Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)

Hugh Grant: Daniel Cleaver

Photos 

Quotes 

• Daniel Cleaver : Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you then I can't make it with anyone.

  Bridget : That's not a good enough offer for me.

• Mark Darcy : I should have done this years ago.

  Daniel Cleaver : Done what?

  Mark Darcy : This.

  [Darcy punches Cleaver, hard] 

  Daniel Cleaver : [shocked]  Ow. Fuck me, that really hurt. What the fuck do you think you're doing?

  Mark Darcy : This.

  [Darcy punches Cleaver again, even harder] 

• Daniel Cleaver : [after crashing through the window]  Uhh... Jesus. All right.

  Mark Darcy : All right?

  Daniel Cleaver : Enough.

  Mark Darcy : Enough, enough.

  [Darcy begins to walk away] 

  Daniel Cleaver : Wanker.

  [now having had enough, Darcy punches him hard, knocking Cleaver down] 

• Daniel Cleaver : Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are, fuck me, absolutely enormous panties.

  Bridget : Jesus. Fuck.

  Daniel Cleaver : No, no. Don't apologize. I like them. Hello, Mummy.

  [they kiss] 

  Daniel Cleaver : I'm sorry, I have to have another look. They're too good to be true.

  Bridget : No...

  Daniel Cleaver : They're nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm wearing something similar myself.

• Daniel Cleaver : I've been going crazy. I can't stop thinking about you, and thinking about what an idiot I've been. Christ, is that blue soup?

• Mark Darcy : All right Cleaver, outside.

  Daniel Cleaver : [half laughing]  I'm sorry? Outside? Should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword?

• Bridget : Daniel, what you just did is actually illegal in several countries.

  Daniel Cleaver : That is one of the reasons that I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today.

• Daniel Cleaver : [lands on restaurant table]  I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!

  Mark Darcy : [places hand in someone's salad]  Oh, God! I'm sorry!

  [wipes dirty hand on man's suit] 

  Mark Darcy : I really am sorry. I-I will pay.

  Daniel Cleaver : [fed up]  Had enough Darcy?

  Mark Darcy : [annoyed]  Not quite, if that's all right by you.

  [punches Daniel hard] 

  Waiter : Happy birthday to you...

  [everyone joins in, stopping fight] 

  Waiter : Happy birthday to you!

  Mark Darcy : Happy birthday dear what's-his-name...

  Daniel Cleaver : Happy birthday to you...

  [tackles Darcy, both fly out window] 

• Bridget : Apparently, I used to run round naked in his paddling pool.

  Daniel Cleaver : I bet you did, you dirty bitch.

• Daniel Cleaver : There once was a young woman from Ealing, / Who had a particular feeling. / She lay on her back, / And opened her crack, / And pissed all over the ceiling.

• Daniel Cleaver : If you have to travel alone, travel in style.

• Daniel Cleaver : First, have some more wine, and then tell me the story about practicing French kissing with the art girls at school, because it's a very good story.

  Bridget : It wasn't French kissing.

  Daniel Cleaver : Don't care, make it up. That's an order, Jones.

• Bridget : So what do you think of the situation in Chechnya?

  Daniel Cleaver : I couldn't give a fuck, Jones.

• Daniel Cleaver : [to Mark Darcy]  My, what a gripping life you do lead.

• Daniel Cleaver : [while fighting Darcy]  I'll shin you!

• Daniel Cleaver : Fuck me, I love Keats.