The Pope Must Diet (1991) Poster

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6/10
Simple faith beats conniving
brad-kruse22 April 2005
This silly story of an ethical priest (Coltrane) with more good heart than religious scholarship overflows with cartoon-like characters. The Reverend Mother over the orphanage hates fun and children. The Bishop is intent on church business to the exclusion of expressions of faith. The Monsigneur assisting the pope and Cardinal Rocko are working for the local gun-runner/mafia boss. The hit men claim work they didn't do, and deny work they did. And on and on.

Understand that the point of the picture is not to make fun of the Vatican, but to show an unstoppable presence that restores, time after time, sanctity and service to the Roman Catholic Church. Yes, certain figures are shown to be unscrupulous and doing wrong. Yes, we can laugh about the crucifix flip-phone and a Cardinal confessing 'If you can think of a sin, I did it!' The bad guys don't win this one, though. The good guys generally end up supported and blessed (except poor Joe Don Dante and Carreli's daughter).

I have to admit thinking about the opening scenes during the final days of Pope John Paul II. And I cringe at the moments before the announced 'Pope's Dead!'. I imagine the story is a blend of farce and speculation on rituals at the Vatican, and not to be used in religious instruction. Irreverent small story, a bit of electric rock guitar. I wonder if it is on the hidden video collection/en suite bar for Pope Benedict XVI... I keep coming back to 'The Pope Must Diet' (USA title) for a little fun.
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4/10
Has the potential for great religious satire but eventually falls flat
The-Last-Prydonian20 February 2018
Religion has always been a contentious subject, and yet one ripe for satirical comedy. It's been done more than several times in recent years, with Kevin Smith's Dogma as well as Christopher Morris's Four Lions springing readily to mind. It was one however, that writers Peter Richardson and Pete Richens had failed to tackle on the small screen with their anarchic and predominantly satirical, The Comic Strip Presents...series of short films. They chose to satirize Catholicism with their third full-length feature film after, The Supergrass and Eat the Rich. Frequently collaborating together with the results being decidedly hit-and-miss. However, when they really hit at times they really could hit the mark. It's with some semblance of goodwill then that I approached, The Pope Must Die hoping that it might be rewarded.

With Robbie Coltrane, in the title role as the eponymous new pope, C. David "Dave" Albinizi. A dedicated priest who before his appointment to Pontiff works in an Italian orphanage run by Nuns. Whose unconventional methods raise the ire of the Mother Superior (veteran actress Annette Crosbie of, One Foot in the Grave and Dr. Finlay fame). A clerical error upon the death of the last Pope finds the small-time priest in the hallowed position. One that proves timely as he was given his marching orders by his boss. Meanwhile, head Italian mafioso Vitorrio Corelli, (Herbert Lom) has insinuated his influence into the Catholic Church. Becoming more and more rife with corruption, and wants to see the new Pope, "taken care of." He becomes enraged upon learning that the wrong man has been given the role. He had his eyes set on another to fill the vacancy.

There is at the heart of the film, the potential for some great satire, and Coltrane invariably makes for a likable leading man. Bringing considerable warmth and conviction to Albinizi. It does indeed get off to a promising start with the early scenes being fairly engaging and the absurdist nature of its humor. One was often a mainstay of Richardson and Richens's work with The Comic Strip team (of which Richardson was the founding member) working well. It does indeed raise a few chuckles. As a biting satire on the inner workings of the Vatican, and allegations of corruption that have dogged the institution for decades which ranks as only just one of its misdemeanors over the years. It feels like something of a wasted opportunity.

While there are early hints at the sardonic edge that we've come to expect it proves to later be decidedly unfocused and rather shallow. It's as if they're holding back which gets in the way of the political and social commentary. Comically over-the-top characters that permeate the film's narrative although initially raising a smile do begin to wear pretty thin, as does the plot which just goes from absurd to plain ridiculous with its plot developing into a bit of a contrived shambles in its final act. It's by this point it feels like it has descended into a one-joke concept that has run out of steam. Not even the scenes involving John Sessions and Steven O'Donnell as two bungling hitmen, sent to carry out Corelli's dirty work despite the efforts of both actors do much if anything to raise laughs. Any attempts involving the duo simply feel forced. All the while, Adrian Edmondson, a former Comic Strip regular and writer along with Richardson and Richens feels underused and wasted as a hard-of-hearing Vatican Priest who delivers some of the movie's scarce laughs. With Paul Bartel and yes, Peter Richardson (who makes more of an effort on screen than he clearly has on the paper) doing the best they can to strain laughs from the flimsy script but it's ultimately a losing battle.

