a truly likeable character and someone who's easy to root for. She is utterly convincing as someone who powers through fear and disability with pure will to survive.
As can be gathered from above I didn't fall in love with "Hush". It's far too audience-pleasing and not nearly creative enough with its solutions, especially in the third act which turns into a kind of horror "Home Alone" with the killer idiotically stumbling into a series of violent mishaps. But it is a presently diverting movie, led by a marvellous star turn from Siegel and showcasing some good direction of suspense scenes. I wouldn't rush out to see it but if you catch it on TV, it's a fun ride.
2.5/4 - DirectorJim CummingsStarsJim CummingsKendal FarrNican RobinsonA police officer faces a personal meltdown following a divorce and the death of his mother.24-11-2022
After seeing and liking "The Wolf of Snow Hollow", I decided to look further into director/writer/star Jim Cummings' filmography. The first film I watched was his 2016 short "Thunder Road" which is easily one of the funniest short films I've ever seen. Shot in one long, roaming take, it shows police officer Jim Arnaud (Jim Cummings) delivering a eulogy for his mother. What begins as a heartfelt, dignified speech quickly devolves into an unholy farce as Jim utterly breaks down on the podium. The short culminates with him doing a long, elaborate, clumsy dance routine to his mom's favourite song, the titular Bruce Springsteen classic.
The short is a masterpiece of cringe comedy, a brief, deeply uncomfortable look into the life of a clearly disturbed and unstable man, a childlike adult with a badge who has no idea what to do or how to behave without his mom there to tell him. The finest moment in the short, however, is not a funny one at all. At one moment, during Jim's embarrassing dance routine, the camera pans over and shows Jim's 8-year-old daughter hiding her face in shame. It's one of those shorts that tell you everything you need to know in a matter of a few minutes.
That's why I was unsure going into the 2018 feature film remake of "Thunder Road" of whether any further explication was necessary. I felt I knew everything there was to know about this character, his situation, and his mental state. What more was there to tell? How wrong I was.
The film begins with an almost completely faithful recreation of the short and proceeds from there. It further paints a portrait of Jim Arnaud, one of those people who just can't get anything right. No matter how much they try, and Jim definitely tries, everything in their life slowly but surely goes completely wrong. The radio he brings to play the song at the funeral won't turn on, he locks himself out of his car, he tries to make a joke with a judge and ends up insulting the man, he drives two hours to make a surprise visit to his sister only to find her getting ready to go to an important meeting... You get the picture.
He is also in the process of a divorce ("nothing happened, she just stopped loving me") and with his mom's passing, he is left completely alone to deal with his life falling apart. The film is almost episodic, showing us one disaster after another chipping away at Jim's already crumbling cocksure exterior. A very funny scene shows him being chewed out in public by his boss after which Jim walks up to his colleagues who heard everything and says "I'm really glad he did that". Yeah, right.
But Jim tries, he really tries. A touching scene has him pick up a drunk teenager and offer to drive her home. She complains her mom will be pissed at her if she sees her in a cop car so Jim drops her off a block away. Most of all, however, Jim tries to be a good father to his daughter Crystal (Kendal Farr), a child he prays is not a chip off the old block. She clearly doesn't think very much of him and all his attempts to impress her are utterly misguided. My favourite scene in the film sees Jim and Crystal playing one of those kids' clapping games. Crystal keeps going too fast and Jim just can't keep up. The next day, they play again and this time Jim nails it. As his daughter leaves the room, finally impressed with something her old man did, he lets out the most anxious sigh I've ever heard in a movie.
"Thunder Road" is a great, great film. It has that one quality that most comedies nowadays sorely lack. Compassion! Sure, it's very funny, at times sidesplittingly hilarious (the scene with Jim and Crystal's teacher played by Macon Blair is unbearably funny), but it never mocks Jim. No matter how much of a loser he becomes, the film is firmly on his side and so are we. I can't think of another film in which I simultaneously cringed at the main character's actions and honestly rooted for him.
