The Love Bug (1969)

Dean Jones: Jim Douglas

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Carole Bennett : Help! I'm a prisoner! I can't get out!

  Van Hippy : We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.

  [Van Hippy looks over at his hippy partner, as Carole hits the window, with both palms] 

  Van Hippy : Huh, a couple of weirdos, Guenivere.

• Jim Douglas : Why is it the only food we have in this house is parrot food? I mean, we don't *have* a parrot.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Eat that! That's good. That's pressed kelp. That aerates your liver.

• Tennessee Steinmetz : Herbie's all right.

  Jim Douglas : Who's Herbie?

  Tennessee Steinmetz : This little car. Named after my Uncle Herb. He used to box middleweight. Preliminary, mostly. Gradually, his nose got shaped more and more like to remind me of this little car. Do you mind?

  Jim Douglas : [laughing with him]  Whatever you say, Tennessee.

• [Tenessee's car is gone] 

  Jim Douglas : Where's the beast? You didn't cut up the Edsel!

  [the Edsel grill is hanging on a rack with many cut up car parts] 

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Came over me all of a sudden. Seemed like the only decent thing do. Believe me, Jim, it'll be happier up there.

  [Jim suddenly bursts into laughter] 

• Tennessee Steinmetz : I'm not saying a mechanical thing, can't be a friend. Like when, I was broke one summer, and there was this giant claw-machine in the Sutro amusement park, and it would grab cameras and watches and drop 'em down a hole to me, and I would hock 'em and buy lunch. You followin' me?

  Jim Douglas : Yeah, yeah... I think you were up on that mountaintop too long.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Contrariwise, the traffic light down the street hates my guts. I don't know why, but in the last six months, I haven't caught anything but a stop signal. And it makes me wait SIX SECONDS LONGER than anybody else; I timed it! 'Course, those things like that happen to lots of other people, too, but the other people, they don't tell no other people, because the other people, they'd say, "Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey."

  Jim Douglas : Tennessee, that traffic light is a lot of nuts and bolts. This little car, a lot of nuts and bolts. Everything explains itself one way or the other.

• [first lines] 

  Jim Douglas : I'd like another shot at that prize money. Okay for next Sunday?

  Bice : No, Jim, it ain't okay.

  Jim Douglas : Now, look, Bice, I know...

  Bice : No, *you* look. All my drivers are eighteen, nineteen... You're too old for these kid sports. You're liable to get hurt in there.

• Jim Douglas : Without a real car, I'm only half a man.

• Jim Douglas : What do you know? Engine stalled.

  Carole Bennett : [tries to get out]  How about that? Door's stuck. That's how it is with cars sometimes. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next.

  Jim Douglas : Well, as someone very wisely once said, "That's how it is with cars sometimes."

  Carole Bennett : I just said that.

  Jim Douglas : Oh.

• Jim Douglas : You don't understand what happens, do you? They make ten thousand cars, they make them exactly the same way, and one or two of 'em turn out to be something special. Nobody knows why.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : I know why.

• Jim Douglas : I may be kidding myself, but I think I can make something out of that sad little bucket of bolts.

• [Thorndyke kicks not-yet-named "Herbie" the little white car in his shop] 

  Jim Douglas : What's that for?

  Peter Thorndyke : I beg your pardon!

  Jim Douglas : Well, why don't you let the little car alone?

  Peter Thorndyke : Are you presuming to tell me what to do in my own establishment?

  Jim Douglas : Okay, I'm out of line. It just bugs me to see somebody abusing a decent piece of machinery.

  Peter Thorndyke : [laughs]  How fascinating. Well, now that we've had the benefit of your point of view, shall we regard our relationship as terminated?

• Jim Douglas : Has everybody gone nuts around here? I can understand how Tennessee feels, he's just in off a flying saucer.

• Carole Bennett : I wonder if your reputation is altogether true.

  Jim Douglas : What's my reputation?

  Carole Bennett : Well, I've heard that Jim Douglas is only interested in fast cars and easy money.

  Jim Douglas : Not true.

  Carole Bennett : Oh.

  Jim Douglas : Mm-hmm. You know something else?

  Carole Bennett : What?

  Jim Douglas : When the light hits you just right, you're as beautiful as General Grant on a fifty-dollar bill.

  [kiss] 

• [Jim brings the malfunctioning Herbie back to Thorndyke. It accidentally bangs against Thorndyke's Rolls Royce and stops. Jim gets out] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Have you gone mad?

  Jim Douglas : Okay, what's the joke?

  Peter Thorndyke : What do you mean?

  Jim Douglas : I don't know how you rigged it, but I'm sure that car is a real cut-up when a convention comes to town.

  Peter Thorndyke : What in the name of...

  Jim Douglas : If I'd wanted a trick car, I would have bought one at a joke shop.

  Peter Thorndyke : [as Carole joins him]  Allow me to say that I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. You come billowing up in that beastly little car, and assault my personal Rolls Royce.

