The Gay Diplomat (1931)

Ivan Lebedeff: Captain Ivan Orloff

Photos 

Quotes 

• Captain Ivan Orloff : Aw, Baroness, is there anything in the world more alluring as...

  Baroness Alma Corri : Yes?

  Captain Ivan Orloff : French waltz.

  Baroness Alma Corri : You don't care to dance, Captain. You know it. Being a calvary officer you probably don't even like women. Horses are such faithful animals.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : But, they can't dance.

  Baroness Alma Corri : No? You should see mine waltz me around in Sinaia Park some morning.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : But, surely you must have men better qualified than I?

  Colonel : Yes, plenty. Who can checkmate an entire regiment of men; but, cannot necessarily outwit - one woman.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : A woman?

  Colonel : We believe so.

  General : Your record with both - is inviable.

  Colonel : But, remember, many a great soldier has been defeated by - a woman.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : I'll go!

• Captain Ivan Orloff : I'll have to explain something. I'm looking for a woman.

  Gamble : You don't have to explain that to me, sir.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : But, I do! I might need your help. You see, one way I have of identifying this woman, is by her extreme curiosity.

  Gamble : You are looking for all the women in the world.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : Therefore, Gamble, I must be amiable to all the suspiciously curious women. You understand? Amiable.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : What else do you collect?

  Countess Diana Dorchy : Oh, anything interesting I can find.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : Have you any use for a young man, very tame around the house?

  Countess Diana Dorchy : Tame! Oh, I should say not.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : The most amazing things in the world are found in ladies' handbags.

  Countess Diana Dorchy : Oh, what a horrible libel.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : I have made an important discovery. The Baroness Corri does not use perfume.

  Gamble : No perfume, sir?

  Captain Ivan Orloff : I'm interested in knowing why and where if she has ever used it.

  Gamble : I'll nose around, sir.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : Bucharest has more than its share of lovely ladies.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : There is nothing so important as the thing that is not important.

  Ambassador : Naturally, when we are speaking about women.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : [sees the Countess walking her dog]  You seem alarmingly businesslike. You can't be doing this for pleasure.

  Countess Diana Dorchy : [shakes her head no]  For my hips.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : But, there is nothing the matter with your hips.

  Countess Diana Dorchy : There must be; because, there's nothing the matter with any of the rest of me.

• Countess Diana Dorchy : It had something to do with the sins of women.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : Charming. I'll listen.

  Countess Diana Dorchy : Well, relax. You see it was really a big bill for stockings and...

  Captain Ivan Orloff : And?

  Countess Diana Dorchy : And little pink, blue, white, black and...

  Captain Ivan Orloff : And?

  Countess Diana Dorchy : And dozens of unmentionables.

• Countess Diana Dorchy : Ivan, I have no business loving you.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : Why?

  Countess Diana Dorchy : Well, it means I shall be prying you away from other women, all the rest my life.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : Will you tell me some more about you and unmentionables?

  Countess Diana Dorchy : Oh, no, that's my cue to say something naughty and amusing.

• Captain Ivan Orloff : I knew you didn't come to punish me.

  Baroness Alma Corri : How could I waste the evening trying to punish you? When this is the first chance we've had to be alone.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : I hope I don't disappoint you.

  Baroness Alma Corri : Ivan, you do.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : The night is still young, my dear.

• Countess Diana Dorchy : You cheapen me in front of another woman, you excuse yourself with vague talk of duty, and then you expect me to trust you.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : I do.

• General : Also, let me warn you: from the moment we send the wireless, the enemy will regard you as a spy.

  Colonel : In a neutral country such as Romania there is no authority for arresting foreign spies. So they are frequently disposed of... "in the customary way".

  Captain Ivan Orloff : What is the message?

  General : There, uh, *is* no message.

  Captain Ivan Orloff : What shall I say to the French agent?

  General : There is no French agent.

  Colonel : You are the bait, Captain. When the shark is on the hook, we will pull the line.