The Weekenders (2000–2004)

Jason Marsden: Tino Tonitini, Colby, Sly, Vendor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carver : I am going to be CARP!

  Tino : Did you say Carp?

  Carver : That stands for what I want to be. Cool And Radically Popular.

  Tino : It's a good thing you don't want to be Cool RICH And Popular.

  Carver : Why?

• Tino : Want me to leave so you can say bad words?

  Tino's Mom : Yeah that would be nice...

• Tino : Later days!

• Tino : Why can't you be one of those nice moms who just say "Yes Dear"

  Tino's Mom : Yes dear.

  Tino : Well it's a little too late for that now.

  Tino's Mom : Yes dear

  Tino : No talking!

• Tish : If I'm a winter, how about this?

  [Comes out of dressing room dressed in a white faux fur coat that covers all but her face] 

  Tino : Stand absolutely still.

  Carver : What if it tracks by scent?

  Tish : Ha, ha. Very funny.

  Tino : Aah! It's seen us! Run!

• Tino : If you try to make everyone follow your plan, you're really no better than a gym teacher.

• Tish : Maybe you're confusing us with your imaginary friends.

  [Tino turns to the camera and addresses the audience] 

  Tino : She thinks I have imaginary friends. Ha!

• [Tino is poking his dinner with a fork, but not eating it] 

  Tino's Mom : It isn't going to bite you.

  Tino : That works out nicely, because I don't plan to bite it.

• Carver : You guys are toast.

  Tino : Well you're double toast.

  Lor McQuarrie : You're triple toast.

  Tish : You're *French* toast.

  Tino : *French* toast?

  Tish : [sighs]  It's been a long day.

• Tino : I think your cooking may have military applications.

  Tino's Mom : Watch it...

• Lor McQuarrie : It's the crazy backwards universe again.

  Tino : Where cats chase dogs and sitcoms are funny.

• [about Lor] 

  Tino's Mom : Aren't you overreacting?

  Tino : Mom, they got her wearing pink.

  Tino's Mom : Ooh, that is serious.

• Tino : If a game doesn't have rules, it's not a game is it?

  Carver : No, it's politics.

• [Tish is forcing her friends to do a radio play] 

  Carver : I can't work under these conditions! I'll be in my trailer!

  [Walks into a closet and closes it] 

  Tino : Err... that's my closet.

• Carver : Do you have a compass in there?

  Tino : Yup!

  Carver : Maybe you can use it to find your way BACK TO REALITY!

• [Tino is upset because he didn't win a mock election] 

  Tino : I'm just a fat, ugly, loser.

  Lor McQuarrie : You're not fat!

• Dixon : [playing ball]  Try to keep your eye on the ball this time, it won't bite.

  Tino : It's not so much biting I'm worried about as bone-shattering impact.

• Tino : Hello, could you at least knock before you enter my mind?

• Tino : Could you give me a map to that sentence?

• Carver : Interesting. And how did you obtain your data?

  Tino : Made it up.

  Carver : I see.

• Carver : Geeks... Geeks? Those geeks are my friends!

  Tino : did he just say geeks?

• Lor McQuarrie : It's like an upside down universe.

  Tino : Where up is down and boy bands play instruments.

• [about his mother's vegetarian Halloween candy] 

  Tino : That's so healthy, its un-American...

• Tino : We may not be as interesting as the people on Teen Canyon, but at least we aren't made up characters on T.V... or are we?

• [a girl who humiliated Carver is waving at him at the beach] 

  Carver : SHE'S WAVING AT ME? Isn't there a law against that?

  Tino : [Sarcastic]  Yeeah, you're enforced by the Federal Bureau of Waving.

• Carver : Do you have a compass in there?

  Tino : Why, yes I do!

  Carver : Well, maybe you could use it to find your way back to *reality*!

• Tino : They're coming to get me! Mutant clowns from the Hollow Earth! They're real! It's the clown-pocalypse! Aaah!

  Carver : I think he's getting better.

• Lor McQuarrie : [Mowing Tino's lawn]  Was that a rosebush?

  Tino : Not anymore.

• Tino : Tish has lost her dignity.

  Lor McQuarrie : Look under the sofa cushion. I find all sorts of stuff under there.

• Tino : How long have we been here?

  Lor McQuarrie : Somewhere between an hour... and a hundred thousand years.

• Tino : [Carver is wearing a latex suit and helmet]  You look like a roll-on deodorant.

• Tino's Mom : You know, a kite flies on a string, not a stick.

  Tino : [pause]  I could see your lips moving, but all I heard was "blah, blah-blah".

• Tino : The cliff-dwellers didn't have skateboards! Cliffs plus wheels equals BAD!

• Tino : Mom, which one of these shirts projects a mysterious, vulnerable, dangerous, lost puppy quality?

  Tino's Mom : Come here. Let me feel your forehead.

• Tish : I have here plans for a twelve-foot granite pyramid with twenty thousand miniature workers dragging stone blocks.

  Tino : Uh-huh? And I have *here* cardboard, glue, sticks and paint.

  Tish : Okay. How about a one-foot pyramid with two miniature workers dragging a sugar cube.

  Tino : I know you spent a lot of time on those plans, Tish. I'm sorry you had to compromise your artistic vision.

  Tish : And *I'm* sorry you had to sit on a tube of paint.

  Tino : Oh great. Looks like I sat on a leprechaun.

• Tino : You're going to be combing pudding out of your hair!

  Carver : You can't comb dreds!