Summer School (1987)
Mark Harmon: Freddy Shoop
Photos
Quotes
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Shoop : Hey, I remember you. Where have you been?
Jerome Watkins : Bathroom.
Shoop : For the last six weeks?
Jerome Watkins : My zipper got stuck.
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Principal Kelban : Field trips to the beach, drinking on the beach, a bed in your classroom, a screening of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1... quite a summer, Mr. Shoop.
Shoop : I tried to keep it interesting.
Phil Gills : I have his dismissal ready for your signature, sir.
Principal Kelban : Before I sign anything, I understand there are some people waiting to speak on Mr. Shoop's behalf.
Shoop : Really?
Principal Kelban : Come in.
[opens the door to Shoop's students and their parents and guardians]
Phil Gills : Mr. Kelban, you're not actually going to listen to these delinquents?
Principal Kelban : No, I'm going to listen to their parents. I'm Principal Kelban. Is there a spokesperson here?
Mr. Gremp : I guess I am. I'm Howard Gremp.
Principal Kelban : You're Chainsaw's father. Interesting boy.
Mr. Gremp : No, you can say it. He's a lunatic.
Chainsaw : Dad...
Mr. Gremp : Six weeks ago, I thought he had the IQ of a salad bar. His only interest in life was to make people sick. If my mother came to dinner, he would give the dog a third eye or an extra leg. Because of him, we stopped having kids. You can imagine the feeling when I saw him studying. The wife and I almost burst into tears.
Mrs. Frazier : David was doing his homework, too.
Mr. Gremp : It makes sense, they share the same brain.
Mrs. Green : Not only did Mr. Shoop get my daughter to read, he taught her to drive.
Mr. Winchester : He showed Kevin there's more to life than football. I'm not sure I agree, but it's possible.
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Phil Gills : [the class is watching "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"] Oh my God. What are you watching?
Shoop : New film from the district, "Safe Use Of Power Tools".
Phil Gills : [holds a box] This just came... I don't want to know what's in here, do I?
Shoop : Nope, probably not.
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Shoop : Denise: no previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38.
Mrs. Green : Honey, that's terrific!
Denise : We'll get 'em next time.
Shoop : Kevin, from a 48 to a 75!
Kevin Winchester : Yeah, I'm back on the team!
[Kevin and his did share football shouts and hug]
Shoop : Chainsaw: last score was a 6, this time: 59. Monster comeback! And Dave: from a 26 to a 70.
Dave : I passed!
Anna-Maria Mazarelli : You made it!
Chainsaw : You passed? You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me?
Dave : It was an accident. I'll take it again, I can fail, I know it.
Shoop : Pam went from a 53 to an 82.
Pam : Was that the highest?
Shoop : Well, almost. That guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. You all worked hard and improved.
Phil Gills : And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. The point here is that we are here to discuss Mr. Shoop's flagrant violation of school policies.
Principal Kelban : Hold it, Gills. According to my numbers, the average scores have increased from 28 to 63. That's 125% improvement. Now that's teaching. Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure.
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Shoop : [to Chainsaw] Fact: Alcohol kills brain cells. You lose one more and you're a talking monkey.
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Phil Gills : This man should not be teaching. The proof is right here in these test results. Look for yourself, Mr. Shoop. Passing is 70; average score here was 63. They failed.
Shoop : [looks at the results] That is not true, Mr. Gills.
Alan Eakian : You mean we passed?
Shoop : No, not all of you, but that's not what's important here. Larry went from an 18 to a 51!
Mrs. Kazimias : If I'd only seen you strip a week sooner.
Shoop : Rhonda: from a 29 to a 43 and she gave birth.
Mrs. Altobello : Isn't childbirth grounds for a makeup test?
Principal Kelban : It always has been.
Chainsaw : This woman thing never fails.
Shoop : Eakian: a 51 to a 74.
Alan Eakian : I passed! I am an Eakian, Grams!
Dave : All right, Eaker!
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Shoop : Can anybody tell me why writing is important?
Pam : Because it's a form of communication.
Shoop : Very good, it can also get you free stuff.
Kids : Free?
Shoop : Free, I'm writing the word... "Free". Here's how it works, we've all been ripped off, right? Pay phone steals your money... not enough cheese on your pizza...
Chainsaw : My shades keep falling apart!
Shoop : Perfect! Now, you're going to write that company a letter, and you're going to see action, but only if the letter is well written... and it threatens to hurt their business... and is signed- forgive me Chainsaw- Francis Gremp, President: Consumer Against Faulty Eyewear.
Chainsaw : You want me to lie? Okay.
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Shoop : [trying to get out of teaching summer school] I'm not a real teacher.
Vice Principal Phil Gills : That's okay. They aren't real students.
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Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : [reading Denise's complaint letter] Shoop, this girl is dyslexic.
Shoop : What?
Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : This is serious. You've got to get her some help.
Shoop : How did she go this long without anyone finding out?
Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : She must've slipped through the system.
Shoop : What happens when she gets out in the real world?
Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : *Wait a minute*! Is this the same guy who brought his kids to an amusement park?
Shoop : Uh huh.
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Rhonda Altobello : Are you sure you wanna do this?
Shoop : Absolutely. Lamaze class: great place to meet girls.
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Shoop : I'm telling you, you gotta try these Pop Tarts.
Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : No thanks, I'm sticking with the Chocodiles.
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Larry Kazamias : Once a guy hits 18, it's all downhill.
Shoop : But it's a lovely ride.
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Shoop : [reading call sheet] Rhonda Altobello?
Rhonda Altobello : Here.
Shoop : You went from Cs to Fs, what happened?
Rhonda Altobello : [stands up and pats her pregnant stomach] Any other questions?
Shoop : [embarrassed] No.
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Kevin Winchester : Uh, can Rhonda and I be excused? She's having a baby.
Shoop : You're having a baby?
[climbs over the desks to reach her]
Shoop : Why didn't you say anything?
Rhonda Altobello : I wanted to finish my test.
[walks down the stairs towards the door]
Shoop : Can I get you anything, hot water, a doctor?
Rhonda Altobello : [laughs] Get out of my way.
Shoop : Get out of your way, I can do that.
[to school security]
Shoop : Carmine, get out of her way!
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Jerome Watkins : The computer said I failed that test. The computer made an error. I suggest this time *I pass*.
Shoop : [Clearly intimidated] You're gonna do well, Jerome... I can feel it.