Road to Morocco (1942)

Bob Hope: Orville 'Turkey' Jackson, Aunt Lucy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Turkey Jackson : A fine thing. First, you sell me for two hundred bucks. Then I'm gonna marry the Princess; then you cut in on me. Then we're carried off by a desert sheik. Now, we're gonna have our heads chopped off.

  Jeff Peters : I know all that.

  Turkey Jackson : Yeah, but the people who came in the middle of the picture don't.

  Jeff Peters : You mean they missed my song?

• Turkey Jackson : I hope she didn't hear that. The dead have a way of coming back you know.

  Jeff Peters : Get out, when they're dead they're dead.

  Turkey Jackson : Not Aunt Lucy, she was a Republican.

• Jeff Peters : We must storm the place.

  Turkey Jackson : You storm. I'll stay here and drizzle.

• Princess Shalmar : [about Jeff]  Now, Orville, I want you to tell me the truth. Do you know him?

  Turkey Jackson : Well I used to but I kinda outgrew him, I don't dally much with riff-raff these days and he's a pretty raffy kind of a riff.

• Turkey Jackson : [From the title song]  For any villains we may meet, we haven't any fears/Paramount will protect us, 'cause we're signed for five more years.

• [seeing the desert for the first time] 

  Turkey Jackson : This must be the place where they empty all the old hourglasses.

• Turkey Jackson : Aunt Lucy. I can see her now, lying on her dying bed, looking at you with those big, trusting eyes. 'Before I go, Jeff, promise me one thing,' she said. 'Promise me you'll always be a friend to little Orville,' she said. 'No matter what happens, you'll never leave the little jerk,' she said. 'Promise me, Jeff, promise me,' she said.

  Jeff Peters : Yeah, then she up and died before I had the chance to say no.

• Turkey Jackson : How do you figure on paying for all this?

  Jeff Peters : What are you, scared? You got red blood, ain't you?

  Turkey Jackson : Yeah, but I don't want to get it all over strangers.

  Jeff Peters : Go ahead, eat up, eat up son. I'll think of something.

  Turkey Jackson : These guys don't monkey around, they got knives, they're liable to try and get the food back the hard way.

• Turkey Jackson : You can't sell me, you don't own me!

  Jeff Peters : No, not now, no.

  [pointing at Arab] 

  Jeff Peters : He does.

• [after Mullay Kasim rides through town with his men yelling and firing their rifles in the air] 

  Jeff Peters : Say fuzzy, who is that headstrong impetuous boy?

  Bystander : He is Mullay Kasim, the Desert Sheik.

  Turkey Jackson : What'd he come to town for, a manicure?

  Bystander : Oh, he loves the Princess Shalmar of Karameesh. He has come here to ask her to marry him.

  Jeff Peters : I'd hate to be around when he comes for a divorce!

• [after an Arab gives Jeff a pile of money] 

  Turkey Jackson : How'd you get the spinach, old boy?

  Jeff Peters : Funny thing, a guy I've never seen before in my life gives me 2,500 Kolacs... . that's 200 federal diplomas, are you listening?

  Turkey Jackson : 200 skins? Why, what for?

  Jeff Peters : I sold him something.

  Turkey Jackson : Well you've got nothing to sell! We've already hocked your pivot tooth.

  Jeff Peters : It wasn't much, but it was all I had, and was he anxious to get it!

  Turkey Jackson : What did you sell him?

  Jeff Peters : Look, uh, Orville, I want you to keep very calm now. Don't get excited.

  Turkey Jackson : [grabbing Jeff, nervous]  What did you sell him?

  Jeff Peters : You.

  Turkey Jackson : Oh, well, for a minute I - HUH? Me? Wait a minute, get that guy and give him those fish back! What's the matter with you, you can't sell me, I'm not a horse! It's just the way I comb my hair!

• Turkey Jackson : We're going to get married on... . uh... . when is the big day, Dream Thing?

  Princess Shalmar : When the moon, in its last quarter, silvers the blossoms of the almond tree. That's Tuesday night, about nine.

• [last lines] 

  Turkey Jackson : I can't go on! No food, no water. It's all my fault. We're done for! It's got me. I can't stand it! No food, nothing! No food, no water! No food!

  Jeff Peters : What's the matter with you, anyway? There's New York. We'll be picked up in a few minutes.

  Turkey Jackson : You had to open your big mouth and ruin the only good scene I got in the picture. I might have won the Academy Award!

• Jeff Peters : Orville, where are you?

  Turkey Jackson : Right over here, behind these goosepimples.

• Jeff Peters : Turkey, from now on you're sacred.

  Turkey Jackson : What do you mean, sacred?

  Jeff Peters : You just became a full-blooded American idiot.

  Turkey Jackson : No, you do it! Who's gonna believe *I'm* an idiot?

  Jeff Peters : Will you look at the head start you got?

• Jeff Peters : First chance we get, we better dash for the nearest exit.

  Turkey Jackson : Yeah, but how about that guy's knife? We're gonna look silly stumbling outta here on a set of stumps.

• Princess Shalmar : This is a very strange country.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Yeah. Like you running into me and buying me like I was a potato. And me baked ever since. Ho-hum.

