The Full Monty (1997)
Mark Addy: Dave
Photos
Quotes
-
Dave : Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is not.
-
Dave : [discussing possible means of suicide] I know. You could stand in middle of road and have a mate run smack into you right fast.
Lomper : Haven't got any mates...
Gary 'Gaz' Schofield : Listen to you, we just saved your fucking life so don't tell us we're not your mates, all right?
Lomper : Really?
Gary 'Gaz' Schofield : Yeah.
Lomper : Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Dave : Yeah, me and all, I'd run ya down as soon as look at ya.
Lomper : Oh aye? Cheers.
-
Dave : [When presented with the first images of "Flashdance"] Hey, what's this? I didn't go on the nick in Asda for some chuffin' women's DYI video!
Gaz : It's "Flashdance", Dave. She's a welder, isn't she!
Dave : A welder? Well, I hope she dances better than she welds! I mean, look at that - her mix is all to cock!
Dave : Shut up, Dave. What the fuck do you know about welding, anyway?
Dave : More than some chuffin' woman! Arh, it's like Bonfire Night! That's too much acetylene, is that! Them joints will hold fuck all!
Gerald : Arh, for Christ's sake, Dave. We're looking for dancing, aren't we!
Gaz : He's got the hump about Asda!
-
Dave : [after learning that two of their friends are gay] Ah, well, there's nowt as queer as folk...
[begins laughing]
-
Dave : Well, I just pray they're a bit more understanding about us, that's all.
Horse : You what?
Dave : Well, they're going to be looking at us like that, aren't they, Eh? I mean, what if next Friday 400 women turn 'round and say "He's too fat, he's too old and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser."? What happens then, eh?
Horse : They wouldn't say that, would they?
Dave : Why not? He's just said her tits are too big.
Lomper : That's different. We're... blokes.
Dave : Yeah, and?
Gerald : I think she's got nice tits, actually.
Lomper : I never said owt about her personality, like. I mean, she's probably quite nice if you get to know her.
Dave : No. And they won't say nowt about your personality neither. Which is good 'cause you're basically a bastard. Bollocks to your personality - this is what they're looking at, right? And I'll tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none.
-
[before the first rehearsal Gaz has hurtled off to find Dave, finding him working as a security guard in Asda]
Gaz : Dave! What are you doing?
Dave : What's it look like?
Gaz : We're on in three days time, where the fuck are you?
Dave : I'm here, working, earning, that's where. Not pissing about! End of chat!
-
Dave : Put down and piss off.
-
Gerald Arthur Cooper : Fat, David, is a feminist issue.
Dave : Well, what's that supposed to mean, when it's at home?
Gerald Arthur Cooper : I don't bloody know, do I? But it is.
-
Dave : We want to know about dancing that's all.
Gerald Arthur Cooper : Dancers have coordination, skill, timing, fitness, and grace. Take a long, hard look in the mirror.
-
Dave : It's amazin' how tirin' it is doin' nowt, y'know?
-
Dave : [to Gaz] Don't you EVER call me a fat bastard again!
-
Dave : [nodding at Horse] Oh aye, I can just see him doing all that twizzling about bollocks!