- Carpo: I'm going to tell you something, I'm speaking from experience here. I am about the biggest dog there is. But it is not a good idea to fool around with married women. It's bad karma, kid.
- Carpo: I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to talk to you like a son. Chicks don't brush guys off. Guys brush chicks off. It's just the way it works, Tommy.
- Hilary: I'd trade all that just to be able to walk down the street with you... and hold your hand just once in public.
- Griffin 'Griff' Ritso: Well technically, I'm married, yeah. But I'm, I'm not really married.
- Ashley: Oh.
- Griffin 'Griff' Ritso: No. Um, we have an understanding.
- Ashley: [gasps] Oh!
- Griffin 'Griff' Ritso: Yeah.
- Ashley: So, is this understanding between you and your wife, or you and your dick?
- Ben: I didn't say anything...
- Maria: [interrupts] *Oh really!*
- Ben: [continues anyway] that would warrant these accusations.
- Maria: Really? Telling someone that I work with, that I have to see every single day, that she has nice tits
- [Ben exclaims]
- Maria: that doesn't warrant these accusations?
- Ben: I didn't say that. I didn't say that.
- [cut to flashback of him saying that]
- Ben: All-all I'm saying is that you have really nice breasts.
- Carpo: Do you want to sit up on the porch with the pup, or you wanna run in the yard with the big dog?
- Ben: I got beat up a lot when I was a kid and so I spent-I spent most of my time in my bathroom learning to play guitar and masturbating. And now that I'm divorced, I basically do the same thing.
- Hilary: Men are like a disease. And unfortunately, most of us have already been infected and as far as I can tell, there is no cure.