Nothing But Trouble (1991)
Demi Moore: Diane Lightson
Photos
Quotes
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Chris Thorne : Alvin, I was just thinking you've got enough vintage steel around here to make a few thousand Toyotas. Ever think of selling the whole place to the Japanese?
J.P. : There you go. Does the Pope wear a hat? Was Sergeant York's mother an angel? And will a banker grope for money?
Chris Thorne : I'm not a banker, I'm a financial publisher.
J.P. : Well, all I know is in '17 after they shipped me off to fight, some New York financier rolled in here one day and hog-glowsered and tub-wankled my grandfather into mining out the whole town in exchange for shares in something called the United Coke Company. Do you know what those stock certificates are worth today?
[shouts]
J.P. : JUST ABOUT THE FINEST OUTHOUSE WALLPAPER YOU'VE EVER SEEN! We were forced to become what you drove through today; a burnt out coal field and the biggest icebox graveyard this side of the Ohio foundry belt! And that's why I *never* let a banker go!
Fausto : So your grandpa made a lousy deal, is that our problem?
Diane Lightson : Judge, that's a very tragic, tragic story.
J.P. : I believe it is.
Renalda : You should do a book.
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Diane Lightson : Let's just be quiet and let him do his little thing and we'll be on our way.
J.P. : Oh, I will let you be on your way, and when you go...
[bellows]
J.P. : THE CAT'S EYES'LL SPIN! NOW, LISTEN!
Chris Thorne : OK, we'll listen!
J.P. : [calm again] Hey, hey, ha! Ho ha! Heh heh heh heh! Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! The Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now! Just like a bunch of spiders in a birthday cake!
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Bobo : [the three are playing cards] If I win, I get... another bowl of cereal!
L'il Debbull : If I win, I get... Diane!
Diane Lightson : [cutesy] No, L'il Debbull
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Chris Thorne : [after Chris insults the Reeve and falling in a chamber of squeaky toys, Diane punches him; shocked] What was that for?
Diane Lightson : [furious] How could you be so insensitive?
Chris Thorne : What do you mean? What are you talking about?
Renalda : Fausto, you better do something about this!
Fausto : Niña, you're pulling on my coat, now cool it!
Diane Lightson : I had us out of here! Then you had to go and open your big mouth!
[pulls toy out of her shirt]
Chris Thorne : *You* had us out of here? We would've been here another two hours listening to the history of the Valkenburger farm or wherever the hell we are!
Diane Lightson : I knew that I couldn't depend on you!
Chris Thorne : Listen, I don't need this! I was just trying to get us to Atlantic City... for YOU!
Diane Lightson : [sarcastic] Oh, is that right?
Chris Thorne : Yeah!
Fausto : [to Chris] You're no longer our financial advisor! You're fired!
Diane Lightson , Chris Thorne : [to Fausto] SHUT UP!
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J.P. : [at the dinner table, a meat grinder makes a whining noise like a dog] How do you like your dog?
Diane Lightson : They're serving dog?
J.P. : Oh, no, no, no, *hot* dogs, *hot* dogs. Dutch country, prized Hereford winners.
Diane Lightson : [relieved] Oh! Hot dogs!
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Diane Lightson : [to Chris] I didn't mean what I said when I told you to save yourself. Get your ass back down here and SAVE ME!
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Diane Lightson : How long have you been divorced?
Chris Thorne : Four years.
Diane Lightson : Do you still love her?
Chris Thorne : Nah, been over her for... weeks.
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Chris Thorne : All this is about some hustler who dumped on you, right? Isn't it? Well, what about Suntz? Really? I mean, what were you planning on doing when you got down to Atlantic City and confronted him? Slap his face in front of a roomful of investors? That's a helluva way to break up with a guy if that's what you were doing.
[Diane sighs]
Chris Thorne : So you picked the wrong guy. Happens to the best of us. I've been through this. You know, when it come to love, there's no accounting for taste.
[jokes at Diane]
Chris Thorne : Hell, I used to be married to Imelda Marcos.
[Diane chuckles]
Chris Thorne : You don't have to put yourself through this. A guy like that's gonna bury himself anyway. He doesn't deserve you. You're too good for him.
Diane Lightson : I'm just such a jerk. I mean, why do I always pick the wrong guy? I mean, I'm... I'm so trusting...
[kisses Chris]
Diane Lightson : and so gullible.
[kisses Chris again and continues it]
Diane Lightson : I mean, I don't know why I'm such a pushover. I mean I'm such a sucker. Mmm. Mmm. I just... love a pretty face. Oh! Oh, it's so... Oh, it's so embarrassing.
[Shocked]
Diane Lightson : Oh! Ooh! I better lie down.
[sprints towards the bed]
Diane Lightson : Oh, you're nothing but trouble. Ooh! Oh!
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Diane Lightson : [passing "No Cussing" sign] Oh, and no cussing.
Chris Thorne : Oh, shit.
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Diane Lightson : [about the judge] Does he treat all traffic violators this graciously?
Dennis : Only ones he takes a special interest in, like bankers.
