March of the Wooden Soldiers (1934)
Oliver Hardy: Ollie Dee
Photos
Quotes
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Ollie Dee : Well, Good-bye and good luck.
Stannie Dum : What do you mean, good-bye? I'm not going with you?
Ollie Dee : Why, no. You have to stay here with Barnaby. You're married to him.
Stannie Dum : [starting to cry] I don't want to stay here with him.
Ollie Dee : Why?
Stannie Dum : I don't love him.
[blubbers]
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Ollie Dee : [Bo Peep is being forced to marry Barnaby] I'm sorry, Bo-Peep. That you have to choose me for the best man. Why'd rather do anything in this world that will have to give you away? Well, Stan is so upset he doesn't even going to the wedding.
[turning to Stannie]
Ollie Dee : You're upset aren't you, Stannie?
Stannie Dum : Upset? I'm housebroken.
Ollie Dee : Not housebroken!
[turning to Bo Peep]
Ollie Dee : He means heartbroken. 'Housebroken'. Huh!
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[Stannie nibbles on pig sausage evidence]
Stannie Dum : It doesn't taste like pig sausage to me.
Ollie Dee : What does it taste like?
Stannie Dum : It tastes like pork. Try it.
Ollie Dee : [takes a bite] Why, that's neither pig nor pork. It's beef.
Stannie Dum : Beef?
Ollie Dee : I smell a rat.
[Stannie smells the sausage]
Ollie Dee : Barnaby's got a hand in that.
[Stannie starts examining the sausage]
Ollie Dee : I believe that Little Elmer is still alive...
[claps]
Ollie Dee : Come on, we'll find out.
[Stan and Ollie tries to rescue Little Elmer]
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Ollie Dee : [Stannie enters limping through the front door] Why, I thought I left you upstairs in the bedroom?
Stannie Dum : You did.
Ollie Dee : Well, how'd you get down here?
Stannie Dum : I fell out the window.
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Ollie Dee : So far so good.
Stannie Dum : It wasn't so far. We just came across the street.
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Ollie Dee : Well, There's nothing to be afraid of. You and he are just like that.
Stannie Dum : But, that was before we were married.
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Barnaby : You may go.
Ollie Dee : Thank you, sir.
Stannie Dum : Does that mean we're free?
Barnaby : Yes... And from now on, you and I are going to be very close friends.
Ollie Dee : [disappointed; indicates to Stannie] Does that mean that he doesn't have to be dunked?
Barnaby : Yes.
Stannie Dum : Isn't that nice?
Ollie Dee : What?
Stannie Dum : He and I are just like that. And I don't have to get wet.
Ollie Dee : Oh, is that so?
[shoves Stannie into the pond]
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Barnaby : You see, child? Such folly. Wasting your affection on a common pignapper.
Bo-Peep : Let me go, let me go! Tom-Tom is innocent and you know it.
[hitting Barnaby]
Bo-Peep : I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
[crying]
Ollie Dee : Just a minute, just a minute!
[as he carries Little Elmer]
Crowd : It's Little Elmer!
Old King Cole : Silence.
Ollie Dee : Mr. Majesty? Tom-Tom was innocent. We found Little Elmer in Barnaby's cellar!
[Everyone in Toyland gasps]
Townsman : Let's get him!
[All of Toyland people chasing Barnaby]
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[Barnaby disappears down well. Stannie and Ollie corner him]
Stannie Dum : Did he come up?
Ollie Dee : Shhh, no.
[into the well]
Ollie Dee : Are you coming up?
Stannie Dum : You better come up dead or alive!
Ollie Dee : Now, how can he come up dead when he's alive?
Stannie Dum : Let's drop a rock on him. That'll make him dead when he's alive.
Ollie Dee : Now you're talkin' sense.
[takes up the big rock and drops into the well]
Stannie Dum : Look out!
Ollie Dee : Don't tell him to look out!
Stannie Dum : Well, it might have hit hm.
Ollie Dee : That's what we want it to do!
Stannie Dum : [into the well] Did it hit you?
Ollie Dee : Not a sound.
Stannie Dum : It must have got him.
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Stannie Dum : [Ollie takes a note from the money box and tries to read. Stan turns it right-side-up. The note says "I.O.U $1.47'] I borrowed it.
Ollie Dee : I know you borrowed it. But, what did you borrow it for?
Stannie Dum : Well, you see? I have to buy some more pee-wees. I lost three of them playing with Little Jack Horner.
Ollie Dee : [to the audience] 'Had to buy some more pee-wees'.
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Stannie Dum : What happened?
Ollie Dee : Barnaby clunked you.
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Stannie Dum : You're right Ollie. You can't turn blood into a stone.
Ollie Dee : What do you mean?
Stannie Dum : Huh?
Ollie Dee : What do you mean?
