The Stepford Wives (2004)
Bette Midler: Bobbie Markowitz
Photos
Quotes
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Stepford Wife : I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
Bobbi Markowitz : And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really merry Christmas!
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Bobbie Markowitz : Add it up. All the women around here are perfect sex-kitten bimbos. All the men are drooling nerds. Doesn't that seem strange?
Joanna Eberhart : Not to me.
Bobbie Markowitz : Why not?
Joanna Eberhart : I work in television.
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Joanna Eberhart : Hey, aren't you Bobbi Markowitz? I love your books. What was the name of that book, the one about your mother?
Bobbi Markowitz : "I Love You, But Please Die."
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Joanna Eberhard : If you're in Manhattan, what do you do if you find out you're neighbour is sick?
Roger Bannister : Call her...
Bobbi Markowitz : -To see if she is going to die...
Roger Bannister : -So we could rent the apartment.
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Roger Bannister : She's drunk
Bobbie Markowitz : She's blonde.
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Bobbi Markowitz : My psychiatrist says I need creative chaos.
Roger Bannister : My shrink says I need boundaries.
Joanna Eberhart : My doctor says I need enough electricity to jumpstart Vegas.
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Bobbi Markowitz : [Discussing how to include Jewish Bobbie in Stepford's Christmas] Or maybe I could just use hundreds of Pine Cones to spell out the words 'Big Jew' in letters 15 feet tall, on the snow in my front yard?
Claire Wellington : ...That's a wonderful idea!
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Bobbi Markowitz : I got you Mace Windu and Amidala.
Max Markowitz : And Boba Fett?
Bobbi Markowitz : They were all sold out.
Max Markowitz : Aw, Mom.
[grumbles]
Bobbi Markowitz : Here's five hundred dollars.
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Joanna Eberhart : How do I look?
Bobbi Markowitz : Can I be perfectly honest?
Joanna Eberhart : Mm-hmmm.
Bobbi Markowitz : You kind of look like Betty Crocker.
Joanna Eberhart : I know.
Roger Bannister : At Betty Ford.
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Claire Wellington : [at the Stepford Bookclub, Claire is discussing a book on Christmas] Now Bobbi. We all realize you're probably feeling a bit uncomfortable with this weeks book because...
[Frowns]
Claire Wellington : what's the word I'm looking for
Additional Stepford Wife : New?
Sarah Sunderson : Scared?
Roger Bannister : Cranky?
Claire Wellington : [remembering] Jewish.
Bobbi Markowitz : [smiling] Same thing.
Claire Wellington : [to all] But the Heritage Hills series is very inclusive. In fact there is a whole chapter,
[to Bobbi]
Claire Wellington : about Chanukah
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Joanna Eberhart : Bobbie! Bobbie... this isn't you...
Bobbie Markowitz : That's right, Joanna! This isn't me, it's a whole new me. I'm happy, and I'm healthy, because I understand what's important in life.
Joanna Eberhart : Yes, your new book!
Bobbie Markowitz : [starts advancing on Joanna] That's right! That's what's important, my new cookbook. And my husband, and my family, and making a perfect home. It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you. I'm your friend, Joanna, I'm going to help you. You need me.
Joanna Eberhart : You stay away from me!
Bobbie Markowitz : You are driven.
Joanna Eberhart : Well, sometimes...
Bobbie Markowitz : And you're selfish! You wanna rule the world! I can fix you. I can change you.
Joanna Eberhart : [notices Bobbie's hand is resting upon the lit stove, yet she doesn't burn] What... have... they... done... to... you?
Bobbie Markowitz : Let's get busy!
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Joanna Eberhart : We're trespassing!
Bobbie Markowitz : Only if we get caught.
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Joanna Eberhard : Excuse me, is this man bothering you?
Bobbi Markowitz : Yes. He's my husband.
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Dave Markowitz : Cup cakes anyone?
Dave Markowitz : Cup cakes! Hey, right on time. Jo these are smokin'.
[to Bobbie]
Dave Markowitz : Why can't you make stuff like this?
Bobbie Markowitz : Why don't you?
Dave Markowitz : Because I have a penis.
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Bobbi Markowitz : [as Claire is ranting and raving during the reception] She's nuts!