I also can't remember many movies that made me cry from laughter and out of sympathy. The last third of the film becomes surprisingly heartfelt, profound, and even uplifting. The last shot of the film, which I won't spoil, has Jim realize that Crystal is a chip off the old block but that's alright. It's a kind of vicarious self-acceptance I've never seen before and it is absolutely beautiful.
Jim Cummings' feature debut is magical. It's cringy, hilarious, fast-paced, beautiful, sad and heartfelt. It is the most perfect way to build on that brilliant short of his expanding not on the situation but the character and our sympathy for him. Unlike most comedies of today, there is no cruelty in this movie and no mockery, it just shows us the realities of the life of a man who just can't get anything right.
4/4 - DirectorChris PeckoverStarsOlivia DeJongeLevi MillerEd OxenbouldOn a quiet suburban street, a babysitter must defend a twelve-year-old boy from intruders, only to discover it's far from a normal home invasion.24-11-2022
I like Christmas horror movies. It's just a shame there aren't very many good ones. The Christmas cheer is a wonderful contrast to bloodcurdling screams and blood shows up wonderfully on snow. Don't you think so? Ho! Ho! Ho!
"Better Watch Out" has a clever idea and does a great job of setting up the Christmas atmosphere but doesn't quite follow up on the scares. But hey, at least it's entertaining!
The premise involves a pair of 13-year-old nerds (Levi Miller and Ed Oxenbould) left home alone at Christmas with their hot babysitter (Olivia DeJonge) whom one of the boys has a fatal crush on. In a cringeworthy, precocious move, he brings out some candles, champagne and pizza, planning to come onto her when a mysterious intruder spoils his plans. Now, the trio of teenagers have to work together in order to survive.
That's the opening premise of the film and to say anything more would mean spoiling the fun. The film hinges on a major and very clever act one twist which rejuvenates what threatened to become a formulaic home invasion movie. However, what the movie really needed was a great act two twist because once everything is revealed the film proceeds in a rather straightforward and predictable manner.
This problem is very hard to describe without spoiling the film and I don't want to do that but suffice it to say that once "Better Watch Out" shows its cards 30 minutes in there are no surprises left up its sleeve. Shame because with such a farcical tone and promise of graphic violence it could have done so much more.
Speaking of which, I suspect the main idea behind this film was to do a slasher twist on "Home Alone". It's a great idea but sadly the film doesn't quite follow through on it. This is a rather tame movie for an R-rated horror. If it truly wanted to provide a horror take on the Christmas classic it needed to stay away from cartoon violence and go for graphic gore. And yet, despite a decent amount of casualties, most injuries in "Better Watch Out" cause little to no damage. Our lead girl tanks a definitely fatal brick to the head and several knife wounds but seems quite alright until, of course, the movie needs her to become faint.
These seem to be my two favourite complaints about slasher movies: too few surprises and too much stretching of believability. But one thing that can't be levied against "Better Watch Out" is that it's boring. While it's not quite the rollercoaster ride I was hoping for the film is diverting and surprisingly funny. A lot of the fun comes from watching its two child stars, Levi Miller and Ed Oxenbould, having a ball playing roles usually reserved for older teenagers. Oxenbould is especially good and here has more of an opportunity to show his range than he had in Shyamalan's "The Visit". His co-star from that film, Olivia DeJonge, plays the babysitter here and is, just like she was in "The Visit", a likeable and smart presence.
Finally, I have to commend the soundtrack which is a deliciously witty mixture of Christmas classics and a full-blooded orchestral score by Brian Cachia.
"Better Watch Out" is unfortunately not the instant Christmas classic I was hoping for but it is also far from a dud. With its talented cast, some good gags, and a devious twist in the tale it is a fun enough ride to keep you entertained.
