Oliver the Eighth (1934)

Stan Laurel: Stan

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Stanley : [reading newspaper]  Listen to this: "Wealthy young widow with large fortune wishes to communicate with congenial young man. Object: matrimony. Reply Box 204J."

  Oliver : Probably some old crab with a face that would stop a clock! I wouldn't want to marry her no matter how much money she had.

  Stanley : Well, I'd marry her.

  Oliver : You would!

  Stanley : Well, after all, beauty's only skin deep. I'd take some of the money and I'd have her face lifted. Then I could settle down and I wouldn't have to scrape chins any more - wouldn't have to work hard any more.

  Oliver : Tell me that again.

  Stanley : Huh?

  Oliver : Let me hear that again.

  Stanley : Well, if beauty was only knee--skin deep, I could take some of the money and I could have her skinned. Then she'd be able to look at a clock without having to work hard any more. Then we could settle down and I could scrape her chin and congenial, if-if I didn't have to work hard anymore.

  Oliver : That's a good idea.

• Oliver : Do you want me to get my throat cut?

  Stanley : No.

  Oliver : Well, then, don't go to sleep!

  Stanley : Well, I can't tell when I'm asleep.

  Oliver : That's why I want you to stay awake. So that you can *see* that you're not asleep.

  Stanley : Well, I couldn't help it, I was dreaming I was awake--and then I woke up and found meself asleep!

• Oliver : [preparing to leave to mail the answers to the wioidnow's personals ad, but then noticing what appear to be some extra initials written near the bottom of Stan's envelope]  What does "P.T.O." mean?

  Stanley : "Please Turn Over".

  Oliver : [turns over the envelope and sees, "S.W.A.K. X" written near the gummed flap]  "Sealed With A KISS" - -

  [Gives his famous scrunched-eyed grimace of disgust at the silly mushiness of the message] 

  Oliver : MMFPH!

• Oliver : You remember that wealthy young widow we wrote to?

  Stanley : Yeah.

  Oliver : Well, while you were out, I got a letter from her. And she fell for me like a ton of bricks. We're going to be married as soon as I can get there.

  Stanley : Did you fall for that old crab after all you said?

  Oliver : Take a look at that.

  [shows Stan a photograph] 

  Stanley : Boy, she's a pip.

  Oliver : Isn't she?

  Stanley : I wonder what she can see in you?

• Jitters the butler : [Watching Stan eat an imaginary meal]  Eh-eh-eh! You're using the wrong fork!

  Stanley : [Looks and sees that he's holding a spoon, which he throws down in disgust]  You're nuts!

  Jitters the butler : Who said I was nuts?

  Stanley : She did!

  [points to the widow] 

• Oliver : [seeing the painted "Solid Gold" brick Stan got for selling the Barbershop]  Is this all you got?

  Stanley : No, he was very generous. Guess what he threw in for good measure?

  Oliver : What?

  Stanley : Some nuts.

• Stanley : [giving his famous shrill whistle as Jitters walks away after picking up the imaginary cards]  HREEE-yer-REET!

  [Jitters turns and comes back] 

  Stanley : You dropped one.

  Jitters the butler : [obligingly reaches down to pick up another imaginary card]  Oh--thank you!

  Oliver : [in a disgusted mocking tone]  'You DROPPED one'--HUMPH!