The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968)

Hoke Howell: PFC Dudley A. 'Dud' Wash

Photos 

Quotes 

• Briscoe Darling : Dud, did you tell Ernest T. Bass the Sheriff wanted to see him?

  Dud Wash : I couldn't find him, Mr. Darlin'. His cousin said he went into the woods to kill a mockingbird.

  Andy Taylor : He doesn't sound like a very nice person.

  Briscoe Darling : One of the worst we got.

• Sheriff Andy Taylor : [reading a note tied to a rock Ernest T. Bass threw through the window]  "Maybe you goin' to have a weddin', and maybe you goin' to have a preacher; but you might not have a bride. You ever think of that?" Mr. Darling, you don't think he'd try to kidnap Charlene before the wedding?

  Briscoe Darling : He might. He's just crazy enough to do it.

  Dud Wash : Well, you just let him try! I'll show him some things I learned in the army in jungle warfare! First, you grab the mouth and pull like this.

  [demonstrates by pulling his own mouth] 

  Dud Wash : Then you grade his nose and twist it like this.

  [twists his own nose] 

  Briscoe Darling : Stop that, boy! You want your face to freeze thatta' way?

• Dud Wash : Where's my 'darlin' person'? There she is!

  [grabs Charlene and begins hugging and kissing her] 

  Charlene Darling : Dud! Stop it!

  Dud Wash : Aw. c'mon Charlene!

  Briscoe Darling : Stop that, boy! We got other things to do. Try to control them hot flashes.

• Andy Taylor : Where can we find this Ernest T. Bass?

  Dud Wash : Aww, he's a pestilence and a pestilence will find *you*... you just wait.