2.5/4 - DirectorJim CummingsPJ McCabeStarsJim CummingsVirginia NewcombPJ McCabeA married Hollywood agent receives a mysterious letter for an anonymous sexual encounter and becomes ensnared in a sinister world of lying, murder and infidelity.25-11-2022
The most fascinating aspect of "The Beta Test" is the glimpse it offers into the atmosphere of post-MeToo Hollywood. As one of the characters puts it, a world in which no one knows what's going but everybody still wants to be Harvey. The film's lead works at a talent agency which has the distinct atmosphere of the last hours on the Titanic. Everyone knows that their days on top are numbered and everyone knows that the ship is sinking, but they still spout their old catchphrases ("too strong to fail!"), give their clients the same old spiel, and desperately cling onto the rug that's being pulled from right under their feet.
Jordan (Jim Cummings) is just another one in the pack. A snake oil salesman in a nice suit who's just a little too late to the party. Like everyone else, he wants to shout at his subordinates, fuck people (in every sense of the word) and get away with it but nobody's impressed anymore. He dresses nice and leases a Tesla but tells everyone (including his fiancee) that he owns it. He whitens only his front teeth and in one of the film's best shots smiles too wide exposing his rotting, yellow back teeth.
In his business, image is everything and he is so desperate to seem like a big-time Hollywood player that he comes across like an anxious teenager. Always smiling, fake laughing at everything that even remotely seems like a joke, friendly to the point of obvious artifice because on the inside, Jordan is a nervous, anxious, terrified mess. As his fiancee puts it "it must be exhausting pretending to be you". And it is.
One day a letter arrives in a fancy purple envelope. It looks like a joke or an ad but the contents are intriguing. "You have been invited to an anonymous no-strings-attached sexual encounter with an admirer," it says along with the time and place where the encounter will take place should he accept.
The offer plays up to the male fantasy of unknown women pining for us, throwing themselves at our feet. It also offers Jordan the opportunity to be the big man, desired and respected, he so longs to be. So he accepts and thus begins his unravelling.
The encounter takes place in a hotel room and both Jordan and the mystery woman wear blindfolds. Anonymous indeed. But Jordan becomes obsessed with knowing. He is not wracked by guilt but by curiosity and paranoia. What if it was all a scam? What if he was being recorded? In today's environment, were such a thing to come out, he'd be ruined.
Jim Cummings is a director/writer full of surprises and whatever I was expecting from his third feature film it was definitely not a modern take on "Eyes Wide Shut". "The Beta Test" definitely has similarities to the Kubrick masterpiece. An emasculated, neurotic man obsessively searching for his one little glimpse into the world of power. In both films, the protagonist becomes tied up in a labyrinth of his own paranoia and confusion except that in "The Beta Test", the internet further complicates the matters. Instead of a memorably imposing mansion, the threat to Jordan's safety (such as it is) comes from the computers and mobile phones that surround him.
The film was co-directed and co-written by PJ McCabe who also plays Jordan's best friend. Despite this, the film bears all the hallmarks of a Jim Cummings movie, a filmmaker who seems to have become an expert on insecure men having nervous breakdowns. For his fourth feature, I hope to see him do something radically different.
"The Beta Test" is an intriguing and highly entertaining movie full of Cummings' typical cringe comedy as Jordan clumsily investigates the mystery of the purple envelopes. I appreciate the fact that he is not a very good detective and takes a long time to figure out even the most basic of clues.
It is also a film that doesn't quite come together as well as it should. It is a tad overstuffed, scatterbrained both with its themes and its tone which varies wildly from scene to scene. Sometimes the film is a comedy following Jordan's ludicrous detective antics, sometimes it's a very personal drama, and sometimes it turns into a full-blown horror film with murders that never connect with the rest of the story.
Cummings has pulled off tightrope walks between genres before with his superb debut "Thunder Road" which balanced beautifully between cringe comedy and compassionate drama. His second feature "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" was a well-judged mix between comedy and horror. "The Beta Test" never entirely finds its tone which is perhaps why it feels like a movie that doesn't go nearly as far nor as deep into its subject matter as it should.
But much like "Eyes Wide Shut", the tonal confusion becomes part of the fun and "The Beta Test" is a fun movie. Cummings is a terrific lead, delivering one of his best performances here as the pathetic but strangely likeable Jordan. Also good is Virginia Newcomb as his patient fiancee who, as we learn throughout the movie, seems to be having a breakdown of her own.