  Jim Douglas : ...I brought it back! I want my money, I want the papers I signed, and then I'll get outta here, and you two clowns can... can have your little laugh.

  Carole Bennett : Mr. Douglas, if there is anything wrong with the car, would you be good enough to tell me what it is?

  Jim Douglas : Well, there's nothing essentially wrong with the car. It's just that it wants to go one way and I'd like to go the other.

  Peter Thorndyke : Well, whatever it is, none of it is covered in our gilt-headed guarantee.

  Jim Douglas : Oh, I'm sure of that.

• Jim Douglas : [on the phone]  Yeah, yeah, Thorndyke. I know what you did to my car. You need your brains kicked out.

• Bice : You used to be a big-track driver, ain't you got no pride?

  Jim Douglas : I ran out of pride when I ran out of cars.

• Carole Bennett : [Herbie is acting up]  Will you stop the car, please?

  Jim Douglas : I'm trying! Look!

  [he tries to take the key out and press the brakes] 

  Jim Douglas : It's just like I told you! This thing is starting to act up again.

  Carole Bennett : How very odd; when I was driving, there was no problem whatsoever.

• Carole Bennett : Have you had much experience with cars?

  Jim Douglas : Look, lady, by profession, I'm a racing driver.

  Carole Bennett : Oh, *that* Jim Douglas.

  Jim Douglas : What do you mean, "*that* Jim Douglas"?

  Carole Bennett : Let's see, two years ago, at Laguna Seca, you spun out and hung a beautiful Buick Special on the back fence. At Willow Springs, was it a year ago... last February, you sprayed a Lotus all over the infield.

  Jim Douglas : How do you know all that?

  Carole Bennett : I have trouble with names and faces, but I never forget a car.

• Detective : [to Jim, about the not-yet-named "Herbie" white VW bug]  Forgive me for pointing, but have you ever seen that car before?

  Jim Douglas : No. No, I haven't.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Hey, he's a cute little fellow.

  Jim Douglas : [takes another look]  Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think I saw that car at an agency yesterday.

  Detective : Now, permit me to inform you of the following: first, say nothing that would jeopardize your constitutional rights. And second, the minute that you get downtown, I would advise that you find a good lawyer. Shall we go?

  Jim Douglas : Go? What for?

  Detective : On suspicion of grand theft.

  Jim Douglas : Now wait a minute, there's something cockeyed about this. How did that little car get here?

  Detective : I share your curiosity. Shall we go?

  [Jim laughs] 

• [in the midst of arguing with Carole, Jim shouts over to Tennessee over the noise] 

  Jim Douglas : WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF OUT THERE, TENNESSEE? Can't hear myself think.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : I'm not out there, crumb. I'm in here.

  Jim Douglas : Well, hold it down!

  [to Carole] 

  Jim Douglas : I...

  [Jim turns back to Tennessee who shrugs] 

• Boy Driving Dune-buggy : How about it, Dad? Want to give that doodle bug a work out? I'll go easy on ya.

  Jim Douglas : Be serious, will you.

• Tennessee Steinmetz : This voice inside of me continued as follows: "This is nowhere. Ya gotta make a new scene. Ya gotta change your bag." That's when I split. I went to Tibet, to a mountaintop, with swamis and monks. I discovered my real self. It was wonderful.

  Jim Douglas : I don't have to go to Tibet. I know who I am. I know what I want.

• Tennessee Steinmetz : If everything you say about this car is true, it's already starting to happen!

  Jim Douglas : What's starting to happen?

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Us human beings. We had a chance to make something out of this world. We blew it. Okay. Another kind of civilization is gonna take a turn.

  Jim Douglas : Give me an 11-mil wrench, will you.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : I'm sitting up on top of this mountain, right?

  Jim Douglas : Right.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : I'm surrounded by these gurus and swamis and monks, right?

  Jim Douglas : Right.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : I'm lookin' at my stomach.

  Jim Douglas : Yeah.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : I'm knockin' back a little rice wine.

  Jim Douglas : Um-hmm.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Got some contemplation goin'; I see things like they are. I coulda told you all this was comin'.

  Jim Douglas : What's coming?

• Jim Douglas : Don't lose your grip, old buddy. This little car didn't do one thing tonight that can't be explained in terms of short circuits, sprung doors, grabbing steering, worn knuckles, maybe some advertising gimmick. I'll fix it.

• Tennessee Steinmetz : You gonna race?

  Jim Douglas : What do you think?

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Oh, boy! Won't Herbie love that! Le Mans, Monte Carlo. Thrills, glamour, the roar of the crowd!

• Carole Bennett : You let that little car get under your skin, didn't you?

  Jim Douglas : I don't know. There's a lot of gloop been written about, uh, the bond between a man and his automobile - and how he hates it sometimes, mostly how he loves it. He showers gifts on it in the way of accessories and all that. He gets hysterical if somebody scratches the paint or - makes it lose face on the freeway. Maybe some of those feelings got into the machinery.

