Porky's (1981)
Mark Herrier: Billy
Photos
Quotes
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Billy : Cherry, this is Pee Wee.
Cherry Forever : I'll say. What do you use for a jockstrap, kid? A peanut shell and a rubber band?
[laughter from the other guys]
Cherry Forever : [to Billy] You know we'd better tie a board across his ass, or he's liable to fall in.
[more laughter in background]
Cherry Forever : [to Pee Wee] Save your energy, needle dick. You're gonna need it.
Pee Wee Morris : [giggling] OK.
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Tommy Turner : Jesus Christ! It's the mother lode.
Billy : I never seen so much wool. You could knit a sweater.
Tommy Turner : This has gotta be the biggest beaver shoot in the history of Florida.
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Pee Wee Morris : All I need is a watermelon and two jelly donuts!
Billy : That's it. I am not taking a shower with you.
[Billy and the other guys get up and leave]
Pee Wee Morris : Religious fanatics.
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Billy : [trying to warn Pee Wee about Cherry Forever] She's married to some big black stud and he's gonna cut your pecker off.
Tommy Turner : Yeah, I hear he's packing tweezers.
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[the gang are at the Deadbeats drive-in restaurant getting their food and drinks]
Billy : The worst thing is you guys are out a hundred bucks.
Tommy Turner : This is just the kind of thing you write off.
Pee Wee Morris : [hands Tommy the receipt] Here you go.
Tommy Turner : Again?
Pee Wee Morris : I got it last time.
Tommy Turner : [pays the waitress] Great. Mick, I'm telling ya, they're bad mothers.
Mickey : I'm going back to get that pig.
Meat : Yeah right, Mick.
Mickey : [throws his hamburger in a fit] Yeah, Meat!
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Billy : All right. Now remember, any sign of guns and we're gone, okay?
[Porky, with a couple of bouncers, storms out the strip joint holding a bat]
Pee Wee Morris : Yo, Billy.
Porky : Where are these five little virgins who think they reached manhood? You wanna tangle ass with me? Come up here, you sawed-off punk! I'll educate ya! I'll wrap this right around your damn neck! Come on, move it!
Billy : [taunts Porky] Boy, boy, Porky. You know, we're really scared. I guess we better go now.
Porky : You better be. Go on, get your ass on home!
Billy : I hope shit floats!
Porky : You'll float if I ever catch you around here again, you little shit!
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Tommy Turner : [in a high-pitched falsetto voice] Hi! I'm Paulie the Penis, and I just love to have fun! Ha Ha Ha.
Billy : [growling Balbricker sees Tommy's sexual organ] Hold still, man! She's comin' for it!
Billy : [growling Balbricker begins coming forward] She's almost got it...
Billy : [Miss Balbricker gets closer] She's almost got it...
Billy : [Miss Balbricker grabs the end off Tommy's organ and pulls hard, slamming Tommy against the other side of the wall] SHE'S GOT IT!
Billy : [Billy and Pee-Wee make their escape] This broad is *really* hot!
Pee Wee Morris : Hang in there, buddy!
Pee Wee Morris : [to Billy as they emerge into the outside] Hey, do you think this means Tommy and Miss Balbricker are engaged?
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Tommy Turner : [to the rest of the guys at Cherry Forever's house] Okay, Cherry's ready. Everyone get their clothes off.
Tim : Wait. What's this bullshit?
Billy : She's got to make sure everybody clean. No VD.
Steve : How's she going to tell that by looking at us?
Tommy Turner : She's done this so many times, she's practically a doctor.
Tim : Yeah, and who's going to inspect her?
[murmurs of agreement from the rest of the guys]
Billy : Look, you guys want to get laid or have a debate?
Pee Wee Morris : Okay, I'm ready!
[they turn to see Pee-Wee wasted no time stripping down, then laughter of all kinds go through the crowd, which Pee-Wee ignores]
Pee Wee Morris : I'm gonna get laid. Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.
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[Porky, his bouncers, the bartender, and one of his strippers are chatting amongst themselves; Billy enters the bar]
Billy : [yells] Soo-ee! Soo! Soo-soo-soo-ee!
Bartender : What the hell is that?
Billy : I wanna see Porky.
Bartender : Who wants to see Porky?
Billy : Tell him the boys from Angel Beach are here. Tell him to bring the best he's got and meet us in the parking lot. Now!
[Porky and the gang laughs as Billy leaves the bar]
Bartender : Do you believe that? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
[sing-songy]
Bartender : Oh, Porky! The boys from Angel Beach are here!
