Harry and Tonto (1974)

Art Carney: Harry

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Quotes 

• Harry : You never really feel somebody's suffering; you only feel their death.

• Harry : When did you last have a woman, Jacob?

  Jacob Rivetowski : What?

  Harry : When did you last sleep with a woman?

  Jacob Rivetowski : Saturday night.

  [pause] 

  Jacob Rivetowski : March.

  [pause] 

  Jacob Rivetowski : 1951. Yeah, it was about ten o'clock at night.

• Harry : You know, the strangest thing about being old is... all your friends are dead.

  Shirley : Well, all your old friends, maybe. You could make new friends, you know?

• Harry : [In jail for urinating in public]  This is the first time in my life I've ever been in jail.

  Sam Two Feathers : What are you in for?

  Harry : Peeing.

  Sam Two Feathers : I got a ticket once for shitting.

  Harry : Where'd you do it?

  Sam Two Feathers : No, not me. My horse - in a hotel lobby.

  Harry : Oh.

• Leroy : You all right, Harry?

  Harry : I was mugged.

  Leroy : White boy or black boy?

  Harry : What the hell difference does it make?

  Leroy : I'd just like to know, that's all.

  Harry : White.

  Leroy : Hot damn.

  Harry : If it makes you feel any better, the last one was Puerto Rican.

• Stephanie : When's the last time you made it, Harry?

  Harry : Oh, I haven't had sex in a long time.

  Stephanie : Had? Or enjoyed?

  Harry : [Chuckling]  What's the difference?

  Stephanie : You'll have to pay to find out.

• Harry : I know, life is confusing. We're just trying to get on with it that's all.

• Harry : [Talking to his cat, reminiscing about an earlier New York City]  There were trolleys, Tonto. Cobblestones. The aroma of corned beef and cabbage. The tangy zest of... apple strudel. You had to hand-crank the cars in those days, Tonto. Cars like REO's, Franklins, Hudsons. Those were names fit for a car. These days a man doesn't know whether he's driving a car or an animal: "Mustangs," "Jaguars," "Cougars,"... "Pintos." - Silly.

• Harry : How old are you?

  Ginger : Sixteen.

  Harry : I guess I don't know much about being 16 these days.

  Ginger : Neither do I.

• Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer : I am 62 years old.

  [Indicates to Harry the rather obvious hair piece he's wearing] 

  Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer : I can't get it up unless I take a dose of strychnine.

  Harry : Strychnine? I thought strychnine was poisonous?

  Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer : Naw, no... It really gives you a lift, you know? But I wanna' tell ya, it isn't worth it. 'Cause I get such terrible headaches. Right through my skull. "Bong! Bong!" Like a sledgehammer. So, a fella' has to decide whether he wants a migraine headache... or a piece of ass, you know?

  Harry : Well, Nick, you live and learn.

• Harry : Who's the vice president this week?

  Newspaper vendor : Who cares?

• Harry : Did you see that?

  Jacob Rivetowski : No.

  Harry : Fellow almost ran me over.

  Jacob Rivetowski : What kind of car?

  Harry : I don't know... a big gray job.

  Jacob Rivetowski : Capitalist bastard!

• Panhandler : [knocks on car window]  Have you got 35 cents?

  Harry : Why thirty-five?

  Panhandler : I wanna' buy a mink coat.

• Wade Carlton : So I was broke. I rode me down to Galveston. Read an article in the paper... about catchin' sharks. Shark's good for a lot of things. Got a job with a Portuguese feller. Caught sharks till I couldn't move my arms. Made me $300 and come home. Hadn't shaved for three weeks. Come walkin' up to the front door. The wife thought it was a bum. Told me to clear on out. That's when I got into cats.

  Harry : Your wife still alive?

  Wade Carlton : Nope. Buried three of 'em. Good women. Bad diets.

• Harry : Jacob, they want me to move.

  Jacob Rivetowski : What?

  Harry : I got a notice that they're tearing down my building. They're putting up a fancy parking lot.

  Jacob Rivetowski : Capitalist bastards!

• Harry : Shirley?

  Shirley : What?

  Harry : Do you love me?

  Shirley : Look, I'll tell you something, Harry: I don't always like you, but I do love you.

  Harry : Then why do we always argue?

  Shirley : I don't know. I guess that's the way we talk to each other, Harry.

• Burt Coombes Jr. : I know you think you're really far out. You smoke a couple of joints, and you think you're into something, right? No... hey, I know. I mean, I took 32 trips, you ninny. Pure stuff. Pure rainbow! I had more coke stuffed up this nose than you could breathe air. I was into heavy Tibetan meditation for two years, you jimbo!

  Harry : You're not very tolerant, Junior.

  Burt Coombes Jr. : The heaviest thing I can do for him is to-...

  [shouts] 

  Burt Coombes Jr. : wake him up!

• Harry : Did you ever have Annushka again?

  Jacob Rivetowski : No, no... My father started slipping it to her regularly.

  Harry : [chuckling]  Polish logic!

  Jacob Rivetowski : He was a capitalist bastard!

• Harry : Let me tell you something: times are bad. Don't you believe what they're saying in the papers about a recession. We're in a depression.

  Taxi Driver : You better believe it.

• Harry : Your office near your place?

  Eddie Coombes : I don't need an office anymore, Pop. I'm living off the cream now. I sell a little insurance once in a while... or move a nice piece of real estate whenever I need some fast cash. But mostly I play.

  Harry : Well, I must say, Eddie, you *look* like a playboy.

• Harry : Jesus, eating is the most important thing in the life of a cat.

  Grocery Clerk : Eating is the most important thing in the life of me, too.

• Jacob Rivetowski : You want, you can move in with me.

  Harry : I appreciate that, Jacob, but I think we'd end up hating each other. You know, I can be a real pain in the ass.

  Jacob Rivetowski : I lived with my wife for 40 years. I can live with you.

• Harry : Can you cure bursitis?

  Sam Two Feathers : I cure anything. What is bursitis.

• Harry : I was mugged four times this year.

  Old Landlady : You must live in a good neighborhood.