The Love Bug (1969)

David Tomlinson: Peter Thorndyke

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Peter Thorndyke : I salute your honesty, my dear, a quality not necessarily to be despised.

• Peter Thorndyke : Good evening.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Sorry, the other rats are out for the evening!

• Peter Thorndyke : Good sir, would you say this is a compact car?... You do not answer. Well, let me tell you that you've never heard of a compact car until you see what I'm going to do with this. Mr. Douglas, I have a friend with a claw-and-hook auto-wrecking company in San Francisco, and he's going to work on your car. Maybe he'll transform it into a birdbath. Or what about a nice doormat, so I can wipe my feet on it every day. It's too bad this thing doesn't have the gumption to get up to the starting line this morning. I should have enjoyed beating it.

  [kicks Herbie again] 

  Tennessee Steinmetz : [croaking, grunting]  AUWWW...!

• [during the big race, Thorndyke and Havershaw have switched the signs leading to Placerville and the Lost Bonanza Mine] 

  Peter Thorndyke : How true it is that the simplest ways are the best ways after all.

  Havershaw : That's what I always say, sir.

  Peter Thorndyke : Oh, shut up.

• Peter Thorndyke : What part of Ireland did you say your mother came from?

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Coney, Ireland.

  [laughs drunkenly] 

• Havershaw : Here it comes again, sir.

  Peter Thorndyke : Havershaw, I'm not a cowardly man. But, I am beginning to sense, and that thing is out to get me.

  Havershaw : Now, now. None of that, sir. We're not losing our nerve, are we?

  Peter Thorndyke : Blast you, Havershaw! How dare you patronize me! I am not losing my nerve!

  Havershaw : No, sir. No, sir, of course not. No, no.

• [Thorndyke kicks not-yet-named "Herbie" the little white car in his shop] 

  Jim Douglas : What's that for?

  Peter Thorndyke : I beg your pardon!

  Jim Douglas : Well, why don't you let the little car alone?

  Peter Thorndyke : Are you presuming to tell me what to do in my own establishment?

  Jim Douglas : Okay, I'm out of line. It just bugs me to see somebody abusing a decent piece of machinery.

  Peter Thorndyke : [laughs]  How fascinating. Well, now that we've had the benefit of your point of view, shall we regard our relationship as terminated?

• Peter Thorndyke : At a time like this, whatever kind of time it is, I always say money serves to ease the pain.

• [Jim brings the malfunctioning Herbie back to Thorndyke. It accidentally bangs against Thorndyke's Rolls Royce and stops. Jim gets out] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Have you gone mad?

  Jim Douglas : Okay, what's the joke?

  Peter Thorndyke : What do you mean?

  Jim Douglas : I don't know how you rigged it, but I'm sure that car is a real cut-up when a convention comes to town.

  Peter Thorndyke : What in the name of...

  Jim Douglas : If I'd wanted a trick car, I would have bought one at a joke shop.

  Peter Thorndyke : [as Carole joins him]  Allow me to say that I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. You come billowing up in that beastly little car, and assault my personal Rolls Royce.

  Jim Douglas : ...I brought it back! I want my money, I want the papers I signed, and then I'll get outta here, and you two clowns can... can have your little laugh.

  Carole Bennett : Mr. Douglas, if there is anything wrong with the car, would you be good enough to tell me what it is?

  Jim Douglas : Well, there's nothing essentially wrong with the car. It's just that it wants to go one way and I'd like to go the other.

  Peter Thorndyke : Well, whatever it is, none of it is covered in our gilt-headed guarantee.

  Jim Douglas : Oh, I'm sure of that.

• Carole Bennett : Mr. Douglas needs a car, and for a very low amount down and the usual monthly payments, the car will become his.

  Peter Thorndyke : Very well, even though my personal inclination is to have Mr. Douglas clapped into jail and this four-wheeled contrivance dropped into the Bay!

