April Fool's Day (1986)

Tom Wilson: Arch

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chaz : Boy Muffy, you really know how to make a guy look forward to... dessert.

  Arch : Please God, let it be Ding-Dongs!

• Arch : You're telling me! When I was out there swinging in the woods, I nearly crapped my pants.

  Ferryman : What do you mean "nearly"?

  Chaz : Arch? You browned your trou?

  Arch : Well, uh... you know, I was...

  Constable Potter : It's all right, Arch, they'll be out of the dryer soon.

• Kit : And don't anyone say "April Fool's" again or I'll rip them apart!

  Skip , Arch : Cough-cough-April Fool's!-cough-cough

• Arch : This is incredible. Here we are: privileged, independent, the hope for the future right here at this table, and not one of us knows what we're gonna do with the rest of our lives.

  Kit : We're all friends here, right?

  Nikki : Sort of.

• Rob : He said to forget it. He said that my grades might be okay but basically I possess an essential lack of seriousness, and that's what they look for.

  Arch : Him too? That's what my guy said. I said "You gotta be kidding. I mean how can anyone be serious about anything when some moron can steal a bomb or push a button and nuke us all until our shadows glow?" He wasn't impressed with that, but...

• Arch : [mocking tone]  Hi, my name is Mary O'Riley O'Tool O'Shea. I want to go to convent school and things like that. Welcome, welcome to my home and lifestyles of the rich and undeserving.

• Muffy : Well there's an awful lot to be done with the place.

  Arch : You sound as if you own it.

  Muffy : I will, if all goes well next month when I turn 21, it's my first stage of inheritance.

  Harvey : First stage? What's your second?

  Nikki : Taxes, you may be talking to your future boss, Harve.

• Nan : [about the table set with dolls at every setting]  Just like Agatha Christie.

  Chaz : And sporks.

  Arch : Sporks?

  Chaz : [mocking voice]  And napkins with bunnies on 'em. Gee, Muff, you really spare no expense.

  Muffy : Well now how do you think Daddy made his money?

  Nikki : The old fashioned way, he inherited it.

  Nan : [about the doll at her place]  I used to have all her outfits.

• Kit : It's okay now, with the others, they were outside, but you...

  Chaz : We're inside now, so we're safe.

  Nan : It's all because of what happened at the ferry, isn't it?

  Chaz : It was an accident! Christ! Don't they know that?

  Arch : Muffy, where do you keep your guns?

  Muffy : Guns? We don't keep guns in this house.

• Nan : Can I make a toast? Well, someone once said to me to cherish the friends you make in college.

  Arch : I try to cherish *all* the friends I make.

  Nikki : Stop it.

  Nan : Because... they'll be the friends you cherish most for the rest of your life. So, here's to us and here's to my life, because I'm very glad to be here. And to be a part of all of you.

  Kit : Muffy, anything you want to add to that?

  Muffy : Why me?

  Nikki : Because you're the hostess.

  Muffy : Okay. In his Life of Johnson, Janus Boswell said 'We cannot predict the precise moment when friendships are formed, as in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last one which makes it run over. So in a series of kindnesses, there is at last one which makes the heart run over.' So, with this toast, may our hearts run over and our friendships be formed.

• Chaz : Hey wait a minute, look at this, Skip's knife. Think it was that guy on the ferry?

  Rob : I don't know, I don't know what to think.

  Arch : I say we go looking for them, him, or Skip, one of them's got to be on this island.

  Chaz : You mean split up?

  Arch : Yeah, no sucker's taking me in.

• Arch : [enters his room]  Alright, ladies, we're gonna have some privacy.

  [pushes the beds together, Chaz walks in with his stuff] 

  Arch : You gotta be kidding.

  Chaz : Unless Muffy knows something about us that we don't.

  Arch : [they fall on the bed grabbing each other laughing]  Hold me, boyfriend, hold me.

  Chaz : Just holster it, cowboy, will ya?

  Arch : Let's play hide the sausage!

  Chaz : Giddyup!