- Columbo: Mrs. Peck? Mrs. Peck, I made a very poor introduction of myself to you, I know that. I'm a stranger in your house that you love and I'm here to do something that's not very pleasant, so I don't expect you to like me but I have feelings too, Mrs. Peck. Now, I'm sorry about being untidy. That's something that I can't control. That's a fault of mine that I-I, I don't know, I just can't correct that, and I've tried many years. I'm just very untidy. That's my nature, but I've never been un... I-I-I've never been rude to you, Mrs. Peck, and-and i-if you keep on treating me like an enemy just because I'm here trying to find who killed a man that you worked for for thirty-three years, well, then... well, then I think you're a very unfair person.
- Norman Paris: You got the Degas. I got the Picassos.
- Dexter Paris: [Derisively] Norman, you couldn't tell Picasso from a Rorschach test!
- Norman Paris: Can anyone? I know very much what they're worth.
- Michael Hatheway: [Referring to Mrs. Peck and the twins] She practically raised both boys. So she has more love for the family than the family does.
- Columbo: [Sensitive to Mrs. Peck's hostility to him] I think she hates me. I really feel that.
- Dexter Paris: This happens to be a friend of mine. Not a very close friend, but one who does, in fact, qualify, uh, as someone's husband. This happens to be Lt. Columbo of the L.A.P.D., who is your everyday, average, typical, downtrodden American husband.
- Dexter Paris: Hey, where's the honeymoon gonna be?
- Michael Hatheway: Dexter, your uncle is getting married tomorrow. It's not the same as going out for a night on the town.
- Dexter Paris: That's amazing. You must do a little cooking at home, huh?
- Columbo: Uh...
- Dexter Paris: Uh what? You're doing very well though, I must say.
- Columbo: Thank you. Uh...
- Dexter Paris: Can't you say anything else, Lieutenant?
- Columbo: Uh...
- Dexter Paris: I think that's great. You amuse me, Lieutenant.
- Columbo: Yeah. Uh...
- Dexter Paris: Oh, please forgive me. That's very good. For a job well done.
- Dexter Paris: Mr. Hatheway, you're a very nice man... and you happen to be an excellent attorney. But the day you can make a merger between me and my beanbag brother, that is the day they'll appoint you to the Supreme Court.
- Lisa Chambers: Actually, it's a challenging time for me. It's a time when you want to draw from that... that interspacial life force, and, well, I think Clifford understood it better than I. He also understood our bodies. Oh. He loved our bodies. I guess people snickered at us a little. You know, spring in the lap of December. But you know something, Mr. Columbo? There's no age barrier in feeling comfortable with somebody.
- Dexter Paris: And remember... When ze husband comes home tonight, let him know what wonderful eating can do for the marriage.
- Dexter Paris: Now look, you come in here with the subtlety of a train wreck and you ask me what electric mixers I use.