- Amy Mandell: The primary difference between a man and a woman is that man gets his self-esteem when a woman says yes and a women gets hers when she says no.
- [a talk-show host accuses Amy of being a lesbian due to her bad opinions on men]
- Amy Mandell: I don't think I'm a lesbian because when I fantasize, I fantasize about sucking dick.
- [When asked what she fantasizes about sexually]
- Amy Mandell: The thought of seducing a celibate man away from his allegiance to God.
- [talking to Amy about her relationships with men]
- Priest: You have a unique talent for having bad taste in men.
- [Amy concludes her newfound opinions about sex in a speech]
- Amy Mandell: I had a physical orgasm, but not a mental one, where you let someone inside and you really see yourself.
- Matthew Starr: So who dumped who?
- Amy Mandell: I hate that word, dumped. Human beings don't dump each other, we're not garbage. People end relationships.
- Matthew Starr: So... I guess he dumped you.