• [during the big race, Thorndyke's car bumps Herbie off the road and down a hill] 

  Havershaw : What happened to it?

  Peter Thorndyke : I'd say it's gone for that last big lube job up yonder.

• Carole Bennett : Excuse me, Mr. Thorndyke, but if I sold this gentleman the car, I feel a certain responsibility.

  [to Jim] 

  Carole Bennett : Do you mind if I try it?

  [Jim nods and motions her to go ahead; they go over to the VW Bug] 

  Peter Thorndyke : [shocked]  Miss Bennett! Our dinner engagement!

  Carole Bennett : [getting in]  I won't be a minute.

• Peter Thorndyke : [to Carole as he is about to enter a road race against Jim]  You keep your eye on your friend in the Bug, my dear - I'm going to squash him!

• Havershaw : [Thorndyke and Havershaw are stopping in the middle of the race to have some chilled wine]  You know something about champagne, sir?

  Peter Thorndyke : Havershaw, if you tell me that the bubbles tickle your nose, I shall probably kill you!

• Peter Thorndyke : That rotten car is driving me piffy!

  Carole Bennett : Has it occurred to you it may not be the rotten car? Perhaps it's the way Mr Douglas drives.

  Peter Thorndyke : Balderdash!

• Peter Thorndyke : A moment ago, you mentioned teaching me a lesson. Do I now detect a note of timidity?

• Tennessee Steinmetz : [drunkenly]  You wanna know the secret of the little car?

  Peter Thorndyke : I do, indeed.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : I'll tell ya the secret of the little car.

  Peter Thorndyke : No, no, no. Just a minute.

  [gets pen and paper] 

  Peter Thorndyke : All right. Tell me.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : It's heart. That's what it is: Heart.

  Peter Thorndyke : Heart. Yes.

  [Disappointed] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Yes, I'm sure I'm gonna make a note of that.

  [Puts his pen and paper in his mug and Tennessee tops it off with whip cream] 

• Carole Bennett : Headache gone?

  Peter Thorndyke : All gone. Anticipation of victory is the purest form of aspirin. This is my day.

• Tennessee Steinmetz : [toasts]  Up the Irish.

  Peter Thorndyke : To the little car, a gallant adversary. And may the best car win at Riverside.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : May the best car win.

• Peter Thorndyke : You certainly picked the right crew. Toodle-oo!

• Gas Station Attendant : My father say, "Hurry is waste. Waste is cracked bowl which never know rice."

  Peter Thorndyke : I don't care how cracked your father's rice bowl is!

• Peter Thorndyke : [gleefully]  There are times like this when I really don't like myself very much.

• [Thorndyke pulls up to the firehouse after everyone has been fighting] 

  Peter Thorndyke : At a time like this, whatever kind of time it is, I always say that money serves to ease the pain.

  [to Carole] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Good evening, my dear.

  [to Jim, handing him money] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Here you are, sir. Fifteen hundred dollars for the small car, just as I promised. I note it's not in mint condition, but I am nothing if not always a man of my word.

  [Jim is silent] 

  Peter Thorndyke : Uh, uh, $2000. What about $2000? It's the least I can do to help a fellow human at a time like this. Shall we consider it a deal?

  Jim Douglas : Two thousand dollars?

  Peter Thorndyke : Yes.

  Jim Douglas : Two thousand dollars for that little beat-up car? Why?

  Peter Thorndyke : Well, you could say I have a warm place in my heart for the dear little thing.

  Jim Douglas : You don't have a warm place on your whole body. What do you want it for?

  Peter Thorndyke : You don't want it, I do. Take the money!

  [Jim jumps up from where he's been sitting and grabs Thorndyke by the collar and holds him against the wall] 

  Jim Douglas : [angry]  You... You too!

  Peter Thorndyke : Now, look, Douglas, there's no need to be abusive. I'm trying to give you some money!

  Jim Douglas : I don't want your money! What do you want the car for?