• Princess Shalmar : I can't understand why you don't like him. I think he's one of the nicest men I've ever met.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Oh, he's a nice fellow, as nice fellows go: and, why don't he?

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : You mean, you'd eat me, without vegetables?

  Jeff Peters : Calm down, Junior. I'm not gonna do anything right away. I might not do anything for a week. Not until I get desperate.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : You wouldn't like me. Once I bit my tongue and I tasted awful. Help!

• Jeff Peters : Here we go again, Junior.

  Jeff Peters , Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : [singing]  We're off on the Road to Morocco, This taxi is tough on the spine,

  Jeff Peters : [talking]  Beats the bus, huh, Junior?

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Oh, it beats me.

  Jeff Peters , Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : [singing]  Where we're going?

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Why we're going? How can we be sure?

  Jeff Peters : I'll lay you 8 to 5, That we meet Dorothy Lamour!

  Jeff Peters , Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : You who! Off on the Road to Morrocco...

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Look at us. Two on a raft, sunny side up.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : It's a strange country. A minute ago she came along in a gold box, fellows carrying it with sticks. She took my hand, kissed my fingertips, my knuckles, my wrist. My toes are still braided. It was wonderful. Do it some more.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : You can't sell me. You don't own me!

  Jeff Peters : Well, no, not now. No. He does.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Well why would he buy me? What does he want me for?

  Jeff Peters : I didn't ask him.

• Princess Shalmar : Here we have a proverb: A goose is beautiful until it stands beside a peacock.

  Jeff Peters , Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : [to each other]  Say Goose...

• Jeff Peters : These people are peculiar around here.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : What are you talking about? Are you goin' nuts? Why would a guy buy a guy?

  Jeff Peters : I don't know. I don't know. They buy anything, any old junk.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Do you know why they buy guys in a country like this? For slaves! They hit you with whips, put you to pickin' cotton, beat you and they beat you.

  Jeff Peters : They don't pick cotton here.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Well, they beat you for whatever they're pickin'. I know. I saw ''Uncle Tom's Cabin'' twice.

• Jeff Peters : That's very nice. That's nifty! Now look, puffy, I want to have a talk with you, man to man.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Yeah? Who's gonna hold up your end?

• Jeff Peters : Where do you think you're going? What's in there?

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Oh, it"s nothing - just milady's boudoir.

  Jeff Peters : Milady's boudoir? What are you doin' goin' in there?

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : It's a strange country, chum. It's a strange country.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : What the modern girl wants is a nice, reliable wolf.

• Jeff Peters : She bought you? Where did she meet up with you?

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : She's the dame I told you about in the gold box with the sticks.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Do it some more. Do it some more. Come on, bub, rub.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Cuddle with a cobra. Happy fangs!

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : [to the Princess]  Come on, baby. Give your little princie a big kiss - king size.

  Jeff Peters : Now, kiss him on the nose. See if you can straighten that out!

• Princess Shalmar : We have very strange customs, very strange laws. For the first week of a marriage a man and wife live separately.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Yeah, well, every-- Huh?

  Princess Shalmar : It is a custom thousands of years old.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Oh, well, little customs - you make 'em, you break 'em, they come and they go. Did I ever tell you about Prohibition?

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Why the lowdown, double-crossing centipede!

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : I got a girl. I met mine. I got her at the harem, right off the assembly line.

  Jeff Peters : Nice model.

  Mihirmah : He's gonna fly with me. My love will consume him thus

  [kiss] 

  Mihirmah : and thus

  [kiss] 

  Mihirmah : and thus

  [kiss, kiss, kiss] 

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Why don'y you get some sense into your noggin and just you and me blow.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Why the crawling lizard!

  [unsheaths a sword] 

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : I'll show him what a salami has gotta go through.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : A fine thing! First you sell me for 200 bucks. Then, I'm gonna marry the princess, then you cut in on me! Then, we're carried off by a desert sheik, now we're gonna have our heads chopped off.

  Jeff Peters : I know all that.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Yeah, but the people who came in the middle of the picture don't!

  Jeff Peters : You mean they missed my song?

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : That was the dopiest idea I ever heard, you thinking you could skin a horse and put me inside. How would I look being a horse?

  Jeff Peters , Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Just the same.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Say, I want the Statue of Liberty to be proud of me, so I think I'll powder my nose.

  Jeff Peters : I don't think it'll help.

• Mullay Kasim : Who is this goat? This moon-faced son of a one-eyed donkey?

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : [to Jeff]  I wouldn't let him call me that, even if there is a resemblance.

• Jeff Peters : Come on, nipper. Shake a slipper!

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Okay, lover. Head for cover!

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : What're you doing? Making reefers?

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Two tall double-dip hamburgers!

  Jeff Peters : Not too well done, please.

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : And a couple of mile-high beers!

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : You sold me to a zombie like that and you don't even know what he wants me for?

  Jeff Peters : You've got to be careful, Turkey, when you're dickin' with these people. You got to knock 'em off while they're hot.

• Jeff Peters : So, you didn't tell her about me, huh?

  Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Well, I didn't want to dicker too much. It might've queered the deal.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Here comes Murder, Incorporated.

• Orville 'Turkey' Jackson : Get it. Divide and conquer. Brother against brother. Sort of an Arabian Gestapo?