Down to Earth (2001)
Chris Rock: Lance Barton
Photos
Quotes
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Lance Barton : I had a hard enough time trying to get this girl as a rich white man. Do you know how hard it's gonna be to try to get her as a broke black man?
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[after learning that he wasn't supposed to die]
Lance Barton : You killed me! You killed me! You killed me!
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Lance Barton : Shut up before I crush you with my wallet!
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[reincarnated for the second time as 'Joe Guy', Lance tries to hail a taxi, but they keep driving past him]
Lance Barton : I'm a black again! I'm a black man!
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Lance Barton : My father's so cheap... that when we went to bed, he'd unplug the alarm clocks. "You can't tell time when you are asleep".
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Lance Barton : From now on, we need to make a new slogan. If you get shot in the head, you get a bed. If your head is bloody, we're your buddy.
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Lance Barton : Look, I don't have a problem with Sontee. I wanna ask her on a date.
Mrs. Wellington : Oh, Charles!
Lance Barton : Don't "Oh, Charles" me! You were gonna have sex on the pool table! You got an 8 ball in your ass!
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Lance Barton : We're goin' in there. If you can walk, let's walk. If you can't walk, it's time to roll. If you have crutches, then crutch your ass in there!
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Lance Barton : What is this place?
Keyes : This is heaven.
Lance Barton : Oh, right, I've had this dream before. Is Pac in there?
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Lance Barton : You see this foot? It's from a little town called "Rich Man's Ass" and it's getting' homesick!
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Lance Barton : I got hit by a truck, I got smashed by a car, I got shot. And now you want to take my soul? What are you, the Blair Witch?
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[after almost getting in a car accident]
Lance Barton : Sontee, you okay?
Sontee Jenkins : Yeah, I'm okay, Cisco, you okay?
Cisco : Yeah, I'm okay, Wanda, you okay?
Wanda : Hell no! I spilled my drink!
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Lance Barton : [as Joe Guy, referring to Wanda's paint-stained coat] You know, your coat's bleeding.
Wanda : Mind yo' business!
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Lance Barton : Didn't your momma ever tell you to carry an extra handcuff key?
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Lance Barton : Tiger Woods Y'all, Tiger Woods Y'all!, Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Woods Y'all!
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Lance Barton : When I was a kid, we were so poor... that the roaches was on welfare.
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[Lance and King looking at Charles Wellington's body]
Lance Barton : How am I supposed to get laughs lookin' like him?
King : Aw, c'mon, he looks funny to me.
Lance Barton : I already get booed, do I really have to be beat down on it?
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Lance Barton : If you're good looking, you're gonna succeed through life. If you're ugly, you better pick up a book. Boy, you better pick up two books, and a computer while you're at it!
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Lance Barton : There's a big rap concert in the Bronx tonight. Somebody's gonna die.
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Sontee Jenkins : What kind of man are you?
Lance Barton : Sounds like I'm an asshole!
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Lance Barton : Hey I still look like me.
King : You are you.
Lance Barton : I thought I was Wellington.
King : You are Wellington.
Lance Barton : Well thanks for clearing that up.
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Lance Barton : [As Charles Wellington, after offering Wanda a raise]
Lance Barton : Are you happy?
Wanda : I'm estatic.
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Lance Barton : You know, the first kiss is always in the middle of a sentence. It's always like, "Tomorrow I'm going to the zoo to see the monkeys and..."
[kiss]
Sontee Jenkins : Or it could be like..."Did you hear about that new war in Russia? I heard..."
[kiss]
Lance Barton : So I can call you, right? I mean, just to talk.