- Watching Claude Stuart live is like being stuck inside a condom: There's a lot of activity, it's unpredictable, and when it's over you're gonna need a towel!
- I went to SMU, which technically stands for Southern Methodist University. But I think it should stand for Sex, Money & Underwear.
- I've had men jump up and physically threaten me, I've had women come on stage and try to make out with me, I've had men throw $20 bills onstage in exchange for a lap dance. While I'm onstage, probably the best feeling I've experienced is an ovation. Okay, this literally just happened last weekend: I was doing a show in Orange County, and most of the crowd was loving it - then I notice two senior citizens are completely asleep. I started singing "Moon River" and they woke up; turns out they're on a date! After laughing with the audience at the absurdity of the situation, I responded, 'Well, even if nothing happens tonight you can still say you slept together.'
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