  [Thorndyke stammers fearfully] 

  Jim Douglas : You believe it. You believe it too!

  Peter Thorndyke : Believe what?

• Carole Bennett : [on telephone with Jim Douglas]  Yes, good afternoon? Oh, I think that should be quite all right. Uh, 7:30 will be fine. Yes, bye.

  [hangs up] 

  Carole Bennett : I think I'll...

  Peter Thorndyke : I'd like you to see this Douglas. get to know him. Who knows? If he has the talents of which I believe him capable, perhaps we can give him the opportunity... of joining our organization, racing under our colours. But first we must know something about him.

  Carole Bennett : How about tonight?

  Peter Thorndyke : Very good.

  Carole Bennett : At 7:30?

  Peter Thorndyke : Very good! Why waste time? Oh and Carole, leave your car. Take the special. He likes that one.

  Carole Bennett : Uh, thank you... I think I ought to tell you that was Mr. Douglas who just called.

  Peter Thorndyke : Excellent. Strike while the iron is hot.

  Carole Bennett : In all honesty I should like to point out that I agreed to have dinner with him, before you suggested it.

  Peter Thorndyke : I salute your honesty, my dear. A quality not necessarily to be despised.

  Carole Bennett : Thank you.

  [exits with a look of suspicion] 

  Peter Thorndyke : A very loyal girl...

• Jim Douglas : I think Mr. Thorndyke is a little mixed up about who or what won that race.

  Peter Thorndyke : And what does that mean?

  Jim Douglas : Some day I'll teach you not to confuse the car with the driver.

  Peter Thorndyke : I should welcome the opportunity.

  Carole Bennett : Mr. Thorndyke, I think that's a very good idea of yours.

  Peter Thorndyke : What is?

  Carole Bennett : You're racing in the Libra Open at Riverside at the end of the month, right?

  Peter Thorndyke : Yes.

  Carole Bennett : Well, I'm sure that Mr. Douglas would like to get the remainder of his payments off his back.

  Peter Thorndyke : No doubt. Why should I think that is such a good idea?

  Carole Bennett : Well, if Mr. Douglas entered the race, he could bet his share of the little car against the remaining payments.

  Peter Thorndyke : [liking the idea]  What do you say, Douglas? Winner to become the sole owner of the car.

  [Jim says nothing, but stands up and walks a few feet away] 

  Peter Thorndyke : A moment ago, you mentioned teaching me a lesson. Do I now detect a note of timidity?

  Jim Douglas : Racing. That's the name of the game, isn't it? Win or lose, put up or shut up. You got yourself a deal, Thorndyke.

• Jim Douglas : I'll do it! Okay, I'll do it! But I just want to go on record, I have, I have seen some crummy stunts in my time used to sell cars, but this beats everything! To plant this bug in the possession of an innocent man, and then to accuse me of stealing it!

  Peter Thorndyke : How dare you, sir. Are you suggesting that I would stoop to such tactics?

  Jim Douglas : That's exactly what I'm suggesting!

  Peter Thorndyke : In the first place, it might interest you to that under normal circumstances, I would never sell a car to someone with whom I'm not; well shall we say, socially compatible.

  Jim Douglas : Socially compatible? You would sell a car!

  Carole Bennett : Please! Please, let's not go through that again. I think we've worked it out very well. Mr. Douglas needs a car, and for a very low amount down, and the usual monthly payments... the car will become his.

  Peter Thorndyke : Very well. Even though my personal inclination is to have Mr. Douglas tapped into jail and this four wheel contrivance dropped into the bay!

  Detective : I think Mr. Thorndyke is being very fair.

  Jim Douglas : Fair! It's not fair, I'm being muscled! I just want you know that I know, I know it and I don't like it!

  Carole Bennett : I'll draw the papers. Would you come with me please?

  Peter Thorndyke : Then get Mr. Douglas and his acquisition out of here before I lose my temper!