Love Happy (1949)

Chico Marx: Faustino the Great

Quotes 

• Faustino the Great : How long you study music?

  Mr. Lyons : Fifteen years.

  Faustino the Great : Fifteen. You know, two more years you could've been a plumber?

• Faustino the Great : Nevermind the pianissimo. I'm gonna make it-a very simple for you: we play it allegro pizzicato. That's what-a you call 'em, high-class Carnegie Hall stuff. You know allegro pizzicato?

  Mr. Lyons : No.

  Faustino the Great : You know Jimmy Pizzicato?

  Mr. Lyons : No.

  Faustino the Great : None of the Pizzicatos, uh?

  Mr. Lyons : No.

  Faustino the Great : What DO you know?

  Mr. Lyons : I know pistachio.

  Faustino the Great : Pistachio? Ha! We play it!

  [shrugs] 

• Faustino the Great : Ice-a cream. Tootsie-fruitsie ice-a cream.

• Faustino the Great : Look-a, Mr. Lyons, I know you wanna make a good impression, but-a please - don't play better than me.

• [Faustino, wanting to audition for Mike's show of "unknowns," promotes himself as a mind-reader] 

  Faustino the Great : I no like-a to brag, but the thing I'm-a most unknown for is-a mind-reading. I give you demonstration. You're thinking of something.

  Mike Johnson : [dubiously]  Right, so far.

  Faustino the Great : You're thinking of a nice juicy steak with a French-a fried-a potatoes.

  Mike Johnson : [far less than impressed]  The exit's over there.

• Mr. Lyons : Are you a friend of Mr. Yorkman?

  Faustino the Great : [crossing fingers before him]  Friend? Ha. Max and I are just-a like that - two heads on the same neck.

• Faustino the Great : I'm going to cover you with the sardines. That's-a how much I love you. Watch-a my smoke!

• Faustino the Great : [Mr. Lyons plays a fancy trill on the violin]  Look, Mista Lyons, I know you wanna make a good impression, but please - don't play better than me!