Alice in Wonderland (1999 TV Movie)

Nigel Plaskitt: The Dormouse

Quotes 

• The Dormouse : Officer, these men are criminals.

  Mad Hatter : Who's got his ear trumpet?

• Alice : [thinking about the riddle]  Um, Why is a raven like a writing desk? You know, I'm pretty sure I can guess.

  The March Hare : You mean you think you know the answer?

  Alice : Yes.

  The March Hare : Then you should say what you mean.

  Alice : Well, I do. At-at least-- at least I mean what I say. That-that is the same thing.

  Mad Hatter : It's not the same thing at all. You might as well say "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see."

  [a pie sprouts crab legs and crawls across the table] 

  The March Hare : [eyeing the pie, picking up a fly swatter]  You might as well say "I like what I get" as "I get what I like."

  [whacks the pie] 

  The Dormouse : [talking in his sleep, then suddenly awake]  Or you might as well say "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe."

  [nods off] 

  Mad Hatter : Well, it is the same thing with you.

  [chuckles] 

• Mad Hatter : [looking at his watch]  What day of the month is it?

  Alice : The fourth.

  Mad Hatter : Aha! Two days wrong.

  [glares at the March Hare] 

  Mad Hatter : I told you not to use butter.

  The March Hare : It was the best butter.

  The Dormouse : Danish.

  Mad Hatter : Some crumbs must have got into it as well. I said, "don't put butter in the works with a bread knife."

  The March Hare : I couldn't put it in with a fork, could I? Here, let me see.

  Mad Hatter : I don't want to give it to you, but I will.

  [the Hare takes the watch and examines it; first by banging it on the table, and then by dipping it into his teacup] 

  The March Hare : I don't understand it. It was the best butter.

  The Dormouse : Danish.

  The March Hare : [He tosses the watch over to Alice, who picks it up and studies it]  Here.

  Alice : That's a funny watch. It tells the day of the month but not the time.

  Mad Hatter : Why should it? Does your watch tell you what year it is?

  Alice : No, because it stays a year for so long.

  Mad Hatter : Well, then I rest my case.

  The March Hare : Where?

  Mad Hatter : [points to a pile of suitcases]  There.

  [breaks into laughter] 

  The March Hare : I know when I'm beaten.