Kevin Turvey: The Man Behind the Green Door (1982 TV Movie)

Robbie Coltrane: Mick

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kevin Turvey : [attempting an interview with Mick]  A-ha! I can see that you're fishing.

  [Mick ignores him] 

  Kevin Turvey : A-ha, I can see that you're fishing.

  [gives Mick a kick] 

  Kevin Turvey : A-ha!

  Mick : Ow!

  Kevin Turvey : I can see that you're...

  Mick : You just kicked me!

  Kevin Turvey : No, I didn't. A-ha, I can see...

  Mick : Yes, you did, you just kicked me!

  Kevin Turvey : No, I didn't! A-ha, I can see that you're fishing... Tell me, is that your rod, mate?

  Mick : [looks around]  Who did kick me, then?

  Kevin Turvey : Is that your rod there?

  Mick : What are you going on about?

  Kevin Turvey : Look, I just want to know if that's your rod or not!

  Mick : 'Course it's my bloody rod! Do you think I nicked it?

  Kevin Turvey : Look, I'm just asking you a question! Er, now look... isn't it a nice day, mate?

  Mick : No.

  Kevin Turvey : Well, then, do you think that football is better than fishing or not?

  Mick : Er, yeah. Yes.

  Kevin Turvey : A-ha! In that case, why are you fishing, mate?

  Mick : 'COS I WANT TO CATCH A FISH!

  Kevin Turvey : Look, I know... Listen, er, Mick... how many fish do you think there is in this lake?

  Mick : Er... I should say about seven.

  Kevin Turvey : [to the camera]  So, there you have it. Whether you're playing football or fishing, there's more fish in there than... six.

  Mick : Or maybe eight.

  Kevin Turvey : [storms off]  Oh, forget it! It was just a complete waste of time!

• Mick : Do you know what I miss most about the army?

  Kevin Turvey : What?

  Mick : Sitting in me own mess.

  [Kevin shuffles away from Mick on the sofa]