A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965 TV Movie)

Tracy Stratford: Lucy Van Pelt

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lucy Van Pelt : Say, by the way, can you play "Jingle Bells?"

  [Schroeder proceeds to play "Jingle Bells", which sounds like a traditional grand piano] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : [interrupting]  No, no. I mean "Jingle Bells." You know, deck them halls and all that stuff?

  [Schroeder begins to play again, with the piano sounding like an organ] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : [interrupting again]  No, no. You don't get it at all. I mean "Jingle Bells." You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe and presents to pretty girls.

  [gazes lovingly at Schroeder, who then out of frustration taps one key of the piano while playing "Jingle Bells," which sounds like a child's toy piano] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : [lights up]  That's it!

  [Schroeder turns a few somersaults from Lucy's reaction] 

• Lucy Van Pelt : You DO think I'm beautiful, don't you, Charlie Brown?

  [pause] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : You didn't answer me right away. You had to think about it first, didn't you? If you really thought I was beautiful, you would've spoken right up. I know when I've been insulted, I KNOW WHEN I'VE BEEN INSULTED.

  Charlie Brown : Good grief.

• Lucy Van Pelt : Snoopy, you'll have to be all the animals in our play. Can you be a sheep?

  Snoopy : Baaa!

  Lucy Van Pelt : How about a cow?

  Snoopy : Moo!

  Lucy Van Pelt : How about a penguin?

  [Snoopy waddles like a penguin] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : Yes, he's even a good penguin.

  Snoopy : Roar!

  [Snoopy then fights like a boxer and jumps on Lucy's head, acting like a vulture] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : [throwing Snoopy off her head]  No, no, no!

  [Snoopy starts mocking Lucy] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : Listen, all of you! You've got to take direction! You've got to have discipline! You've got to have respect for your director!

  [notices Snoopy] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : I oughta slug you!

  Lucy Van Pelt : [Snoopy licks her face]  AAUGH! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some Iodine!

  Snoopy : [Snoopy sticks out his tongue]  Bleah!

• Schroeder : This is the music I've selected for the Christmas play.

  [Schroeder plays Fur Elise] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : What kind of Christmas music is *that*?

  Schroeder : Beethoven Christmas music.

  Lucy Van Pelt : What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great.

  [Schroeder stops playing] 

  Schroeder : What do you mean Beethoven wasn't so great?

  Lucy Van Pelt : He never got his picture on bubblegum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubblegum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who's never had his picture on bubblegum cards?

  Schroeder : Good grief.

• Patty : Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue. It's fun.

  Linus Van Pelt : Mmm. Needs sugar.

  Lucy Van Pelt : It's too early. I never eat December snowflakes. I always wait until January.

  Linus Van Pelt : They sure look ripe to me.

• Lucy Van Pelt : Are you afraid of responsibility? If you are, then you have hypengyophobia.

  Charlie Brown : I don't think that's quite it.

  Lucy Van Pelt : How about cats? If you're afraid of cats, you have ailurophasia.

  Charlie Brown : Well, sort of, but I'm not sure.

  Lucy Van Pelt : Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacaphobia. Maybe you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean, or gephyrobia, which is the fear of crossing bridges. Or maybe you have pantophobia. Do you think you have pantophobia?

  Charlie Brown : What's pantophobia?

  Lucy Van Pelt : The fear of everything.

  Charlie Brown : THAT'S IT!

  [Lucy goes flying out into a field of snow] 

• Lucy Van Pelt : Linus, you've *got* to get rid of that stupid blanket, and here, memorize these lines.

  Linus Van Pelt : I can't memorize these lines. This is ridiculous.

  Lucy Van Pelt : Memorize it and be ready to recite when your cue comes.

  Linus Van Pelt : I can't memorize something like this so quickly. Why should I be put through such agony? Give me one good reason why I should memorize this.

  Lucy Van Pelt : I'll give you five good reasons.

  [proceeds to make a fist out of her fingers] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : One, two, three, four, FIVE!

  Linus Van Pelt : [begins nodding his head in horror]  Those are good reasons. Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous.

  Lucy Van Pelt : And get rid of that stupid blanket! What's a Christmas shepherd gonna look like holding a stupid blanket like *that*?

  Linus Van Pelt : Well, this is one Christmas shepherd who's going to keep his trusty blanket with him.

  [Lucy raises her fist to strike Linus; Linus puts his blanket over his head like a headdress] 

  Linus Van Pelt : See, you wouldn't hurt an innocent shepherd, would you?

• Lucy Van Pelt : You think you're so smart with that blanket. What are you going to do with it when you grow up?

  Linus Van Pelt : Maybe I'll make it into a sport coat.

• Lucy Van Pelt : Here he comes! Attention, everyone, here's our director.

  [Charlie Brown enters, while everyone applauds] 

  Snoopy : Whoooooooooooooooooooooo.

  Charlie Brown : [sarcastically]  Man's best friend.

• Charlie Brown : Actually, Lucy, my trouble is Christmas. I just don't understand it. Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down.

  Lucy Van Pelt : You need involvement. You'll need to get involved in some real Christmas project. How would you like to be the director of our Christmas play?

  Charlie Brown : [lighting up excitedly]  *Me?* You want *me* to be the director of the Christmas play?

• [Charlie Brown and Linus return with the puny little tree] 

  Violet : Boy, are you stupid, Charlie Brown.

  Patty : What kind of a tree is that?

  Lucy Van Pelt : You were supposed to get a *good* tree. Can't you even tell a good tree from a poor tree?

  Violet : I told you he'd goof it up. He's not the kind you can depend on to do anything right.

  Patty : You're hopeless, Charlie Brown.

  Frieda : Completely hopeless

  Charlie Brown : [upset]  Rats!

  Lucy Van Pelt : You've been dumb before, Charlie Brown, but this time, you really did it.

  [pause; then everyone bursts out laughing] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : [laughing]  What a tree!

• Lucy Van Pelt : I know how you feel about all this Christmas business, getting depressed and all that. It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle or clothes or something like that.

  Charlie Brown : What is it you want?

  Lucy Van Pelt : Real estate.

• Lucy Van Pelt : Get the biggest aluminum tree you can find, Charlie Brown, maybe painted pink.

• Lucy Van Pelt : Look, Charlie, let's face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It's run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.

• Lucy Van Pelt : May I help you?

  Charlie Brown : I'm in bad shape.

  Lucy Van Pelt : Wait a minute. Before we begin, I request that you pay in advance. Five cents, please.

  [Charlie Brown drops a nickel on the can] 

  Lucy Van Pelt : Boy, what a sound! How I love the sound of clinking money! That beautiful sound of cold hard cash! Nickels, nickels, nickels! That beautiful sound of clinking nickels!

• Lucy Van Pelt : You're the innkeeper's wife.

  Frieda : Do innkeeper's wives have naturally curly hair?

• Lucy Van Pelt : Pig-Pen, you're the innkeeper.

  Pig-Pen : In spite of my outward appearance, I shall try to run a neat inn.

• Lucy Van Pelt : All right. Quiet everybody. Our director will be here any minute, and we'll start rehearsal.

  Patty : Director? What director?

  Lucy Van Pelt : Charlie Brown.

  Violet : Oh no! We're doomed!

  Patty : This will be the worst Christmas play ever.