Pocketful of Miracles (1961)

Glenn Ford: Dave the Dude

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joy Boy : What's with her?

  Dave the Dude : Aah, she just wants a bunch of kids.

  Joy Boy : Kids? Aw, they're mean when they get on that kick.

• Queenie Martin : [Queenie walks with her make-up artists]  Alright, gang, here's your challenge. Come on, Annie, stand up and meet your makers. It's okay.

  [Annie stands up] 

  Queenie Martin : Now this has got to be a complete overhaul, kids, from top to bottom.

  Joy Boy : Don't forget a new set of kidneys.

  Queenie Martin : All right, Annie, lets go.

  [leading Annie to the bedroom] 

  Queenie Martin : Come on wizards, let's wiz!

  Dave the Dude : Let's go. Let's go.

  Junior : [Junior shaking his head]  My old lady always said you can't make a pig's ear out of an old sow.

  Pierre : Monsieur, your old lady was not Pierre! Hum!

• Joy Boy : [rounding up Darcey's goons]  Alright we'll tie them up and lock them in the bathroom and when he gets his apple, we'll be back to pick ya up!

  Junior : [pushing the goons]  Move!

  Dave the Dude : Oh Wait a minute, lock them in the closet, Joy Boy. The maid just waxed the bathroom floor!

• Dave the Dude : Hey Joy Boy, how is your Spanish?

  Joy Boy : As good as my French and they both stink!

  Dave the Dude : Hey Junior, did you learn anything from Spanish Lena?

  Junior : Spanish Lena was a Hungarian...

  Dave the Dude : Don't nobody know nothin'?

• Dave the Dude : So, where am I gonna find a husband? Now, where am I gonna find her a husband, huh? In Macy's basement?

  Junior : They don't sell them there, boss.

• Dave the Dude : [handing butler a large sum of money]  Ok Hutch, this oughtta take care of the helps for a while, you split it up amongst them...

  Butler : Oh... heh heh

  Dave the Dude : They know enough to keep their mouth shut?...

  Butler : And their ears, yes sir...

  Dave the Dude : You told them what happens if they didn't...

  Butler : Oh yes

  [forming a gun with his fingers imitating the sound of a machine gun] 

  Butler : da da da da da da da da...

  Dave the Dude : [putting a hand out to stop the 'gun']  Don't... don't do that...

• Dave the Dude : When I located him on the phone, he cried. Imagine! I cried, too. It was the wettest long-distance call.

  Queenie Martin : You cried? I've never seen you cry.

  Queenie Martin : Oh, when I'm happy, when I'm really happy, I'm a Niagara.

• Dave the Dude : Where do you think you're goin'?

  Butler : Well, I - I'm fleeing from armageddon, Sir. With my cardiac condition, I - I just cannot take unhappy endings. So I'm off to join Mr. Kent in Havana, Sir.

  Dave the Dude : With two broken legs?

  Butler : My legs, sir? Oh, they're quite - O - Oo! Very cleverly put, Sir. Yes. Thank you, Sir. Yes.

• Dave the Dude : You see, Count, it's sort of a family joke. You know how it is. I always feel that these apples bring me luck.

  Count Alfonso Romero : What a sharming idea. I have same feeling about onions.

• Dave the Dude : How about that? The mayor, the governor, the cops. I thought they were all crooks.

• Dave the Dude : Honey, I'll marry you. I'll fight dempsey. I'll kiss a cop, anything. Let's get started now.

• Dave the Dude : It's okay for you to shake this, you didn't want this in the first place. But, I'm a man. I'm a man that needs a little action.

  Queenie Martin : Action? Prohibition's over, isn't it?

• Dave the Dude : Annie, will you tell me, why do I always believe that your apples bring me luck, huh? Will you tell me?

  Apple Annie : Because the little people like you.

  Dave the Dude : What little people?

  Apple Annie : Oh, you can't see 'em. They live in dreams.

  Dave the Dude : Little people like me, huh? Why?

  Apple Annie : Because they like children, beggars, and poets.

  Dave the Dude : And that makes me a poet?

  Apple Annie : You wanna *believe* in somethin'. Right now, it's my apple. S,o the little people jump in it, see? That's why this apple'll bring you luck.

  Dave the Dude : Why you old con dame. Go on.

• Dave the Dude : [after being kissed by Queenie]  You gorgeous stack of cupcakes, you come here. Come on, you started this.

• Dave the Dude : I'm making a meeting with our future, sweetheart. Mr. Big, himself.

  Queenie Martin : Not Darcey.

  Dave the Dude : You're right. Darcey.

  Queenie Martin : Oh, Dude, no.

  Dave the Dude : Why?

  Queenie Martin : You're not going to Chicago?

