Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000 Video)

Danny Strong: Boner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Martina : Did you hear the news? About Screw. She was killed. Murdered. Gutted. Flayed. Sliced. Diced. Fried. And hung.

  Boner : I'm never gonna get laid.

  Martina : Oh, and it's all over the TV news.

  Boner : Oh, great! Now everybody knows.

• Barbara : What are you doing here anyway, Doughy? You're not a real cop. Shouldn't you be guarding the Orange Julius?

  Boner : [fake coughing]  N.Y.P.D. GAP!

  Slab : [fake coughing]  Sergeant Sears!

  Barbara : [fake coughing]  Food court police!

• Boner : Hey guys, I have an idea! Let's all make a pact to lose our virginity before graduation!

  Doughy : I'm in!

  Barbara , Slab , Dawson , Martina : WE'RE NOT!

• [repeated line] 

  Boner : I'm never gonna get laid.

• Dawson : After all, it is Halloween.

  Slab : And Friday the 13th!

  Dawson : On the same day? Impossible.

  Boner : Slab's dyslexic.

• Barbara : A kid couldn't write that, at least not a kid in public school.

  Martina : Unless he was Japanese.

  Boner : But they aren't historically serial killers.

  Slab : What about Godzilla.

  Boner : Born in international waters.

• Female Prison Guard : Time's up, Boner!

  Jimmy Boner : It's pronounced bo-ah-ner! The 'O' is soft.

  Female Prison Guard : Not for long. Dead boner walking!

• Dawson : You know what we've gotta do? We've gotta get out of here!

  Boner : To someplace safe.

  Martina : Yeah, in the middle of nowhere.

  Slab : In the dark woods and pouring rain.

  Dawson : Without any adult supervision or police protection anywhere in the vicinity.

  Barbara : I know just the place! It's been totally deserted ever since those dorky kids were dismembered.

  Boner : Are you talking about band camp?

• Barbara : And so what if Boner's dad was cheating with my mom, causing her to go on a downward spiral resulting into alcoholism?

  Boner : My dad has what?

• Boner : Roofies are bull. I take them before every date, and I never get laid.

  Slab : Maybe you aren't taking enough.

• Boner : I hope that's Barbara Walters. What a rack.