Bill Thompson: J.J. Fate
Photos
Quotes
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J.J. Fate : [about Donald] He wouldn't think about going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, but this particular maneuver is called: "Falling Down Stairs." There are many ways of doing this if you aren't careful. The "Bumps-a-daisy Half Twist"...
[Donald sets a TV set down at the top of the stairs, his feet get tangled in the cord and it falls down taking him with it]
J.J. Fate : "Jelly roll"...
[Donald trips and gets wrapped up in the red rug and rolls down the stairs in it]
J.J. Fate : "Catapult High Dive"...
[Donald steps onto a loose stair board and it sends him into the air]
J.J. Fate : "Climbing Mount Everest"...
[Donald carries many, many heavy things upstairs and he falls back down with them]
J.J. Fate : "Riding a Rolly Coaster"!
[Donald slips into a toy wagon and goes down the stairs]
J.J. Fate : Now Mr. Duck doesn't take chances, he's just careless.
[Donald leans against the banister and it breaks sending him down to the first floor]
J.J. Fate : Oh yes! That's one I forgot to mention.
Donald Duck : [angrily] That's the last straw!
[cleans up the house to make it much safer]
Donald Duck : I'm going to work, where it's safe!
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J.J. Fate : [Donald's cleaning his shirt next to the hot stove cooking dinner] Cleaning fluid plus stove equals... *a sure-fire method for removing spots*!
[jumps into the bread box as a flaming explosion ensues from Donald's carelessness]
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Donald Duck : Everything happens to me! It's fate! That's what it is: fate!
J.J. Fate : Listen to him blame me for his carelessness.
[scoffs]
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[First lines]
J.J. Fate : Howdy. I'm J.J. Fate, fall guy. My middle name is Jonah, and Jinx is in there, too. Hoodoo fits me like a glove, but Fate's my name to you.
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J.J. Fate : You know, accidents don't just happen by themselves. They have to be carelessly planned in advance. So step right up and have an accident. The average home is really a complicated piece of machinery, equipped with all the modern conveniences... for having an accident, if you inisist.
[Donald lights up a pipe in a gas leak; explosion follows]
J.J. Fate : He did.
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J.J. Fate : Do you realize that nearly five million people suffered in home accidents last year? And everybody blames me, daggnabit!
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[Last lines]
J.J. Fate : This is an average neighborhood.
[a house has its roof blown off]
J.J. Fate : These are average homes.
[Another house bursts into flames]
J.J. Fate : Average people live here...
[a man is seen shooting out of a chimney]
J.J. Fate : ... having average accidents.
[a couple more homes explode; a car breaks out a close garage]
J.J. Fate : Because they don't use average intelligence. It's like I said: Don't blame me for your carelessness.
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J.J. Fate : This one is called a Throw Rug, for obvious reasons!
[Donald Duck slips on the rug while holding a fishbowl in his hands and crashed into a different area of the house]
J.J. Fate : Accidents happen fast, don't they?
J.J. Fate : [in pseudo slow-motion] Let's just slow the picture down and see how he accomplished it.
[Donald slides on the rug in the replay, falling, bumping, and tossing down the stairs, along with a few extra obstacles]
J.J. Fate : Note how easy it is to have an accident. Just a few carelessly misplaced objects...
J.J. Fate : [stops the picture, showing a mistake] Hold it! We missed one. Let's try that again!
[rewinds to the part where Donald slips on a bar of soap and then tumbles forward into a chair and then splats into a wall with the fishbowl over his head]
J.J. Fate : And there you have it. An awkward attitude by an inattentive, accident-proned individual.
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J.J. Fate : You know, accidents don't have happen by themselves.
J.J. Fate : [sinister looks] They must be carelessly planned in advance. So step right up and have an accident.
[Scenes showing loose toys, long cords and miscellaneous around the staircase, some in the living room, leftover burning smokes on the side table, a running hot iron burning through a shirt and ironing board and leaking gas from a heater]
J.J. Fate : The average home is a complicated piece of machinery, equipped with all modern conveniences... ..for having an accident...
[Donald sits in his chair, light a match to puff his smoking pipe]
J.J. Fate : If you insist.
[BOOM!]
J.J. Fate : [shows a blackened Donald Duck and the ruined den from the explosion] He did.
