- The Actor: Satan has a sore eye. It may be a sty. Either he has been in a draft - which is unthinkable in hell - or something alarming has happened on earth.
- Marquis Giuseppe Maria de Macopanza: I must also stress the danger of precedent. Supposing all her friends follow her example!
- Count Armand de Rochefoucauld: The result - law and order, monogamy, even happy marriages!
- Marquis Giuseppe Maria de Macopanza: Let us not exaggerate. Marriage is the solid base of hell - our pièce de résistance.
- Count Armand de Rochefoucauld: You are right. What would hell be without marriage?
- The Actor: Some people think God is dead or has never existed, heaven empty and eternity out of reach. They say evil functions as coldly as other natural laws and good is one of mankind's most inexplicable perversions.
- Don Juan: Those capable of love are very few. Their suffering has no limit. I am told they are mirrors which reflect God and make life easier for us wretches in the dark.
- Opening Title Card: "A woman's chastity is a sty in the Devil's eye" IRISH PROVERB
- The Actor: The marquis's perversions sent voluptuous shudders right up into the archangels' wings and down into the tiniest corners of hell.
- Marquis Giuseppe Maria de Macopanza: The Nordic woman is passionate, surprising and independent. Loyal and romantic, but ruthless in her emotions.
- Count Armand de Rochefoucauld: She often has cold feet.
- Marquis Giuseppe Maria de Macopanza: To confuse her unashamed nakedness with levity would be to underestimate her.
- Count Armand de Rochefoucauld: She is inexperienced but curious. In the summer she's easy to access because she wears less clothes.
- Marquis Giuseppe Maria de Macopanza: She is seldom aware of her femininity and therefore easily trapped.
- Count Armand de Rochefoucauld: Her morals are unfathomable so she's hard to retain.
- Pablo: Offer resistance, if you like. It heightens our pleasure. No, don't say anything - I can read your eyes. Your prudence, character, affectionate nature - your frail health - all forbid you to abandon yourself to passion... But there's a dark spot in your nature, Renata. A flood of sensuality dammed up for too long. Only in your dreams do you let it loose.
- Don Juan: Has Jonas no faults?
- Britt-Marie: He's a noisy eater and dislikes washing his feet. If those are faults.
- Don Juan: You've made a good choice.
- Don Juan: Lack of principle is my principle, vice my virtue, debauchery my asceticism, godlessness my religion.
- The guardian demon: No? Won't you open? To see clearly, to understand, see abomination, animal lust, get a poisonous bite in your soul to make you human. You who have *played* your way through life believing good of everyone. Open the door and see infidelity in its stinking bloom.
- The Vicar: I shall profit by your knowledge. And good will come of it, not evil.
- The guardian demon: You devil!
- The Vicar: Now, no grumbling and no moping. Be a good boy and I'll pray for you to get to heaven.
- The guardian demon: How can you be so spiteful, you a parson?
- The Vicar: You flatter me.
- Britt-Marie: I can't endure your suffering - it torments me more than anything I've known. I beg you to free me from your suffering.
- The Vicar: Been asleep?
- The guardian demon: I've both slept and dreamt.
- The Vicar: So devils have dreams?
- The guardian demon: Only nightmares, vicar. For other people, that is.
- The Actor: [First lines] Ladies and Gentlemen, I regret we must now - briefly - speak of hell. Hell is like a cone. At the bottom, the sinners whose torments are nearly over. Above the other hells, nearest the earth, our own inferno devised by the keenest brains and worst prigs in Christendom. This inverted parish is in charge of a Satan who has gradually become more and more human - ever recreated, ever renewed. I was about to say spiritualized. Here our comedy begins.
- Marquis Giuseppe Maria de Macopanza: We must go to the root of the evil, the very sty on our Master's eye.
- Marquis Giuseppe Maria de Macopanza: A young woman's chastity. A monstrous challenge to hell.
- Count Armand de Rochefoucauld: Aged 20. Lovely as a rose, intelligent, good physique, nice teeth.
- Marquis Giuseppe Maria de Macopanza: Engaged. And still a virgin. The situation is ticklish. If she marries undefiled the consequences will be disastrous.
- Woman in veil: [Pulls out a knife] I am here to kill you.
- [Don Juan guides her hand with the knife to his his chest]
- Woman in veil: You're brave and you play for high stakes.
- Don Juan: You give me a thrill of delight. My breast will open as gladly to your dagger as your thighs opened to the sharp blade of my love. Give us this final ecstasy - the one our bodies have not yet tasted. I give my death as I gave my life. Complete this sacrificial act and purify our love for ever.
- The Vicar: My life is a series of fortunate misfortunes. It's as if the devil and his crew put their tails between their legs when I appear.
- Britt-Marie: Shut your eyes! Now describe me.
- Don Juan: Blue eyes. Fair hair. Charming nose, a mouth for kisses, high breasts, rounded hips, all made for love...
- The guardian demon: I'm not one of those gay devils who buy souls and deal in gold. I'm a trouble-maker.
- Satan: What else?
- The ear demon: Great festivity... No, the young woman is not there. Wherever can she be? No, she's not there. Now I hear her. She's laughing. A young man is breathing heavily on her. She tries to speak, but he stifles her words with kisses.
- Satan: What do you hear now?
- The ear demon: It's quiet, your grace. Ah, now! I hear a bed... the rustle of clothes... But it may be an auditory illusion. Now I hear her breathing fast, like this...
- Satan: What do you hear?
- The ear demon: She is panting. Now it's silent. Quite silent. Now she gave a cry, but not as if it hurt - I can't describe that cry - you gentlemen may know what I mean. Now she's weeping, but not from grief...
- Satan: Perhaps happiness?