The Pope Must Die, I can at least say is not the worst of the movies that both Richardson and Richens collaborated on. Their later attempt at satire proved even less successful with Churchhill: The Hollywood Years bombing at the box office thirteen years later proving to be arguably the nadir of their respective careers. It does after all benefit from the reliable presence of Coltrane as it does the rest of its strong cast, but even they cannot prevent it from being something that could have been so much more and lacks the innovative, searing wit that was better served on the small screen than it was on the big.
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BRILLIANT
gypolanc17 July 2003
This film is truly hilarious. Some people mightn't like it, but if you're Catholic and fairly broadminded, it's a scream. Annette Crosbie as the nun, and Ade Edmundson as the deaf Priest are the best performers- save for Herbert Lom and Robbie Coltrane who really make this movie come alive.
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1/10
Boring
filmbuff197029 May 2002
This just isnt funny,the plot is dumb.The jokes are nowhere to be found.This movie is so bad watching paint dry would be more fun.The waste of a capable cast. The writer of this crap should be ashamed.Awful 1 out of 10
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1/10
Uniquely putrid. Atrocious.
otis-1027 August 1999
Warning: Spoilers
It would be impossible to write a spoiler about this one; there's no coherent plot. Even by the standards of its low-rent cast, this one is appalling -- a complete waste of time and film. It could appeal only to crackpots and religious bigots. Perhaps it was intended to provide work for otherwise unemployable "performers"; if so, the producer has a lot to answer for.
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7/10
More comedy gold from The Comic Strip.
13Funbags25 April 2017
I heard the story of them changing the title of this movie and without even seeing it, I was very upset that they would give into pressure from a church and change the name. After seeing the movie, it's clear that if you have a problem with the title, you are a humorless turd.It's funny that the church never complained about the mob picking the Pope. Starring Robbie Coltrane (Hagrid from Harry Potter) and Beverly D'Angelo and written by Peter Richardson(the man behind The Comic Strip Presents), this movie is hilarious and action packed. The mob is picking the new Pope and a hard of hearing clerk(Adrian Edmondson,Vyvyan from The Young Ones)hears the name wrong and a guitar playing priest from an orphanage becomes the new Pope. The only way to get rid of him is to kill him. Wackiness ensues. This is a must see.
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7/10
"We're the Church, we collect money, we don't give it out." Monsignor Fitchie (Paul Bartel)
merklekranz15 January 2021
So goes this irreverent, and often hilarious "black comedy." The film does have several problems, starting with the name change from "The Pope Must Die", to "The Pope Must Diet." The movie has nothing to do with diets, but the Mob is trying to kill the Pope. Performances are uneven, from Robbie Coltrane being an acceptable totally unqualified Pope, to brilliant characterizations of unscrupulous Vatican Clergy, by Paul Bartel and Alex Rocco. That's in addition to appearances by Beverly D'Angelo and Herbert Lom. The editing is somewhat choppy, and the violence comes and goes, however overall the film succeeds as entertainment, mostly due to the inventive script, and class actors. No religious apologies are necessary, for this outrageous and hilarious comedy. MERK
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8/10
Our Father, who art in trouble....
Paul Shrimpton4 December 2002
.... was the tagline for this movie, and if you want something to take seriously, this ain't it.

Some of the voters and commenters for this movie appear to belong to those particular group of planet-dwellers for whom everything needs a reason, and to whom every joke needs to be explained in detail, so that they can see why they should find it funny.

Coltrane, Edmondson, Lom, Rocco, and Sessions all give creditable if unchallenging performances using a script that is light-hearted without being offensive and a plot that is interesting without being stretching. The movie has a laugh at itself, it's subject, the actors, and also the viewers, some of whom obviously take life and movies far too seriously. IT'S ENTERTAINMENT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

Oh, by the way I really enjoyed the movie - helped me to take my life off the hook for 90 minutes.
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7/10
Not putrid or atrocious
falconer9924 March 2002
I don't normally like Peter Richardson's Comic Strip films, so why I watched this I don't know. However, it was much better than I expected, and, despite a few expletives, I thought it quite subtle in places. It's not very original in plot (which takes in rather too much), but the cast is quite good (Coltrane, Lom, Rocco), and the only people who might object are those who think it's anti-religious, which I feel it turns out not to be. I'm not a crackpot or a religious fanatic, although I don't think the film would appeal to the latter group !
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Amusing and light hearted comedy
kellaway8422 February 2002
Contrary to the other reviewer's views this film was not made by bigots or those intent on stirring up religious hatred, but rather a light satire of the inner workings of the Vatican. It is a film that should not be taken too seriously.

