- Linda English: What did I do last night?
- Joey Evans: You kissed me.
- Linda English: I wasn't myself.
- Joey Evans: Yeah, but, whoever you were, you were great!
- Linda English: Oh. Then what?
- Joey Evans: Then you passed out.
- Linda English: I'm ashamed of myself.
- Joey Evans: Me too.
- Linda English: Why? What did you do?
- Joey Evans: Nothin'.
- Vera Simpson: It may come as quite a surprise, Miss English, but, I do believe there's been nothing between you and Joey. That makes you all the more dangerous. You may not know it, but, when Joey told you to keep your clothes on today, he played the greatest love scene of his career. I could undress in the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel and he'd never turn a hair.
- Linda English: My mother says a nice girl is a nice girl wherever she is.
- Joey Evans: Yeah, I know, and a bum is a bum.
- Joey Evans: Some guys have a system with horses and I've got a system with dames.
- Mike Miggins: Hit me.
- Joey Evans: It's a snap. You treat a dame like a lady and treat a lady like a dame.
- Linda English: What about last night? I made fool out of myself and you didn't take advantage of it.
- Joey Evans: Oh, don't pin any medals on me. It just so happens that in my book it takes two to tango.
- [first lines]
- Joey Evans: Now, wait a minute, fellas. You got this all wrong. I never laid a hand on her.
- Policeman: Yeah, we got there just in time.
- Detective: That's the trouble with you nightclub entertainers, you're all alike. You think you own every dame in the country.
- Joey Evans: Now, wait a minute, show me a law in the country that says I can't buy a doll a friendly drink.
- Detective: No law. Just don't buy a drink in your hotel room for a doll that's underage.
- Policeman: Come on, let's get goin' bud.
- Joey Evans: Now, wait a minute, how did I know she was jailbait? She looked like she was 35. Why, I should ask for a driver's license or somethin'?
- Policeman: If you had, you would have found out she was the mayor's daughter.
- Joey Evans: Hey, who's the mouse with the built?
- Ned Galvin: Oh, you got to lay off of her, Joey. She's a nice kid. Has ambition too. She wants to be a singer. By the way, I'm helping her with some of her arrangements.
- Joey Evans: Looks like she's pretty well arranged as it is.
- Joey Evans: I don't recognize the body; but, the face is familiar.
- Ned Galvin: That's Mrs. Prentice-Simpson. She owns the place.
- Joey Evans: She didn't pick up that action at Arthur Murray's.
- Ned Galvin: Oh, you're right. She used to be Vera Vanessa. She used to be in show business. Then, she married a wealthy guy and retired. Don't you remember? It was all in the papers.
- Joey Evans: Oh, yeah. Now, I remember. Vanessa the Undressa. I just didn't recognize her with her clothes on. Not a bad lookin' mouse.
- Ned Galvin: Yeah, it's too bad you can't afford her brand of cheese.
- Vera Simpson: [singing] You're looking at a former stripper, But before I unzip one zipper, I want it known I was quite the artiste, But, the intellectual kind, What was I thinking while I worked through my dance? While I worked these thoughts kept crossing - my mind, Zip! Walter Lippman wasn't brilliant today, Zip! Will the Giants ever take it away? Zip! I was reading Schopenhauer last night, Zip! And I think that Schopenhauer was right...
- Joey Evans: I told you something once. I'm gonna tell it to you again. Nobody owns Joey, but Joey.
- Vera Simpson: I'll show you who owns Joey.
- Joey Evans: Well, good morning!
- Linda English: What's good about it?
- Joey Evans: Oh, your first hangover? Huh? Well, there's a first time for everybody.
- Linda English: Why do people drink when you feel so awful the morning after?
- Joey Evans: Maybe because it feels so good the night before.
- Travelers' Aid: Aid, young man? Can I give you aid?
- Joey Evans: What did you have in mind?
- Travelers' Aid: I beg your pardon!
- Joey Evans: You need a singer?
- Club Manager: Singer? I don't care if you sing like a nightingale. I'm runnin' a girls' show. Legs, not tonsils.
- Joey Evans: Listen, can we go someplace after the show, have a cup of coffee and yak up old times - have some laughs?
- Ned Galvin: That'd be good; but, I got a date with a girl.
- Joey Evans: Well, if she's a good lookin' chick, bring her along.
- Joey Evans: You won't believe this, but, I was really born right here in this town, right on top of Telegraph Hill. Yes sir, my mother was sending a wire at the time.
- Joey Evans: She was singin' all those ballads in a draggy jazz and one day when the fleet landed she wanted to know from me what would please the sailors most. So, I told her. Things were never the same between us again.
- Joey Evans: I'd like something quiet. You wouldn't have a room, maybe next to someone who works at nights, would you?
