- Aldo Vanucci: Because I am a small crook, I go to prison. It's only the big crooks that go free. Is that justice?
- Gina Romantica: [about Tony Powell in watching one of his movies] He's a good kisser.
- Aldo Vanucci: Do you know how many good kissers are starving in Italy?
- Aldo Vanucci: I'll get you a new stove, with push buttons!
- Mama Vanucci: [breaking down in tears after the statement] I don't want buttons! I want *grandchildren*!
- Aldo Vanucci: You hear that Gina, your Mama wants grandchildren!
- Gina Vanucci: You're a crook. Steal her some!
- Aldo Vanucci: Mama, look the other way. I'm going to kill Gina.
- Aldo Vanucci: [the stolen gold is delayed and Fabrizi has to shoot some of his 'neo-realist' film] We are ready for the next shot, only in this scene instead of doing *nothing*, we do *something*.
- Tony Powell: [exasperated] What?
- Aldo Vanucci: Running, running.
- Tony Powell: What are we running from?
- Aldo Vanucci: From yourselves. Uh, you get the symbolic meaning?
- [Tony shakes his head 'no']
- Aldo Vanucci: Aah! No matter how fast you run, you can never run away from yourselves!
- Tony Powell: Aahh! Beautiful!
- Aldo Vanucci: [as Fabrizi, explaining the concept of his movie] Tony plays 'The Fox'...
- Tony Powell: [interrupting] An animal picture!
- Aldo Vanucci: No, "The Fox", a master criminal with an ingenious plan to smuggle gold into Italy, and - a surprise ending!
- Harry Granoff: What's the ingenious plan?
- Aldo Vanucci: *That* is the surprise ending.
- Tony Powell: I love it! When do we start shooting?
- Aldo Vanucci: [to the police chief] In films either you have got a face or you don't got a face. You have got a face.
- Aldo Vanucci: [to Police Chief after townsfolk boo him] We should have a talk in your office before they kill you.
- Bikini Girl: [Okra's sister comes to see Aldo, who doesn't know she is Okra's sister] He doesn't let me talk to anyone. I haven't used a telephone in six years. If he knew I was here, he would kill me.
- Aldo Vanucci: That swine.
- Aldo Vanucci: Sister?
- Aldo Vanucci: [grabbing the girl hiding in the closet he thought he was seducing away from him] She's your *sister*? Here, slattern, go home with your brother, and pray!
- Aldo Vanucci: [introducing himself after making a grand entrance into the room] Federico Fabrizi!
- Harry Granoff: I'm sorry, I don't speak Italian.
- Harry Granoff: [to Aldo, who he thinks is movie director Federico Fabrizi, for his client, actor Tony Powell] What about a contact?
- Aldo Vanucci: [excitedly] Contract?
- Aldo Vanucci: [after grabbing Powell and kissing him on the cheek] There is my contract.
- Harry Granoff: Do I get a copy for my lawyer?
- Aldo Vanucci: If I cannot trust you, you are to stay in your room until you are 21 years old.
- Gina Vanucci: I go where I want and when I want! Can you say the same, fugitive?
- Aldo Vanucci: Now just you listen to me, you, you - you delinquent.
- Gina Vanucci: Sneak!
- Aldo Vanucci: Harlot!
- Gina Vanucci: Coward!
- Aldo Vanucci: Tramp! Starlet!
- Gina Vanucci: Oh, that was a real producer and he was going to give me a part in his film. And he had a contract in his pocket.
- Aldo Vanucci: And a fountain pen in his hotel room.
- Tony Powell: I wonder what's the matter with my stomach. What do they put in lasagna?
- Harry Granoff: Lasagna? At your age it's hard to digest corn flakes.
- Tony Powell: Why don't you send out for a wheelchair and have me rolled into the old actors' home? I don't care what it says in Who's Who. I still feel 35 years old. And you can tell Sam Duffleman for me, if he wants me to play a 64-year-old sheriff in his next picture, he'll have to wait another 20 years.
- Harry Granoff: Who's gonna belleve you're 64?
- Tony Powell: 63-year-old ladies. I remember that trench coat there is your bread and butter. Without it you have 10 per cent of nothing.
- Harry Granoff: All right, you don't have to be 64. You could be 60.
- Tony Powell: I don't wanna be 60! I wanna be 40.
- Harry Granoff: How can you be 40 when your son is 35?
- Tony Powell: They can make the son 25.
- Harry Granoff: How can you make the son 25 when his wife is 30?
- Aldo Vanucci: As an international film director, I asked for *fake* gold. Some crook used real gold instead. I suspect - I suspect hanky-panky.
- Police Chief: Good morning!
- Aldo Vanucci: Ooh! A good, strong "Good Morning"! Oooh!
- Aldo Vanucci: [as he passionately throws papers in the air] Oooh! Sorry, we artists must give vent to our emotions. And I have just vented... Good morning.
- Police Chief: [into the mirror in an actorly fashion after Aldo leaves] Good morning!
- Police Chief: [holding a cigar box open for Aldo] Have a cigar.
- Aldo Vanucci: Oh, I couldn't take your last one.
- Police Chief: Thank you.
- Aldo Vanucci: That's it. I've got it. I've got a plan! I've got a plan! Ha! Come, come. Ha, I've got a plan!
- Aldo Vanucci: They're insane. They're insane! Is this what you want? To have the clothes torn off your back?
- Gina Vanucci: Yes!
- Tony Powell: Look at those teeth, Harry. Just look at 'em. How many people in the world over 40 can still say they have their own teeth, huh?
- Harry Granoff: And how many people over 50 can still say they're only 40?
- Harry Granoff: Tony, sweetheart, I wish we could turn the clock back for you. We all wanna stay young! But you can't lie to the close-up lens, baby. You know that. You try leading the charge of the Light Brigade wearing a corset, they'll laugh you right off the screen.
- Tony Powell: l'd rather get laughs than sympathy.
- Aldo Vanucci: If you're in the movies they give you milllons of dollars. Women tear your clothes off. Pollce protect you wherever you go.
- Harry Granoff: Did you ever hear of an Italian film director called Federico Fabrizi?
- Tony Powell: No.
- Harry Granoff: He's downstairs. He wants to talk about a picture.
- Tony Powell: What?
- Harry Granoff: A neorealistic film.
- Tony Powell: Send him up. What's neorealism?
- Harry Granoff: No money!