  Dave the Dude : No. The Mountain is comin' to the Dude. I'm not going to Chicago.

• Dave the Dude : You're not goin' out that door! You owe me one thing, Queenie, and I'm gonna collect. You hear me? You ain't leavin' here without...

• Dave the Dude : Will you get me a pair of pants, will you, please?

  Queenie Martin : You change your own diapers!

  Dave the Dude : I said, "pants me!"

• Dave the Dude : I took you from nothing and made you into something.

  Queenie Martin : For what? So I could become a gangster's flashy moll? Not me, mister.

  Dave the Dude : You ain't walkin' out on me. You ain't walkin' out on me, not on Dave the Dude.

  Queenie Martin : I'm not walking. I'm running.

• Apple Annie : Well, if it isn't my dear friend, the Dave of Dude and his charming broad.

  Dave the Dude : She's just bagged again. You had me worried. Where's the bottle, Annie? All right.

  Apple Annie : So nice of you to come. The Butler will take your things.

  Queenie Martin : Lovely estate you have here, Lady Chatterley.

  Apple Annie : It's nothing really, just something I - I keep for the hunting season. Everybody's coming down for the hunting season, don't you know?

  Queenie Martin : Oh, the flea hunt, isn't it?

• Dave the Dude : Boy, you better keep your mind off that dizzy blonde you're runnin' around with.

  Junior : I don't tink about her during the daytime, boss!

• Junior : I didn't see 'em before, boss. I should drop dead!

  Dave the Dude : Maybe you should.

  Junior : That's only an expression.

• Queenie Martin : She's an old souse, maybe, but she's full of dreams.

  Dave the Dude : Ah, she's full of gin.

• Joy Boy : You can't palm that crocodile off as society. I mean, she couldn't fool a pedigreed cocker spaniel.

  Dave the Dude : Well, we'd have to clean her up some.

  Joy Boy : Some?

• Judge Henry G. Blake : I'll do my best, but, at my age, the libido is *most* unpredictable.

  Queenie Martin : Don't worry about that. What did you say?

  Judge Henry G. Blake : Your humble servant, Madam, and your eager spouse.

  Queenie Martin : Oh well, Judge, that's the best offer I've had all day.

  Dave the Dude : No wonder he's droolin'. Listen, you fricasseed Casanova, not her! You're gonna marry Apple Annie.

  Judge Henry G. Blake : Apple Annie?

• Dave the Dude : Oh man, this is beautiful. All right, Joy Boy, go tell Darcey that the Dude ain't available 'cause he's out diggin' up a husband for some old souse, on account of he's nuts about her apples!

• Apple Annie : What about reporters?

  Dave the Dude : Don't worry. I took care of it.

  Judge Henry G. Blake : The Dude has woven a chain of missing links around us.

• Dave the Dude : Pretty classy layout, huh, Judge?

  Judge Henry G. Blake : Lovely. Lovely! The beauty of the Taj Mahal, the serenity of Melrose Abbey.

  Butler : Sir, "If thou would'st view fair Melrose aright"

  Judge Henry G. Blake : "Go visit it by the pale moonlight"

  Butler : "For the gay beams"

  Judge Henry G. Blake , Butler : "Of lightsome day, Gild, but to flout, the ruins gray."

  Judge Henry G. Blake : To Scott!

  Butler : [to Dave the Dude]  He'll do.

• Dave the Dude : Queenie, meet the judge. I told you I'd find you a good husband.

  Judge Henry G. Blake : Madam, this is a great honor, a rare experience - and a pulsating pleasure.

• Dave the Dude : Amscray. A couple of ullbays.

• Queenie Martin : We're nothin'! We're a bunch of grabbers. All of us! Lookin' for the best of it! Just once, couldn't we help somebody - just to help somebody?

  Dave the Dude : That's it! You're through, Sister Queenie! That's it. We're just gonna help somebody. We are going to help me! Me! That's who we're gonna help.

• Dave the Dude : All right, Queenie, call your broads.

• Dave the Dude : Queenie, take your broads over the to other side of the room. You guys come around here, I want to talk to you.

  Junior : All right, guys over here, broads over there! Let's move it. Come on.

• Dave the Dude : [on the phone]  Cheesecake, roust out the boys and take 'em to a turkish bath, will ya? What do you think for? A bath, you jerk.

• Dave the Dude : I thought I told you to tell 'em to leave the rods home. Now, how many times do I have to tell you something?

  Junior : Weasel, I told you, "no rods!"

  Dave the Dude : Yeah, no rods. Ah, come on, you guys, if we don't behave ourselves and act like gents, we're gonna bollox the whole schmeer up tomorrow night and then that's it.

• Dave the Dude : That's enough, folks! You're gonna start sweatin'.

  Junior : No sweatin'! Nobody sweats!