- Mrs. Casey: I've got just the thing! Second floor, front. Next to a young lady, an actress. But, very refined. You share a bath.
- Joey Evans: We do?
- Mrs. Casey: Oh, she's nice and clean.
- Mrs. Casey: I don't allow pets, cooking in the room, or guests of the opposite sex - unless related.
- Joey Evans: Oh, well I have several nieces.
- Mrs. Casey: That'll be $40 a month.
- Joey Evans: [to Linda] You shouldn't really wear pajamas. You're definitely the nightgown type. The shorties.
- Joey Evans: Now, look, I don't want to complain; but, you used all the hot water this morning.
- Linda English: Well, I thought that you could use a cold shower.
- Redhead Chorus Girl: Hey, Joey.
- Joey Evans: Hi, doll.
- Redhead Chorus Girl: Stop over tonight? I want to show you the hi-fi.
- Joey Evans: [to Mike] Oh, this kid's got a fine woofer and tweeter.
- Joey Evans: If you ever get tired of being a wealthy widow, you might like to go back into show business.
- Vera Simpson: No, thank you. I like being Mrs. Prentice-Simpson.
- Joey Evans: Well, I'm not knocking you being Mrs. Prentice-Simpson. But, I just thought you and me as a team, we'd make a dandy double.
- Vera Simpson: Aren't you afraid you might find me a bit rusty?
- Joey Evans: Don't be ridiculous. Why don't you get out of something uncomfortable and I'll give you a small audition.
- Vera Simpson: Oh, Beauty, you have all the subtlety of a battering ram.
- Vera Simpson: [singing] I'm wild again, Beguiled again, A simpering, whimpering child again, Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I...
- Linda English: [singing] My funny valentine, Sweet comic valentine, You make me smile with my heart, Your looks are laughable, Unphotographable, Yet you're my favorite work of art...
- Linda English: I thought maybe you ought to do the strip.
- Joey Evans: The strip? But, Gladys does that number. You wind up out there with nothing on. What do you think I am?
- Linda English: I think you're the best built mouse in the joint! So, we might as well take advantage of it.
- Gladys: I heard about you, buster.
- Joey Evans: A big reputation.
- Gladys: Yeah, but I'm too much of a lady to say what for. My sister worked with you in Fresno. She told me all about you.
- Joey Evans: Which one was she?
- Gladys: The one you didn't get to first base with.
- Joey Evans: Oh, she was the ugly one. You must be twins.
- Gladys: Ha!
- Joey Evans: Har-har.
- Joey Evans: What is this?
- Vera Simpson: [gets up to leave] Oh, we were just slumming, Beauty, and we have a lot of spots to make. What's next boys? That place where the young lady dances with the snakes?
- Joey Evans: What I really came up here for is to straighten you out. So you wouldn't get any wrong ideas why I made a play for you. I wouldn't want you to get any cock-eyed impressions, for instance, that you appeal to me. The only thing about you that appeals to me is your M-U-N-Y - money.
- [repeated line]
- Joey Evans: I'll take you out to the Cliff House and we'll have shrimp cocktail, steak and French fries and a little wine, you know, the whole mishmash.
- Vera Simpson: When did she spring from the chorus?
- Joey Evans: Who?
- Vera Simpson: The mouse in the spotlight. Oh, I'm beginning to talk like you.
- Joey Evans: Oh, you mean Linda? Well, she's Ned's girl and he's kinda stuck on her and, you know, we talked it over and we think she was ready.
- Vera Simpson: Ready for what?
- Vera Simpson: I'll make it simple for you: she's out.
- Joey Evans: You mean you want me to fire her?
- Vera Simpson: Yes, partner. You see, I figure its the only way to protect my investment. I don't mean the club, I mean you!
- Vera Simpson: Don't let it bother you. I'm sure she'll have no trouble finding another job.
- Joey Evans: Sure, she can always pitch for the New York Giants.
- Linda English: I wonder what she'd say if she could see me now? Hmm?
- Joey Evans: She'd say that you were stoned. She'd also want to know what you're doing in my bedroom.
- Linda English: I decided to take your offer.
- Joey Evans: What offer?
- Linda English: Strip! Peeled. Take it off and let it lay.
- Linda English: You thought I wouldn't, didn't you? I'll bet you even thought that I couldn't. But, I can. Hmm. And I will.
- Linda English: Where I come from a girl just doesn't spend the night on a yacht and then stay for breakfast.
- Joey Evans: You mean you'd chuck the whole thing - over one stagestruck little broad?
- Vera Simpson: It isn't just one stagestruck little broad.
- Joey Evans: I'm sorry to tell you this kids; but, the party's over. The little lady picked up her marbles and went home.
- Joey Evans: [singing] What Do I Care For a Dame? What Do I Care For a Dame? Every ole dame is the same, Every hokey dame is the same...