Mama's Family (1983–1990)
Vicki Lawrence: Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper, Rebecca (painting only)
Photos
Quotes
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Good lord, Vinton, what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Vinton Harper : Well Mama... I'm trying to guess your weight...
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : I've got a better idea Vinton... how about you guess which hand I'm gonna smack you upside the head with?
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[during loud arguments]
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Well, I'll bet the neighbors are just lovin' this!
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : [after having been robbed by a burglar named The Courteous Crook] He's been in there! He's actually been in my bathroom!
Iola Lucille Boyland : Did he take anything?
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : No, he cleaned up!
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : He even put on a new roll of toilet paper... and the right way too - from the bottom out!
Iola Lucille Boyland : I always thought it was supposed to roll over the top...
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : WHAT THE HELL DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
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Bubba Higgins : Grandma, you've got to admit it... There's nothing like the tree to get you into that Christmas spirit.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Yeah, sure, nothing gives me more comfort and joy than cleaning up pine needles for two weeks.
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Franny, don't drink if you can't hold your hooch!
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : The only way to keep from goin' crazy in this house is to stay half lit.
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : I tell ya, a guy selling brains could clean up in this family.
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Bubba Higgins : Grandma doesn't give me any rights!
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : You have the right to remain silent.
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Naomi Oates Harper : Oh, you just love to put people down, don't you, Mrs. Harper?
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : It is not only a pleasure, I see it as my duty!
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : For 50 years I have been in charge of Christmas. I've jingled your bells and I've roasted your chestnuts. This Christmas you goons can just rum-pa-pum-pum without me.
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[Vint pawned Mama's silver to bail his friend, Claude Cainmaker, whom Mama despises, out of jail]
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Good Lord in heaven! You robbed me for that bum!
Vinton Harper : I didn't rob anybody! And he is not a bum. He is a man of vision and integrity and belief in his fellow human beings!
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Well, what did he need that money for?
Vinton Harper : Bail!
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Eunice Higgins : Why doesn't anything good ever happen to me? All I do is cook and clean!
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Well, hell, you can't even do that!
Eunice Higgins : You're skatin' on thin ice old lady!
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Naomi Oates Harper : I love a Boy's Choir at Christmas.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : That's 'cause you've never had to sit through one.
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Vinton Harper : Getting the right message isn't easy, it could take all night.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : The hell you say.
[presses record button]
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : It's your dime, spill it!
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : [Repeated line] What kind of a smut show is this?
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Naomi Oates Harper : Aren't you going to introduce your family?
Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Not if I can help it.
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Well what the hell are you waiting for? Open up the door and let the good times roll...
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : I wanna kill myself! Quick! Gimme somethin' Naomi made!
Vinton Harper : Here, Mama. Try one of these Spam and anchovy sandwiches.
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Good Lord!
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : Well, Buzz, I believe you've gotten taller behind my back.
Vinton Harper : Sorry.
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : My dogs are barkin'.
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : From now on if we have any backstabbing to do were going to do it the way we have always done it face to face.
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Thelma 'Mama' Harper : From now on, I'm not gonna give my family anything but hell!