The Wizard of Speed and Time (1988)
Philip Michael Thomas: Policeman Mickey Polanko
Photos
Quotes
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Mom Jittlov : You got a job today?
Mike : Yeah, almost; I sold my car.
Mom Jittlov : [aghast] Your wonderful car?
Mike : Mmm-hmm. Sold my property to pay property taxes.
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Dora Belair : Look, you work with me, I expect a pro. You don't even shake hands; you oughta see a shrink!
Mike : Miss Belair, if you feel compelled to grab part of my body and shake it before you can even be friendly, you've got far worse problems than you think I have.
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[Mike tries to join other film industry unions:]
Mike : Well it's only a dozen little animated lights...
Union Clerk #1 : No no no, you can't *move* 'em; gotta join the Grippers' Guild.
Mike : I have to be an apprentice first?
Union Clerk #2 : For three consecutive years, but ya can't be over twenty-five years old.
Mike : This is simple back-projection!
Union Clerk #3 : Go see Union Projectionists!
Mike : But it's just projected to a painted matte!
Union Clerk #4 : Then also join the Painters' Guild.
Union Manager : Get his number!
Union Clerk #5 : He doesn't have a number.
Union Manager : Then give him a number and take it away!
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[Mike tries to join the Directors' Union:]
Mike : Hello, hi.
Directors' Union Clerk : Can I help you?
Mike : Yes, how do I join the Directors' Union?
Directors' Union Clerk : You need to bring in a copy of the deal memo by your studio producer before you can pay your initiation fee and be cleared by Union Council, thank you...
Mike : Uh, excuse me, what is the initiation fee?
Directors' Union Clerk : Seven thousand dollars, with a hundred dollar application fee, two hundred dollars every quarter, and ten percent of your salary.
Mike : Uhhh, seven thousand dollars, what is that for?
Directors' Union Clerk : That's the amount you pay to get into our union.
Mike : What is it, like Social Security? I get it back when I retire?
Directors' Union Clerk : Absolutely not! What is your classification?
Mike : Uh, well, I'm directing special effects with a small crew.
Directors' Union Clerk : Well, then you must have an Assistant Director, a Second AD, and a UPM, all signed with the DUA.
Mike : All I'm directing is animation!
Directors' Union Clerk : Well then discuss that with the Animators' Union.
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[Mike tries to join the Animators' Union:]
Animators' Union Clerk : (*gul-yuk-hoohoo!*) So, uh, what's your animation classification, huh?
Mike : Well, a lot of everything. Cartoon, kinestasis, rotoscoping, stop-motion...
Animators' Union Clerk : WOAH! Well, cartoon animation alone is twenty-one hundred dollars, plus a fifty dollar entry fee, and a hundred dollar quarterly dues.
Mike : Well, what about filming animation?
Animators' Union Clerk : (*ubbidy-ub*) Well then ya go to the Camera Union.
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[Mike tries to join the Camera Union:]
Camera Union Clerk : No sir, the studio hires the next man on the roster.
Mike : Well, how do I get on the roster?
Camera Union Clerk : You have to be in the union.
Mike : Well, how do I get *in* the union?
Camera Union Clerk : When you're on the roster.
Mike : You mean I can't join unless I'm already a member?
Camera Union Clerk : That's correct. Then you need thirty consecutive days camera operation, a complete physical exam, the producer sends a letter, and *you* pay your fees.
Mike : Well, fine, I've done ten years of camera work!
Camera Union Clerk : Then you've worked in violation of seniority! You'll have to start allll over, as a film loader.
Mike : Look, I'm just building a small set and filming it!
Camera Union Clerk : That's entirely another union. Set and Modelmakers. Next door!
