The Princess Diaries (2001)

Hector Elizondo: Joe

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joe : [speaking to Mia]  Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

• Joe : I have never put on pantihose before, but it sounds dangerous.

• [trying to recall the names of Lana and friends] 

  Joe : Anna, Falana, Banana, Bandana, Montana...

• Mia : Hey Joe? Can we park a block away from school? I really don't want to cause a riot with this hearse.

  Joe : This is a non-riot hearse. And if it were a hearse there would be silence in the backseat.

• Joe : This is between a waltz and a tango.

  Mia : It's a wango?

• Mia : Joseph, can we eighty-six the flags please?

  Joe : No. The flags allow me to park anywhere. We keep the flags.

  Mia : Sorry, Joseph.

  Joe : You can call me, "Joe".

  Mia : "Joey"?

  [Giggles] 

  Joe : [Chuckles then abruptly turns serious]  No. Joe.

• Mia : [voiceover]  Dear Diary, today is my first official day as Princess of Genovia. We'll land in a few hours, and I'll meet Parliament and the people before beginning my royal duties. Mom is, of course, moving to Genovia with me, and we'll continue painting - without the balloons. Lilly and Michael are planning to spend their summer vacation at our - can you believe it - palace. They're even having my Mustang brought over, which I can legally drive in two weeks. Grandma's so glad to be going home, and Joseph - well, he's watching nearby as usual. Everybody's got pre-coronation jitters, including me. Everybody that is, except Fat Louie. He's totally adapted to being a royal. I guess he was one all along.

  Joe : [voiceover]  Princess, look out the window... and welcome to Genovia.

• Mia : Hey, Joe?

  Joe : Mm-Hmmm?

  Mia : I'm gonna turn the backseat into a dressing room so I can change into a proper outfit for Madame, OK?

  Joe : OK. And don't forget your shoes.

  Mia : Ahh, thanks.

  Joe : Strange town, San Francisco. When I purchased the pumps, they asked if I wanted them wrapped or if I was going to wear them.

• Lilly : Michael, don't always think you could get a ride with us and...

  [sees Mia's new look] 

  Lilly : Oy. Who destroyed you?

  Mia : Oh. You-you think it looks that bad?

  Lilly : You look ridiculous. You should sue.

  Mia : Well um... I know it's a little straighter and shorter and...

  Lilly : Weirder!

  [Get's in limo] 

  Michael : An attractive weirder.

  Lilly : No, it's not attractive!

  Joe : Seat belts, please.

  Lilly : What I really can't understand is that you ditched me again yesterday when I really needed your help at the greenpeace petition.

  [picks up bag] 

  Lilly : These bags! You HAVE one of these bags? You know, we could hock that and feed a whole third world country!

  [Looks at Michael] 

  Lilly : Am I right?

  Michael : No.

  Joe : If there are no more passengers, I think we should close the door.

• Joe : No matter how many times you press that, it will still go up and down the same way.