- If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism. If you steal from many, it's research.
- I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
- Be nice to people on you way up because you'll meet them on you way down.
- Two signs he posted for guests at the Hotel Rand: "No opium smoking in the elevators" and "Carry out your own dead."
- He'd steal a hot stove and come back for the smoke.
- You sparkle with larceny.
- Some of the greatest love affairs I've known involved one actor, unassisted.
- A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
- I've had several years in Hollywood and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
- A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.
- A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
- What I like about Hollywood is that you can get along knowing only two words of English: swell and lousy.
- [on Hollywood] A sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
- [on Hollywood] A trip through a sewer in a glass bottomed boat.
- Working for Warner Brothers is like fucking a porcupine: It's a hundred pricks against one.
- [on aging] When a woman tells you her age, it's all right to look surprised, but don't scowl.
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