• Carole Bennett : You want me to tell you something, my windbag friend? I admit, I didn't believe it when Tennessee told me before, but now I see it makes all kinds of sense.

  Jim Douglas : W-W-What?

  Carole Bennett : That thimble head of yours has gotten all swelled up.

• [hearing smashing noises, Jim comes out of the firehouse to see Herbie violently smashing into his new car] 

  Jim Douglas : Noooo!

  [grabs shovel and begins hitting Herbie] 

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Stop it, stop it! You don't know what you're doin'!

  Jim Douglas : Look! Look what it did to my car.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Okay, okay, maybe it was a little jealous.

  Jim Douglas : Of course it's jealous. It's always been jealous because I get credit for winning those races!

  [as Jim says this, he stops himself and drops the shovel. Herbie stops moving as well] 

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Go on. Realize what you're sayin'?

• [Thorndyke pulls up to the firehouse after everyone has been fighting] 

  Peter Thorndyke : At a time like this, whatever kind of time it is, I always say that money serves to ease the pain.

  [to Carole] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Good evening, my dear.

  [to Jim, handing him money] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Here you are, sir. Fifteen hundred dollars for the small car, just as I promised. I note it's not in mint condition, but I am nothing if not always a man of my word.

  [Jim is silent] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Uh, uh, $2000. What about $2000? It's the least I can do to help a fellow human at a time like this. Shall we consider it a deal?

  Jim Douglas : Two thousand dollars?

  Peter Thorndyke : Yes.

  Jim Douglas : Two thousand dollars for that little beat-up car? Why?

  Peter Thorndyke : Well, you could say I have a warm place in my heart for the dear little thing.

  Jim Douglas : You don't have a warm place on your whole body. What do you want it for?

  Peter Thorndyke : You don't want it, I do. Take the money!

  [Jim jumps up from where he's been sitting and grabs Thorndyke by the collar and holds him against the wall] 

  Jim Douglas : [angry]  You... You too!

  Peter Thorndyke : Now, look, Douglas, there's no need to be abusive. I'm trying to give you some money!

  Jim Douglas : I don't want your money! What do you want the car for?

  [Thorndyke stammers fearfully] 

  Jim Douglas : You believe it. You believe it too!

  Peter Thorndyke : Believe what?

• Jim Douglas : I think Mr. Thorndyke is a little mixed up about who or what won that race.

  Peter Thorndyke : And what does that mean?

  Jim Douglas : Some day I'll teach you not to confuse the car with the driver.

  Peter Thorndyke : I should welcome the opportunity.

  Carole Bennett : Mr. Thorndyke, I think that's a very good idea of yours.

  Peter Thorndyke : What is?

  Carole Bennett : You're racing in the Libra Open at Riverside at the end of the month, right?

  Peter Thorndyke : Yes.

  Carole Bennett : Well, I'm sure that Mr. Douglas would like to get the remainder of his payments off his back.

  Peter Thorndyke : No doubt. Why should I think that is such a good idea?

  Carole Bennett : Well, if Mr. Douglas entered the race, he could bet his share of the little car against the remaining payments.

  Peter Thorndyke : [liking the idea]  What do you say, Douglas? Winner to become the sole owner of the car.

  [Jim says nothing, but stands up and walks a few feet away] 

  Peter Thorndyke : A moment ago, you mentioned teaching me a lesson. Do I now detect a note of timidity?

  Jim Douglas : Racing. That's the name of the game, isn't it? Win or lose, put up or shut up. You got yourself a deal, Thorndyke.

• Jim Douglas : I'll do it! Okay, I'll do it! But I just want to go on record, I have, I have seen some crummy stunts in my time used to sell cars, but this beats everything! To plant this bug in the possession of an innocent man, and then to accuse me of stealing it!

  Peter Thorndyke : How dare you, sir. Are you suggesting that I would stoop to such tactics?

  Jim Douglas : That's exactly what I'm suggesting!

  Peter Thorndyke : In the first place, it might interest you to that under normal circumstances, I would never sell a car to someone with whom I'm not; well shall we say, socially compatible.

  Jim Douglas : Socially compatible? You would sell a car!

  Carole Bennett : Please! Please, let's not go through that again. I think we've worked it out very well. Mr. Douglas needs a car, and for a very low amount down, and the usual monthly payments... the car will become his.

  Peter Thorndyke : Very well. Even though my personal inclination is to have Mr. Douglas tapped into jail and this four wheel contrivance dropped into the bay!

  Detective : I think Mr. Thorndyke is being very fair.

  Jim Douglas : Fair! It's not fair, I'm being muscled! I just want you know that I know, I know it and I don't like it!

  Carole Bennett : I'll draw the papers. Would you come with me please?

  Peter Thorndyke : Then get Mr. Douglas and his acquisition out of here before I lose my temper!