- Garald Bradley-Smith: Here, have a forkful of mine.
- [Gerald moves his fork towards Sidney's open mouth, put moves it back suddenly. Sidney looks annoyed]
- Lipton: How bloody juvenile can you get?
- [Gerald smiles at him while eating, with eyes wide open]
- Garald Bradley-Smith: [to the audience, after a gun blows off a plastic head] I've heard of losing your head over a women, but this...
- Willie: Now we've all arrived, let's get down to business.
- Lipton: What business?
- Willie: Things are tough, Sidney. I'm broke, widowed, and being thrown out of my home. I need my real frieinds.
- Lipton: Then why is Gerald here?
- Willie: Because I want you two to do a job.
- Lipton: I'm not working with that double-crosser. He's put so many partners in jail they've named a wing after him,
- Garald Bradley-Smith: You're no master criminal yourself.
- Lipton: Yeah, well the closest thing you'll ever get to a brainstorm is a drizzle.
- [Smiles]
- Lipton: Do you really think we look the same?
- Inspector Grosse: You sure do! I'll bankroll the preparations. All the research is in here.
- [Holds up folder]
- Lipton: Hickler's got blue eyes, I haven't.
- Garald Bradley-Smith: My one's quite handsome.
- Lipton: You'll never look like him them.
- [Gerald looks offended]
- Lipton: Here, my one's got a funny nose.
- Garald Bradley-Smith: You're the one with a funny nose.
- Alf: Sidney! Hey Sidney! Sidney, it's me Alf. We shared a prison cell.
- Lipton: [Pretending to be Hickler] I think you made mistake, mister. My name is Hickler, Doctor Daniel Hickler.
- Alf: But I owe you twenty quid, Sid boy.
- Garald Bradley-Smith: I'll take that.
- [takes banknote]
- Lipton: You don't know me.
- Alf: Geez, maybe you're right. Love the new nose Sid; the accent stinks.
- Lipton: [In normal voice] I'm dead!
- Darrell Hyde: Don't worry, you're under twenty-four hour surveillance.
- Lipton: You had Hickler under twenty-four hour surveillance, you had under Bavistock twenty-four hour surveillance, you couldn't keep your dick under twenty-four hour surveillance.
- Francesca: I always wanted a farm.
- Death's Head: Oh, me too. I love pigs.
- Francesca: [laughing] It figures!
- Darrell Hyde: Gotcha.
- Lipton: He went down there!
- [Pointing at Hickler]
- Darrell Hyde: I'm not gonna fall for that old trick...
- Lipton: Oh, for Heaven's sake! I'll show you.
- [Sidney takes a dark out from his kilt, throws it up at the sky. A bird falls down, with the dart in it, in a flurry of feathers]
- Lipton: Could Hickler do that?
- Nigel Holden: Why should he? He's a vegetarian.
- Willie: Sidney, guess who's here.
- Inspector Grosse: 'Allo Sid.
- Lipton: You!
- [Begins to choke him]
- Willie: You remember Chief Inspector Grosse.
- Inspector Grosse: No hard feelings, ay Sid?
- Lipton: No hard feelings? You put me away for three years!
- Inspector Grosse: Had to Sid, someone ratted on you!
- Lipton: Ratted? Nobody knew about that heist, except me... And Gerald.
- [He releases Gerald, stands up, and comes to a cosmic relisation]
- Lipton: Of course. It was Gerald.
- Sir John Bavistock: Good, we missed the dinner.
- Daniel Hicklar: Still time to impress the science groupies.
- Sir John Bavistock: Let's wash our hands.
- Willie: Why the heck did you let Sidney go out the night before the scam?
- Garald Bradley-Smith: Give him a break Willie. He hasn't had a women in three years.
- [a pause]
- Garald Bradley-Smith: Has he?
- Willie: How should I know?
- Lipton: Well come on guys; don't just stare. Do you want cheap energy or don't you?
- [Korean bidder hands him his bid]
- Lipton: I know things are cheap out east, but forget it.
- [Iranian bidder hands him his bid]
- Lipton: A very fair offer. And my I add, that the Islamic Republic of Iran has been grossly misrepresented in the Western media.
- Iranian Bidder: Just get on with the sale, a**hole.
- Lipton: Yip.
- [Points at Death's Head, who hands him his offer]
- Lipton: Heh, you win handsome. Your government will bid in the final auction. You have your, er, none returnable deposit?
- [Inspects Death's Head's deposit]
- Lipton: Yep, this looks pretty good. Anyone ever tell you that you look like Mel Gibson?
- [Death's Head shakes his head]
- Lipton: I'm not surprised.
- Daniel Hicklar: Yay! Yay!
- [Sir John dashes off]
- Camera Operator: Hey, where's he going?
- TV Interviewer: Sir John?
- Daniel Hicklar: It works, it works!
- Sir John Bavistock: Are you sure?
- Daniel Hicklar: You bet you a*s! Let's have some champagne.
- Sir John Bavistock: But you don't drink!
- Daniel Hicklar: [Throws champagne bottle at wall] I give you, licence to print money.
- Sir John Bavistock: Oh hu hu huh. No one else knows?
- Daniel Hicklar: No one else knows. What do you reckon the secret to an endless supply of clean cheap energy is worth on the open market?
- Sir John Bavistock: Money, money!
- [Face lights up]
- Garald Bradley-Smith: You've made me an offer I must refuse.
- Italian Bidder: Never holiday in Sicily, my friend.
- [Does symbol of disrespect and leaves]
- Lipton: We're thieves, not spies.
- Garald Bradley-Smith: Thank you Sidney.
- [Camera zooms out]
- Garald Bradley-Smith: There goes our not guilty plea.
- Garald Bradley-Smith: Drive Tim, they're unto us.
- [Car speeds away, leaving behind one of Gerald's crime partners]
- Garald Bradley-Smith: Poor old Rodney. Hate to do this to him.
- Tim: Ronald.
- [Tim is admonishing]
- Garald Bradley-Smith: Whoever.
- Lipton: We're in deadly danger!
- Garald Bradley-Smith: You're in deadly danger. Bavistock has not escaped.
- Lipton: You think you're so hard, don't you.
- Garald Bradley-Smith: I'll let Francesca be the judge of that.