Stannie Dum : Well, her talking to Barnaby, is just a matter of pouring one ear into another and coming out the other side. It can't be done.
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Ollie Dee : [consoling Mother Peep] Tut, tut, tut,tut... ta-rut!
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Ollie Dee : Well, you know The Toymaker and I are just like that!
[crosses his fingers for emphasis, to Stannie]
Ollie Dee : Aren't we, Stanley?
Stannie Dum : Are you?
Ollie Dee : Why, certainly.
Stannie Dum : [looking at Ollie's crossed fingers] Which is you?
Ollie Dee : [points to his fingers] Why, this one right... Never mind 'which is you'. Come on and let's go.
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Ollie Dee : [Disgustedly to Stannie, as they are locked into the foot stocks] Good night, Ollie.
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Ollie Dee : Now, you see? If you hadn't said, "Good night, Ollie", this wouldn't have happened.
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Ollie Dee : Here's another mess, you've gotten us into.
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Stannie Dum : Oh, master?
The Toy Maker : What?
Stannie Dum : Ollie wants to speak to you.
The Toy Maker : [to Ollie Dee] Well, what is it?
Ollie Dee : Well, Could I speak to you privately please, sir? I've got a very important question that I want to ask you.
The Toy Maker : Don't bother me now. Can't you see that I'm busy? Go on with your work.
Ollie Dee : Well, if you knew how important it was, you'd see me privately because it's...
The Toy Maker : Will you shut up, and go on with your work?
[bangs the mallet, Stannie Dum turns on the choo-choo train, it moves, pushes the paint can and spills at the Toymaker]
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Barnaby : Your majesty? What are we waiting for?
Old King Cole : Oh, yes... Proceed with the dunking!
[laughing, Dunker comes to them and unlocking the foot stocks]
Dunker : Come on... You're first. Come on.
[Ollie waving to Stannie]
Stannie Dum : Ollie?
Ollie Dee : What?
Stannie Dum : Here.
[comes back to Stannie Dum]
Stannie Dum : You better give me your watch. I'll hold it for you until you come out.
[Ollie takes the watch from his pocket and give it to Stannie]
Ollie Dee : Thanks. Now, take good care of it. Because, I wouldn't have anything happen to that to the world.
Stannie Dum : I will.
Ollie Dee : Good-bye.
Stannie Dum : Good-bye.
Dunker : Come on?
Ollie Dee : All right.
[Dunker takes him to the dunking chair]
Barnaby : Splendid!
[cackling]
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Ollie Dee : Come on, we'll be late for work.
Stannie Dum : Say listen, when you get that money from the Toymaker, will you borrow a little extra for me?
Ollie Dee : What for?
Stannie Dum : Well, I lost me Pee-wee and I'll have to get some more.
Ollie Dee : Get in here now, will you? Pee-wee!
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[Stannie takes his lunch. But, gears crashes the drum, Toymaker and crew reacts]
Ollie Dee : Good morning, master.
The Toy Maker : What do you mean "Good morning"? You know you're half and hour late? If this happens again, it means instant dismissal. Get to work.
[Stannie Dum and Ollie Dee began to work]
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The Toy Maker : Come out of there! Why didn't you stop it, you blithering idiots? Now, get out and stay out!
Ollie Dee : Yes, sir.
[they get out and Stannie asks him]
Stannie Dum : Aren't you gonna ask him about the money for the mortgage?
The Toy Maker : [reacts to asking him] What's THAT?
Ollie Dee : Just skip it.
[turns to Stannie Dum]
Ollie Dee : It's a fine time ask for money!
[pushes him and gets out of the Toy Factory]
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Ollie Dee : [to Stannie] Its a certainty, anything you can do, I can do.
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[last lines]
Ollie Dee : Let's get the cannon and give them a parting shot!
[Stannie Dum and Ollie Dee trying to get the cannon inside the darts, moves everything]
Ollie Dee : Are you ready? Let it go!
[Stannie lights the match for the cannon, Ollie Dee and everyone cover their ears, the cannon flips over, booms at Ollie Dee with darts. He screams, everyone in Toyland laughing at him. Stannie takes the darts out of Ollie's back]
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Ollie Dee : [notices that Widow Peep was sad] Well what's the matter, Mother Peep?
Widow Peep : Boys, I've got bad news for you.
Ollie Dee : Bad news?
Widow Peep : I'm afraid you two boys will find some other place to live.
Ollie Dee : What do you mean?
Widow Peep : That old skinflint Barnaby holds the mortgage the shoe. It's due today, and I haven't got the money to pay him.
[sobbing]
Widow Peep : It will all be turned out into the street.
Ollie Dee : [turns to Stannie Dum] Stanley, go upstairs and get my money box.
Stannie Dum : Eh?
Ollie Dee : Go get my money box.