Coltrane is as lovable as ever as the lowly priest who becomes the pope due to a typing error, and starts to clamp down on the mafia's involvement, though his efforts are put to an end when it is revealed he fathered a love child in his earlier life, he is then forced to try and stop the mafia from planting their own pope.

The stock British actors pull the film off with gentle gags, and where acting is cheesey is where the film blatantly doesnt take itself seriously....we're talking about a depiction of the vatican with a stock of Turin shrouds being sold in the crypt!!

Not the greatest comedy ever but still worth a look.
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7/10
No more Mr. nice Pope.....
FlashCallahan19 July 2012
Warning: Spoilers
A less-than-qualified and far-from-perfect priest is mistakenly named the new pope.

As the pontiff, he must deal with Vatican corruption, the Mob and the reappearance of his old lover....

This is one of those movies that I remember being released back in 1991, and it was something that I really wanted to see. This was a time when movies had huge adverts in newspapers, and British movies like this were few and far between. Up until this point, the only other British I remember to have a wide release was Buddys Song.

So it was something that appealed to me. But I was only thirteen at the time, so it was against the law for me to see it. The the years passed, and I came across it the other night on the Sony Channel.

Was it worth the wait? in some instances, yes. It's exactly what I expected, British actors looking worryingly younger, with bad fashion, and lots of innuendo.

Coltrane is great as the titular holy man, and the plot is equally nineties. Richardson does write a good story, and the story is good, it's just a shame, that we have a silly sub plot involving Balthazar Gettys irritating (dubbed by the way) rock star.

I know it's intricate to the plot, but it didn't have to be so bawdy and feel so out of place.

Other than that, it's very funny in places, with great support from Lom, Sessions, and Edmondson, and if you are a fan of the series 'the Comic Strip' you will get much enjoyment from this.
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7/10
Years ahead of its time
rpcarnell26 February 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This comedy quickly evolved into a drama and then goes back to being a comedy again. Even then, it is not to be taken seriously. It is light-hearted, sometimes a little offensive, but it is fun overall.

It was quite controversial back in the early nineties, and I fail to see why. It is not more or less offensive than the mini-series "The New Pope". I guess times have changed.

I remember seeing it a few times back in the nineties, and I always found it funny at times. Sometimes, it could also be sad. For example (spoilers), the new Pope finds himself living in the streets and stumbles into a child he knew from the orphanage he worked at, who is now also homeless because the orphanage closed. It shows you people's hypocrisy, how they leave the poor guy out in the cold as soon as he stops being Pope.

Watch it if you can find it. And remember, at the end of the day, it is a comedy. Not real life.
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8/10
Wealth vs charity? - an insider view of the Vatican
jvframe18 September 2006
I recently hired a VHS of the Comic Strip feature film "The Pope Must Die" (starring Robbie Coltrane), which unapologetically presents the premise that the Vatican is run by dolts and scheming money-grabbing opportunists, some of whom are backed by the mafia.

The plot revolves around the consequences of a clerical error which caused a totally incorruptible and highly compassionate priest to be elected as Pope. When the Pope attempts to give all the Vatican's riches to help the poor, his fate is sealed. This film may be a comedy - but it's easy to suspect that there are large elements of truth involved. That being said - there is no attempt by the film-makers to portray the rank and file clergy as anything less than good people doing their charitable best in the world.

I am amazed at the convincing (to my untravelled eye) locations that were secured by the producers for the interior shots.

Paul Bartel turns in one of his best performances - on par with Robbie Coltrane. It's not a perfect script or plot, but the errors are few and this film has plenty of heart.
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10/10
The Pope Must Die - Storyline
According to Stephen Graham and Constance Wu of The Guardian Film Review (1991), The Pope Must Die is a Scintillating well written Comedy escapade by Writers Peter Richardson and Pete Richens. In the Movie a less than qualified and far from perfect Priest is mistakenly named the New Pontiff. As the Pope, he must deal with Vatican Corruption, the Mobsters and the reappearance of an old lover. Paul Bartel turns in one of his best performances on par with Robbie Coltrane. This film is truly hilarious and if you're Catholic and fairly broadminded, it's a scream. Annette Crosbie as the nun, and Ade Edmundson as the deaf Priest are the best performers in my opinion - save for Herbert Lom and Robbie Coltrane who really make this movie come alive. The film has plenty of heart and is a must see.

Courtesy of Neville Cawas Bardoliwalla OBE
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9/10
Audacious, Off-Beat, Hilarious
kaljic24 July 2018
Warning: Spoilers
This is a hard-to-find gem; try tracking one down in DVD. The search is well worth the effort. This is satire/farce at its very best.

