The Tenderfoot (1932)

Joe E. Brown: Calvin Jones

Photos 

Quotes 

• Calvin Jones : [after seeing some flamboyant chorus boys in cowboy outfits and wearing make-up at a Broadway restuaurant]  They may be cowboys; but, they ain't from Texas.

• Calvin Jones : [looking at menu from Ruby's "Kosher" Restaurant]  Pardon me, I guess I ain't used to these kinda chuck-houses they have around these parts.

  Joe Lehman : Well, can I help you?

  Calvin Jones : Yeah; what is this 'matzoh balls'? Sounds like Navajo food to me!

  Joe Lehman : Yes, that's Indian. Food from a lost tribe.

• Depot Bum : Say, buddy, could ya spare a dime for a poor guy to get somethin' to eat?

  Calvin Jones : Are ya hungry?

  Depot Bum : Pal, I'm starving.

  Calvin Jones : Well, I'll be doggone. Come on and I'll buy ya a meal.

  Depot Bum : Oh, I'm sorry, boss; but, right now, I can't leave my stand.

  Calvin Jones : Oh, okay, well let me know when you're gonna have a day off.

• Calvin Jones : I tell ya, friend, there's nothing like the smell of a good horse.

• Calvin Jones : [Reading a NYC menu]  What's this - borscht?

  Joe Lehman : Borscht? That's nothing but beet soup.

  Calvin Jones : Yeah? Kind of a highfalutin name for just ordinary, common, home-grown, beets, ain't it?

  Joe Lehman : This is Broadway, you know. Everything isn't what it seems.

  Calvin Jones : Yes sir, I can see that. Guess I gotta, kinda, watch my step along this lighted cowpath.

• Joe Lehman : Just in from Oklahoma, eh?

  Calvin Jones : Texas.

  Joe Lehman : Oh, I mean, Texas. Great state, Mack, Texas. Great people. Great climate. Oh, by the way, have you met my partner, Mr. McClure?

  Mack : Why how are you Mr. - ?

  Calvin Jones : Jones. Calvin Jones.

• Joe Lehman : Well, sweetheart, how'd you like the show?

  Calvin Jones : [Looks around]  Oh, you mean me? Oh, say the show was a rip snorter! And women - whoopie!

• Calvin Jones : Well, it's the truth, Miss Ruth. Honest, it is.

• Calvin Jones : [Greetings to the hat salesman]  Hallucinations, to ya!

• Calvin Jones : [Greeting the bellboys]  Ejaculations!

• Calvin Jones : If an apple a day, keeps a doctor away - what'll a banana do?

• Calvin Jones : I guess you heard me talkin' to myself. It's an old, it's an old cowboy habit. We, we always do that when we're ridin' the range - alone. Makes it much more interesting, 'cause we never know what answer we're gonna give ourselves.

• Calvin Jones : You shouldn't oughta talk to me like that. I'm a very touchy fella.

• Calvin Jones : I heard what you said in there, just now, Ruth; about bein' paid to be nice to me.

  Ruth Weston : Well, what if you did? If you didn't know 'til now, it's high time you woke up and found out!

  Calvin Jones : You sure played your part good. Gosh, you got me just - goofy about ya.

• Miss Martin : Is this what I'm asked to give a performance in?

  Calvin Jones : Well, what's the matter with it?

  Miss Martin : What's the matter with it? He asks me what's the matter with it! It's impossible! My following, they'll think I'm insane. I look like a horse!

  Calvin Jones : Not when you're standing up, you don't.

• Calvin Jones : There's a cab waitin' at the curb. Go downstairs and get into it.

  Ruth Weston : Calvin, hadn't you better come with me?

  Calvin Jones : Don't you worry none about me, honey. I'll be along in a minute. I got some *business* with these tarantulas!

• Calvin Jones : [Lets out a loud whoop, which frightens the Hebrew horse-cart driver]  That's a yell I use on Longhorns! Got one I use on hogs, too. Wanna' hear it?

  The Hebrew : [the Hebrew lets out a long string of Yiddish, accompanied by much hand gesturing] 

  Calvin Jones : Guess you're a native alright. Can't understand a word you said!

• Mack : [Calvin is putting his pistols in his pockets]  Say, are those things loaded?

  Calvin Jones : Right to the hilt!

  Joe Lehman : You carry 'em around loose like that?

  Calvin Jones : Say, I sleep with 'em!

  Mack : Kind of dangerous, ain't it?

  Calvin Jones : Only for the man that I'm shootin' at, ha ha.

  Calvin Jones : I'm the best shot in Rawhide County, Texas. I can core a plum at 200 paces without even wrinkling the skin.

  [Joe and Mack laugh]