- Daffy Duck: Hmm. Guess I'll have to use my Jekyll and Hyde routine on this wise guy.
- [knocks on door]
- Porky Pig: Yes?
- Daffy Duck: I'm sorry you did that to me. People shouldn't push me around. It isn't good for me.
- Porky Pig: Oh, f-f-fiddlesticks. And why not?
- Daffy Duck: Because I'm a split personality, that's why not. I'm two people in one. A schiz... a schiz... a schizophreniac. When people are nice to me, I'm sweet, gentle, and loving.
- [Jumps into Porky's arms and starts caressing him, speaks in French accent]
- Daffy Duck: Ello, baby. Nice, fat, little butterball.
- Porky Pig: Oh, n-n-now stop.
- Daffy Duck: But when some wise guy starts pushing me around, look... out! I turn into a hideous monster.
- [Puts on fake fangs and messes up his hair, then pants and snarls at Porky, who jumps up to the ceiling and hangs on to a chandelier]
- Daffy Duck: Get the idea, buster?
- Porky Pig: I d-do, I do! Ind-deed I d-d-do! And I'll be r-real nice and k-kind and gentle to you.
- Porky Pig: The d-d-oorbell. Oh, i-it couldn't be the grand prize. He-he-he. I've never won anything in my life.
- Delivery Man: [hands Porky a present] Well, you have now Here it is, lucky boy. The grand prize. He-he-he-he-he!
- Porky Pig: Oh, f-fortunate, fortunate me. G-golly, I w-wonder what it is?
- Daffy Duck: [pops out of present] It's a duck, fat stuff! A genuine live duck!
- Porky Pig: A d-d-d-d-duck?
- Daffy Duck: Yes, a d-d-d-duck.
- Porky Pig: G-gee, just what I always wanted, I s-suppose.
- Daffy Duck: Hmm. Not a bad-looking dump, if you got rid of some of this trash.
- [Sees vase on table]
- Daffy Duck: Yeesh! This monstrosity's got to go.
- [Throws vase out the window]
- Porky Pig: Here now, y-you stop that!
- Daffy Duck: [Throws chair out window] This is out.
- Porky Pig: C-cut that out! Stop it!
- Daffy Duck: This junk goes.
- [Throws more stuff out window]
- Porky Pig: N-n-now you s-s-stop that!
- Daffy Duck: Umm... Yup. That's gotta go.
- [Picks up Porky to throw out the window]
- Porky Pig: N-now you cut that out! P-p-put me down!
- Daffy Duck: Oh, all right. If you wanna spoil the whole effect.
- Porky Pig: N-now just a minute, you n-nervy old duck. You got outside in the chicken coop where you belong.
- Daffy Duck: Coop, schmoop! I ain't sleeping in no chicken coop. I'm a duck. Have you got a duck coop?
- Porky Pig: Y-yes, I have.
- Daffy Duck: You have?
- Porky Pig: Y-yes.
- Daffy Duck: Oh. Well, is it a convertible coupe? Because I'm a convertible duck.
- [a car top appears in Daffy's back]
- Daffy Duck: See, chubby?
- [Runs around making car noises]
- Porky Pig: Oh, t-that treacherous trickster. I'll show him who's a knucklehead. I'll give him a dose of his own m-m-medicine.
- [puts on a hideous Halloween costume]
- Porky Pig: I hope I look sc-sc-scary enough.
- Daffy Duck: Well, I think I'll go scare some more daylights out of the little butterball.
- [he walks by a door, where Porky in costume walks by; he looks at Porky, thinking it's a mirror]
- Daffy Duck: Sufferin' catfish. I didn't realize I was that hideous.
- [pause]
- Daffy Duck: I'm not!
- [Daffy goes to pieces, then reconstructs himself, gets back inside the present and runs screaming out the door]
- Porky Pig: Gosh, what a scaredy-cat. Anyone who'd be scared of a masquerade costume is a c-craven little coward.
- [Passes by a mirror and sees himself, then jumps out of costume and into chandelier again]
- Porky Pig: S-so I'm a c-craven little coward.