- Alice: [watching the draft lottery on television] Only men would come up with a draft lottery that uses balls.
- Leonardo DaVinci Rizzo: Where's your boyfriend from?
- Jessica Bloom: San Francisco.
- Leonardo DaVinci Rizzo: That's not a boyfriend. That's a pen-pal!
- Leonardo DaVinci Rizzo: [posing as a blind man in line to register for classes] Is this a full load?
- Class Selection Secretary: Almost.
- Leonardo DaVinci Rizzo: In that case, I would like to take Photography 101.
- Class Selection Secretary: [delicately] Um, I don't think...
- Leonardo DaVinci Rizzo: Madame, I know I am blind! But I don't see why that should hold me back from taking the classes I want. Look at Beethoven, deaf as he was... did anybody tell him not to compose music? Look at Helen Keller... blind as a bat. Did anybody tell her not to teach? Or how about Van Gogh, just because he cut off his ear. No!
- [the people in line cheer]
- Leonardo DaVinci Rizzo: [breaking into an office with a suction cup on a window] I saw it on "I Spy" or "The Untouchables". I forget which.
- Jessica Bloom: I'll tell you exactly what I mean... and it has a great deal to do with the meaning of this bed: Go fuck yourself!