Real Genius (1985)
Gabriel Jarret: Mitch Taylor
Photos
Quotes
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Mitch : What are you doing?
Chris Knight : Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"
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Mitch : You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning...
Chris Knight : Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch : No...
Chris Knight : Why am I the only one who has that dream?
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Mitch : Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight : You've seen him too?
Mitch : Who is he?
Chris Knight : Hollyfeld.
Mitch : Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight : Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch : To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there.
Chris Knight : Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him.
Mitch : Yeah...
Chris Knight : Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?
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[Kent opens his dorm room door to find his car inside]
Chris Knight : Hey Kent... That's your car.
Mitch : Kent, you know you're not supposed to park that on campus.
Kent : You've gone too far this time, Knight.
Chris Knight : [whiny, scared voice] I had help!
[points to Mitch]
Kent : You, huh? Well you won't get away with this. Doctor Hathaway's gonna hear all about this. You'll rue the day!
Chris Knight : "Rue the day?" Who talks like that?
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Chris Knight : Okay Mitch, I'm gonna make it up to you. Let's just pause, put that down. Let's just take a step back. No, I was wrong, I'm sorry, take a step forward. Now, take a step back. Step forward. Back. And then we're cha-cha-ing!
Mitch : Will you stop it? I'm serious!
Chris Knight : Okay, I'm serious too!
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[Chris is holding a lab beaker with pink liquid in it]
Chris Knight : Here Mitch, taste this. Go on, you won't hurt my feelings, just try it. What do you think, too sweet?
Mitch : What is it?
Chris Knight : I don't know, I found it in one of the labs.
[Mitch starts to induce vomiting]
Chris Knight : Relax, it's just yogurt.
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Mitch : [as he helps a hallway sledder up from a crash] Are you okay?
Jordan : [Removing helmet and talking rapidly] No, not emotionally, no I'm not. I'm disappointed, not terribly, but still. It should have gone much further much faster. It's okay, though, I know what the problem is. It's obviously the drag coefficient. I'll just have to redesign the blades. I can do that no problem. I can do that here. But after they're designed I got to cut them and that takes tools and time. Do you know how long this stuff is supposed to last?
'Ick' Ikagami : Maybe another half an hour?
Jordan : Oh that's great, that's good, I can do that no problem. Okay, what's your name?
Mitch : Mitch.
Jordan : Oh, thank you for your help, Mitch. Okay I'll see you later.
Mitch : [as she's leaving] You're welcome!
Mitch : [to Ick as Jordan rushes back] Who was that?
'Ick' Ikagami : That? Oh, that was...
Jordan : I'm Jordan. I forgot to tell you my name, I'm Jordan. I heard there was going to be someone new this term. Are you it?
Mitch : Yeah.
Jordan : Do you have a bed?
Mitch : Yeah.
[a surprised look hits Mitch's face as his mind registers the question]
Jordan : [not missing a beat] Oh. I was going to make you one if you didn't have one, but you have one. Okay, bye.
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Mitch : But if I stay, what should I do?
Chris Knight : You get even with Kent. It's a moral imperative.
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Dr. Meredith : A bit of advice...
Mitch : Oh, uh, thank you...
Dr. Meredith : Always... no, no... never... forget to check your references.
Mitch : Uh... ok... thank you. I'd better be going.
[leaves]
Dr. Meredith : [to his wife] I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down" verbally, don't you?
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Chris Knight : You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch : No.
Chris Knight : Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy."
Mitch : What is that?
Chris Knight : It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch : No!
Chris Knight : I'm kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.
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[last lines]
'Ick' Ikagami : Do you think it's getting weird around here?
Chris Knight : Absolutely.
Jordan : I didn't notice.
Mitch : I like it.
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Chris Knight : [while Mitch is packing to leave] If you want to leave, go ahead. But, uh... you're going to miss the fun.
Mitch : What fun?
Chris Knight : Ick invented a new virus and we're going to release it in Kent's room.
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Chris Knight : Kent puts his name on his license plate.
Mitch : My mom does the same thing to my underwear.
Chris Knight : Your mom puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?
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[to Chris]
Mitch : You have to get even with Jerry Hathaway. "It's a moral imperative."
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Mitch : He lied to us.
Chris Knight : It's easy to lie to you, Mitch. You trust people. I'm a cynic.
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'Ick' Ikagami : It worked!
Mitch : That's neat!
'Ick' Ikagami : Now if we can just keep it from exploding!
Kent : Explo-?
[rushes into his room]
Chris Knight : Hey Ick, you were just kidding about exploding, right?
[starts to notice no one else is there any longer]
Chris Knight : Ick? It's a joke, right?
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Professor Hathaway : Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch : Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids.
Professor Hathaway : Good boy.
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Mitch : This is coherent light.
Mitch's dad : Oh, so it talks.
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Air Force SP at Gate : IDs?
Chris Knight : Hey, could you snap it up buddy, we just flew in, we're tired, we're hungry, we rented this stupid car...
Mitch : Are you out of your mind?
Chris Knight : Shh. We've got to intimidate these guys. Be cool. It's okay.
Air Force SP at Gate : You're not on the list.
Chris Knight : List. We're not on the list. Yeah, that's because we're classified.
Mitch : Yeah.
Air Force SP at Gate : [on checkpoint phone in background] Security. Yes, sir.
Air Force SP at Gate : Aren't you guys a little young to be technicians?
Chris Knight : Yeah, well, lasers are a young science... okay, there, fine, you made me say it. Now we're both in trouble!
Air Force SP at Gate : Look, I'll call the duty officer.
[guard turns]
Mitch : Uh.
Chris Knight : [calling guard back] Hey, uh, there, uh, airborne!
Chris Knight : Don't do that. Listen, if you make that call it's our job: we're four hours late. Give us a break, will ya' buddy? Someday you might be in the private sector too, right?
Mitch : Yeah.
Chris Knight : [as guard turns again] We're dead.
Mitch : Oh, no.
Chris Knight : [as guard surprisingly waves them through] All right!
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Mitch : [holding his fake ID badge] What if these don't fool anybody?
Chris Knight : They shoot us.