Cummings and McCabe's visual direction is also good and "The Beta Test" has a sleeker, more dynamic look than Cummings' earlier films. The camera swoops around Jordan as he ties himself into knots with his investigations.
Although I had hoped the film would find its feet by the end and wrap up on a more intelligent, original finale (something resembling "The Foucault's Pendulum" perhaps) I found myself enjoying "The Beta Test" and admiring its ambition. It's an unexpected take on Cummings' usual themes and I hope it heralds new developments in his career.
3/4 - DirectorTommy WirkolaStarsJeppe Beck LaursenCharlotte FrognerJenny SkavlanA ski vacation turns horrific for a group of medical students, as they find themselves confronted by an unimaginable menace: Nazi zombies.28-11-2022
How come nazi zombies are so popular? Zombies are, by their very nature, mindless creatures whose sole motivation is to feed on the flesh of their victims. So why do their political inclinations matter? The concept was relatively entertaining when "Shock Waves" did it in 1977 but it's been driven into the ground since then. There's only so much mileage you can get out of the novelty of a zombie in a cool Hugo Boss uniform.
"Dead Snow" is another example of this bizarre subgenre which hits every plot point with slavish precision to the point where it's not only predictable but deja vu-inducing. It has lifted its structure wholesale from its numerous predecessors and does almost nothing to jazz it up a bit and make it at least appear new from a distance. No, "Dead Snow" is a very unambitious horror movie and a bafflingly overrated one at that.
The plot perfectly exemplifies its originality. A group of eight horny medical students go on a skiing trip to a remote cabin in Norway's snowy mountains. Once they get there they discover there's no phone reception and no car access to the cabin. But who cares, they have beer and insatiable sex drives so fun's guaranteed. What can go wrong?
Nazi zombies! That's what. After a laughably dumb scene in which a vaguely menacing local recounts a legend about a lost Nazi unit haunting these 'ere hills, the students find a box of gold under the floorboards of the cabin. Then a band of zombies show up, kill a couple having sex in the outhouse (in what are presumably sub-zero temperatures, by the way) and then start picking off the rest. Of course, our characters, who are as dumb as a box of matches despite being medical students, never put the box of gold together with the Nazi zombies and think of returning it.
There's not much to say about "Dead Snow", a movie which is as derivative as it is plain boring. Its more rabid fans will defend it by saying it's meant to be a comedy, except it's not terribly funny. It's certainly not satirical as it never tries to make fun of the conventions it is blindly following. Furthermore, despite one of its characters being a horror fan films like "Shock Waves" or "Zombie Lake" are never even mentioned. So why even make one of the characters a movie buff? "Scream" had come 12 years before, get over it for god's sake!
Instead, what passes for comedy in "Dead Snow" is an onslaught of sophomoric, vulgar gags which play out as if they were thought up in some marijuana-clouded college dorm. "What if a zombie bit you on the dick, dude?" etc. etc. Expect plenty of scatological humour, crude sex jokes, and annoying dudebros.
Speaking of which, the characters in this film are annoying and utterly indistinguishable from each other. They are so thinly written, and so lacking in characterization that even after spending 90 excruciating minutes with them I still can't remember anything about them. Especially grating is Stig Frode Henriksen's Roy whose cynical wisecracks become tiring very quickly.
Unfortunately, after a brief and spoilerific prologue, writer/director Tommy Wirkola makes us spend close to 50 minutes listening to these students' inane dialogue as nothing at all happens until halfway into the film. Even then it takes around 75 minutes for the students to finally start fighting the zombies at which point it's all too little too late. I'd stopped caring long ago and at that point was just tapping my foot, praying for the credits to start rolling.
There are some nice snowy locales in "Dead Snow" which are dreadfully underutilized and a few nice gore effects but other than that this is a very dull and formulaic zombie flick which will entertain only the least demanding horror fans.
1.5/4