- [Everyone is being sucked into the vacuum of space]
- Crow T. Robot: Hey, Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. "Breach Hull - All Die." Even had it underlined.
- Cal Meecham: [after German scientist comments on Mozart at dinner] What do you think of Mr. Mozart, Exeter?
- Exeter: I'm afraid I don't know the chap.
- Tom Servo: "I'm not an alien!"
- Exeter: My mind must have been wandering. Your composer, of course.
- Cal Meecham: *Our* composer - he belongs to the world!
- Exeter: Yes, indeed.
- Mike: "I'm not an alien."
- Cal Meecham: That dinner, Exeter, was even more perfect than you promised. Now if you'll excuse me, I could do with some fresh air myself.
- Crow T. Robot: He's gonna get high!
- Cal Meecham: Would you care to join me, Dr. Adams?
- Tom Servo: "Uh, no!"
- Cal Meecham: You, Dr. Carlson?
- Mike: "Your turn to walk the Cal."
- Exeter: Why don't you? Show him the grounds.
- Crow T. Robot: "I dare ya!"
- Exeter: We won't start cracking the whip on Meecham until tomorrow.
- Tom Servo: "Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat, and lay my eggs in your chest! But I'm *not* an alien!"
- [as Cal and Joe assemble the Interositor]
- Crow T. Robot: Science and Industry!
- Tom Servo: See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!
- Crow T. Robot: Build your very own Atom Storage Box!
- Mike: Bringing you state-of-the-art in soft-serve technology!
- Crow T. Robot: Removes lids off bottles and jars of all sizes - and it really, really works.
- [after breaching the hull in an escape attempt]
- Crow T. Robot: Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway.
- Carl Meecham: Relocation? To where?
- The Monitor: To your Earth.
- Exeter: A PEACEFUL relocation...
- Crow T. Robot: After the genocide, of course.
- Exeter: Now place your hands above the rail
- [hands suddenly attach to the rail]
- Exeter: ... they're magnetized.
- Mike: And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.
- Benkitnorf: [the crew catches Benkitnorf in the shower on Tom Servo's interositer] Man, you guys scared the living daylights out of me!
- Mike: It's working! Hey! Hi, is Exeter there?
- Benkitnorf: Nah, him and Brack went down to Headbutt Days for Shelly. I gotta meet 'em in the beer tent in about fifteen minutes, so I gotta get going, 'kay?
- Tom Servo: No, wait! We're trapped in space! Can we use this thing to get back to Earth?
- Benkitnorf: I don't know. Geez... let's see, maybe this does something...
- [pushes button, zapping Servo]
- Benkitnorf: Crap. That's not it. Hang on...
- [gets manual]
- Benkitnorf: Okay. Did you use the Intensifier Disc?
- All: Yes.
- Benkitnorf: Turn the controls 18 degrees to the left?
- All: Did that.
- Benkitnorf: Are you in Europe? Do you need an adapter?
- All: No.
- Benkitnorf: Well, look. I don't know anything about this thing. Maybe this does something...
- [pushes button, zapping Servo again]
- Benkitnorf: Oops. That didn't work. Okay, well I'll be sure to tell Exeter to give you a call! Bye!
- [upon seeing that there is no one flying the plane]
- Mike: I'm your pilot, Claude Rains. Your co-pilot, Harvey the Rabbit.
- [as Exeter's flying saucer catches fire]
- Crow T. Robot: "Service engine soon" I wonder what that's all about.
- Cal Meecham: Check rate of radioactive decay.
- Crow T. Robot: Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around!
- Exeter: [a MutAnt blocks their path to escape] He appears badly hurt - stay close to me.
- Tom Servo: *Ahem* "Guten Tag! Zigaretten? Wir wollen ein Auto mieten!"
- Exeter: They're concentrating all their attention on Metaluna. Those flashes of light - they're meteors. Hundreds of them! The intense heat is turning Metaluna into a radioactive sun. The temperature must be thousands of degrees by now.
- Crow T. Robot: Cooler by the lake.
- Exeter: A lifeless planet. And yet...
- Tom Servo: Rents are reasonable!
- Exeter: Yet, still serving a useful purpose, I hope. Yes... a sun, warming the surface of some other world - giving light to those who may need it.
- Mike: "Still, your whole family died. That's a bummer, huh?"
- [Watching the credits, Eastman productions comes up]
- Tom Servo: EASTMAN! He came from the east, to do battle with the amazing RANDO!
- Cal Meecham: [Struggling with the controls of his jet] I have no control...
- Mike: I keep eating and eating.
- Mike Nelson: [as the Universal-International Presents credit comes up] Doesn't the fact that it's universal make it international?
- Plane Voice: Please be seated, Dr. Meechum. And welcome aboard.
- Mike Nelson: [imitating the Plane Voice] You're being kidnapped by The Light FM!
- Exeter: I won't ask you to condone what we've done...
- All: We condone it.
- Mike: Crow!
- Crow T. Robot: [stops swinging pick-axe] Huh?
- Mike: Crow, listen, you've gotta stop!
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, hi, Mike! I've found the perfect spot. Once I've breached through this wall we'll tunnel our way right back to Earth. URG!
- [returns to swinging pick-axe]
- Crow T. Robot: Crow, you big dope! You can't tunnel through space.
- Crow T. Robot: [British accent] Come, come, boy. We must confound Gerry at every turn!
- Crow T. Robot: Man, the universe is really cruisin'.
- Tom Servo: Hey, look, there's Taurus the bull.
- Mike: And right underneath him the constellation feces.
- Crow T. Robot: Hey, look, Orion's broke.
- Joe Wilson: If there is any reason around here.
- Tom Servo: What with all the shenanigans and goings-on.
- [as Tom Servo reads the opening credits:]
- Tom Servo: Okay, let's see here... Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn't look like he's in this one; we're safe.
- Exeter: I beg your pardon, Mr. Wilson, your camera will pick up nothing but black fog.
- Tom Servo: Oh, it's a Goldstar.
- [Dr. Forrester holds a photo of Mike Nelson]
- Dr. Clayton Forrester: This is my test subject, Mike Nelson - a disgustingly mild-mannered dope who's managed to survive every film I've subjected him to. But, perhaps, this movie will drive him to the breaking point and crush his soul. And then I'll unleash it on an unwitting public, and then I will rule the world!
- [Laughs maniacally and spanks himself with the photo]
- Dr. Clayton Forrester: Yes, I'm a naughty boy! Naughty! Naughty! Naughty!... Oh, ahem.
- Crow T. Robot: [gazing at the stars] I feel so insignificant... then again, I ALWAYS feel insignificant.
- Crow T. Robot: [as ship descends into fantastic Metaluna landscape] Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet!
- Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.
- Crow T. Robot: They're very into "Yes" on this planet.
- Tom Servo: Hee hee!
- Mike: International flights always get the gate furthest from the terminal.
- Tom Servo: Remember, we're parked in the "Denubrian Slime Devil" lot!
- Tom Servo: [Zagon bomb explodes en route to thought-transference chamber] "Golly, those doggone Zagons are really licking us, huh! Well, let's go get your brains scrambled..."