The movie has not garner greater appreciation due to its touchy subject matter. Or it may be the story hits a little to close to home. The story is loosely based on the disputed account of the death of Pope John Paul I. The way this account goes, Pope John Paul I was horrified at the multiple scandals occurring at the Vatican Bank, and wanted them stopped, until he died under suspicious circumstances after only being Pope for forty-five days.

While this may be considered a spoiler, it actually is not. The real value in the movie are in the comic performances. Herbert Lom is at his slimiest best as the gangster kingpin in charge of the corruption in the Vatican Bank. Alex Rocco, who played Moe Green in the Godfather, is absolutely over the top as a corrupt Cardinal. The other supporting roles are simply hilarious. Robbie Cochrane is good as the bumbling priest who is accidentally elected Pope. To be honest, the performances of Lom and Rocco overshadow Cochrane's lead role.

My best advice is that if you did not like Monty Python's Life of Brian, you will definitely not like this film. On the other hand, if you can get past the subject matter, the movie will give you many good laughs.
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10/10
An Underrated Little Gem
Rabical-916 January 2016
Warning: Spoilers
It is little surprising that a movie with such a controversial title has attracted so much criticism over the years. Peter Richardson and Pete Richens' 1991 film is a comedy drama which stars Robbie Coltrane as Dave Albinizi, a well meaning but unorthodox Catholic priest who seems to spend more time doing mechanical work than doing his sermons. It was originally intended to start life in the late '80's as an edition of 'The Comic Strip Presents' entitled 'Five Go To Hell' but the project was shelved following the poor box office performance of Richardson's 1987 film 'Eat The Rich'. Instead, Richardson and Richens conjured a film out of the project.

Though building up a following at the time, 'The Pope Must Die' seems to have vanished into obscurity. With the P.C brigade cracking down on everything, it seems highly unlikely that we will ever see a DVD release or even a satellite repeat of this film in the near future. A pity as 'The Pope Must Die' is a superb little work of art, with wonderful one liners sprinkled more than generously throughout as well as a generous helping of dramatic moments.

Following the death of Pope Pius, The Vatican are on the lookout for a new pontiff. Cardinal Rocco, who is in cahoots with Mafia boss Vitorio Corelli, suggests that silver-haired Father Albini ( who Corelli wants to use to embezzle money from the Vatican bank ) should be the new pope. However the deaf secretary of the College of Cardinals Fr. Rookie mishears the name and writes down in the official election results book that Albinizi ( who has been fired from his position at an Italian orphanage ) is to be the new holy father.

One day, out of the blue, an attractive young woman appears in the papal apartment, disguised as a nun. This is Veronica Don Dante, Dave's ex-lover whose rock star son Joe Don Dante ( who turns out to be Dave's illegitimate son ) is in a relationship with Corelli's daughter Luccia. Angered at the thought of his daughter in the hands of a rock star, Corelli hires a pair of bumbling thugs to kill Joe, which they do. Unfortunately, they end up killing Luccia as well.

Robbie Coltrane's performance as Albinizi is wonderful to say the least. Coltrane was no stranger to poking fun at religion - he played Orangeman Mason Boyne in the BBC Scotland sketch show 'Laugh??? I Nearly Paid My Licence Fee' and the year before this film played bank robber Charlie McManus who, along with his partner-in-crime Brian Hope ( played by Eric Idle ), disguised himself as a nun to avoid imprisonment in 'Nuns On The Run'. Also of good value is beautiful Berverly D'Angelo. This fine actress is a natural when it comes to comedy ( watch her in 'High Spirits' and 'Every Which Way But Loose' for proof of that ). John Sessions ( who also starred in 'Laugh??? I Nearly Paid My Licence Fee' with Coltrane ) and Steven O'Donnell were hilarious as Corelli's thugs who in terms of incompetence could give Harry and Marv from 'Home Alone' a run for their money. As Corelli, the late Herbert Lom sent shivers down the spine with his cold eyes and gruff voice. Impressive in their supporting roles also were Alex Rocco, Paul Bartel, Ade Edmondson, Salvatore Cascio, Janez Vajevec, Balthazar Getty and also the film's co-creator Peter Richardson. Appearing in lesser roles were Annette Crosbie, Ernest Clark, Niall Buggy and William Hootkins.

The film was a hit all over the world, especially in America ( where it was titled 'The Pope Must Diet' ) and Yugoslavia ( where it was titled 'Sleeping With The Fishes' ). The film is also notable for Coltrane's hilarious rendition of Pat Boone's 'Speedy Gonzales', which was later released on LP along with the movie's theme music. If by some miracle you can get your hands on this film, I would highly recommend it. Never mind what those P.C bores say, just get stuck in and watch it!
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