The Absent Minded Professor (1961)

Belle Montrose: Mrs. Chatsworth

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mrs. Chatsworth : But remember this. The universe is millions and millions and millions of years old. It can wait a little. But girls can't wait.

• [having figured out what Brainard has been doing, Alonzo and Biff show up to visit him] 

  Mrs. Chatsworth : Someone to see you, Professor.

  Prof. Ned Brainard : Oh, I can't see anybody now, Mrs. Chatsworth. What does he want?

  Alonzo P. Hawk : [stepping in]  Your kind indulgence, Professor. Can you find it in your heart to forgive this hotblooded businessman?

  Prof. Ned Brainard : The hotblooded businessman who plans to tear down Medfield College? What do you want, Mr. Hawk?

  Alonzo P. Hawk : [cheerily]  Wonderful things! Wonderful things for all of us! Visualize, if you will, a whole new Medfield College. Ten new buildings, 10 stories high! One building devoted entirely to science!

  [beat; Brainard remains silent] 

  Alonzo P. Hawk : Two, if you will?

  [still nothing] 

  Alonzo P. Hawk : Three? How does it sound?

  Prof. Ned Brainard : It sounds great. But, uh, just where is all this money coming from, Mr. Hawk?

  Alonzo P. Hawk : [looking down at Brainard's Model T]  From a certain revolutionary discovery.

  Prof. Ned Brainard : What's so revolutionary about an old Tin Lizzie?

  Alonzo P. Hawk : Nothing, unless, of course, it happens to fly.

  Prof. Ned Brainard : [playing dumb]  Fly?

  Alonzo P. Hawk : Like I saw it did last night.

  Prof. Ned Brainard : [realizing the jig's up]  Oh. You saw it, huh?

  Alonzo P. Hawk : [knowingly]  Uh-huh.

  Biff Hawk : Prof, I gotta hand it to you. You sure know...

  Alonzo P. Hawk : [to Biff]  Hold it! Hold it!

  [to Brainard] 

  Alonzo P. Hawk : Now why don't we trust each other, Professor? After all, you're a man of science, head in the clouds. I'm a down-to-Earth, dollars-and-cents man.

  Biff Hawk : That's right. My pop always says he can smell a buck 10 miles...

  Alonzo P. Hawk : [to Biff]  I'LL DO THE TALKING, SON! That's a good boy.

  [to Brainard] 

  Alonzo P. Hawk : There's a million angles to this. The government! The space age! What they wouldn't give to get their sticky hands on this little tin --

  [Alonzo tries to touch the car, but Brainard deflects him from doing so] 

  Alonzo P. Hawk : That's where I come in. When I get through talking with them, they'll come crawling to us on their knees with bags of money, barrels of money!

  Prof. Ned Brainard : Mr. Hawk, let me get this straight. You want me to turn my discovery over to you so you can blackmail our government?

  Alonzo P. Hawk : All right then, look at it this way. Medfield College can grow and prosper, or it can wither and die on the vine. That's entirely up to you.

  Prof. Ned Brainard : I see. Mr. Hawk, I want to thank you for dropping by. You've made up my mind for me.

  Alonzo P. Hawk : Now you're talking!

  Prof. Ned Brainard : I'm going to call the President.

  Alonzo P. Hawk : [amused]  Daggett? He don't cut any ice!

  Prof. Ned Brainard : The President of the United States. Is that enough ice for you?